Despite being designed to award artists for the greatest achievements in music, the Grammy Awards have become more about the performances than the actual prizes in recent years, and 2014 was no exception. Although they only gave out 10 trophies on air, the show ran an hour and a half over, filled with performers from every genre of music, featuring legends and newcomers alike. From Beyonce to Macklemore to Pink, everyone tried to have the biggest, the best, or the most spectacular performance of the night, and so we thought it only fair to reward their efforts with some awards of our own.
Best Indicator of What the 2015 Grammys Will Look Like - Beyonce and Jay ZDon't pretend that you haven't already learned this routine. Her surprise, self-titled album came out too late to be eligible for this year's awards, but Beyonce still had the honors of kicking the night off, and she did so with a performance of "Drunk In Love" with a performance the blended Flashdance with the "Cell Block Tango," and served as an excellent preview of what to expect from next year's show, when she will likely be nominated in every category she's eligible for (and probably a few she's not). If this is what the future holds for the Grammys, we're completely on board.
Most Likely to Be Your Dad's Favorite Performance - Paul McCartney and Ringo StarrLast night's awards spent a lot of time celebrating the legacy of The Beatles and their influence on music, including two separate performances by the group's two living alumni, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr. First Starr busted out his best "dad at a wedding" dance moves for a rendition of his latest single, "Photograph," and then, after a long-winded intro from Julia Roberts, he joined McCartney and his technicolor piano for "Queenie Eye." We're all for honoring musical legends, but it seemed pretty clear that these two performances were aimed squarely at the middle-aged father demographic. On the bright side, though, we're glad to have found out that we have a lot of the same dance moves as Yoko Ono.
The "Pay Attention, Gentlemen" Award - John LegendJohn Legend busted out all of his smoothest moves to perform his latest single "All of Me," including several meaning ful camera pans to where his wife, Chrissy Teigen was sitting in the audience. Teigen was conveniently the only person sat under a spotlight, which allowed him to ensure that the entire world knew exactly who inspired his heartfelt ballad. That sound you heard in the middle of the song last night? That was women all around the world, smacking their boyfriends and husbands in the arm, and demanding to know why they can't be as romantic as Legend.
Most Likely to Make You Dance Around Your Bedroom - Daft Punk, Nile Rogers, Pharrell Williams, and Stevie WonderIt's a testament to "Get Lucky" that even when Pharrell swapped out his absurd, giant Mountie hat for one that was somehow bigger and weirder, everyone was too busy getting down to notice. And we do mean everyone: from Beyonce and Jay Z to Steven Tyler to Yoko Ono to Bruno Mars, everyone stopped what they were doing the second that bass line kicked in and danced, and for five minutes, the Grammys stopped being a long slog of commercials and piano ballads and felt like a proper celebration.
Best Tribute to a Previous Performance - PinkIn 2010, Pink gave one of the most memorable Grammy performances of all time, when she sang "Glitter in the Air" while in midair, performing tricks on aerial silks. This year, she decided to pay tribute to to that performance by busting out the aerial tricks on more time to sing "Try." Unfortunately, all of the incredible flips and spins only served as a reminder of how much the previous instance blew everyone away, and left most people feeling as if they were experiencing deja vu. However, she did help guilt everyone watching into renewing their gym membership, so she still comes out on top.
Bonus: Best Supporting Moustache - Nate Ruess. We don't know what possessed the lead singer of fun. to grow that facial hair, but it only served to distract everyone from the powerhouse vocal competition that was happening between him and Pink when they duetted on "Just Give Me a Reason."
Performance of the Night That Nobody Saw Coming - Kendrick Lamar and Imagine DragonsWhen it was first announced that Kendrick Lamar would be performing with Imagine Dragons, everyone was skeptical of what would result. Sure, the Grammys are all about surprising collaborations, but it seemed impossible for these two artists to mesh well. Turns out that we were all wrong: once they hit the stage, the audience both at home and in the arena woke up, and their mash up of "Radioactive" and "MAAD City" was the most exciting, addicting, memorable performance of the night. For five minutes, it seemed like the Grammys finally lived up to their promise and delivered something worthy of "the biggest night in music."
Most Unfortunate Performance Slot - Kacey MusgravesBeing the next big country star wasn't enough to save Kacey Musgraves from the thankless task of attempting to follow Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons. Before anyone had the chance to recover from having the roof blown off the Staple Center, everything immediately shifted to Musgraves, who performed her hit single "Follow Your Arrow." If she had performed at any other point in the evening, everyone would have been able to appreciate the song's clever lyrics and sweet message, but the abrupt tonal shift didn't accommodate her charm and left everyone feeling slightly underwhelmed. At least she has two shiny Grammy awards to take comfort in.
Best Guest Appearance - Queen LatifahWhen it came time for them to perform their hit song, "Same Love," Macklemore and Ryan Lewis decided to make some history by marrying 32 couples, both straight and gay, on air at the Grammys. Unfortunately for them, their touching performance was overshadowed by the presence of Queen Latifah as the officiant. She didn't do much other than invite the couples to exchange rings, and then pronounce them to be married, but somehow, in that short period of time, she managed to steal the show with nothing but sheer enthusiasm and a great dress. Not even Madonna could drag anyone's attention from the Queen, and couples all around the world put in requests to have her officiate their weddings as well.
Runner Up: Ryan Lewis, the silent, mysterious counterpoint to Macklemore, who popped up at random points throughout the performance to help guide people to their mark. Part producer, part choreographer, all enigma.
Most Cathartic Head-Banging - Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift won the Battle of the Melancholy Piano Ballads with a performance of "All Too Well," arguably the best song on her album Red, and the exact moment of victory came when she started whipping her hair back and forth as the song build up the the bridge. Swift gets a lot of flack for her dancing, but her head banging may be her best move of all - at once cathartic, ridiculous and a little bit melodramatic, it embodies everything that a good break up song should.
Most Likely to Remind You to Catch Up on Sleepy Hollow - Katy Perry and Juicy J Well, now we know what's on Katy Perry's DVR. The pop star took her new song "Dark Horse" in a distinctly witchier direction last night, with a performance that included skeletal trees, wishing wells, and a pole dancing routine performed on oversized broomsticks, all of which served to answer that eternal question: how do 18th century witches feel about hip hop beats? It might have seemed like an odd aesthetic choice at first, but it was one of the most visually stunning performances of the night. However, we do feel like she missed a trick by not having Juicy J dress up as Ichabod Crane. If anyone can pull off those giant gold buttons, it's him.
Biggest Middle Finger From CBS - Nine Inch Nails, Queens of the Stone Age, Lindsey Buckingham, and Dave Grohl One of the most hyped performances of this year's Grammys featured Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails and Queens of the Stone Age teaming up with Fleetwood Mac's Lindsey Buckingham and Dave Grohl to close out the night and bring the house down. Unfortunately for fans who sat through the entire evening in anticipation, the performance was interrupted by random ads and the credits started rolling halfway through Queens of the Stone Age's song. That the Grammys decided to cut everyone off halfway through was surprising, considering the amount of press the collaboration had gotten in the run up to the awards, but interrupting one of the few exciting, energetic performances really added insult to injury. We're not the only ones upset, either - Reznor tweeted about being upset later in the night.
3rd Rock From the Sun is by far one of the best sitcoms in television history. It’s the perfect blend of the outlandish sitcom premises of the 1980s and the ensemble driven comedies of the 1990s. In the '80s, sitcoms had wildly illogical premises – a Buckingham Palace butler moves in with a Pittsburgh family (Mr. Belvedere), an alien moves in with a family (Alf), or a scientist makes a robotic daughter (Small Wonder). The '90s were chock full of ensemble comedies like Seinfeld until Friends brought about the dark ages of sitcoms. 3rd Rock merged the two and lasted a shocking six seasons and resulted in multiple Emmys and Golden Globes for the cast and crew.
Dick Solomon (John Lithgow) is the High Commander of an alien expedition to Earth. The creatures have been given human bodies and it brings a lot of humorous hi-jinks. Sally Solomon (Kristen Johnston) is the Security Officer and the one chosen to be “the woman” and is conveniently stunningly attractive. The Information Officer and oldest of the group gets placed in the body of a teenager in the form of Tommy Solomon (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Harry Solomon (French Stewart) was not intended to take the trip but joins the crew and acts as the communicator to their home planet. Solomon teaches at the local college and has a very tense relationship with Dr. Mary Albright (Jane Curtin) and secretary Nina Campbell (Simbi Khali).
The series is genius. It finds the humor and irony in the mundane things we take for granted. The Solomon family has a unique perspective on the simplest of human customs and experiences. The cast is also full of amazing actors. Not only are Lithgow and Curtain comedy veterans, but since the series Levitt has proven himself to be an A-list actor. Stewart and Johnston are also still on television in the series Mom and The Exes, respectively.
The series has some pretty great recurring guest stars including William Shatner as their alien leader, Jan Hooks as Harry’s love interest, and John Cleese as a rival alien for Dick. The series also features appearances by Roseanne Barr, Phil Hartman, Christine Baranski, and Jane Lynch.
3rd Rock is worth a thorough binge watching for jokes that stand the test of time, an ensemble of amazing actors, and episodes that, for lack of a better term, are light years ahead of some series that are currently on television. All six seasons of the series are available to Hulu Plus subscribers.
Top Story: Jackson's Parents Offer To Adopt Children
In an interview airing today at 10 p.m. EST on ABC's 20/20, Michael Jackson's parents said he is innocent and have offered to adopt his children if they're taken away from him. "Some people are trying to accuse him of being a pedophile, and that is not true," Katherine Jackson. "Hhe said, 'Mother, don't worry, it's not the truth.' But I told him you don't know these wicked people, the people are just mean and wicked." Jackson, who was arrested Nov. 20 on suspicion of molesting a boy at his Neverland Ranch outside Santa Barbara, Calif., has denied the allegations. He was released on $3 million bail the same day and has not yet been charged. When asked whether they would try to adopt the two boys and a girl if that happens, Jackson's father Joe answered, "Well ... they're my grandkids. I have to."
George Clinton Files Innocent Plea
Funk musician George Clinton, who was arrested in Tallahassee, Fla., over the weekend and charged with possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia, filed an innocent plea to drug charges Thursday, The Associated Press reports. No trial date has been set. Police said Clinton was sitting in the passenger side of a car at a gas station when they approached him and told them he had cocaine in his pocket. He was arrested, charged and later released on $2,650 bail. Clinton headed the funk bands Parliament and Funkadelic in the 1970s and 1980s and his 1983 solo album, Atomic Dog, rose to the top of the R&B charts.
It's "Sir" Mick Jagger Now
Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger received Britain's ultimate accolade Friday when he was knighted by heir to the throne Prince Charles in a ceremony at Buckingham Palace, Reuters reports. Jagger, 60, rejected suggestions that he had sold out to the same establishment that he had scoffed at for so long: "I don't really think the establishment as we knew it exists any more," he said, tossing his head slightly. Jagger, who attended the ceremony with his 92-year-old father Joe and two of his daughters, showed his rebellious streak by shunning the traditional top hat and tails and opting instead for a long black leather coat, purple scarf and sports shoes.
Deschanel and Gyllenhaal Host Sundance Awards
Zooey Deschanel and Jake Gyllenhaal, who played discontented discount store employees in last year's The Good Girl, will team up again to co-host the Sundance Film Festival Awards on Jan. 24. Playing at the 2004 Sundance Film Festival, which is scheduled for Jan. 15-25, are The Woodsman, starring husband-and-wife team Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick, and We Don't Live Here Anymore with Mark Ruffalo, Laura Dern, Peter Krause and Naomi Watts. Another film selection is The Clearing, starring Helen Mirren, Willem Dafoe and Robert Redford, the festival's founder.
Will & Grace Creators Sue NBC Companies
David Kohan and Jason "Max" Mutchnick, creators of the hit NBC comedy Will & Grace, sued the network and its in-house production company, NBC Studios, Thursday, claiming the companies conspired to keep them from their fair share of the show's earnings. According to Reuters, the suit, filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, alleges breach of contract and breach of fiduciary duty by the NBC companies. Kohan and Mutchnick say the licensing terms for the show were "insufficient even to cover a reasonable percentage of the series' production costs" and accuse companies of deliberately undervaluing the sitcom in the deal by which the production company licensed the show to its sister network.
Pharrell To Launch Clothing Line
Pharrell Williams of the Neptunes announced Thursday the launch of two new apparel ventures in partnership with Reebok: Ice Cream, a collection of men's and women's footwear, and Billionaire Boys Club, a men's clothing collection. According to MTV.com, the lines will launch next summer and feature a select run of five or six items available only in high-end boutiques and better department stores. Pharrell's Billionaire Boys Club T-shirts made brief appearances his Frontin' video and onstage during recent shows by his band N.E.R.D. The line will offer T-shirts, athletic clothing, jeans and button-down shirts.
Luciano Pavarotti To Wed Longtime Girlfriend
Opera star Luciano Pavarotti will marry longtime partner Nicoletta Mantovani in his hometown Saturday, the AP reports. Guests will include U2 frontman Bono, Sting, fashion designer Donatella Versace and soccer star Alessandro Del Piero. Giorgio Armani is providing the wedding gowns for Mantovani and the couple's year-old daughter Alice. Pavarotti, 68, has three children from his marriage to former manager Adua Veroni.
Sting Honored by MusicCares
Tony Bennett, the Black Eyed Peas, Elvis Costello, Dido, Elton John, Diana Krall, k.d. lang, Dave Matthews, John Mayer and Rufus Wainwright will perform at the 2004 MusiCares Person of the Year gala in honor of Sting, the AP reports. Sting, 52, is set to receive the honor at a special tribute dinner, concert and silent auction Feb. 6 in Los Angeles. The gala is part of a weeklong festival leading up to the Grammy Awards, which will be presented Feb. 8. He was selected for his accomplishments as a musician, humanitarian and environmental activist by MusiCares, which provides assistance to music people in times of need.
Role Call: Haven Draws Bruckner and Cannavale
Blue Car's Agnes Bruckner and