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Before we begin, I want to state for the record that I am one of the few humans — and quite possibly the only woman between the ages of 18 and 34 — who hated Gillian Flynn's mystery thriller Gone Girl. While the novel may have been one of a small number to achieve both critical acclaim and bestseller status, I would have stopped reading if not for a particularly punishing book club. That being said, the novel's saving grace for me was that I thought it might just make a fun movie. But now, as the cast for the actual movie adaptation of this bonkers husband/wife murder plot continues to grow, I'm becoming skeptical once again.
First came Ben Affleck for the lead role of Nick Dunne — a choice I found odd mostly because Affleck is so inherently likable while Nick is supposed to be a sleazy a**hole. Plus, he seemed a little old for the role. Then came Rosamund Pike for Nick's sweet-or-deranged-depending-on-the-chapter wife Amy — a choice I was willing to go with because I like Pike so much (seriously, is there a woman more beautiful?). And now we have 21-year-old Emily Ratajkowski, the stunning model who became a household name this summer after starring in Robin Thicke's notorious "Blurred Lines" music video, making her acting debut as Andie, Nick's mistress, TheWrap reports.
Add to that motley crew Tyler Perry (as Nick's defense attorney) and Neil Patrick Harris (as a former beau of Amy's who... nevermind, I won't spoil it for you) and you've got the most whackadoo combination of actors we've seen this side of The Holiday.
David Fincher is at the helm of this ship to crazytown, so let's hope he can steer it closer to wildly eccentric than bats**t.
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Before Vanessa Hudgens was waltzing with shotguns and having threesomes with James Franco, she was a singing, dancing, Zac Efron-kissing Disney princess. So when word reached us that Hudgens would be releasing a new song, our inner tweens squee-ed with High School Musical-loving delight. But oh, how wrong we were.
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Hudgens released "$$$ex" on iTunes Friday, with a video comprised of Spring Breakers clips, and it's just about as far from Gabriella Montez as you can get. It's kind of like Ke$ha — dollar sign and all — but, somehow, worse. I'm not even sure we can classify this cacophony of screeching sound as music… there's certainly no singing.
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Furthermore, to call the song "inspired by the film Spring Breakers" is an insult to Harmony Korine's work. Hudgens may have starred in the film, but after hearing this song I'm not exactly sure she's seen it. Does she realize the movie is a biting commentary on our culture of over-indulgence? "$$$ex" makes the spring break lifestyle as the f**king s**t, yo. Something has gotten lost in translation.
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Watch the video below (or don't, I promise you'll hate it):
Girl, better stick to "Sneakernight."
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[Photo Credit: Gregg DeGuire/Getty Images]
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Today is March 13, and 13 is Taylor Swift's favorite number, so Taylor Swift decided to release a new music video today. Since the music video is for her song "22," I personally think it would have been wise to wait until the 22nd, but maybe that's just me.
When Swift is not getting called a boy-crazy harlot, she's criticized for being too young/innocent/naive/fairy princessy. And yet, with "22" she makes a pretty good case for being young and fun and free. Contained in a perfectly framed Instagram world, Swift and her friends — who are her real-life besties, she says — bounce around, wear great clothes, and generally have a fantastic time. And I can't help but be a little bit jealous.
Twenty-two has come and gone, leaving me a sad, cynical mid-twenty-year-old who is disillusioned with the idea of being "happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time." That's too many emotions! Can't we just pick one?!
Anyway, here's the video, and below are 22 things in this video that I want in my life. Now would be good.
1. Bangs. Boy, does Taylor Swift look good with bangs! They are so fun and fresh! Too bad I made five of my closest friends all pinky swear to say "No" if I ever ask them whether I should get bangs again.
2. That's a pretty great fedora, I'd take one of them.
3. Buttercream frosting… Mmmmm.
4. Friends! Baking with so many friends!
5. Those heart glasses are adorable.
6. Floral tank top blouse!
7. Confetti gun!
8. Dance skillz. Did you know T Swift could krump?
9. Beanie! That beanie looks awesome with her bangs. I think I need both (see No. 1).
10. UGH BEACH SUNSET. It's cold here in New York. Get here now summer.
11. That trampoline party looks like a great time.
12. Is that a private pool? I've always wanted a pool in my backyard.
13. Who's pickup truck is that? I want one of those, too.
14. Whoa cat ears. Is it Halloween? Or a themed party? Or did you just decide to accessorize with feline ears? If the latter, your confidence is pretty spot-on.
15. Are there twinkly lights on your swingset? I want that.
16. Oooh off-the-shoulder glittery sweater!
17. Sequined skirt!
18. Is Ke$ha your DJ? That's baller.
19. More confetti!
20. Nighttime bike riding — but this goes back to No. 6.
21. GIANT ICE CREAM CONE.
22. The boy rocking a burgundy velvet blazer could probably be my best friend, if he wanted.
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[Photo Credit: GMA/ABC]
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Ke$ha is 25 years old now, so it's high time she write a memoir. Hey, it's never too soon to sell your life experiences, and Lord knows she's got enough of those to fill hundreds of some pages. And, get this, according to the Associated Press, Ke$ha's memoir will be "illustrated," and each purchase will include a packet of glitter-infused cocaine. Okay, so that's not true about the coke, but there will be pictures in Ke$ha's book (and, if we're lucky, glitter).
Ke$ha's memoir, called My Crazy Beautiful Life (after her song, not the Kirsten Dunst movie), will be released by Simon & Schuster imprint Touchstone on November 20, just ten days before her second studio album, Warrior, drops. In a blurb from Touchstone's digital catalog Ke$ha says, "In less than three years, I’ve gone from being the worst waitress in LA to living out my childhood dreams of singing my songs to people all over the world. Sometimes, it feels as if the last few years have encompassed a few decades."
She adds, "You might have heard my voice on the radio, seen me onstage and on the red carpet, or in a music video, but that’s only a part of the story. In these pages, I’m revealing a more complete picture of what my life is really like. It’s not all glamorous and it’s not all pretty, but it’s all real... I want you to come on a whirlwind journey with an all-access pass to My Crazy Beautiful Life."
The most intriguing part of this project is that the book will have "pictures." According to Touchstone, the book will feature Ke$ha's "thoughts and reflections," paired with pictures "spanning from her childhood to her recent tour." While the AP referred to the memoir as "illustrated," whether these pictures are photographs or drawings is a bit murky; but we're hoping the "illustrated" label means what it implies: drawings.
One can only imagine what personal thoughts and reflections of Ke$ha's will look like. Will we be greeted with pages that consist of hangover lamentations and free verse poetry? How about Rorschach tests and line drawings? Will this be a mixed media endeavor, complete with feathers, whiskey, and blue eyeliner? We can only hope.
Follow Abbey Stone on Twitter @abbeystone
[Photo Credit: RCA Records]
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S01E20: Normally I’m down for the complicated plots that Hawaii Five-0 somehow manages to churn out. They’re complicated enough that you have to pay attention (sort of), but this week? Ha. I feel like the writers came up with this basic idea of a murder with a cool opening and then had to work backwards to complicate things to fill out the time in between. In other words, this was not the best episode.
"Stop talking for a second" - McGarrett
Not to say it didn’t start off well, McGarrett and Danno are hiking and they discover a body. It was an intense start that made for a great advertisement (which seems to be how they write their openers: "What would look best between Mike and Molly breaks?"). But it was over really quickly. They got him out of there fairly easily and had him patched up before we even knew he had a broken arm. Also, Danno would’ve made a horrible boy scout if he lets a little tangled rope get in his way. I mean, come on Danno.
Then the big reveal at the end (seriously, it was complicated and involved fish scales) is this guy who was helping ship his son out of the country. But along with that was a LOT of misdirection. Actually, it wasn’t even misdirection. It was just stuff to take up time. Like the guy they chased down on the boat. Now, we’ve seen too much of this show to think that this guy would actually be the killer. They got in a fight and he owns a helicopter? Too convenient.
"Hands in the air, Ahab." -Danno (getting a little Sawyer from Lost, there?)
But there was a comment last week that rebuffed my argument on how 5-0 never experiences any of the consequences of its actions. For instance this week they chased down the guy on the boat (which, by the way, is the Stunt Of The Week). They broke several laws doing so but what do you know - the guy HAPPENS to run some drugs and has a duffle bag full of meth. Justification! It’s a little frustrating as a viewer because we’re just being led along until the last 15 minutes. It’s pulp television for sure.
But enough of the convoluted plot. Let’s get on to the cheese! Like McGarrett’s magic bag and magic truck case. He goes hiking and happens to have like 100ft of rope in his bag? Ok, that’s fine. But then he also has a full role of duct tape? Where did he have the room for the trail mix? Meanwhile in his trunk he has a very high-powered infrared camera? I mean, what’s the justification for that? Seriously, why would he have that? How often could he possibly use that? Glad he had it, of course, but still, it's ridiculous he had that thing in his truck.
"Not anymore!" -McGarrett (finger point for emphasis)
There wasn’t that much riffing this week but there was the most sarcastic "I love you" in sign language history. Someone make a GIF of that STAT! And I was worried there wouldn’t be any product placement since the cars weren’t featured that predominately, but then Hilton came roaring in with a commercial at the end. Gotta love it, H5-0!
Also, it seems the writers remembered that Chin and Kono actually have lives outside the 5-0. Because, oh snap, did Kono and Chin get into some dramatic shit this week. It’s about time, because I couldn’t handle another week of them spouting off expository line after expository line. Chin apparently took the fall so his uncle could pay for a kidney for his dying aunt. Blah, blah, blah, it was really sweet and Kono got to cry a little. Acting! Woo! I’d still rather see Grace Park in a bikini, but I’m also glad she’s getting to show off her dramatic chops.
"No one wants to see you matriculate." -Danno
There was this one little moment of clarity I had when watching this episode. The characters on the show are really pathetic human beings. I’m not saying they aren’t well-defined (well, they aren’t completely, but they’re still pretty well-defined) but as actual people they’re incredibly pathetic. Like after McGarett gets out of the hospital, who does he call? Kamekona, an informant. They don’t have any friends and besides Danno, they rarely see their family. They’re all basically like Liz Lemon: all work and no play. Then again, the whole hospital scene could just have been about seeing Kamekona in a tiny car. 'Cause that was pretty funny.
It wasn't the best episode, but that doesn’t matter. Why not? Because next week: DIDDY!