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Every year, ABC's Dancing with the Stars ropes in a varied new batch of players to compete for a seat in Congress. (That's what the winner gets, right?) And every year, the amassed collections of actors, athletes, television personalities, and the odd astronaut have become more, let's say, "creative." Producers have shirked minor details like celebrity relevance in putting together eclectic teams for the competition series, taking the cake with their Season 17 lineup. Yes, the reactions to this year's players will range from "Not her again!"s to "Boy, he's really up and coming!"s to, "I had no idea he was still alive." Peruse the new DWTS contestants below, list compiled by Hollywood.com's Relevance Ranking (from least to most):
Corbin BleuAs the fourth billed star of the High School Musical movies, 24-year-old Bleu is the least relevant of the troupe, hardly even a thing back when he was a thing.
Jack OsbourneNot far ahead of Chaz Duckworth, or whatever it was, is the youngest and least significant member of a flavor-of-the-week MTV reality show that aired back in 2002 (and lasted, despite your recollection, all the way to '05).
Bill EngvallNeck and neck with Jackie O is Bill Engvall, best known for his frequent proximity to Larry the Cable Guy.
Christina MilianWhen you cap your music career by reading tweets on that reality show that people watch when Idol is out of season, you know you're a prime candidate for DWTS.
Brant DaughertyAdmittedly, Daugherty's role on the conversation piece Pretty Little Liars could justify a more prominent placement on this list. But he's also in The Starving Games, which kind of robs him of any of those points.
Keyshawn JohnsonRight in the middle of the pack is Keyshawn Johnson, who used to play football. Football is still cool, right?
Elizabeth BerkleyThanks to the onslaught of '90s nostalgia perpetuated by our generation's nagging inability to grow up, we have granted Saved by the Bell star Elizabeth Berkley an everlasting spot at the corner of our conscience. Remember when she took the caffeine pills? Of course you do. Hey, that might work on this show!
Leah ReminiLeah Remini's name has been thrown around a lot lately, mostly in connection to The Talk firings and Sharon Osbourne controversies. Hmm, perhaps we'll find a bit of a rivalry between her and Sharon's son Jack? That could bump him up an Engvall or two.
Amber RileyShe's on Glee, so there that is.
Valerie HarperTo be sincere for a minute, we pay legitimate credit to Valerie Harper, who is not only tackling cancer, but has long served as an inspiration to fellow sufferers, not to mention actors (she rejects the word "actress") and women everywhere. Some pop culture relevance is the kind you earn.
Snooki...and some, alas, is the kind that forms atop your head in the shape of a ravenous koosh ball. As much as it pains us to say this, Jersey Shore star and new mom Snooki is DWTS' big get of the season.
But that's only 11. What about the last new contestant?
Ah, yes, Bill Nye the Science Guy. A man who exists beyond the realms of pop culture relevance. A man who cannot be defined, but who himself doles out definition. A man against whom all other men are measured. Often in Berzelius beakers. Science rules.
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Black Eyes Peas star FERGIE is a new mum after giving birth on Thursday (29Aug13). Little Axl Jack Duhamel entered the world via Caesarean section in a Los Angeles hospital and weighed in at seven pounds, 10 ounces, according to a representative for the singer and her husband, actor Josh Duhamel, who has eagerly been anticipating his first-born son's arrival for weeks.
In a TV interview to promote his new film Scenic Route last week (ends23Aug13), the Transformers star revealed he was getting a little nervous about the birth, explaining, "I thought that I was going to be good. I thought that I was ready for this. And I'm a little terrified. I'm excited and I'm terrified because I am responsible for this little thing forever."
He added, "We're just eagerly anticipating the arrival... I'm really excited to meet this little dude. I can't wait."
Reality TV star Jack Osbourne and wife Lisa Stelly are expecting their second child together. The Osbournes, who are already parents to one-year-old Pearl Clementine, announced the happy news on Twitter.com on Tuesday (06Aug13).
Stelly wrote, "Jack and I are super excited to share with you all that we are expecting our second baby!
"I am in my second trimester, feeling great & trying not to eat everything in sight. We feel so blessed that our family is growing & Pearl will have a little brother or sister to play with. It’s crazy to think that we will soon be a family of four!"
The couple married last year (12).
The Black Keys star Dan Auerbach is embroiled in a messy divorce battle with his estranged wife, who allegedly attempted suicide during their turbulent marriage. Auerbach split from Stephanie Gonis earlier this year (13), and now they have filed legal documents to end their union.
In the paperwork, the musician accuses his former partner of trying to commit suicide by slashing her legs in front of their young daughter, Sadie, while Gonis claims she was pushed to harm herself after years of turmoil in the couple's relationship.
According to documents, obtained by TMZ.com, Gonis has admitted herself to a treatment centre in a bid to overcome her issues.
Auerbach has been handed temporary custody of their little girl, while Gonis has supervised visitation rights.
It is not the only messy court battle Auerbach is caught up in - he was named in rock rival Jack White's custody suit against Karen Elson as The White Stripes star doesn't want his kids attending the same school as Sadie.
The request comes after years of resentment between Auerbach and White, who accuses The Black Keys star of copying the music and moniker idea of his own former duo, The White Stripes.
Big news, Whovians! This Sunday at 7 pm UK time, the BBC will announce who will be playing the twelfth Doctor. The announcement will be made during a live show hosted by Zoë Ball, and she will be joined by Matt Smith and Steven Moffat. And for any Americans that want to watch, that's 2 pm on the East Coast and 11 am on the West Coast.
Bleeding Cool says that Smith and Moffat "will join Ball on the show with the man or woman who will be playing the new Doctor."
This is likely just an effort to be gender normative, but then again, there is the possibility that the new Doctor is woman — hopefully Helen Mirren. I bet my bow tie that Helen Mirren would make a magnificent Doctor.
Steven Moffat has also talked about the possibility of casting an older Doctor. John Hurt played the Doctor in the series seven finale, and lately there has been a lot of support for The Thick of It star Peter Capaldi.
But come on, even Captain Jack himself, John Barrowman, thinks that the new Doctor should be a woman. “The character of River Song was so popular in the last part of the series and it [had] such an impact — why shouldn’t we have a female doctor?” he told ITV's Daybreak. "Give it a whirl. If it doesn't work, she can always regenerate — she can always regenerate back to a man. I’ve been there — I’ve watched them do it."
I would nominate Alex Kingston for Doctor if she wasn't already playing River Song. But even so, I think it's time for the Doctor to try being a woman for a while. The costume ideas alone are endless. And, actually, think of the fun a female Doctor would get into with River Song. They'd be quite the fabulous pair.
But even if the new Doctor is a male (which is, honestly, what's likely going to happen), it will still be an exciting time. It's always fun, and a little scary, when a new Doctor comes on board. So tune in Sunday to see who will be the twelfth Doctor. Allons-y!
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Amanda Seyfried was a nervous wreck ahead of the first screening of her explicit new movie Lovelace on Tuesday night (31Jul13), because her dad was in the audience. The Mamma Mia! star has turned bad girl for her latest role as prolific porn star Linda Lovelace, who shot to fame after the release of 1973 hardcore movie Deep Throat.
Seyfried sat down to watch the film for the first time along with her co-stars in New York on Tuesday, but was dreading the screening because her father Jack would see her naked.
Before the preview, she said, "I don't want my dad to see my naked body ever. I'm going to sit through (the screening) and cover his eyes. It's really only the nudity. I don't have problems with him seeing me in violent situations. In sexual situations, it's a little tough, but it's more just the nudity. I think anybody can relate to that."
Oscar winner and TV veteran Shirley Jones has stunned fans by revealing her first husband, actor Jack Cassidy, once talked her into a threesome to spice up their sex life. The beloved The Partridge Family matriarch has opened up about her sex life and other private affairs in her new biography, Shirley Jones: A Memoir, and she's sure to raise eyebrows with revelations from her first marriage to The Eiger Sanction star, who she claims taught her everything about sex.
Promoting the book on U.S. news show Access Hollywood, the actress says, "I was a virgin when I married Jack... He was very sexual (and) very upfront about it. He even told me he had had affairs with men - that was the first thing he said. He told me about having an affair with Cole Porter.
"He just taught me new situations that I thought might be interesting, why not try it... It's not gonna kill me."
But Jones admits she wasn't always a willing partner and found a threesome with a female dancer to be a little too much: "She was a very nice girl, and Jack came over and said, 'Listen, why don't the three of us... Have you ever done this?' I said, 'You know I haven't'. And he said, 'Why don't you give it a try...?'
"For him I would do almost anything... and so we had a threesome, so to speak, which I was not thrilled about and afterwards... I said, 'No, it's not for me'."
Jones and Cassidy divorced in 1974 after 18 years of marriage. Cassidy died in a house fire two years later and Jones wed comedian Marty Ingels in 1977.
If this is your life and it's ending one minute at a time, then you might as well have something good to read. Luckily, Chuck Palahniuk has got your back. The author, whose iconic Fight Club novel was adapted into the modern classic starring Edward Norton, Brad Pitt, and Helena Bonham Carter, revealed at Comic-Con this weekend that a series of graphic novel sequels will continue the story 17 years after the original book's publication.
After announcing the follow-up to his 1996 novel in San Diego, Palahniuk later confirmed the news in a tweet linking to an announcement on his fansite ChuckPalahniuk.net. The author says he is currently working on a "dark and messy" story with "artists and creators from Marvel, DC and Dark Horse" to create "a series of books that update the story ten years after the seeming end of Tyler Durden." This time, however, the story will be told from Tyler's perspective as he prepares to launch a come-back on the oblivious "Jack." Meanwhile, Marla and Jack's marriage "has run aground on the rocky coastline of middle-aged suburban boredom." When Tyler kidnaps the couple's little boy, "Jack is dragged back into the world of Mayhem."
Although a contractual obligation may prevent Palahiuk from launching the sequels "earlier than 2015," we're crossing our fingers that more mischief, mayhem, and soap will follow in a Fight Club 2 film immediately after.
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Kelly Osbourne kept her engagement secret for more than six months after her long-term boyfriend Matthew Mosshart proposed over the New Year holiday. The pop star-turned-TV personality and Mosshart revealed their news in this week's (begs15Jul13) issue of Britain's Hello! magazine, and in the accompanying interview, they admitted they have been engaged since the start of 2013.
The vegan pastry chef whisked his girlfriend to Anguilla for New Year's Eve (31Dec12), and popped the question in the early hours of New Year's Day (01Jan13).
Mosshart says, "At 2am, when the festivities had wound down a little, I tried to pull her away from everyone. I got down on one knee... we were on a balcony that overlooks the ocean. It was just beautiful."
Osbourne, who had previously told her partner it was her dream to be proposed to in Anguilla on New Year's Eve, adds, "I started to cry."
The couple has already started planning the ceremony for next year (14), with Osbourne admitting she wants to marry at her childhood home in England and recycle the material from her mother Sharon's wedding dress for her own gown.
She adds, "I want to marry in the house I grew up in... we don't want to rush it, especially as my brother Jack got married last October. I also want to wait until my niece Pearl, who is 15 months, can walk down the aisle as ring bearer.
"We are taking the lace from my mum's wedding dress and making mine with it. It's something she's said she'd like me to do since I was a baby."