After The X Factor gained a little more limelight from its newest judge, Miss Britney Spears, it makes sense that the Fox synergy would keep spinning. Spears will also lend her legendary tunes to a second Britney tribute on Fox's musical romp, Glee.
For the moment, Spears isn't signed to sing any of those tunes herself (in a anesthesia dream or in the halls of a McKinley) after her performance on the first Britney episode, but considering her boss' boss happens to run the network both X Factor and Glee air on, it shouldn't be too hard to get BritBrit to come back. But Spears or no Spears, there will be lots and lots of Britney. Now the only question is: Which songs will our happy group perform? Keep in mind that Rachel, Kurt, and Finn will be in New York while the high school kids are jazz-handing their way around Lima.
In an effort to avoid the major problem with the Whitney Houston tribute episode (where are all my favorite Whitney ballads, Ryan Murphy?), we've done the work for Glee. And the writers the show knows what's good for them, they will absolutely include these Britney classics. This is what second chances are for, people.
Pivotal line: "She's so lucky, she's a star / But she cry-cry-cries in her lonely heart, thinking/ If there's nothing missing in my life / Why do these tears come at night?"
Character born to sing this: Rachel. When they get to New York, she's bound to screw things up with Finn somehow. And because (fake) life isn't fair, she will achieve a meteoric rise to fame on Broadway.
Staging: Rachel, in a robe with feather trim and tiny high-heeled slippers using her ugly cry face and waltzing with her team of make-up artists in her dressing room. The gold star on dressing room door is a given.
"Oops... I Did It Again"*
Pivotal line: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
Character born to sing this: Santana. Although, if she's probably not coming back next season and if she's singing this, that means she broke Brittany's heart. Then again, Glee writers have fantastical imaginations so it could happen in some sort of sideways/flashback/bizarro world scenario.
Staging: Red leather body suit. Smoke machine. Also, Santana might punch that ditzy astronaut boy in the face after she breaks his heart.
*How, how, how was this not a part of the last BritBrit tribute?
Pivotal line: "Let's turn this dance floor into our little nasty world."
Character born to sing this: Brittany. She's bisexual and she's dating a lady, so we might need a lyric change, but the main point is that this girl needs to dance to this song. But as is the case with Santana, we're not sure she's coming back.
Staging: Brittany in a black body suit dancing with the phantom cheerios who show up every time she feels like dancing in a formation around the McKinley pool where Schue proposed to Emma.
Pivotal line: "Sometimes I run / Sometimes I hide / Sometimes I'm scared of you"
Character born to sing this: Rory. Let's face it, with most of the interesting people graduating, kids like Rory and his lady Sugar Motta (because they dated once and never had a massive onscreen breakup, they must still be together) are about all we have left. Sugar is also terrifying. Run and hide, Rory. Run and hide.
Staging: Rory dons a sequined McKinley gym outfit and sings from the inside of a giant replica of his locker.
"You Drive Me Crazy"
Pivotal line: "You drive me crazy / I just can't sleep / I'm so excited / I'm in too deep."
Character born to sing this: The audience. Glee, we fell deeply in love with you and you burned us. You done burned us bad. And yet, devoted fans like myself keep coming back to cherish the memory of what you once were and simultaneously pull our hair out in frustration, all in the hopes of just one time not wanting to sing-scream in your general direction. That is the definition of insanity and last time I checked, insanity is a synonym of crazy.
Staging: Me in my favorite Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, with a hairbrush microphone and a glass of Pinot Noir. My dog, Albus, will be rolling his eyes and sighing in exasperation in the corner.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler.
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As with seemingly every other tentpole release to hit the multiplex this summer the action thriller Cowboys & Aliens is based on a comic book – albeit a lesser-known one. It’s directed by Jon Favreau whose previous comic-book adaptations Iron Man and Iron Man 2 proved how much better those films can be when they’re grounded in character. Unfortunately his latest effort is grounded not in character but a hook an alt-history scenario best expressed in the language of the average twelve-year-old: “Like wouldn’t it be awesome if like a bunch of 1870s cowboys had to fight a bunch of crazy aliens with exoskeletons and spaceships and super-advanced weapons?”
Like perhaps. The hook was compelling enough to get someone to pony up a reported $160 million to find out and the result is a film in which the western and science-fiction genres don’t so much blend as violently collide. After the wreckage is cleared both emerge worse for wear.
Daniel Craig stars as Jake Lonergan a stranger who awakens in the New Mexico Territory with a case of amnesia a wound in his side and a strange contraption strapped to his wrist. After dispatching a trio of bandits with Bourne-like efficiency he rides to the nearby town of Absolution where he stumbles on what appears to be an elaborate Western Iconography exhibit presented by the local historical preservation society. There’s the well-meaning town Sheriff Taggart (Keith Carradine) struggling to enforce order amidst lawlessness; the greedy rancher Colonel Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford) who really runs things; his debaucherous cowardly son Percy (Paul Dano); the timid saloonkeeper Doc (Sam Rockwell) who’s going to stand up for himself one of these days; the humble preacher Meacham (Clancy Brown) dispensing homespun spiritual advice; et al.
Jake of course has his own part to play – the fugitive train-robber – as we discover when his face shows up on a wanted poster and a sneering Dolarhyde fingers him for the theft of his gold. The only character who doesn’t quite conform to type is Ella (Olivia Wilde) who as neither a prostitute nor some man’s wife – the traditional female occupations in westerns – immediately arouses suspicion.
Jake is arrested and ordered to stand trial in Federal court but before he can be shipped off a squadron of alien planes appears in the sky besieging Absolution and making off with several of its terrified citizenry. In the course of the melee Jake’s wrist contraption wherever it came from reveals itself to be quite useful in defense against the alien invaders. Thrown by circumstances into an uneasy alliance with Dolarhyde he helps organize a posse to counter the otherworldly threat – and bring back the abductees if possible.
Cowboys & Aliens has many of the ingredients of a solid summer blockbuster but none in sufficient amounts to rate in a summer season crowded with bigger-budget (and better-crafted) spectacle. For a film with five credited screenwriters Cowboys & Aliens’ script is sorely lacking for verve or imagination. And what happened to the Favreau of Iron Man? The playful cheekiness that made those films so much fun is all but absent in this film which takes itself much more seriously than any film called Cowboys & Aliens has a right to. Dude you’ve got men on horses with six-shooters battling laser-powered alien crab people. Lighten up.
Craig certainly looks the part of the western anti-hero – his only rival in the area of rugged handsomeness is Viggo Mortensen – but his character is reduced to little more than an angry glare. And Wilde the poor girl is burdened with loads of clunky exposition. The two show promising glimpses of a romantic spark but their relationship remains woefully underdeveloped. Faring far better is Ford who gets not only the bulk of the film’s choicest lines but also its only touching subplot in which his character’s adopted Indian son played by Adam Beach quietly coaxes the humanity out of the grizzled old man.
Iron Man 2 Jon Favreau’s much-anticipated follow-up to his breakthrough 2008 blockbuster is less a comic book flick than it is a superhero version of Arthur the Oscar-nominated 1981 comedy that starred Dudley Moore as a drunken wise-cracking dilettante. In his second turn as Tony Stark Robert Downey Jr. recasts the billionaire inventor as the Dean Martin of industrialists strutting from one star-studded event to another on a bacchanalian victory tour dishing out choice one-liners and stirring up minor controversies for his exasperated babysitters Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) and James "Rhodey" Rhodes (Don Cheadle) to quell. Whether gloating about his achievements at a defense industry expo upbraiding Senators during a congressional hearing or getting wasted and donning his armored powersuit to play DJ at his birthday party there's no telling what kind of madcap mischief Tony Stark will get himself into next!
The Tony Stark Comedy Tour for what it’s worth is a supremely entertaining ride (credit screenwriter Justin Theroux at the very least with crafting the genre’s most quotable film of all time) but I’m fairly certain Iron Man 2 is supposed to be an action film not the Marvel Follies Variety Show. Surely there must be a supervillain lurking in the shadows a frighteningly powerful menace preparing to unleash its destructive might upon the world?
There is — well kind of. The primary antagonist of Iron Man 2 Mickey Rourke's hulking Ivan Vanko (aka Whiplash) is certainly a fearsome beast baring his blinged-out grill and electrified tentacles but he gets all of five minutes of meaningful screen time in the sequel — hardly enough to establish him as a worthy foe for the great Iron Man. Perhaps producers found Rourke’s chosen dialect learned from John Malkovich's Rounders School of Exaggerated Russian Accents (“I vant my bort!” he furiously declares when separated from his pet parrot) to be less compelling in post-production.
More likely they became enamored with Sam Rockwell in the role of Justin Hammer Stark’s resentful business rival and Whiplash’s principal financial backer. It’s certainly understandable. Exuding the hubris and insecurity of a sardonic Mark Cuban (but capable of amusing us with more than just an underachieving basketball team) his performance is easily the best of the film surpassing even that of the great Downey. (Which makes perfect fodder for conspiracy theorists who wonder why Rockwell was the only member of the main cast not to get his own poster.)
The only problem is Rockwell’s Hammer is a venture capitalist not a comic book supervillain and every second he spends on the screen — as enjoyable as it is — is a second that could have been devoted to dimensionalizing Rourke’s character or crafting a badly-needed action sequence to enliven the talky second act.
It’s little wonder then that Stark continues with his feckless self-destructive ways unconcerned with the threat posed by the Hammer/Whiplash collaboration. He's got bigger problems to worry about — namely his inability to find a suitable replacement for palladium the substance inside the Arc Reactor that powers both his suit and his heart and which also happens to be slowly killing him.
Thankfully Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) and the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. arrive at his compound to stage a kind of intervention bearing a powerful dual-pronged Deus Ex Machina device that instantly wrests our hero from his para-suicidal stupor — just in time to build the upgraded powersuit he’ll need to thwart the army of powerful robot drones that Whiplash is about to let loose upon on the unsuspecting citizens of Queens New York. Whew! Favreau steps up the action and delivers a suitably big finish but don't blink when Iron Man and Whiplash meet on the battlefield because you might just miss it.
Given that Iron Man 2’s director and writer have both spent the bulk of their movie careers employed as actors it comes as little surprise that they chose to focus the action on Downey and Rockwell as the two rank head and shoulders above the rest of the cast. I just wish they found room in between the one-liners for a few more explosions.
We meet our lovers in the Bahamas. Jared (Paul Walker) is a dive bum looking for his big break. Samantha (Jessica Alba) Jared's devoted girlfriend is happy handling sharks at the Atlantis resort and living with her man in a trailer on an idyllic beach. Wouldn't we all? Except maybe the shark part. When Jared's best bud Bryce (Scott Caan) shows up with a new girlfriend Amanda (Ashley Scott) things get a little dicey. It starts off when the four divers discover a legendary shipwreck rumored to contain millions in gold. Soon visions of wealth and greed are swimming in their heads. But also nearby on the ocean floor is a sunken plane full of cocaine. Uh-oh. The friends make a pact to keep quiet about both discoveries so they can excavate the shipwreck and claim it before a rival treasure hunter Bates (Josh Brolin) can beat them to it. Of course their plan goes awry as plans are wont to do. The nefarious smugglers looking for their underwater stash are lurking about. So Bryce and Amanda come up with a new plan of their own. You know nothing good is going to come of this.
Into the Blue is a perfect vehicle for its four lead hotties especially Walker. He's at best when he doesn't have to say too much and can just stand there looking buff and beautiful. At least Walker has played it pretty smart with his career up to this point. He's so far resisted trying on an accent and doing a period drama content being the pretty boy who makes action movies such as The Fast and the Furious and its sequel. And that's just fine by us. As his sultry paramour Alba--who's having quite a year with Sin City and Fantastic Four under her belt--isn't required to do much either but look stunning in her scantily clad wardrobe. She'll no doubt be the reason most of the male population will flock to see this. But when it comes down to protecting herself from the bad guys she can also wield a pretty mean machete. Her Sam has got a lot of guts evoking images of her character in the ill-fated TV show Dark Angel. Rounding out the cast is Scott (Alba's Dark Angel co-star) as the lanky Amanda a squirrelly girl with her own agenda and Caan as the snarky Bryce. The Ocean's Eleven actor is great at playing the hothead you want to slap for being so clueless but who grows on you nonetheless.
Into the Blue tells us that there is $6 billion worth of buried treasure in the world's oceans just waiting to be discovered with a major portion of it buried near the Bahamian islands. If that isn't enough incentive to just chuck everything go live in the Bahamas and be a treasure hunter then feasting your eyes on the scenery in this movie just might do the trick. After helming Blue Crush in lush Hawaii director John Stockwell--who's definitely a sucker for surf and sand as well as the word "blue" in the title of his films--gets his feet wet again in Into the Blue. Really wet. Shooting a film in which three-quarters of it is underwater was an arduous task especially on the actors who all had learn how to free dive which is snorkeling in deep water for extended periods of time. But much like its obvious inspiration The Deep Into the Blue is really all fluff without much substance. It's just a giant excuse to watch beautiful people frolicking in beautiful backdrops with sharks drug dealers and action sequences thrown in for good measure. And you know that really isn't such a bad thing.
Helen Harris (Kate Hudson) is the quintessential Sex and the City single gal with a fabulous job at a top modeling agency and a swingin' social life. But her carefree lifestyle comes to a screeching halt when her beloved oldest sister Lindsay (Felicity Huffman) and brother-in-law are killed in a car accident and Helen is suddenly named the legal guardian to her sister's three kids--Audrey (Hayden Panettiere) 15; Henry (Spencer Breslin) 10 and Sarah (Abigail Breslin) 5. Sure Helen is great at being the coolest aunt in New York but as a mom? A whole different story. Coupled with this is the fact her other sister Jenny (Joan Cusack) a supermom in her own right is completely flabbergasted Lindsay did not choose her as legal guardian and takes every opportunity to tell Helen she isn't cut out for mommy-hood. Still Helen is determined to at least try to adhere to her late sister's wishes and finds a little help along the way with Dan Parker (John Corbett) the handsome young pastor and principal of the kids' new school. But it's tough for the party girl to ditch her old ways--even for the new loves of her life.
Even if her choices have been suspect of late (Alex & Emma? Bad idea Kate) Hudson does have a certain joie de vivre that radiates on screen and makes even the most cornball script palatable. Even if Raising Helen falls into the predictable Hudson's Helen never does; all her emotions are veritable and heartfelt especially when she's dealing with the kids. The young actors also do an excellent job adding to the film's emotions. Panettiere all grown up from child roles in Joe Somebody and HBO's Normal does a nice job as a teen struggling with the loss of her parents as well as raging hormones while the Breslin siblings Spencer (The Cat in the Hat) and his younger sister Abigail (Signs) handle the tear-jerking scenes with aplomb especially Abigail. It doesn't matter what frame of mind you're in watching a little girl cry over the fact she can't tie her shoes because her mother isn't around to teach her is gonna get you every single time. Cusack inhabits yet another uptight role in a string of uptight roles (School of Rock; In & Out) but she does it so well you can't blame her. Same goes for Corbett. He continues to play the same adorable sexy man he's played countless times before (Sex and the City My Big Fat Greek Wedding) and we don't mind if they just keep letting him.
Labeled a "heartwarming comedy" from director Garry Marshall some may be hard pressed to find any comedy in Raising Helen. Grief-stricken children; rebellious self-destructive teenagers; feuding sisters not to mention death--oh yeah this film is hilarious. At least the heartwarming part is true-- a technique Marshall has mastered having directed all-out hankie producers such as Beaches and romantic comedies such as Pretty Woman and The Princess Diaries. The director certainly isn't afraid to show feelings as he brings out more than a few genuine emotions in Raising Helen especially between Helen and the kids. In one particularly honest moment teen Audrey has gotten herself into a bit of trouble and while Helen wants to be the parent should be the parent she just cannot find a way to reprimand the girl leaving the duties to the tough-as-nails Jenny. It's definitely a scene that hits home. Yet for all the truthfulness Raising Helen still has an overabundant amount of schmaltz--laying it on thick too many times and leaving very little surprises on how things are going to turn out.
Hollywood legend Mickey Rooney was listed in good condition Thursday following open heart surgery the day before to clear two artery blockages, Reuters reports.
An angiogram test Wednesday at Los Robles Regional Medical Center in Thousand Oaks, Calif., confirmed the blockages, and physicians performed a double coronary bypass operation on the 80-year-old actor, a hospital spokeswoman said.
Rooney is the star of films such as "Boys Town," "The Black Stallion," "Babes in Arms," "National Velvet" and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn."
GLOVER OK AFTER ACCIDENT: "Lethal Weapon" actor Danny Glover escaped injury Wednesday night after his car was struck by a pizza delivery vehicle.
According to police spokesman Don Cox, no one was injured in the accident, and no one was arrested or cited.
TAKE THAT! Actor-comedian Chris Rock is countersuing Z.com, an online entertainment studio that is suing him for failing to deliver content it had paid him for.
In the countersuit, Rock cites intentional misrepresentation, breach of a written contract, negligence and breach of the covenant of good faith and fair dealing.
Z.com is seeking interest in addition to repayment of the original $1.075 million it says it paid Rock on April 10.