When we found out that Parks and Recreation would be heading to London, our minds first went to how Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) would be able to handle the continent of socialism and baguettes. He took it in stride – perhaps his new marriage has made him chill out a little bit – but he had a few biting things to say about Europe, Europeans, socialism, and British currency. Here are the harshest things he said about Europe on his voyage.
On European history: "History began on July 4th, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake."
On why he made the voyage over the Atlantic: "Diane suggested we tag along to London for a honeymoon. I agreed because my love for her trumps my hatred of Europe."
On Big Ben: "Look, a clock. We don't have that in America."
On the Tower of London: "You call that a tower? Try the Sears Tower, friend."
In response to a clerk who wouldn't accept his U.S dollar: "Of course you do. That's the most wonderful piece of paper in the world. Accept it."
On the British royal family: "Enjoy the fact that your royal overlords are a frail old woman and a tiny baby."
On European air: "I thought you needed some fresh air, even if that air is filled with the foul stench of European socialism."
Advice to Leslie: "Leslie, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do not think you should leave Europe right now."
On the length of his vacation: "A train ticket? You think I want to extend my stay on this godforsaken continent?"
On British hospitality: "I would offer to buy you a drink but where the hell would that even happen?"
And finally: "All my life I've avoided Europe and its multitudes of terribleness."
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She's a hip-hoppin' be-boppin' mean ol' nanny who whips a mean stew and your butt for not doing your homework—and now she's back! Alas we don't speak of the Mrs. Doubtfire sequel but rather that of Big Momma a.k.a. FBI Agent Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence). Agent Warner has cut ties with the FBI at the behest of Sherry (Nia Long)—who as you no doubt recall is the granddaughter of the real Big Momma—since she's pregnant with Malcolm's baby. But wouldn't you know that he gets sucked back in after a former colleague is killed. Posing as Big Momma he's hired as a nanny to a suburban family the deadbeat dad of which is involved in the murder and a crime plot. She does it all—cooks cleans dances and even runs down bad guys but it's a race against time to stop the potential national security crisis. That is a race against the film's (mercifully) short running time. Although Lawrence's resume includes some of the dregs of comedy it's hard to argue that he is truly blessed when it comes to physical comedy and comedic timing. He continues both trends here this time without the help of the breakthrough actors of the past two years Paul Giamatti and Terrence Howard who yes both starred in the first Big Momma's House. That means Lawrence's urban mania is truly on its own and absurd and juvenile as the film may be even film snobs can't hold back a few laughs at his Big Momma outlandishness. Longreturns for no more than a select few scenes and to provide a minor conflict in the story. The notable newcomer is CSI's Emily Procter as the sterile mother who hires Big Momma. She does a serviceable job as a suburban Petite Momma. Might she be the next Giamatti or Howard to bolt to bigger and better things in time for the next sequel? No.
Big Momma's House 2 is right up director John Whitesell's alley. He's the guy behind such misses—though not necessarily financially—as Malibu's Most Wanted and See Spot Run and he's right at home here. Whitesell doesn't hold back in (literally and figuratively) pulling the robe off Big Momma but he clearly knows that nothing is to interrupt Lawrence's antics not even the thin story line. Aside from that he knows quite well how to execute thinly veiled rip-offs of the aforementioned Mrs. Doubtfire as well as countless other hidden-motive comedies (i.e. Kindergarten Cop Houseguest et al). Because while the main guise is the Big Momma fat suit Whitesell parades the film about as a feel-good/family flick.
The Whole Ten Yards picks up about two years after the events that changed the lives of Oz (Matthew Perry) Jimmy "The Tulip" (Bruce Willis) Jill (Amanda Peet) and Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge)--and made them a whole lot richer. Nice-guy dentist Oz is now married to Jimmy's ex-wife Cynthia and living in Brentwood Calif. where he still practices dentistry. They seem happy but Oz is so paranoid someone will come after him that he keeps an arsenal of weapons in his home which is teeming with high-tech surveillance equipment. His suspicions however are not so farfetched: Turns out Cynthia is in cahoots with Jimmy who is now married to Jill and living in Mexico and they're planning to rob Hungarian mobster Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak) who's just been released from prison. But Lazlo has an agenda of his own. He wants to kill Jimmy for the murder of his son rival hitman Yanni Gogolak a couple of years ago. When Lazlo kidnaps Cynthia to get to Jimmy (he figures Oz will spill the beans on his whereabouts) poor Oz runs off to Mexico and pleads for Jimmy's help. What Oz and Jill don't realize however is that they are part of a much bigger revenge plot against Lazlo perpetrated by their own spouses Jimmy and Cynthia.
The only thing that makes The Whole Ten Yards engaging is the returning cast who have a playful and endearing on-screen chemistry. Willis and Perry are at the forefront reprising their roles as Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudesky and Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky respectively. The actors craft their characters well and uniquely and the conflicting personalities they create--Willis' cool and collected Jimmy and Perry's nervous and scatterbrained Oz--make watching their interactions entertaining. When the two discover that the hostage in the trunk of their car has died for example Willis stands there unflinchingly while Perry yelps "It looks like he got shot in the foot! Who dies from being shot in the foot?" Peet blends in with her own brand of humor; her klutzy character Jill is hilarious without trying to be which is the key to her performance. Jill's hung up on the fact that although she's a professional marksman she's never had a real kill--she's so accident-prone that her targets always die by default. Also returning for the sequel is Pollak who played Yanni in the first film. Here he returns as Yanni's father Lazlo aged with the help of prosthetics and makeup. It's a great idea and the result is pretty funny although the character is cartoonish.
Director Howard Deutch makes a valiant effort with this sequel to the 2000 hit; there's continuity in the characters although their lives have progressed since the events of the last film. The problem with The Whole Ten Yards is its story penned by Mitchell Kapner and George Gallo. While The Whole Nine Yards had an elaborate storyline it was easy enough to follow--everyone was basically trying to kill one another. Here the plot's equally convoluted but rather than interesting twists and turns we get inconsistencies and dead ends. Take Jimmy's new Suzy Homemaker role for instance. As the film opens Willis is traipsing around his Mexican villa in bunny slippers wearing a 'do-rag on his head fussing over dinner and the fact that the potatoes are supposed to be "floating around the lobster not just stuck there." We find out it's all an act but the reasons are never disclosed. By the time the film ends audiences will be asking themselves what it was all for. Perhaps the filmmakers thought the sight of Willis as a dowdy housewife would make moviegoers laugh so hard they'd forget to ask why.
There will be a strong French flavor at the Montreal World Film Festival this year, as the festival announced its lineup Tuesday. Many of the films in competition are French, including two well-known French actors' directorial debuts. Sophie Marceau (Braveheart) will be attending the festival in support of her film Parlez-Moi D'amour (Speak to Me of Love) as will Vincent Perez (Indochine) for his film Peau D'ange, starring Guillaume Depardieu. Two American films--Blue Car starring David Strathairn and Igby Goes Down starring Kieran Culkin, Susan Sarandon and Ryan Phillippe--will also screen in competition. French producer/director Luc Besson (The Fifth Element) will receive a lifetime achievement award. The festival runs from Aug. 22-Sept. 2.
Actor Nicolas Cage is planning to sell his comic book collection at the Dallas ComiCon convention Oct. 11-13, The Associated Press reports. The collection of about 400 comic books includes Action Comics No. 1, Superman's first appearance, as well as first appearances by Batman, Captain America and the Green Lantern. John Petty, the director of auctions for Heritage Comics Auctions, said the collection could "realize a value well into seven figures."
Three weeks after Arnold Schwarzenegger left the William Morris Agency he has signed a deal with rival Creative Artists Agency, Variety reports. Even though his career is fading a little with bombs like Collateral Damage, Schwarzenegger hopes to come back big in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, currently in production.
Family members of Pauline Phillips, otherwise known as Dear Abby, revealed Tuesday that the advice columnist has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Her twin sister, Esther Lederer, who wrote as Ann Landers for the Chicago Sun-Times, died in June. Phillips' daughter Jeanne had been writing the column, which appears in roughly 1,300 newspapers, for a few years and now takes sole credit.
Director John McTiernan is looking to get a Booster shot. Variety reports he is in talks to direct The Booster, a film about two legendary thieves who reunite during a winter storm to rob the 91st floor of Chicago's Sears Tower--from the outside. Sounds like fun.
Before she leaves Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sarah Michelle Gellar wants to kill off her alter ego in style. The actress told the London Evening Standard, "It's important for me to go out on top." Her contract expires at the end of the next season, and producer Joss Whedon has stated he thinks the show is strong enough to go on without her.
Three members of the British band Oasis--Noel Gallagher, Andy Bell and Jay Darlington--were in a car accident in Indianapolis and are recovering from minor injuries, including facial bruises. The accident occurred Tuesday when the taxi they were traveling in was involved in a head-on collision. The band was to perform in the city Wednesday, but the concert has been postponed.
Rock legend Jimi Hendrix has been voted the greatest guitarist of all time in a poll by Total Guitar, a leading European guitar magazine. Jimmy Page of the band Led Zeppelin came in second place, with Eric Clapton claiming the third spot.