It’s time to get a little superficial up in here! Season three of Scandal is heating up and it’s not just because of all the fake deaths and creepy Papa Pope storylines. We’re guessing the show’s popularity lead to an increase in glam squad budget, because the Gladiators are looking hotter than ever. Leaving Olivia Pope out of this (because, come on...some people are in a class of their own), we’re ranking the amazing Gladiators based on what really matters — hotness.
4. Quinn Perkins (Katie Lowes)
We don’t know who’s doing Quinn’s eyeliner this season, but they are killin’ the game. Unfortunately Quinn’s also been pissing a lot of people off this season, seeing as how she can’t stop thinking about that one time she tortured a guy, and it’s been getting her into all kinds of trouble. Get it together, Quinn! Your emotional issues and creepy B6-13 drama plots are affecting your hotness.
3. Huck (Guillermo Díaz)
For the record we are talking about beardless Huck, and normal Huck — not Homeless Huck or Huck after he’s been water boarded by the CIA and hasn’t showered for weeks (à la last season). Huck is always gonna be a cutie, but he’s also still one of the scariest characters on Scandal, which makes him less hot and more "cute guy you'd take a second look at if you saw him in a coffee shop but would quickly look away when you saw the darkness behind his eyes."
2. Harrison Wright (Columbus Short)
Nobody knows how to rock a three-piece suit like Harrison. NOBODY. That is all.
1. Abby Whelan (Darby Stanchfield)
Last season Harrison might have topped this list, but Abby’s glam squad has seriously changed the game. They put a curling iron to those banging red locks (and clearly added a few tracks), took the smoky eye to a whole ‘nother level, and put her in all of the right clothes. No wonder poor David Rosen can’t keep away! It also helps that Abby’s funky little attitude hasn’t changed. All her über-sarcastic quips + that hair (seriously) = a hotness the likes of which Scandal has never seen.
Though Garry Marshall hasn’t made a decent flick since 1990’s Pretty Woman he still apparently wields a not inconsiderable amount of clout in Hollywood. What else could explain the all-star ensemble of actors who gathered for Valentine’s Day? Among the major names found probing the turgid depths of the nearly 80-year-old director’s insipid rom-com are Julia Roberts Anne Hathaway Ashton Kutcher Jessica Alba Jamie Foxx Jessica Biel Taylor Lautner and various other prominent actors who either owe favors to Marshall or whose incriminating photos he holds in his possession.
A slice-of-life tale unfolding in Los Angeles over the course of a single Valentine’s Day the film chronicles the romantic adventures of a diverse cast of characters at various stages of relationships and encompassing virtually every conceivable demographic category. Their ages backgrounds and perspectives often dramatically differ but they each share one trait in common: Almost without exception they are all ceaselessly painfully disastrously unfunny.
Some temper their dishumor with a dose of the annoying like Kutcher whose dopey florist Marshall unwisely chose to anchor Valentine’s Day’s story around. Others add a dash of the preposterous like Roberts dressed in military fatigues in a laughable attempt to play a U.S. Army Captain on leave from the front. Still others add cloying sentiment to the mix like Bryce Robinson’s lovelorn 10-year-old whose grandparents played by Shirley MacLaine and Hector Elizondo ply him with nostalgic romantic tips pre-fabricated for maximum inter-generational cuteness. Whatever your preferred method of cinematic torture may be you’ll undoubtedly encounter it in this film.
In addition to challenging the pain threshold Valentine’s Day offers a test of endurance as well its story requiring over two hours to satisfy the narrative demands of its swollen cast. If you didn’t despise Hallmark’s ersatz holiday before you certainly will after enduring this Bataan Death March of rom-coms.
Any marriage is going to have its ups and downs. But what if those "downs" start happening the minute you step off the altar? Such is the premise of Just Married as blue-collar radio traffic announcer Tom Leezak (Ashton Kutcher) meets rich free-spirited writer Sarah McNerney (Brittany Murphy) and after a whirlwind romance they decide to get hitched. Oh if it could be that easy. Their course to true love has several strikes against it and the rest of the movie is spent figuring out if they are going to make it or not. Strike No. 1: Sarah's well-to-do parents (whose nicknames for each other range from "Pee-Wee" to "Pussy") are completely appalled she's marrying "beneath her." Strike No. 2: Sarah's sophisticated rich ex-boyfriend Peter (Christian Kane) the one Daddy McNerney (David Rasche) favors wants Sarah back. Strike No. 3: after they get hitched anyway the two young marrieds' honeymoon in Italy quickly turns horrific. In fact it's so unbelievably awful--from their small yellow box posing as a rental car being pushed off a mountain cliff to the cockroaches crawling over them as they try to make love in a run-down Venice shack to said ex-boyfriend showing up to thwart all that is good--your only hope is that they don't kill each other before they can get the sucker annulled. Of course we don't really believe they'll break up do we? We know better. With any good old-fashioned romantic comedy the power of love wins out. Blech.
It's not easy being relatively new faces in the film business and having a major feature film rest on your shoulders. Yet Kutcher and Murphy do their best with a formulaic script and some painful-looking physical comedy added in for good measure. It's evident the two click (so much so they became a real-life couple) so it's nice to wholeheartedly believe they are mad for one another. Their youthful appeal is about the only thing that saves the film from total drudge to be honest. Individually Kutcher gets to venture off from the one-note innocuously stupid guy he's played in movies such as Dude Where's My Car? and Fox's That '70s Show just a little to show some heartfelt moments especially when telling his new bride how much he loves her. To his credit he doesn't fail miserably at it. On the other hand Murphy who has the acting chops having handled meaty roles in dramas (Girl Interrupted) as well as comedies (Clueless) has nothing whatsoever to go on as Sarah. Clearly she must've been listening when her agent said "Do this movie! It'll be great for your career!" The rest of the cast blends in with Rasche being the only standout as Sarah's no-nonsense all-business millionaire dad.
You might feel sorry for this movie being released the second week of January just after an enormous onslaught of Oscar-touted films if it wasn't for the fact that 20th Century Fox obviously timed it to capitalize on the youth audience in a field of so-called "boring old people movies." Just Married is just the ticket for young people. Kutcher has developed a following after the surprising hit movie Dude Where's My Car? and Murphy just made a splash with Eminem in 8 Mile. The film has the age group 16-24 written all over it. But come on folks even good intentions to capture a certain market can't make up for a downright silly movie. Director Shawn Levy whose credits include 'tween flick Big Fat Liar and Disney Channel's The Famous Jett Jackson handles Just Married pretty much like his previous--broad and wacky with very little substance. The best part of the movie is the very beginning when the two newlyweds walk off the plane fuming and one-upping each other. Ah married life. The irony is duly noted but then the film goes straight into a flashback sequence lapsing periodically between pratfalls saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and gushy professions of love. Chalk it up to bad judgment.