Assuming you were born around 1983 and that your social circle in the early grammar school years consisted of a rigidly impermeable foursome, we can conclude indisputably that you spent a good deal of your time playing Ninja Turtles. Unlike other pop culture-inspired imagination games, Ninja Turtles never allowed for turn taking as far as the central roles were concerned. Maybe you’d alternate occupancy of Luke, Han, and Chewy when playing Star Wars, or switch off between Margaret and Jimmy for games of Liquid Sky. But when it came to Ninja Turtles, the margins were set before recess even began: you were either the leader, the tough one, the smart one, or the goofball. Without exception.
But are such stark roles present in any other pop culture phenomena? We’d have to imagine so. As such, we sought to our favorite foursomes from the entertainment world and took a stab at assigning them their respective Ninja Turtles.
LeonardoJerry, the leader (who, incidentally, derives all of his moral fiber from the noble Superman)
RaphaelGeorge, the truly "dark and disturbed" member of the group
DonatelloElaine, the intellectual — she did graduate from Tufts (her safety school), and she scored a 151 on an I.Q. test
MichelangeloKramer, the hipster dufus
THE HOGWARTS HOUSES
LeonardoGryffindor, house of the daring and noble
RaphaelSlytherin, house of the severe and ambitious
DonatelloRavenclaw, house of the wry and intellectual
MichelangeloHufflepuff, house of the spirited and kind
SEX AND THE CITY
LeonardoCarrie, the glue, the narrator and the center of everyone's attention
RaphaelMiranda, stubborn and cynical enough to walk away from the love of her life (twice!)
DonatelloCharlotte, the conservative, overachieving Ivy League grad obsessed with everything appearing perfect
MichelangeloSamantha, who has never passed up a chance to see and be seen
United Artist via Everett Collection
LeonardoPaul: "Think globally, act locally."
RaphaelJohn: "Everybody loves you when you're six foot in the ground."
DonatelloGeorge: "When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there."
MichelangeloRingo: "Peace and love. Peace and love."
LeonardoCaptain America, the wholesome, morally didactic good guy
RaphaelThe Hulk, the "muscle" who is tortured by his own demons
DonatelloIron Man, the tech genius who never hesitates to let his teammates know how much smarter he is than they are
MichelangeloThor, who's just kind of an idiot
LeonardoDawson, proving that having your name in the title doesn't save you from being the biggest buzzkill
RaphaelPacey, the rebellious, wise-cracking screw up of your teenage dreams
DonatelloJoey, smart - she went to Worthington! - sweet, and innocent, and always likely to end up in a bad situation
MichelangeloJen, the reformed party girl with a heart of gold and a chip on her shoulder
LeonardoMeg, the oldest sister and de facto head of the household
RaphaelJo, strong-willed and at odds with her siblings (and herself)
DonatelloBeth, who is shy, wise, and musically adept
MichelangeloAmy, the li'l one with the penchant for art
Columbia Pictures via Everett Collection
LeonardoRay, the heart and soul of the group
RaphaelPeter Venkman, the rebel who plays by his own rules (and forces everyone else to accommodate)
DonatelloEgon Spengler, the smartest in a team of scientists
MichelangeloWinston, who is also there
THE MT. RUSHMORE PRESIDENTS
LeonardoGeorge Washington, the diplomat who kicked off American democracy
RaphaelAbraham Lincoln, the agonizingly depressed hero who took to the front lines
DonatelloThomas Jefferson, the braniac wordsmith who wrote the Declaration of Independence
MichelangeloTheodore Roosevelt, the loon who used to fight bears and whatnot
LeonardoBlanche, the open-minded, creative sort
RaphaelSophia, a master of caustic wit
DonatelloDorothy, the smartest of the lot
MichelangeloRose, the ditz
THE FACTS OF LIFE
LeonardoBlair, who was rich and blond, so she was the natural choice for the central role in an '80s sitcom
RaphaelJo, who wears a leather jacket
DonatelloNatalie, who basically acts like she's 40 at age 15
MichelangeloTootie, who wears rollerskates all the time
20th Century Fox Film via Everett Collection
THE FANTASTIC FOUR
LeonardoSue Storm, the levelheaded voice of reason
RaphaelThe Thing, who is, as one might expect, pretty pissed about being a giant rock
DonatelloMr. Fantastic, the hyper-intellectual
MichelangeloJohnny Storm, the jag who's always jumping around and lighting stuff on fire, because he thinks it's cool
STAND BY ME
LeonardoGordie, the courageous leader
RaphaelChris, the young punk who has stolen his share of milk money
DonatelloVern, the timid perpetual bullying victim
MichelangeloTeddy, the kooky thrill-seeker
LeonardoHannah, who at the very least sees herself as a well-adjusted leader of mankind
RaphaelJessa, the alleged loose cannon who is riddled with dark passengers
DonatelloMarnie, the uptight would-be sophisticate who tries to manufacture life experience by the book
MichelangeloShoshanna, the young nutter butter who garners the least respect
LeonardoReggie Rocket, the smart, even-tempered overachiever
RaphaelOtto Rocket, the troublesome bad boy
DonatelloSam Dullard, the awkward intellectual
MichelangeloTwister Rodriguez, the idiot comic relief
Paramount Pictures via Everett Collection
LeonardoCady Heron, the acceptable human being
RaphaelRegina George, the villainous upstart
DonatelloGretchen Wieners, kind of just by default
MichelangeloKaren Smith... see "Thor"
LeonardoVinnie Barbarino, the boring (albeit charming) leader
RaphaelJuan Epstein, the tough guy with whom everybody knows not to mess
DonatelloArnold Horshach, the dorky dweeb
MichelangeloBoom Boom Washington, the loudmouthed goofball
A special thanks to writers Angie Han (an easygoing Michelangelo type) and Rudie Obias (a total Raphael, with respect) for helping to mastermind this piece, and to everyone else who contributed their varied expertise to the cause.
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Radius TWC via Everett Collection
Actress Kristin Scott Thomas was shocked to learn her racy film Only God Forgives was given a 12 age-rating in France.
Thomas stars alongside Ryan Gosling in the gritty 2013 blockbuster, which features brutal violence and explicit sexual scenes, and the film was classed suitable for over-18s only in Britain and rated R, meaning those under 17 need adult accompaniment, in the U.S. Thomas says even she found the film hard to watch at times and was concerned to learn young teenagers could see the movie in France.
She tells Hunger magazine, "I found (the film) incredibly violent, and I was very disturbed by the fact that in France it was given the official seal of approval that any child over the age of 12 could see it... There is no way my 12-year-old son would see that film. I think (the level of violence in films) is disturbing. People should be more affected. I think people are getting more and more used to violence, violent images and sexual images. We're so used to using the word "f**k" now."
David Cassidy's driving while intoxicated (DWI) case has been adjourned until September (14) as the singer/actor's lawyer continues to negotiate a plea deal with prosecutors. The Partridge Family star was slapped with the felony charge last summer (Aug13), when he was pulled over at a police checkpoint in Schodack, New York.
Cassidy's lawyer, Lucas Mihuta, was allowed to appear on the 64 year old's behalf at a plea hearing in Schodack Town Court on Wednesday (30Jul14) as his client lives in Florida, and he successfully requested an adjournment to allow the two sides to work out technical legal issues for the deal.
Town Justice Bruce J. Wagner set the next court date for 3 September (14).
However, the star risked the wrath of prosecutors after it was later revealed he was actually in the area at a horse racing event at Saratoga Race Course.
Authorities were alerted to his location after a Twitter.com post by a representative for the New York Racing Association announced Cassidy's attendance and one prosecutor admitted they were "disturbed" by the news.
Officials are expected to agree to reduce the felony charge for Cassidy, who was convicted of DWI in Florida in 2011, to a misdemeanour.
Further details about the plea deal have yet to be released, but Mihuta reveals Cassidy is determined to move on from his legal troubles as he continues to seek help for his alcohol problems.
Mihuta says, "He's anxious to put this behind him and to focus more on his treatment and sobriety than legal matters."
Cassidy was sentenced to serve 90 days in rehab and ordered to complete an alcohol awareness programme in March (14) after pleading no contest in California to a charge for driving under the influence (DUI) following another arrest in January (14).
That incident marked the veteran's third DUI since 2010, and he recently came clean about the seriousness of his alcoholism, admitting, "If I take another drink, I'm going to die."
Actress Andie Macdowell was left unnerved after receiving a barrage of foul-mouthed abuse on Twitter.com. The Four Weddings and a Funeral star spotted vile messages aimed at her on the social networking website, including death threats and a sinister boast about a voodoo doll.
The hate-filled tweets were so vicious that MacDowell vowed to reduce her online presence and spend much less time on the microblogging site.
She tells Britain's Event magazine, "In the days when I used to tweet (regularly), I would encounter comments wishing death upon me. There were people who claimed they were sticking pins in my effigy because they couldn't stand me. There's some seriously disturbed people out there."
The Script frontman Danny O'donoghue filed a sexual assault complaint against a concertgoer who grabbed his genitals during a show. The Irish singer was performing in Brussels, Belgium last year (13) when he ventured into the audience during a song, and he was so disturbed by a fan grabbing his genitals that he filed a complaint against him.
He tells Britain's Sun on Sunday, "This guy went right under and properly grabbed by balls. So all I could think of doing was turning round and punching him in the face... I felt that my life was in danger.
"His friends started to come at me, it was a big deal... Luckily, the security got them all back... He started saying he was going to call police so I filed a complaint to say the bloke sexually assaulted me and I just reacted."
Pop sensation Lorde is struggling to record tracks for the follow-up to her hit album Pure Heroine, because she fears ghosts in the recording studio don't want her to complete the project. The Royals singer's sessions are being disturbed by a spooky hum that is ruining all the tracks.
In a tweet to fans on Monday (30Jun14), the teenage star writes, "Ghosts in the studio don't want us to record tonight, they (are) leaving their ghost hum on everything."
She also recently alerted fans not to expect the same kind of music when they get hold of her Pure Heroine follow-up, stating, "I think I've learnt so much as a songwriter, there's going to be so much of an improvement because of that. I'm working on stuff quite tentatively, it's definitely still at the beginning and yeah, it's totally different. I wrote the last album about that world which was the suburb where I grew up and populated by my friends and people who were really familiar to me.
"Now I'm in a different place every day and I'm with new people every day and it's a different vibe."
"It was really hard to watch and it wasn't what you expect - it wasn't someone freaking out and writhing and screaming; what made it so freaky is the person was completely still and not really making any noise whatsoever... It opened my mind." Actor Eric Bana was disturbed by exorcism footage he watched to get into character for new movie Deliver Us From Evil.
Lena Dunham has shared a scary story of high school harassment as part of a campaign to empower women in the aftermath of the Santa Barbara massacre. A project titled #YesAllWomen has been launched on Twitter.com to encourage female users to share stories and join the debate over male treatment of women in response to Elliot Rodger's murderous rampage in California on Friday (23May14).
The son of The Hunger Games assistant director Peter Rodger killed six youngsters after detailing his bloodthirsty plans in videos, claiming he had been tormented by constant rejection by women.
Dunham joined the campaign by sharing a scary story of her own, revealing she had a frightening experience with an obsessed classmate.
She writes in a series of posts on Twitter.com. "I wish I hadn't seen the shooter's video... In high school a very disturbed boy told me if I didn't choose to love him he would make me, followed by a series of graphic threats... My school handled it quickly and never questioned how I'd 'provoked' him and it told me that I matter. I wish that for every woman."
She later adds, "Publicity isn't the problem. The abject terror this (shooting) instilled in women is... Just gotta say, on the almost-summer's day, I love you my brave web friends #YesAllWomen."
A university student and some classmates are recruited to carry out a private experiment -- to create a poltergeist. Their subject: an alluring, but dangerously disturbed young woman. Their quest: to explore the dark energy that her damaged psyche might manifest. As the experiment unravels along with their sanity, the rogue PHD students, led by their determined professor, are soon confronted with a terrifying reality: they have triggered an unspeakable force with a power beyond all explanation.
The Quiet Ones is in theaters on April 25, 2014 - be sure to see it!
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starting April 14, 2014.
RT and follow for a chance to win an incredible prize pack in our #TheQuietOnesGiveaway - http://t.co/YltysCw3Mi
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One (1) winner will receive one (1) branded t-shirt, one (1) book of branded matches, one (1) poster, three (3) Hammer horror films (Horror of Dracula, Let Me In, The Woman in Black), and one (1) $25 Amazon gift card.
Estimated value: $95
Johnny Depp was freaked out during a recent trip to China to promote his new movie Transcendence when young boys with the film's title shaved into their scalps were presented to him. The movie star admits he really enjoyed his Chinese trip, during which he became one of the first westerners to visit an abandoned bomb factory that has become a thriving artist colony, but there was one weird moment he can't get out of his mind.
He tells WENN, "On the whole, I found a real warmth in the people there. They were very sweet and welcoming. It was quite a turn-out that we had and a lot of strange things went down that I'd rather not talk about ever again in my life.
"There were these four little quadruplet Chinese boys dressed in kind of priest outfits, and Transcendence comes out to (is written with) four Chinese characters (sic). Well, they'd shaved those characters onto those little boys' heads to bring them out on stage with me.
"I'm pretty shy, so I tend to run when that kind of thing happens. Little boys with their heads shaved into the name of the film; that scares me a little."