Glee‘s much anticipated 100th episode saw the return of Heather Morris and Dianna Agron, as well as guest stars Kristin Chenoweth and Gwyneth Paltrow. And Chace Crawford was also there, because why not? It was a fairly solid episode, with a lot of emotions and just the right amount of the ridiculousness we’ve come to expect. Here are the 100 craziest things that happened in the episode.
1. This episode begins with self-satisfied voiceovers from Mercedes and Rachel, which seems about right.
2. They then fight over “The Rachel Chair,” which is apparently a thing.
3. Mercedes makes a reference to segregation because she didn’t get the “Rachel Chair,” and it seems kind of inappropriate, contextually.
4. Dianna Agron tries to look like she’s okay with being back on Glee.
5. Glee, mocking Mr. Schuester’s rapping does not make the fact that it happened okay.
6. And you should probably make fun of his dancing and general smugness, too.
7. The super folksy April Rhodes (Chenoweth) is back.
8. April taught the Terrible Tina to smuggle meat up her dress. What?
9. Awesome, Glee. April’s island doesn’t have any pesky destitute locals in it.
10. She also makes a joke about Unique being a virgin, and it is not even close to funny.
11. Someone finally acknowledges that The Warblers are superior to the New Directions.
12. Glee is so used to autotuning everything that Kristin Chenoweth’s voice sounds like a robot’s. Guys, she can sing.
13. “Raise Your Glass” involves humping, fake drinking, fake (?) drunkenness, lots of other things that should not fly at McKinley High.
14. April slaps Mr. Schue’s butt, and no one seems to have a problem with it.
15. Puck says his nickname at school was The Saw. Is this a thing?
16. Chace Crawford’s character is named Biff McIntosh.
17. He is apparently the owner of all McIntosh apples.
18. And he calls his mother “mother.”
19. Brittany works at MIT now.
20. She also misses scissoring Santana. Risky, Glee.
21. Santana keeps trying to make “The Unholy Trinity” a thing.
22. Despite lots of sexy poses behind tinted glass, “Toxic” is pretty low energy.
23. Chace A.K.A. Biff calls the performance energetic, so he really wasn’t paying attention.
24. Even the worst boyfriend in the world would probably watch his girlfriend perform a sexy three-way dance number in front of him. Come on, Biff.
25. Then again, Quinn’s curly bang situation distracts from her lingerie.
26. Santana twerks, and that also seems inappropriate.
27. There are way too many characters on this show right now.
28. The fact that Quinn and Santana recently hooked up is not mentioned even one bit.
29. Fondue for Two, the best part of Glee, is back.
30. Brittany’s cats make out.
31. Fondue for Two has become a lot more hard-hitting, and it works.
32. Mercedes and Rachel are having a diva-off.
33. Breadstix still appears to serve nothing but breadsticks.
34. “Mike Chang, Asian dancer.”
35. Did anyone else forget about Quinn’s Ryan Seacrest tattoo?
36. Sue does not make fun of Kristen Chenoweth’s aggressive folksiness, which seems like a real missed opportunity.
37. Why does everyone think diva-offs are a real thing? I’m looking at you, Mr. Schue.
38. And poor Kurt gets pulled into the diva-off.
39. This episode is really into interior monologues.
40. Performing “Defying Gravity” (and Chenoweth’s guest appearance) is pretty timely, considering Adele Dazeem.
41. Blaine appears, like, once on screen. Not cool.
42. He does, however, look very cute and proud of Kurt.
43. Kristin says “Defying Gravity” should be on Broadway. Ha. Ha. Broadway humor.
44. Mr. Schue says the glee club are all winners in such a simpering, unfortunate way that they are basically all losers for associating with him.
45. Brittany organizes a human chess game.
46. Because nerds love chess, guys.
47. Kiki, the alternative to Siri that Brittany found in a dumpster, is back.
48. Suddenly, McKinley has a giant chess board.
49. “The one thing this country needs more of is teen marriage.”
50. Santana holds a dance intervention to “Valerie” to get Brittany to stop making the huge career mistake of working at MIT (?).
51. It succeeds.
52. Heather Morris is still so good at dancing.
53. She can really work a pony-tail.
54. Everyone seems bent on convincing the newly brilliant Brittany that she needs to cover more songs to be happy.
55. In order to perform an acoustic guitar number, Puck decides everyone needs to move to the auditorium, which seems unnecessary.
56. Quinn has to hold her hand to her heart to show that she is experiencing emotion.
57. Everyone laughs a lot after singing “Keep Holding On” and jauntily walks away from Quinn, who is crying.
58. “I’m in love with Biff” is a sentence that is said seriously.
59. Kristin Chenoweth has a really big role in this episode. Maybe (hopefully) they are phasing out Marley.
60. Mr. Schuester says “no more drama,” as though he isn’t drawn to high school drama like a moth to a flame.
61. Would Mr. Schue die if the glee club ended? It seems possible. What would he do with all his time? Teach?
62. Kitty’s expression shows that she is resigned to her fate as mini-Quinn.
63. Santana says, “Can it, troll!” to Rachel, and it is amazing.
64. It’s okay, Rachel, we all forget Ryder’s name too.
65. Rachel is in a diva-off with everyone.
66. If Rachel is so sick of high school drama, maybe she shouldn’t have moved in with her high school frenemies.
67. Rachel equates her rivarly with Mercedes to that of Beyonce and Barbra? What?
68. Glee finally acknowledges the show’s extravagant costumes and sets.
69. Bernie Madoff is part of a plot device. Topical.
70. Will Schuester is really disappointed by the flightlessness of April’s super flighty character.
71. People in this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle mac and cheese commercial dance better than some of Glee’s performers.
72. Why is Quinn’s Seacrest tattoo such a big deal? What about the pregnancy? The near death while texting and driving?
73. Chace A.K.A. Biff has no redeeming qualities.
74. Quinn violently pinches the bridge of Chace Crawford’s nose.
75. On Mercedes and Rachel, all Jake has to say is that “one’s black and one’s Jewish,” which is a hilarious “joke” on this “progressive” show.
76. Gwyneth Paltrow as Holly Holiday glides into the scene, because Kristin Chenoweth buttered the floor.
77. There’s a Facebook page for guests of the glee club, which is hilarious.
78. Holly Holiday impersonates William Henry Harrison.
79. She also expresses how dumb it is that Glee is redoing old songs. Thank you.
80. So she performs Pharrell’s “Happy.”
81. She duets with Blaine, because they needed to include him somehow.
82. Puck has apparently loved Quinn all along.
83. Apparently, MIT squelches femininity and fun.
84. It’s pretty easy to forget about Demi Lovato in this episode.
85. Marching music plays when Puck walks, because he is in the military.
86. Quinn and Puck twirl in slow motion.
87. Santana uses the charming expression “gives two poops.”
88. Mike Chang remarks on the passage of time and fading of memories, because he is a character who needs lines.
89. Mr. Schue cries.
90. Everyone cries.
91. Holly Holiday says, “Go the way of the dodo,” which is definitely something Gwyneth brought to the table.
92. Gwyneth Paltrow and Kristin Chenoweth are plotting, which is really scary.
93. Stop trying to make “Gleek” happen, Glee marketing department. It isn’t going to happen.
94. Sue barely says anything biting in this whole episode.
95. Tina also doesn’t say anything terrible, or anything at all really, so that’s good.
96. There is basically no Klain at all, which is pretty unforgivable.
97. Looks like they’ll be singing “Don’t Stop Believing” next episode. Shocker.
98. Lilies are the lesbian of flowers, says Brittany.
99. Kurt is nostalgic and it’s the cutest.
100. Mr. Schue says glee club is over. Cue the existential crisis.