Though Garry Marshall hasn’t made a decent flick since 1990’s Pretty Woman he still apparently wields a not inconsiderable amount of clout in Hollywood. What else could explain the all-star ensemble of actors who gathered for Valentine’s Day? Among the major names found probing the turgid depths of the nearly 80-year-old director’s insipid rom-com are Julia Roberts Anne Hathaway Ashton Kutcher Jessica Alba Jamie Foxx Jessica Biel Taylor Lautner and various other prominent actors who either owe favors to Marshall or whose incriminating photos he holds in his possession.
A slice-of-life tale unfolding in Los Angeles over the course of a single Valentine’s Day the film chronicles the romantic adventures of a diverse cast of characters at various stages of relationships and encompassing virtually every conceivable demographic category. Their ages backgrounds and perspectives often dramatically differ but they each share one trait in common: Almost without exception they are all ceaselessly painfully disastrously unfunny.
Some temper their dishumor with a dose of the annoying like Kutcher whose dopey florist Marshall unwisely chose to anchor Valentine’s Day’s story around. Others add a dash of the preposterous like Roberts dressed in military fatigues in a laughable attempt to play a U.S. Army Captain on leave from the front. Still others add cloying sentiment to the mix like Bryce Robinson’s lovelorn 10-year-old whose grandparents played by Shirley MacLaine and Hector Elizondo ply him with nostalgic romantic tips pre-fabricated for maximum inter-generational cuteness. Whatever your preferred method of cinematic torture may be you’ll undoubtedly encounter it in this film.
In addition to challenging the pain threshold Valentine’s Day offers a test of endurance as well its story requiring over two hours to satisfy the narrative demands of its swollen cast. If you didn’t despise Hallmark’s ersatz holiday before you certainly will after enduring this Bataan Death March of rom-coms.
December 04, 2002 8:45am EST
Will Smith is set to star in Fox's big screen adaptation of I, Robot, a short story collection written by Isaac Asimov in the 1940s. The stories are based on Asimov's three laws of robotics, which contend that a robot may not injure a human or allow a human to come to harm, must obey orders given to it by a human, and must protect itself, as long as that protection doesn't violate either the first or second law. Smith will play a detective investigating a crime that, despite the prevailing rules, might have been perpetrated by a robot. According to Variety, the sci-fier is set to begin shooting in April with director Alex Proyas (The Crow) at the helm.
Once voted the world's sexiest man, Richard Gere has a less welcome feather to add to his cap: the Foot in Mouth award. Reuters reports Britain's English Campaign honored Gere with the award for most baffling quote of the year for this doozy, given to the Guardian newspaper in June: "I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe."
Elton John and his partner David Furnish held their "Out of the Closet" sale in a specialty shop in London Wednesday to sell over 17,000 Gucci, Prada, Versace and more items from the singer's eclectic wardrobe to raise money for his AIDS charity, Reuters reports. This is the fourth time John has held the sale, which benefits the Elton John AIDS Foundation.
Zsa Zsa Gabor was upgraded from serious to fair condition Tuesday as she continued to recover from injuries suffered last week in a car crash on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, The Associated Press reports. Gabor was a passenger in the front seat of a car driven by her hairdresser when it struck a light pole. The actress, who was not wearing a seatbelt, suffered broken bones.
Veteran producer Edgar J. Scherick died of leukemia Tuesday at his Los Angeles home, Reuters reports. He was 78. Scherick served as programming chief for ABC television from 1963 to 1966 and brought shows as Batman, Bewitched and Peyton Place to the network. He also conceived and developed ABC's landmark sports show Wide World of Sports.
Selma Blair has signed on to star in the comic book adaptation Hellboy for Sony-based Revolution studios. Blair will play the title character's slove interest, played by Ron Perlman, a red-hued crime-fighter born in hell during a pagan ritual. Hellboy, directed by Guillermo del Toro, is set to begin shooting in March with Rick Baker aboard to provide the makeup effects, Variety reports.
Pop diva Whitney Houston goes head-to-head with Diane Sawyer in an interview set to air on ABC Wednesday night. According to excerpts of the interview released by the network, Houston addresses a wide range of questions about her marriage to Bobby Brown, substance abuse and rumors of an eating disorder. The 39-year-old entertainer acknowledges a history of drug abuse but adds that her religious faith has put her on the right path now.
The opera based on Jerry Springer's talk show will have its world premiere at Britain's National Theater in London next April, Reuters reports. In concert form, Jerry Springer: The Opera--which features a dance routine by the Klu Klux Klan and Jesus launching into a swearing tirade at the Devil--was one of the biggest hits at this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Composer Richard Thomas and comic writer Stewart Lee have joined forces for the new full-scale production.