Fans of author Alexandre Dumas' 1844 serialized novel The Three Musketeers (or heck fans of the 1993 Chris O'Donnell/Charlie Sheen Disney version!) beware: The latest incarnation bears little resemblance to the version you remember from high school English. Unless you sped-read through the reading in-between levels of your favorite video game—in which case it might be exactly as you remember.
Director Paul W.S. Anderson (Mortal Kombat the Resident Evil franchise) orchestrates his Musketeers with the rhyme and reason of a confetti popper loading his cinematic shotgun with familiar story beats paper thin characters and anachronistic technology in order blast his audience all the way back to last weekend's Saturday morning cartoons. The movie opens with the titular swashbucklers Athos (Matthew Macfadyen) Aramis (Luke Evans) and Porthos (Ray Stevenson) on a mission to crack Da Vinci's vault where the legendary inventor's master work is kept hidden. After running jumping slicing dicing and pressing every A+B+X+Y button combo imaginable it's Arthos' lady friend Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich) who finally breaks in—only to steal Da Vinci's plans for a massive war machine and backstabbing the Musketeers in the process.
One year passes and we pick up with young son-of-an-ex-Musketeer D'Artagnan (Logan Lerman) who rides off to Paris in search of adventure. Before too long D'Artagnan crosses paths with the burnt-out swordsmen who see a little bit of themselves in the young lad who lays waste to 40 guardsmen after getting the stink eye (boy's got a bit of temper). The Musketeers return to form just in time as the movie's handful of villains are all preparing to strike at exactly the same moment. The Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom) has built Da Vinci's balloon-powered airship and secretly plans an attack; Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz) convinces Milady to double cross Buckingham planting the Queen's diamond necklace in the Duke's posession to incite war (but wasn't he already...? Nevermind); and Richelieu's number two Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen) who just likes to stab Musketeers in the face.
There's a whole lot of plot going on in The Three Musketeers but the film's presentation is so scatterbrained so rapid-fire that none of the many throughlines ever click to make sense. But Anderson gets very very lucky—thanks in no small part to a colorful cast that elevates the lazy storytelling with energy humor and charm. Macfadyen is stoic and sharp as Athos while Evans does his best to inject actual character into Aramis glowing with friendliness and warmth around his fellow Musketeers. Stevenson's rugged Pathos adds much needed comedy making up for the lame Planchet (James Corden) the Musketeers' Chris Farley-wannabe sidekick. Unfortunately Lerman's D'Artagnan is a black hole of charisma—not helpful as he's the crux of the story.
Anderson can't decide which plotlines to follow so great performers like Waltz and Mikkelsen are cut short in favor of spotlighting the scantily-clad Jovovich (yes even 1600s garb) who carries over all the wooden skills she demonstrated in the Resident Evil movies. Orlando Bloom might be the only cast member who realizes he's in a movie destined to be campy. Donning pastels glitter and eyeshadow Bloom twists his mustache and takes it over the top. That's when Musketeers is at its most fun.
Airship battles sword fights and fast-paced Ocean's 11-style infiltration montages are more entertaining than the silly story would suggest but more often than not Anderson downplays Three Musketeers most interesting aspect: The Musketeers themselves. Gone is the camaraderie the "all for one one for all." Instead Three Musketeers is an experience similar to watching a friend play video games. That friend's not going to waste time clicking through dialogue and learning the story when he could be zipping through adrenaline-infused landscapes blasting baddies into smithereens. Not even for your sake.
I guess Warners is keeping Zack Snyder's Superman reboot separate from the classics -- or maybe they're just trying to piggyback on the buzz around Snyder's Superman, but whatever. They are releasing a colossal eight-disc edition on June 7 for those super Superman fans that includes Superman: The Movie, Superman II, Superman III, Superman IV: The Quest For Peace, and Superman Returns. And if five movies wasn't enough, you've got extended versions and director's cuts of the first two films and enough special features to keep you busy for 20 hours. That's beyond the 906 minutes of feature films alone. If you're not already pumped on Superman, they've put together a nice little trailer to get you hot and bothered for the set which will retail for $129.95.
Here are the details on special features:
Superman: The Movie, Original TheatricalCommentary by Ilya Salkind and Pierre Spengler (Original Theatrical Version)The Making of Superman: The Movie [1978 TV special]Superman and the Mole-Men [1951 feature]Warner Bros. CartoonsSuper-Rabbit [1943 WB cartoon]Snafuperman [1944 WB cartoon]Stupor Duck [1956 WB cartoon]Trailers
Superman: The Movie, Expanded EditionCommentary by Richard Donner and Tom Mankiewicz (Extended Version)Taking Flight: The Development of SupermanMaking Superman: Filming the LegendThe Magic Behind the CapeScreen TestsSupermanLois Lane with Optional CommentaryUrsaA Selection of Restored ScenesAdditional Music CuesMain TitlesAlternate Main TitlesThe Council’s DecisionThe Krypton QuakeMore Mugger/Introducing OtisAir Force OneCan You Read My Mind (Pop Version)Music Only Track (Donner Cut)
Superman II, Original TheatricalCommentary by Ilya Salkind and Pierre Spengler (Original Theatrical Version)The Making of Superman II [1980 TV special]Deleted SceneFirst Flight: The Fleischer Superman SeriesFleischer Studios’ SupermanSupermanThe Mechanical MonstersBillion Dollar LimitedThe Arctic GiantThe BulleteersThe Magnetic TelescopeElectric EarthquakeVolcanoTerror on the MidwayTheatrical Trailer
Superman II - The Richard Donner CutCommentary by Richard Donner and Tom Mankiewicz (Donner Cut)Introduction by Richard DonnerSuperman II: Restoring the VisionDeleted ScenesFamous Studios’ SupermanJapoteursShowdownEleventh HourDestruction, IncThe Mummy StrikesJungle DrumsThe Underground WorldSecret Agent Disc #5
Superman III Theatrical VersionCommentary by Iilya Salkind and Pierre SpenglerThe Making of Superman III (1983 TV Special)Deleted ScenesTheatrical Trailer
Superman IV The Quest For Peace Theatrical VersionCommentary by Mark RosenthalSuperman 50th Anniversary Special (1988 TV Special)Deleted ScenesTheatrical TrailerDisc #7
Superman ReturnsRequiem for Krypton: Making Superman ReturnsPt. 1 Secret Origins and First Issues: Crystallizing SupermanPt. 2 The Crystal Method: Designing SupermanPt. 3 An Affinity for Beachfront Property: Shooting Superman- Superman on the FarmPt. 4 An Affinity for Beachfront Property: Shooting Superman- Superman in the CityPt. 5 An Affinity for Beachfront Property: Shooting Superman- Superman in PerilPt. 6 The Joy of Lex: Menacing SupermanPt. 7 He’s Always Around: Wrapping SupermanResurrecting Jor-ElDeleted Scenes including the never-before-seen original opening to Superman ReturnsBryan Singer’s Journals – Video production journalsTrailers
Disc #8 Additional Bonus Material
Look, Up in the Sky! The Amazing Story of Superman [Hi-Def]You Will Believe: The Cinematic Saga of SupermanPt. 1- OriginPt. 2- VisionPt. 3- AscentPt. 4- CrisisPt. 5- RedemptionThe Science of Superman [Hi-Def]The Mythology of SupermanThe Heart of a Hero: A Tribute to Christopher ReeveThe Adventures of Superpup [1958 TV pilot]
You can’t blame Ritchie for returning to what he does best after almost committing career suicide remaking Swept Away with his missus Madonna. And as it begins Revolver seems very much like a crime caper in the manner of Ritchie’s Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. Con man Jake Green (Ritchie regular Jason Statham) walks out of prison vowing to exact revenge upon the mobster responsible for putting him behind bars: Macha (Ray Liotta). Jake embarrasses Macha at the roulette table but before he can enjoy his spoils he’s diagnosed with an incurable disease that will kill him in three days. Help comes from an unexpected source: Two loan sharks (Andre Benjamin and Vincent Pastore) offer to keep Jake alive—but only if he gives them all his ill-gotten gains and does their every bidding. That includes stealing drugs and money from an increasing paranoid Macha. Jake thinks he’s being hustled. But he isn’t. We are. It’s at this point that Revolver sadly goes off on its philosophical and psychological tangents. Ritchie not only reveals that Jake possesses a mathematical formula to pulling off the ultimate con but he introduces an unseen boss of bosses whose presence hangs heavy over the proceedings. You cling to the faint hope that Ritchie’s doing his own spin on The Usual Suspects but as time crawls by it’s evident he’s trying to wreck his comeback bid by misguidedly playing amateur psychologist in much the same way David Fincher did with Fight Club. Five minutes into Revolver and you’re hoping Jake Green dies a swift death. And it’s not because Statham—who plays Jake like a more subdued version of Crank’s Chev Chelios minus the mid-Atlantic growl—is better suited to roles that require more brawl and less brains. It’s just that Statham never stops with his narration. He babbles on and on and on. Admittedly Statham’s narration allows us to make some sense of what’s going on in the murky and muddled Revolver. But Ritchie doesn’t use Statham judiciously. Everything that happens—big or small—must be addressed. And it wouldn’t be so bloody annoying if at least Ritchie made the narration colorful and engaging or if Statham delivered it without such weariness. At least our favorite Goodfella is around to break up the monotony. Just weeks after spoofing his volcanic screen image in Bee Movie Liotta threatens to erupt like Mount Vesuvius at the slightest provocation. He’s also something of a sight to behold when he’s holding court wearing nothing but bikini briefs and a tan that George Hamilton would kill for. The nattily Benjamin plays up the cooler-than-thou persona he’s perfected with OutKast which makes it easy to believe he always has the upper hand over everyone else in Revolver. On the other hand Pastore never makes his loan shark as smart as he’s supposed to be but at least he wisely tones down his Sopranos shtick. Crime once paid handsomely for Guy Ritchie. Not now though. The only true enemy is your own ego psychiatrists and psychologists put forth during the end credits. OK at least this explains a little why Revolver is the incoherent mess that is. But it also leads you to the inescapable conclusion that Ritchie was at war with himself when he plotted his gangland homecoming. It was inevitable that Ritchie’s ambitions would have gotten the best of him after his Swept Away public beating. Unfortunately Ritchie’s attempt to apply The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to his fun flashy and frenetic brand of crime capers backfires in his face. Ritchie simply doesn’t have the same insights into the criminal mind that say The Sopranos creator David Chase does. And the endless references to chess theory numerology and Kabbalic traditions prove to be more confusing than enlightening. Perhaps all this would be tolerable if Revolver was half the adrenaline rush that was Snatch. But Ritchie peels away at the film’s psychological layers at a plodding pace. Consequently this isn’t the triumph of substance over style that Ritchie desperately wants it to be. And even its current form which is reportedly 10 minutes shorter than the two-year-old U.K. version Revolver is pointless and impenetrable. There are the occasional flashes of vintage Ritchie especially during a brilliantly executed shootout involving a renegade hitman and an animated sequence right out of Kill Bill. This though leaves you wondering what Revolver would have been had Ritchie not put a gun to his own head.
Danny (Li) has lived his life with his "Uncle" Bart (Bob Hoskins) a fiery gangster who has trained Danny to be an enforcer and do his dirty work for him. In truth Bart has basically treated Danny like an animal--a dog to be exact collar and all--not a person. As soon as Danny's job of savagely beating those who had "wronged" his uncle is complete he goes back to his dark dank quarters. One day upon finding a benevolent blind man Sam (Morgan Freeman) playing a piano Danny discovers that he's more than merely a dog. Sam takes Danny into his home and teaches him about the piano and human relationships with the help of his step-daughter (Kerry Condon). All seems to be going well but the collar wrapped around Danny's neck is a link to his former violent life--and of course Bart. Heading down that path of redemption Danny winds up reluctantly going back to his uncle albeit in a different frame of mind. The tension builds as a massive showdown between Danny and Bart becomes imminent. It is only after his collar is taken off that Danny is unleashed.
It's usually not Jet Li's job to exude acting chops just execute the karate kind. But while the main thrust of Unleashed is the highly choreographed and entertaining fight sequences that show off his unbelievable skills the actor still tries his hand at keeping it real. Thankfully Unleashed is a decided improvement over most of Li's other nonsensical American movies (Cradle 2 the Grave anyone?) and is tailor-made for his broken English and acting range. Freeman on the other hand lends such an air of authenticity and workmanship to Unleashed that one wonders how the they were able to reel in the venerable actor hot off his Oscar-winning performance in Million Dollar Baby. He is simply perfect as the soft-spoken mild-mannered Sam. Then there is Hoskins. The robust British actor has had his fair share of Freeman-like success and has rightfully earned that same class of respect. But lately he seems to be taking any roles he can get no matter the size (see Son of the Mask. On second thought don't). It's clear playing Bart is a no-brainer for him but he tends to go unnecessarily over the top.
Director Louis Leterrier shows a knack for the action suggestive of a veteran filmmaker even though he's only made two movies. His first film 2002's The Transporter was a relative hit and as far as straight action movies and directorial debuts go it was a thing of beauty. The same can more or less be said for Unleashed. Simply put if this movie fails on any front it will not be due to a lack of blood sweat and tears from Leterrier. He captures both the fight sequences and the occasional poignancy with stark eloquence with every little detail in place. And the theatrics of it all--i.e. special effects loud-as-hell sound effects--doesn't hurt either. The Japanese-revenge genre is executed to a tee but he doesn't let it overstep its boundaries and turn the film into a cliché. It's not an easy thing to do and many directors would be unable to solve that conundrum. The only disparity between this project and his last is that he has probably less to work with this time around yet he has much more to lose. It's safe to say he does not crack under the pressure.