MTV is airing a marathon of the The Real World this weekend. Not the crap that's kept you entertained while the Kardashians were on hiatus over this last decade, the REAL Real World. Like, New York, San Francisco, and original Las Vegas, Real World. (In the Real World canon, the last is known as "the downfall" season.) And since there is obviously nothing more important than re-living hijinks of Real Worlds past, we've decided to explore the depths of the Interwebs for a particular RW staple: The Meltdown.
Now, what truly makes a meltdown a Meltdown (with a capital M)? Is it some je ne sais quoi, or are there benchmarks that separate a true MD from lesser fare like "fist fight," "panic attack," and "drunken sob-fest?" According to our expert team of researchers, a true Meltdown should contain at least two of the following properties:
1. The threat to leave one's home for greener pastures.
2. Liberal useage of the word "b**tch."
3. An ugly cry.
4. Panicking over something trivial (like mail).
5. An arrest.
Using these benchmarks, we've isolated the following as the best and brightest meltdowns in Real World's sordid history. You stupid b**ch.
RELATED: TV Throwback Thursday: The Best Real World Castmates
1. Miami Dan set the stage for great things to come when he completely lost whatever s**t he had over, LITERALLY, an accidentally opened envelope.
2. Brooke LaBarbera of Denver fame made it clear that you should never f**king speak to her that way again when castmate Jenn called her a whole.
3. Rachel Moyal from Austin "went there" when she A, got drunk, B, threatened to go home, and C (appallingly) told her housemate that she hoped he would get shot up in the street one day. This, from an Iraq vet!
Get More: The Real World Awards Bash, Full Episodes
4. Jemmye Carroll of NOLA Part Deux got drunk, got naked, and later wandered outside the house and got lost.
Get More: The Real World (Season 24), Full Episodes
5. Warning: This isn't funny. Stephen Williams and Irene McGee from Seattle both flipped out and hurled nasty insults at each other before she ultimately went home, but when Williams threw her childhood teddy bear off the pier then literally slapped her, he made Real World history in the worst way possible.
6. Paula Meronek from the Key West season opened the door for discussions on MTV's responsibility re: the mental health of its "stars." She was NUTS.
Get More: The Real World Awards Bash, Full Episodes
7. "Puck" and Pedro Zamora's fights were so intense, it caused the former to become the second Real World-er to be evicted. There would be many more.
8. Decades later, Dave Edwards exposing Tami Roman is still not funny.
9. A decision-making meltdown caused San Diego's Brad Fiorenza and Robin Hibbard to get arrested on THE SAME NIGHT. In two separate locations. Wondeful.
10. Hawaii's Ruthie Alcaide became The Real World's AA poster child — for good reason. Thankfully, she is now sober.
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[Photo Credit: MTV]
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Ryan Seacrest, you win. You are the hardest working man in show business and even Seth MacFarlane can't keep up. Maybe MacFarlane is being weighed down by all those character voices, but he's all booked up and his reboot of the classic cartoon The Flintstones is taking a seat on the back burner.
It's just a shame MacFarlane's passion project is the one paying the price. He's famously admitted that the first cartoon character he ever drew was Fred Flintstone, so when he nabbed the rights to re-do the series his way for release in 2013, it had to have been a happy day even Stewie could smile about. Unfortunately, when you've got four shows (American Dad, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show, and a docu-series about the Cosmos), a music career, and a movie about a salty sailor of a living teddy bear (Ted) in the works, it's just hard to find the time for a reboot of a classically beloved cartoon sitcom from the '60s. It's not exactly an activity you can slot in between breakfast and the first of your five jobs.
Oh well. We'll just have to wait to know what Peter Griffin would look like riding a purple dinosaur with baby Stewie flying over his shoulder in a little green helmet. At least we can postpone having to hear him try to make "Hello Dum Dums" work... for once.
Can you live without a Flintstones reboot or are MacFarlane cartoons your life-blood?
More: Seth MacFarlane Takes the Reigns of The Flintstones Seth MacFarlane Heads Up Cosmos Series Sequel Ted Trailer: Mark Wahlberg vs. a Foul-Mouthed Teddy Bear [Deadline]
Mark Wahlberg will be starring in The Partner, an adaptation of John Grisham's 1997 — and it's about time he got in on the game. In fact, it's almost shocking that Wahlberg hasn't starred in a Grisham flick already. It's a rite of passage for Hollywood's handsome, action-prone leading men of mainstream cinema culture to sooner or later take the starring role in a Grisham adaptation. Consider the author's past heroes: Tom Cruise in The Firm, Denzel Washington in The Pelican Brief, Matt Damon in The Rainmaker, Tim Allen in Christmas with the Cranks. Welcome to the gang, Wahlberg.
Tardiness aside, Wahlberg does seem an appropriate fit for The Partner hero Patrick Lanigan, a lawyer (it's about lawyers this time!) who gets involved in his firm's scheme to defraud the American government out of millions of dollars. Wahlberg has played both sides of the law before, taking cop in The Departed, Max Payne and The Other Guys, criminal in The Big Hit, The Italian Job, Date Night, and the classic "something in between" in Shooter, The Corruptor and Four Brothers.
The film will be directed by John Lee Hancock (The Blind Side), who is also currently attached to the Tom Hanks project Saving Mr. Banks.
Blind Side Helmer to Direct John Grisham-Novel Adaptation
Ted Trailer: Mark Wahlberg vs. a Foul-Mouthed Teddy Bear
Mark Wahlberg Ripped & Ready For Action — Hot Pic
Sad news, fans of 90210's Teddy: Trevor Donovan will not be returning next season. The formerly-closeted character played a big role this season, highlighting the difficulty of coming out in high school on the CW drama, but all is not lost. Teddy won't be gone completely. Donovan is done as a series regular, but from time to time, he'll make guest appearances on the teen soap -- approximately five times, to be specific.
It's tough to hear, I know, but it makes sense for the show, really. They just went through graduation, and like any high school commencement, some of your favorite folks go on to other futures in other locations. You miss them, look forward to their visits, but ultimately learn to live without them on a daily basis. You've all done this and survived, so just think of in those terms.
Of course, now the question is, with the Beverly Hills kids moving onto college, what sort of new characters might we have in store for our viewing pleasure?
Seth McFarlane's big screen venture, Ted, is picking up steam, adding 90210 star Jessica Stroup as a supporting character in the film that follows Mark Wahlberg's character as he deals with his come-to-life childhood teddy bear, who's since become a giant pain in the ass in his adult life. Also on the table is Mila Kunis, as Wahlberg's girlfriend whose boss (Joel McHale) has got the hots for her. With Stroup added into the mix, we'll find Kunis' co-worker who's done a little more than play checkers with McHale's bossman and apparently, he likes it good and weird.
Stroup has done some voicework for McFarlane's Family Guy, but most of us know her best as Erin on 90210. It will definitely be weird for a way her to work her way to more mature roles -- a swift switch from unsure high school student to office harlot -- but hey, more power to her.
Well, this just seems right. Patrick Warburton is the voice of Officer Joe Swanson on Family Guy and since Seth MacFarlane likes working with the same people, he’s hired him to join the cast of Ted. The film, if you may recall, finds Mark Wahlberg as a grown man with a teddy bear he wished to life as a kid. The bear, voiced by MacFarlane, is profane, loud and getting in the way of his relationship with girlfriend Mila Kunis. Remember when I said MacFarlane likes working with the same people? I wasn’t kidding. Apparently he had Warburton in mind from the beginning because Deadline reports that they have read the script (the first thing they have read in several years, if I had to guess) and the character was described as a “burly, Patrick Warburton type.” Bet that was the easiest audition ever.
Anyway, Warbuton will play a sexually confused co-worker of Wahlberg’s at a car rental agency. Sounds good enough for me. Should be awesome.
The always lovable Joel McHale is about to get a little mean. He's signed on for Seth MacFarlane's upcoming flick, Ted, as a big bad boss. The movie already has Mila Kunis and Mark Wahlberg attached to star as a couple who can't move forward until Wahlberg's character sorts out his ridiculous relationship with his childhood teddy bear. And oh yeah, the teddy bear has come to life and become a womanizing sleazebag. Alright, I'm listening.
McHale, who takes time every week to tear apart the dregs of pop culture on The Soup and stars in the fantastic and hilarious NBC comedy Community, will play Rex, Kunis' boss who's trying desperately to get into her pants while she deals with her boyfriend problems. McHale has made his mark as the lovable asshole on Community, but it will be fun to see him go full-jerk in the MacFarlane pic. Plus, it's just exciting to see someone who works just as hard as Ryan Seacrest (see: their playful feud on E!) get the work and recognition that they deserve. This isn't exactly a leading man role, but I think it's a step in the right direction.
Awesome! Giovanni Ribisi is set to star alongside Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis (not to mention the voice of Seth MacFarlane) in Ted. As we’ve previously reported, Ted follows Wahlberg as the owner of a binge drinking, harassing, deviant stuffed bear that he wished alive as a child. McFarlane voices the bear (of course) and Ribisi will play a man obsessed by Ted. Kunis will play someone attractive to make up for all the shit MacFarlane has put her through as Meg on Family Guy.
Beyond a simple casting announcement, this is a reminder that Ted is still happening and you should be excited for it!
In the category of things we’re pretty excited about but not that surprised by: Mila Kunis is in negotiations to play leading lady in Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane’s upcoming fuzzy comedy, Ted.
In case you haven’t yet noticed how much the Fox cartoon’s pudgy troubled teen, Meg, sounds remarkably like Jackie Burkhart from That 70’s Show you may live under a rock and you should know that Kunis has been the voice of Meg since season two when the show dumped actress Lacey Chabert. Thus, when MacFarlane was searching for a girlfriend for Ted’s star, Mark Wahlberg, it could have been assumed that Kunis was on the short list. (Although I’m sure her boost in fame thanks to Black Swan doesn’t hurt.)
In addition to Kunis, funny man Adam Scott of Parks and Recreation and the dearly departed Party Down, is in talks to join the cast.
The film follows Wahlberg’s character, who at a young age wished his teddy bear (Seth MacFarlane) would come to life. Fast forward to adulthood, where the bear is still very much alive and has become swarthier than a salty old sailor. Ted keeps Wahlberg from growing up and Kunis seeks solace with her douchey boss, played by Scott.
Scott’s got the comedic chops to play a fantastically sarcastic ass, and MacFarlane’s not exactly new to comedy so I’m sure he’ll use the actor to his advantage. As for Kunis, she’s got huge potential for comedy but her part seems to be a bit of a ragdoll being tossed between the two male characters, so we’ll have to wait to see what MacFarlane does to make her a bit more interesting.
Source: The Hollywood Reporter
Bravo's new reality series, The Real Housewives of D.C., hasn't even premiered yet (it does tonight at 9 PM EST) and chaos between the women has already been going on longer than a certain someone's prison sentence.
Yesterday, four women from the show (that I don't even know the names of yet!) went on The View and talked to Joy and Sherri about the tremendous problems they've been having with one another. Michaele Salahi (yes! That's right! Of the Salahis who crashed the White House State Dinner last November) was complaining how some of the other women called her anorexic or alcoholic or something so unbecoming, she felt it was necessary to bring it up again. Over the course of the discussion, Whoopi Goldberg walked onto the set and gently asked Michaele if she could "go back to the White House, please?" Obviously, Whoopster was trying to get the segment back on topic harder than Michael Bloomberg fought to get elected again (and he spent more than a billion dollars on his campaign!).
Today, Michaele claims Whoopi's "gentle touch" was really a form of abuse. The Daily Beast described the incident further in yesterday's article. Reporter Nicole LaPorte writes, "according to Lisa Bloom, the Salahi's lawyer, Goldberg grabbed Salahi's arm and said, 'Move on, move on! Get to the White House!' …Then, after the show finished taping, Goldberg, according to the Salahis' lawyer, Lisa Bloom, burst into a room Michaele was sitting in with Tareq and screamed: 'I didn't fucking hit you! Did you say I fucking hit you?'"
Throughout the segment, Sherri and Joy kept referring to her and her husband, Tareq, as "party crashers," and Sherri even said they should be in jail for attending a function to which they were not formally invited. Of this part of the taping, Michaela's lawyer said, "I think they treated her horribly. I think they defamed her. I was really shocked by the way she was treated. It's one thing to ask tough questions, it's another to use defamatory language when you've been warned not to." Can you see the sad, weeping clowns trying tirelessly to fit into their clown car yet? Watch the incident in question below.
But I know what you're thinking: that was yesterday -- shouldn't this have been replaced with a story on the toxicity of gum? Technically it should be, but the conversations continued this morning when Whoopi addressed the entire instance on The View...
...and when Michaela Salahi and the other women went on Today...today!
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Stop wishing for this to end. The show hasn't even premiered yet. Once it premieres, we'll about all the teddy bears we'd rather decapitate than listen to them talk about their "charities." It'll just be a little bit longer.
Sources: Daily Beast, Jezebel, Gawker, Examiner