We are at the dawn of America's political season. And like it or not, this country's politics manifests in the form of an uncompromising dichotomy between the right and the left. The republicans and the democrats. The conservatives and the liberals. The red and the blue. The elephants and the donkeys. And while most of those things are inherently boring and lame, that last one is funny to think about: elephants and donkeys. Fending off against one another in a heated political race. That's classic comedy.
And while some people might be more interested in taking a look at the "issues" each party seems so hell-bent on going on and on about, we'd prefer to devote focus to each party's mascot — thrusting the unassuming land mammals into an all-out battle — assigning some of the most celebrated representatives of each species to a slew of all-important issues in an effort to determine which is truly better suited for the White House. Or whatever equivalent of a White House might exist in a race between cinematic depictions of pachyderms and domesticated ungulates.
But enough horsing around. It would behoove us to saddle up for the most important political race of our time! Elephants Vs. Donkeys!
The Disney District: Dumbo Vs. Pinocchio
Representing the Elephants: Dumbo D. Eisenhower
Platform: "Together, we can make the economy fly!"
Representing the Donkeys: James K. Pinocchio
Platform: "I'm a man who nose how to get things done."
Sen. Pinocchio is a career politician; he knows how to spin a tale to convince anyone of anything. Gov. Dumbo, however, is an honest, hard-working man with humble beginnings. He's the man for the job.
The Thousand Acre Wood District: The Heffalump Vs. Eeyore
Representing the Elephants: Irving P. Heffalump
Platform: "I'm quick and slick and so sincere!"
Representing the Donkeys: Chester A. Eeyore
Platform: "It's not much of a policy, but I'm sort of attached to it."
Councilman Eeyore is your sure bet here; Irving Heffalump (and his running-mate J. Wellington Woozle) are all about flash, pizzazz, style over substance.
The CGD (Computer Generated District): Horton Vs. Donkey
Representing the Elephants: Horton Humphries
Platform: "An elephant's faithful: one hundred percent (with a two percent margin of error)."
Representing the Donkeys: Lyndonkey B. Johnson
Platform: "I'm making waffles... for America!"
This is the closest race so far — both candidates have exhibited integrity, ambition, and dedication. But when it comes down to it, Alderman Horton is the only one with the knowhow, determination, and good relationship with Whoville, to keep our country running smoothly.
The District of Sidekickery: Shep from George of the Jungle Vs. Baba Looey
Representing the Elephants: Jack "Shep" Shephard
Platform: "Speak softly, but carry a big milkbone."
Representing the Donkeys: Robert Louis II
Platform: "El Kabong!"
A clear winner, Deputy Louis has a background in law enforcement, favoring peace over force. Dr. Shepherd is more of the rough-'n'-ready, hotheaded type... no place for that in the Oval Office (nor is there actually physical room for him).
The Rare Disorders District: Elephant Man Vs. Julien Donkey-Boy
Representing the Elephants: John "Amerricka" Merrick
Platform: "I am not an animal! I am a president!"
Representing the Donkeys: Julien "The King" Donkeyson
Platform: "Who am I? ... Your next leader, that's who!"
A tough one, but Mayor John Merrick might inch out his counterpart by a few points. For one, he doesn't suffer from schizophrenia. Also, David Lynch is slightly less of a nut than Harmony Korine. Slightly.
The Simpson Districts: Stampy from The Simpsons Vs. Duffy, the Legendary Anzac Donkey Who Helped Soldier John Kirkpatrick Simpson Save a Bunch of People Back Around World War I
Representing the Elephants: Ulysses Stampson Grant
Platform: "A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man... or the largest elephant."
Representing the Elephants: J. K. Duffingham
Platform: "I'm bringing the Anzac legend to life!"
Gen. Duffingham gets the win here for one simple, steady reason: he actually existed. Also, Stampy (much like some people) is just kind of a jerk.
The District of Miscellanium: The Giant Elephant from 300 Vs. Donkey Kong
Representing the Elephants: Spiro A. LeFant
Platform: "I'll stomp out rising taxes!"
Representing the Donkeys: Donald K. Kongsbury
Platform: "I've got a barrel of new ideas for this country."
Finally, Sen. Donkey Kong takes it. He's an American hero, defending the world against crocodiles, winning tirelessly in go-kart races, and associating diplomatically with both Maj. M. Mario and King Bowser of the Koopa Empire.
[Photo Credits: Disney, 20th Century Fox, Dreamworks, Hannah-Barbera, Paramount Pictures, Fine Line Features, Fox, AWM.gov, Warner Bros., Nintendo]
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They say if you make it in New York, you can make it anywhere, so it's no wonder the 50th Annual New York Film Festival is enjoying so many buzzed about films in its lineup, which was recently announced. Aside from the previously announced opening and closing night films — Ang Lee's Life of Pi, which will open the festival with NYFF's first-ever 3-D screening, and Robert Zemeckis' Flight — NYFF has laid out 32 films to be screened at this year's fest. And the list includes a few projects you've probably already caught wind of.
The Bill Murray-starrer Hyde Park on the Hudson is the film in which the classic comic actor takes on Franklin D. Roosevelt. Cineophiles who've been waiting patiently to see the winner of the Cannes Film Festival Palm d'Or can rejoice because Amour is also gracing the long list of films hitting New York's Lincoln Center. Other highlights include Christina Hendricks as an unhappy mother in Ginger and Rosa and Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace in Brian DePalma's erotic thriller Passion.
Check out the full 2012 lineup and check back in September for coverage from Hollywood.com:
Amour (directed by Michael Haneke)
Araf—Somewhere In Between (Yesim Ustaoglu)
Barbara (Christian Petzold)
Beyond the Hills/Dupa dealuri (Cristian Mungiu)
Bwakaw (Jun Robles Lana)
Camille Rewinds/Camille Redouble (Noémie Lvovsky)
Caesar Must Die/Cesare deve morire (Paolo Taviani)
The Dead Man and Being Happy/El muerto y ser feliz (Javier Rebollo)
Fill the Void/Lemale et ha’chalal (Rama Burshtein)
First Cousin Once Removed (Alan Berliner)
Flight (Robert Zemeckis)
Frances Ha (Noah Baumbach)
The Gatekeepers/Shomerei Ha’saf (Dror Moreh)
Ginger and Rosa (Sally Potter)
Here and There/Aquí y Allá (Antonio Méndez Esparza)
Holy Motors (Léos Carax)
Hyde Park on Hudson (Roger Michell)
Kinshasa Kids (Marc-Henri Wajnberg)
The Last Time I Saw Macao/A Última Vez Que Vi Macau (João Pedro Rodrigues)
Leviathan (Lucien Castaing-Taylor)
Life of Pi (Ang Lee)
Like Someone in Love (Abbas Kiarostami)
Lines of Wellington/Linhas de Wellington (Valeria Sarmiento)
Memories Look at Me/Ji Yi Wang Zhe Wo (Song Fang)
Night Across the Street/La Noche de enfrente (Raul Ruiz)
No (Pablo Larrain)
Not Fade Away (David Chase)
Our Children/À perdre la raison (Joachim Lafosse)
Passion (Brian de Palma)
Something in the Air/Après Mai (Olivier Assayas)
Tabu (Miguel Gomes)
You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet/Vous n’avez encore rien vu (Alain Resnais)
NYFF kicks off Sept. 28 at New York's Lincoln Center.
[Photo Credit: Fox 2000]
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Malin Akerman has signed up for Cottage Country, a dark comedy directed by Peter Wellington and costarring Tyler Labine.
The title is not ironic or metaphorical: Much of the movie takes place in/at a family cottage where Labine's character, Todd, plans to propose to Akerman's character, Cammie -- but then all hell breaks loose when his brother, Todd (Daniel Petronijevic), shows up with his girlfriend (Lucy Punch).
Wellington's feature-film resume is limited, but he has directed several TV series, including an episode of the cop drama Rookie Blue.
Click on the image below to see more photos of Malin Akerman!
Although the fate of where their big-footed creatures will alight to shoot The Hobbit is still undetermined, Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh have begun to officially cast the projects with Martin Freeman, as expected, set to play Bilbo Baggins. A host of other names was also announced Thursday.
Meanwhile, The Wall Street Journal reports that a meeting is set for Tuesday between New Zealand Prime Minister John Key and Warner execs in a last-ditch effort to keep the films in the country, although The Independent cites Fran Walsh as saying The Hobbit could soon be enrolling in Hogwarts.
A government spokeswoman told the WSJ that talks between Key and Warner execs are scheduled to take place in Wellington on Tuesday, but she would not specify who is attending the meeting on Warners' behalf.
According to The Independent, Fran Walsh told Radio New Zealand on Thursday that Warners wanted to shift production to the UK's Leavesden Studios where the Harry Potter movies were filmed.
"They've got a huge studio that Harry Potter have vacated, that they own...that they say would be perfect for us," she said, adding that other UK locations were being scouted.
Reuters further reported, citing estimates from economists at New Zealand's ANZ-National bank, that the nation's economy could lose as much as $1.5 billion if Warner Bros. relocates the project.
Back to casting … New Line COO/president Toby Emmerich, Warner Bros COO/president Alan Horn, MGM co-CEO Stephen Cooper and Jackson also announced on Thursday that Richard Armitage, Aidan Turner, Rob Kazinsky, Graham McTavish, John Callen, Stephen Hunter, Mark Hadlow and Peter Hambleton have all been set.
While Deadline reports that nothing's definite, there are rumblings that James Nesbitt and David Tennant are up for roles, while Stephen Fry, Saoirse Ronan and Bill Nighy are possible participants.
Regarding Freeman, Jackson said, "Despite the various rumors and speculation surrounding this role, there has only ever been one Bilbo Baggins for us. There are a few times in your career when you come across an actor who you know was born to play a role, but that was the case as soon as I met Martin. He is intelligent, funny, surprising and brave -- exactly like Bilbo and I feel incredibly proud to be able to announce that he is our Hobbit."
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David Cameron welcomed Schwarzenegger to his official residence, 10 Downing Street, where the pair posed for photographers before heading indoors for a chat about politics.
Cameron quipped to reporters, "He's going to help me terminate the budget deficit."
The pair then went to watch the traditional Changing Of The Guard ceremony at Buckingham Palace, before making a stop at Wellington Barracks to visit the British Army's Grenadier Guards.