WHAT IT'S ABOUT?
The Americanization of Anime. This long-awaited (and long-on-the-shelf) live-action rendition of the popular Japanese graphic novel series by Akira Toriyama is a spectacularly silly laugh-out-loud abomination that begs borrows and steals from a wide variety of sci-fi and fantasy predecessors in telling the “epic” (ha!) story of Goku (Justin Chatwin) a young warrior destined to do battle with the forces of evil in pursuit of seven mystical “Dragon Balls” that entitle the bearer to absolute superiority over the universe. Or something like that. It really doesn’t matter although all the talk about the power of the “Dragon Balls” does yield some hearty laughs — for all the wrong reasons.
WHO'S IN IT?
A lot of actors who probably wish they weren’t. Chief among them is Chow Yun-Fat continuing his unlucky streak in American films. Wearing a perennial smile and a loud Hawaiian shirt he acts as the de-facto mentor for our hero dispensing words of wisdom (in some universe undoubtedly) and occasionally executing some fancy martial-arts moves. Even for Chow’s most ardent admirers it’s not enough. Emmy Rossum (who perhaps should have known better) and Jamie Chung provide some eye candy alongside Chatwin as fellow female warriors while a green-skinned James Marsters growls and snarls as the film’s resident villain the megalomaniacal Piccolo (now there’s a name that’s sure to make audiences shudder). Ernie Hudson’s in it too — and even manages to hold onto his dignity. This is not a film that many if any of the participants are going to be touting on their resumes anytime soon — if at all.
Extremely little. To its (dis)credit Dragonball Evolution does murder time. You’ll never get those 90 minutes back again. If it comes down to seeing this or seeing your dentist keep the latter appointment.
Where to begin? The script … the acting … the direction … the editing. Several scenes have been cut with such frenzied abandon that it’s nearly impossible to ascertain precisely what’s going on. Fans of the original Dragonball series may have a head start — and this rendition may well disappoint or infuriate them — but neophytes and newcomers will have a hard time determining precisely what’s going on. Not that it matters much. Even by the campiest of comic-books standards this is a shoddy effort. The brief running time (under 90 minutes) is a dead giveaway that the studio’s shears were put to work and the timing of its release by Fox indicates that the studio was perhaps trying to make some quick pre-summer coin in advance of Wolverine especially given Chatwin’s Wolv-like coif.
LINES TO REMEMBER:
“The first rule is: There are no rules.”
“Somebody stole my Prometheum Orb.”
“Prepare to eat dirt.”
“Teach me how to be normal.”
“The Dragon Balls are in my grasp!”
LINES TO FORGET:
IT'S NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO ...
Make a movie with “ball” or “balls” in the title — especially if it’s a bad movie.
If you absolutely have to see this movie see it with friends. And please make one of them the designated driver.
Sandler is arguably one of the smartest movie moguls in Hollywood. As a writer/star/producer he knows exactly who his audience is and gives them exactly what they want and expect--for better or worse. In this case it’s slightly better than most. He is Zohan a super-skilled super-buff--and many times super-naked--Israeli Mossad agent who can stop the bad guys with one swift kick and woo the ladies with his amazing butt muscles. But he’s tired of fighting and secretly wants to be a hair stylist so he fakes his death and heads to New York under the alias “Scrappy Coco” to live out his dream. Of course his past catches up with him especially after he gets a job at a salon run by the beautiful Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui) who also happens to be Palestinian. No matter he is soon a huge success with the older lady clientele for his er unique sensual hairstyling techniques if you get my meaning. But Zohan’s past eventually catches up to him just as he realizes he can’t make the “bang boom” with anyone else but Dalia. Adam Sandler can just add Zohan to his repertoire. Actually it’s been awhile since we’ve seen Sandler play someone this over-the-top--and it’s kind of refreshing. The actor obviously had to really work out to get the Zohan physique and he puts himself out there quite literally in more ways than one. (Disco dancing while barbequing fish in the nude is gutsy!) Sandler also enlists the help of some of his cronies particularly Rob Schneider who plays a Palestinian cab driver of all things. Nah that shouldn’t piss off anyone. Chriqui from HBO’s Entourage is very cute and a worthy love interest but it’s really all the older ladies who get the true benefits of Zohan’s mojo including Lainie Kazan playing the mother of one of Zohan’s friends. And then there’s John Turturro who sheds all seriousness as a known terrorist and Zohan’s nemesis The Phantom. I guess after he did Transformers Turturro figures he can keep up the silly antics. Sandler also teams up once again with his old director pal Dennis Dugan--the same guy who has guided Sandler in his hit comedies Big Daddy and Happy Gilmore. Obviously it’s a synergy that works but Dugan usually doesn’t have to do much more than point the camera. With Zohan however Dugan has to incorporate some special effects (Zohan flying through the air for example) as well as some action stunts. It looks like they had more fun this time around. But of course with any Sandler movie it’s all about the comedy so Sandler doesn’t hedge any bets collaborating with another old friend and SNL alum Robert Smigel along with the master of comedy these days Judd Apatow. Zohan has many signature Sandler moments and true-blue fans should be pleased. If you’re not a fan however you might still enjoy some of it--even if you roll your eyes.
The Whole Ten Yards picks up about two years after the events that changed the lives of Oz (Matthew Perry) Jimmy "The Tulip" (Bruce Willis) Jill (Amanda Peet) and Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge)--and made them a whole lot richer. Nice-guy dentist Oz is now married to Jimmy's ex-wife Cynthia and living in Brentwood Calif. where he still practices dentistry. They seem happy but Oz is so paranoid someone will come after him that he keeps an arsenal of weapons in his home which is teeming with high-tech surveillance equipment. His suspicions however are not so farfetched: Turns out Cynthia is in cahoots with Jimmy who is now married to Jill and living in Mexico and they're planning to rob Hungarian mobster Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak) who's just been released from prison. But Lazlo has an agenda of his own. He wants to kill Jimmy for the murder of his son rival hitman Yanni Gogolak a couple of years ago. When Lazlo kidnaps Cynthia to get to Jimmy (he figures Oz will spill the beans on his whereabouts) poor Oz runs off to Mexico and pleads for Jimmy's help. What Oz and Jill don't realize however is that they are part of a much bigger revenge plot against Lazlo perpetrated by their own spouses Jimmy and Cynthia.
The only thing that makes The Whole Ten Yards engaging is the returning cast who have a playful and endearing on-screen chemistry. Willis and Perry are at the forefront reprising their roles as Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudesky and Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky respectively. The actors craft their characters well and uniquely and the conflicting personalities they create--Willis' cool and collected Jimmy and Perry's nervous and scatterbrained Oz--make watching their interactions entertaining. When the two discover that the hostage in the trunk of their car has died for example Willis stands there unflinchingly while Perry yelps "It looks like he got shot in the foot! Who dies from being shot in the foot?" Peet blends in with her own brand of humor; her klutzy character Jill is hilarious without trying to be which is the key to her performance. Jill's hung up on the fact that although she's a professional marksman she's never had a real kill--she's so accident-prone that her targets always die by default. Also returning for the sequel is Pollak who played Yanni in the first film. Here he returns as Yanni's father Lazlo aged with the help of prosthetics and makeup. It's a great idea and the result is pretty funny although the character is cartoonish.
Director Howard Deutch makes a valiant effort with this sequel to the 2000 hit; there's continuity in the characters although their lives have progressed since the events of the last film. The problem with The Whole Ten Yards is its story penned by Mitchell Kapner and George Gallo. While The Whole Nine Yards had an elaborate storyline it was easy enough to follow--everyone was basically trying to kill one another. Here the plot's equally convoluted but rather than interesting twists and turns we get inconsistencies and dead ends. Take Jimmy's new Suzy Homemaker role for instance. As the film opens Willis is traipsing around his Mexican villa in bunny slippers wearing a 'do-rag on his head fussing over dinner and the fact that the potatoes are supposed to be "floating around the lobster not just stuck there." We find out it's all an act but the reasons are never disclosed. By the time the film ends audiences will be asking themselves what it was all for. Perhaps the filmmakers thought the sight of Willis as a dowdy housewife would make moviegoers laugh so hard they'd forget to ask why.
How To Write a Victorian Novel 101. First introduce a perfect family like the Nicklebys and place them in an idyllic country setting. Shortly thereafter the father/provider must lose the family fortune and swiftly die of grief leaving his family reliant on the charity of a cruel yet wealthy relative like Ralph Nickleby (Christopher Plummer) who should break up the happy family sending the eldest son--in the case of Nicholas Nickleby 19-year-old Nicholas (Charlie Hunnam)--to teach at a horrifying boys' school called Dotheboys while forcing his mother (Stella Gonet) and his sister (Romola Garai) to live in the dark miserable city of London. During this period of separation the title character should prove himself an upstanding and honorable gentleman rescue the unfortunate show mercy to his enemies fall in love and attempt to reunite his family and avenge the wrongs done to them. If the story is a comedy he will succeed and we will proceed--to the denouement in which loose ends are tied up a happy couple weds and the cast takes its bows.
Victorian Drama 201. A rule of thumb: the villains and the minor players are always more interesting characters than the ingénues and they will always receive the greatest ovation. Nicholas Nickleby is no exception to this rule. The soft-hearted good guys--Hunnam (Abandon) as Nicholas newcomer Garai as his sister Kate Anne Hathaway (The Princess Diaries) as Nicholas' love interest Madeline Bray and Jamie Bell (Billy Elliot) as the broken child Smike whom Nicholas rescues from the boys' school--humbly accept their plight and it's enough to make you want to shake their genteel little shoulders to force them into action. Mercifully Hunnam at least occasionally gets to fight back exchanging some heated words and even coming to blows with his enemies especially the utterly nasty Jim Broadbent (Iris) and Juliet Stevenson (Emma) as Mr. and Mrs. Squeers who run the ghastly boys' school with finely honed cruelty. Even Plummer (Ararat A Beautiful Mind) for all he's the big villain of the piece doesn't come off as evilly as these two. There are also notable performances on the comedic side particularly among the perfectly cast merry band of melodramatic theatrical players (Nathan Lane Dame Edna Everage and Alan Cumming) that Nicholas and Smike join on their journey home.
Making Victorian Movies 301. With its fairy-tale look fantastic sets and theatrical bent Nickleby hearkens back to the flamboyant dramas of the Victorian period (think Oscar Wilde)--its opening credits in fact are displayed on the stage of a Victorian toy theater. But stories based on novels like Dickens' Nicholas Nickleby obviously take a lot longer to tell than plays--and in their time they reached their audience in a different way. It often took weeks even months to read a full novel (or a serialized one) in Victorian Britain; families would gather 'round the fire for a few pages a night savoring the story making it last. Director/screenwriter Doug McGrath's (Emma) rendition of Nicholas Nickleby reconciles these two modes of entertainment admirably allowing modern moviegoers a chance to revel in the assured pace of the twists and turns Dickens chose to place in the narrative's path but abridging them in such a way as to make good theater. Despite the relative brevity of the narrative however McGrath doesn't rush us to the end; he seems to recognize that the best stories are all about the journey not about the resolution.