What did Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' final reunion show teach us? Apparently what they say is true: all you need to do is say "I'm sorry." Yawn.
Most of the arguing centered around Lisa and Brandi. Brandi, your husband is remarried and yes, Scheana works for Lisa. Get over it or get off the show. We felt bad for you in the beginning, but now we’re tired of your tears. And sure, they can't fire Scheana for sleeping with Eddie years ago, but they don’t have to invite her to the same parties as Brandi so she can show off her new engagement ring. We see right through your British accent, Lisa — money doesn’t buy class, try and get some. Either way, she apologized, said that seeing Brandi sad made her sad, and we're sure the two will be friends again next season (as long as Lisa doesn't go dress shopping with Scheana).
Lisa also saw the power of "I'm sorry" with Kyle because after going back and forth about whether bringing up the tabloids was right or wrong for about 15 minutes (and the whole season), the whole situation was seemingly rectified by an apology. Lisa, you can say you were bringing up the cheating rumors to "diminish it" over and over again but every time we watch you tell Ken that you can't be 100% sure of anything so they could be true, we see bad intentions and a bad friend.
The highlight of the show: Giggy. We love you, Giggy and your pilgrim outfit. As for you, Ken... we couldn’t care less. You can apologize, say you like Brandi, claim that didn’t mean what you said after seeing her cry, but you’re just as boring as the rest of the crew. Call the girls stupid, call them pretty, as long as you keep bringing Jiggy, we’ll allow you to continue on the show.
Who will continue on to the next season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Well, we don’t know that yet, but we're betting that all the girls, minus one witch of L.A., will grace the screen with their presence...
This week's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills opens up with Yolanda continuing to stay above it all without being a brat about it. She prepares for her daughter Gigi’s party after missing out on one of Lisa’s events for a family wedding. For a star of a reality show, she really has little interest in drama. Instead, her devotion to her husband and struggle with Lyme disease adds a humanizing element that seems like a part of a different show. Gross.
Kyle and Joy continue to bond, this time over their love of vacations and plan to go to Puerto Rico with their husbands. Hopefully Carlton will be too busy planning an event for her husband’s company to cast any spells on Kyle in the meantime. But in the world of the Real Housewives, being disinvited to Carlton’s party may as well be a curse.
While Joy exercised and said a lot of things that don’t make sense (“That looks like you’re gonna S&M me.”), everyone seems to be ganging up on Lisa. First it’s Lisa’s event competing with Yolanda’s family wedding. At Carlton’s party, Lisa attempts to calm her the hell down about her star tattoo and then has to deal with witch tears. Carlton is overly emotional about being called anti-Semitic because it’s "bad for her husband's business" ... and also a bunch of stuff about apartheid. However, she’s not worried about what day drinking, adulterous behavior, and spell casting will do to the family business.
Kim is still mad at Lisa for missing her daughter’s party but expresses her anger mostly by mocking Lisa’s accent. At Carlton’s event she teams up with Brandi to further trash their British frenemy. Brandi also cannot forgive Lisa for allowing Sur waitress and Vanderpump Rules star Scheana to work an event at Lisa’s house, after knowing she slept with Brandi’s ex-husband. What Brandi doesn’t seem to realize is that Bravo would let LeAnn Rimes wait on her if she'd take the job.
With an enlarged tongue and sense of importance (only one was an allergic reaction), Brandi brings her case against Lisa to Kyle, who has called Lisa calculating and manipulative in the past. They reflect on what Lisa is capable of with a tone that suggests she’d have them taken out. It is clear that the one weapon that can destroy all these women is Lisa’s intelligence. And somehow they are all still intelligent enough to know that. The best part is that the only woman who doesn’t seem to care about everyone turning against her is Lisa herself. She’s too busy running that town.
This week on our beloved Beverly Hills Housewives, Carlton takes her husband and her mother-in-law to Hustler in Hollywood. It’s actually creepier than it sounds. She fits her skinny figure into a bikini made for a 21 year old, and gives her mother-in-law a lap dance. While sitting next to her husband. Sorry Carlton, not even your ridiculously toned body can make that ok.
Kim watches Kingsley’s new videotape and than proceeds to go the Long Beach Grand Prix. That is all.
Brandi, Joyce and their skinny ‘friends’ try on clothes at Kyle’s boutique for Kyle’s ‘fashion show.’ Kyle gets visibly upset when the clothes literally fall off Brandi and Joyce, maybe if one girl was one size above a zero the two could actually get along. But instead of reveling in their thinness together Joyce has to quote herself, ‘You can never be too thin, too rich, or too sexy.’ Immediately, we jump away from team Joyce. Come on Brandi, where are those fangs.
Enter Lisa. She invites everyone to her restaurant to put the past behind them and start fresh. Insert sigh and overly exaggerated eye roll. How many times do we have to watch these girls start fresh over the plates of never-been-touched food and empty glasses of booze.
Joyce arrives 45 minutes late with her black mane down, we can’t help but wonder what her face actually looks like. Brandi doesn’t say much to her, and vice versa. But than they sit for the meal. Joyce brings up Brandi being a bully and Brandi -- per usual -- stands up for herself and shows obvious irritation. What is unusual this time though, is that Brandi’s words are not slurring, and aside from a couple f-bombs, she is finally making sense.
Joyce is an attention whore with a slightly overweight man-child for a husband. Is Brandi really in the wrong for pointing that out? We don’t think so. We do agree, Brandi shouldn’t have told him to go back to wherever he’s from, what if he takes Joyce? Who will we have to ridicule come Monday night? None of the other housewives are misbehaving. Take it easy Brandi, let’s not drive away the driving force of the show!
Kingsley gets adopted by the trainer because Kim realizes how much fun life is without any children.
The clothes fall off Brandi at Kyle’s fashion show but Joyce pops a button, so they become best friends.
Carlton shoots a sex video with her mother-in-law; her husband is the cameraman.
Season 4 has officially made it impossible to not join Team Kyle. She’s been funny, lacking in drama, and all around helpful to everyone. And although this season has been erring on the side of bore us to tears, Kyle has kept her previous nasty little attitude out of the almost non-existent drama.
Brandi, on the other hand, has been pushing us into the arms of women like Kim and Joyce. Eek. Kyle, we can understand, but Kim, Joyce ... come on Brandi, stop making it easier for us to like them and not you. You’re too damn pretty to be acting this way. And we’re too damn tired of looking at Joyce as she throws her hair around and not hating her for it.
Tonight, Yolanda Foster hosted a dinner party at her house. All the girls attended with the exception of Carlton, who cancelled 45 minutes before the actual party time. Yolanda wasn’t as upset about it as her husband was, and boy, was he. Yolanda made nametags for everyone who attended the party and half of the crew had hearts by their names, half did not. Half the crew was mad about that, half the crew was not.
Brandi was sitting at the opposite end of the table as Joyce, but somehow still found the time to make fun of her and her husband. It’s impossible not to flinch as Joyce screeches baby at her husband, and even more so when he says it’s ok, he’ll be Joyce’s baby if that’s what she wants.
Insert finger down throat.
Lisa thinks Brandi has been drinking too much but finds it funny, not worrisome. Apparently that is Joyce and her baby’s job. The baby tells Joyce she should have an intervention with Brandi, where Joyce smartly replies, she’ll leave that up to the dream team, aka the crew with the hearts on their name tags.
Brandi says she is going to stop drinking, but she sees Joyce at a dinner party and chugs two glasses of white wine, which leads to serious intoxication.
Lisa plans an intervention with Brandi, but gets side tracked when her employees, also known as the ego-inflated SUR servers, have a crisis at the restaurant.
Kyle finds Chica, and we fall further in love with her.
The girls don’t miss a beat in this desert sequel. They start right where they left off, crying and yelling at the dinner table. Brandi is still drunk and surprisingly we still feel, just a little, bad for Kyle. Kyle excuses herself from the table to have a good cry and Yolanda hears her tears and gives her support in the form of a hug and a few nice words.
The girls take the tram to the top of a mountain and Brandi gets ‘motion sick.’ She doesn’t like heights or motion sickness, that’s why she has to sit on the floor of the tram as it heads upward. Obviously, it’s got nothing to do with the amount of alcohol she drank the night before.
Yolanda and Lisa leave, but not before asking Brandi if she will be okay with the rest of the crew. Almost immediately Brandi’s attitude changes and she becomes the most agreeable person on the show. She cooks dinner for everyone; during the second dinner there is not a single fight. Even Kyle is being extraordinarily nice, in a way we haven’t seen before. But don’t get too excited, Brandi’s phone rings and just like before, she steals the show.
Her assistant tells of a break-in at Brandi’s. The most distressing part- Brandi’s dog Chica has gone missing. Brandi mentions that this is the second time her dog has gone missing while the assistant was in charge; are we the only ones putting two and two together? Bathroom window broken, nothing taken, but the dog is missing. Joyce states that she lost a dog once where Brandi snaps, saying life isn’t always a competition. Congratulations Joyce, you just annoyed Brandi, and EVERYBODY else yet again. Is it wrong that we want to tell her to shup up and tie up her hair?
Brandi goes up and we’re left with fingers crossed that Chica is found-assistant-less.
Joyce falls asleep and Brandi shaves those long dark brown locks, the rest of the world reJOYces.
Yolanda leaves the show, nobody ever fights.
Chica was hiding under the couch the whole time, Brandi’s assistant is fired.
Brandi opens the show welcoming everyone to her vagina. Thus continues this season’s tradition of Brandi being the only reason to tune in. Her lifelong friends gather at her house to help her with some sexy research for her new book.
Kyle and Carlton go shopping together, also a regular occurrence this season. Perfect setting for Carlton to delve deep into her disapproval of Kyle’s recent behavior. You know, there was that one time that Kyle asked Carlton if she was a witch. Then there was that other time that Kyle cut Carlton off mid-witch story ... and of course, who could forget when Kyle talked smack about Lisa’s nipple when Lisa wasn’t around to defend it. Thank God they got that off their size DD chests. Now they can be friends!
Unfold the backdrop of Palm Springs. Anyone who watches any Housewives show knows that nothing good, but almost everything entertaining, comes from the “trip” episode. The only thing hotter than the heat in Palm Springs was Brandi’s body as she slipped out of her clothes and hopped in the pool. Carlton followed and managed to keep some of that bronzed bordering on orange glow on her skin.The girls start to day drink, but the only one who seems to feel the effects of the alcohol is, you guessed it, Brandi. Soaking up the sun in the water, she calls Joyce black which threw everyone for a loop. Brandi continues to poke fun at Joyce repeatedly calling her Jacqueline, “because it sounds more Latina.”
Kyle tries to have a discussion with Yolanda over dinner. Nothing gets cleared up, or accomplished. Except that the girls continue to talk about high school like it was yesterday. To be continued...
Brandi sobers up and wants to do more than just make out with Carlton.
Kyle and her husband appear half-way through the show in a commercial for floss, because the only way to keep cavities away is to floss, twice a day!
Kim is still just as sober as she was five minutes ago.