A warning to pervs looking for fake nudes, upskirts and side-boob pics of Hermione Granger: Searching for Emma Watson could crash your computer.
Internet security company McAfee just named the 22-year-old Harry Potter actress the year's 'most dangerous' celebrity to search for online, knocking supermodel and Project Runway host Heidi Klum from the dubious top spot.
Crafty cybercriminals are using Watson's name to trick unsuspecting users into downloading malicious software or to steal their personal information.
In fact, when searching for her online, there's a 12 percent chance of getting infected with dangerous malware.
And it'll take more than a Banishing Charm ("Depulso!") to expunge that sucker.
Here's how the rest of the top 10 rounds out (notice the obvious absence of men on the list):
1. Emma Watson
2. Jessica Biel
3. Eva Mendes
4. Selena Gomez
5. Halle Berry
6. Megan Fox
8. Cameron Diaz
9. Salma Hayek
10. Sofia Vergara Also, if you Harry Potter aficionados, fashion lovers, and Perks of Being a Wallflower fans are wondering, searching for anything related to Watson is risky, not just the nudes. But you're not fooling anyone. We know what you're looking for. [Photo credits: Wenn and NBC] Follow Michelle on Twitter @HWMichelleLee More: 'Perks of Being a Wallflower': Hermione, Percy Jackson and Kevin Walk into a Poster Logan Lerman, Emma Watson and More Assemble for 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' Image David Yates Eyes Emma Watson for 'Your Voice Inside My Head'
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If Transformers: Dark of the Moon is indeed Michael Bay’s final entry in the Hasbro toy-inspired franchise as he has repeatedly intimated then it is a fitting swan song for a director whose lust - and gift - for spectacle remains unmatched. Exhilarating and exasperating awe-inspiring and stupefying the third installment in the blockbuster alien-robot saga is less a movie than a prolonged manic episode. In other words it’s a Michael Bay film.
Any suspicion that Bay might have matured at all since his last film 2009’s Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen vanishes immediately after Dark of the Moon’s opening credits when model-actress (in that order) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley replacing tempestuous Megan Fox as the franchise’s resident eye candy is introduced ass-first. The camera lingers on her backside mesmerized as she makes her way up the stairs to summon our hero Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) from the bed she inexplicably shares with him. For a director so notoriously ADD-afflicted as Bay he can show remarkable focus when circumstances require it.
Times are tough for our boy Sam who despite having saved the world on two separate occasions can’t find a job. With the Decepticon scourge abated (for now) Optimus Prime Bumblebee and the rest of Sam’s Autobot pals have gotten side gigs as mechanized Hans Blixes roaming the planet in search of illegal WMDs and eliminating the regimes that harbor them. Feeling left out and finding little comfort in the arms his undeservedly hot girlfriend Sam yearns for a shot at more world-saving action.
He finds it soon enough when he is drafted into a plot so sprawling and convoluted that to describe it in full would extinguish what little neurochemical reserves I’ve managed to replenish since last night’s screening. It’s built on an enticing bit of revisionist history which casts the war between the Autobots and Decepticons as the real inspiration for the Cold War space race. It seems that many years ago an Autobot spacecraft carrying a technology that could turn the tide in their centuries-long war crash-landed on the moon. Alerted to the crash JFK immediately initiated the Apollo program with the specific purpose of harvesting technology from the craft before the Soviets could.
But that’s only part of the story as Sam learns when confronted with evidence by a raving co-worker (Ken Jeong) at his new job. (The two have a tussle in the loo – setting the stage for a hi-larious gay-insinuation joke. Vintage Bay!) Turns out there there’s much more to that fallen craft than anyone realizes and if its undiscovered cargo falls into the wrong hands – say Megatron and the Decepticons who are quietly regrouping in Africa – the implications could be devastating.
Dark of the Moon can be roughly divided into two parts. The first is a conspiracy thriller with a surreal comic bent with Bay aiming for – and dare I say nearly achieving – a quirky Coen Brothers vibe as Sam delves headlong into the moon mystery. (The presence of Coen veterans Frances McDormand John Turturro and John Malkovich among the cast reinforces the connection.) Credit screenwriter Ehren Kruger for recognizing that material this preposterous requires a suitably ludicrous sense of humor. But there’s also a sharpness and irreverence to Dark of the Moon’s wit that previous Transformers films have lacked. (It’s still however steadfastly juvenile: When Sam locks eyes with his future girlfriend for the first time his mom exclaims “What a gorgeous box!” while gazing at an unrelated object in the background.) Dark of the Moon's screenplay is a vast improvement over Revenge of the Fallen's in that it is an actual screenplay and not a stack of index cards.
The second half of the film centering on the Decepticons’ extended siege of Chicago unfolds essentially in one long action sequence. It’s as if Bay having sufficiently answered the biggest complaint about the previous film – the lack of a discernible plot – is suddenly unburdened free to commence the all-out sensory onslaught he’s been planning all along. In doing so he all but disavows the film’s first half rendering much of its storyline superfluous.
The battle scenes are truly epic – unprecedented in grandeur and scale and utterly resplendent in 3D – but the endless spectacle induces a kind of delirium. Each frame is positively crammed with images far more than our feeble non-Michael Bay brains could ever hope to process at the breakneck speed he presents them. And no two shots ever look the same: Even a simple shot-reverse-shot dialogue exchange shifts perspective on seemingly every other word. The net effect of Bay’s frenzied handiwork is a state of joyful discombobulation: mouth agape bewildered basking in the dopamine blush.
Joe Bowers (Luke Wilson) is about as average as one can get. He’s an electrician working for the Army doesn’t have any family. In other words he is perfect for playing a guinea pig in the government's new Human Hibernation Project. Joined by Rita (Maya Rudolph) a street-smart hooker who needs to hide out for a while they are to be kept on ice and revived a year later. But when they awaken they find out that they're almost a thousand years into the future. The project was forgotten and scrubbed their hibernation pods became landfill--and now Bowers is the smartest man on Earth. They meet Dizz (Dax Shepard) who's addicted to a lounge chair a bungling doctor (Justin Long) and the president/pro-wrestler (Terry Crews). Guess this means prognosticators--hoping for a better more intelligent future--are dead wrong.. Idiocracy effectively becomes a bunch of one-liners spliced together which really doesn’t do any of the comic talent justice. Still all the performers play rather believable idiots. Wilson turns on his easy-going charm as the least dim-witted bulb in the bunch (but never quite gets what Rita does for a living). The affable actor always shines brighter in a movie that doesn’t have “romantic comedy” in its description. Rudolph does her usual Saturday Night Live shtick while Long (Accepted) as the doctor who checks people in and out as if they were in a Jiffy Lube is hysterical even if the one-note hospital gag gets a tad tiresome. Crews is also pretty clever in his role as the dunderhead president who can't figure out how to save his planet from starvation. Why haven't you heard about this movie? Well that's the true Idiocracy. Fox seems to have rushed this little gem out failing to promote it in anyway much like they did with the cult hit Office Space. Ironically both are directed by Mike Judge (of Beavis and Butthead fame). Judge has put his finger on the pulse of what's wrong with this world and gives a bleak social commentary about our future. For example his version of the classic film of the future is a giant naked butt expelling intermittent gas every few minutes. That kind of fart film is the wave of this future run by live-action Beavis and Buttheads. Maybe Judge means to say that the people of Idiocracy’s future--who watch the Masturbation Channel and Fox News (yes that survives) and shop at stores bigger than small cities--are the descendants of those who run the studios today. Or maybe not.
Everyone involved in End of the Spear does indeed in one way or another end up facing a spear of some kind. The film dramatizes the real-life story of the Waodani people--a violent Ecuadorian society living in the Amazon jungle--and the five young missionaries who in the early ‘60s tried to communicate peace with them. Lead by Nate Saint (Chad Allen) the five men make contact with the tribe but are brutally speared by Waodani leader Mincayani (Louie Leonardo) and his fellow warriors. Then in an odd twist some of the slain men’s family members including Nate’s young son Steve (Chase Ellison) go and live with the Waodani in a continued attempt to promote peace. But as Steve grows up he is haunted by his beloved father’s death while Mincayani struggles with his past actions and his ever changing world. Steve (also Chad Allen) returns to the jungle and he and Mincayani finally have a meeting of the spears er minds so to speak. Remember little Chad Allen from the ‘80s TV show Our House? Exactly. But although the former child actor hasn’t done anything of major note since his performance in Spear is a worthy effort. Here the actor adequately distinguishes the roles of the saintly father and the grounded grown-up son. Ellison meanwhile with his angelic yet inquisitive face aptly conveys the pain of losing his father in the role of the young Steve Saint. But while Leonardo is convincing as the virile but conflicted Mincayani trying fit in with the modern world the actor loses much of his punch as the charcter's older older incarnation who has apparently given up his violent ways (something which isn’t explained clearly in the film). Writer/director Jim Hanon already detailed this real-life story in his 2005 documentary Beyond the Gates--but apparently felt that wasn’t enough. Someone should have advised him it was. Hanon a former advertising executive has a nice touch as a documentary filmmaker putting moviegoers right in the middle of the lush tropical surroundings but he lacks the skills to make a cohesive feature film. It’s far more fascinating to watch the real Ecuadorian people struggle to reconcile their violent culture with their peaceful lives than it is to watch a dramatization of the events complete with clichéd dialogue and stiff acting. The feature is simply ineffective and fails to give the actual story any more resonance.