Let’s not allow Jimmy Kimmel to soil the good name of Friends fan-fiction. Although the late night host’s heavily funded but halfhearted attempt at the time-honored art form warranted few laughs, it did remind us that there are plenty of worthwhile pieces of writing floating around the Internet devoted to the West Village sextet. Some are admirable in quality, others in sheer passion. And some deserve a hat tip simply because of how damn weird they are.
Following Kimmel’s reunion of Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Lisa Kudrow, we hit the dark corners of the web to round up the strangest pieces of Friends fan-fiction we could find. Some rearrange the narrative of the beloved show in creative ways, some test the very fabrics of the laws of reality… and some simply vie to be as disturbing as conceivably possible. Take your pick.
"Mondler: The Story of a Survivor" by cvlax14Or: The one where Richard attacks Monica with a baseball bat and Chandler comes to her rescue.
"'Mon we really should not be doing this.''I know Chandler, it's fun sneaking around though.''That is a lot of fun, but what about you and Richard''Richard and I are having problems.''What do you mean Mon''I really shouldn't he will get mad.''Richard will get mad?''Yes Chandler I have to go I'm sorry.'Then Monica got up and walked out of my apartment. What is Richard doing to her, I thought. I wonder if Rach knows. So I got up and walked to Rachel's apartment. She was able to get an apartment two doors down from ours." [sic] Read the full story here!
"The One with Joey's Daughter" by friendslover99Self-explanatory.
"'You have a daughter?' asked Monica. 'Yeah' Joey replied. 'and she just moved to the apartment last week'. 'Wait, isn't Kate that actress you dated?' Chandler asked. 'Yeah. I can't believe she's dying' said Joey. 'Well, what's your daughter's name?' asked Phoebe." [sic] Read the full story here!
"Prom Makes a Difference" by KateToastOr: The one where a teenage Rachel goes to prom with Ross instead of Chip, thus changing the course of their joint romantic journey entirely.
"They neared the Green mansion, as people in the neighborhood called it, since it was so large. Ross felt the all-too familiar flip-flop in his stomach as he and Rachel brushed sides. It had been happening all night, specifically when they had been dancing. He was still slightly in shock that she had agreed to dance with him at all. 'Well, this is it,' Rachel said as they reached her door. She looked up at him. 'This was really nice, Ross. Thank you for bringing me.'" [sic] Read the full story here!
"Ben Becomes a Man" by rachelgreengellerOr: The one where Ross’ son Ben prepares for his Bar Mitzvah, and employs the help of his father, Chandler, and Joey to find a girlfriend.
"Ben sat in the rabbi's office as he read the remainder of his lesson. He was soon going to be turning thirteen. According to jewish law, he would become a man, so he would be having his bar mitzvah soon. Ross sat with Carol by his side, his face glowing with pride as his son spoke the ancient Hebrew." [sic] Read the full story here!
"The One Where Chandler Finally Experiments" by JanaSelf explanatory.
"Chandler didn't know how he was going to face his friend in the morning. If he was this uncomfortable, just after having a conversation, he could only imagine how awkward things would be between them if he actually took him up on his offer. It was out of the question. Sex with friends was always a bad idea, anyway. Besides, he wasn't gay. He never imagined Joey was gay, either." Read the full story here!
“Neverland” by Melanie GellerOr: The one where Phoebe’s childhood and mysterious past are imagined through an extended Peter Pan metaphor.
"My stilettos clatter against the sewers I dash out into the street lights, covering my face with my hood. Both Benny and I know I'll be back, I can't live without his pills. He can't live without my money. We both, therefore, cannot live without the men." Read the full story here!
"TOW the Smurfs" by tini243Or: The one where everybody talks about Smurfs.
"'Joey, no one had sex with Smurfette,' Monica said matter-of-factly. Grinning lewdly Joey replied, 'See, that's how bad she needs a Joey smurf.'" [sic] Read the full story here!
"I'm Your Sister" by HikaroOr: The one where Ross and Monica have incestuous feelings for one another.
"'Monica...for the past few days I've just been all over the place, unsure of the things I might do. And I know it's wrong, but I think...I think I want you.' She was starting to get even more speechless and infuriated by the second. He wants her? Does he not see the huge problem in that?" [sic] Read the full story (at your own risk) here!
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Kanye West became embroiled in a dispute with British dance music veteran Aphex Twin after the DJ accused the rapper of using a song sample without permission. West used a portion of Aphex Twin's track Avril 14th in a song called Blame Game from hit album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.
The British star, real name Richard James, has now revealed the sample prompted a dispute with West as he had to fight the rapper to gain recognition for his work.
He tells Pitchfork.com, "Is it a sample? I actually don't know what it ended up being in the end, I'm so slack. I know that he tried to f**king rip me off and claim that he'd written it, and they tried to get away with not paying. I was really helpful, and when they first sent it to me, I was like, 'Oh, I can re-do that for you, if you like,' because they'd sampled it really badly and time-stretched it... I was like, 'I'll just replay it for you at that speed if you want.' And they totally didn't even say 'hello' or 'thanks,' they just replied with, 'It's not yours, it's ours, and we're not even asking you any more.'"
James eventually won a writing credit on West's record.
Actors Mia Farrow and Dylan Mcdermott have led the tributes to their former co-star Lord Richard Attenborough, following the British movie icon's death on Sunday (24Aug14). The exact cause of death has yet to be revealed, but Attenborough had been living in a nursing home with his wife, Sheila Sim, and was confined to a wheelchair after suffering a serious fall in 2008.
McDermott, who starred alongside Attenborough in the 1994 reboot of Christmas film Miracle on 34th Street, took to Twitter.com to pay tribute to the man who played Kris Kringle, and wrote, "Rest in peace Richard Attenborough. U (sic) were the best Santa ever."
Their co-star and former child actress Mara Wilson also added, "Sir Richard Attenborough was the only Santa Claus I ever believed in. A wonderful man. Still in shock right now. May he rest in peace."
News of Attenborough's death comes almost two weeks after Wilson's Mrs. Doubtfire co-star, Robin Williams passed away after committing suicide.
Mia Farrow, who worked with Attenborough in 1964's Guns at Batasi, also added her own tribute to her friend, and wrote, "Richard Attenborough was the kindest man I have ever had the privilege of working with. A Prince. RIP 'Pa' - and thank you," as well as comedian Ricky Gervais, who added, "RIP Richard Attenborough. One of the true greats of the silver screen."
Other Twitter tributes have come from Edgar Wright, former 007 star Samantha Bond, Rob Schneider, Stephen Amell, and British Prime Minister David Cameron, who noted that Attenborough's "acting in 'Brighton Rock' was brilliant, his directing of 'Gandhi' was stunning," and adding, "Richard Attenborough was one of the greats of cinema."
Born in Cambridge, England, he studied at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art and served in the Royal Air Force during World War II before pursuing an acting career.
He made his debut as a sailor in the 1942 film In Which We Serve and gained popular acclaim playing ruthless young thug Pinkie Brown in Brighton Rock in 1947, eventually becoming a staple of countless British films over the next 30 years.
An accomplished stage actor, Attenborough was one of the original cast members of The Mousetrap, which went on to become the longest-running play in London's West End.
In the 1960s, he expanded his range of acting, taking on a variety of roles that exposed him to a wider audience - most notably as Squadron Leader Roger Bartlett in 1963's The Great Escape.
Hitting his stride, Attenborough won back-to-back Golden Globe Awards for Best Supporting Actor in 1967 and 1968 - for The Sand Pebbles and Doctor Dolittle.
But he'll be most fondly remembered for his behind-the-camera skills. In the late 1950s, he formed a production company, Beaver Films, and directed his first picture, Oh! What A Lovely War, in 1969.
He later scooped the Best Director and Best Picture Oscars in 1982 for his epic Gandhi, which also won him another Golden Globe Award the following year.
Other directorial credits followed - notably the 1992 biopic Chaplin, and classic 1993 movie Shadowlands - before Attenborough made a welcome return to the screen in 1993 as eccentric John Hammond in Jurassic Park.
Attenborough won a total of eight Oscars during his career. He was made a Commander of the Order of the British Empire (CBE) in 1967, and a knighthood came in 1976. In 1993, he was bestowed the honour of life peer, becoming Baron Attenborough, of Richmond upon Thames, London.
And in 2006, Attenborough and his brother David, a popular broadcaster and beloved nature expert, were awarded the title of Distinguished Honorary Fellows of the University of Leicester in recognition of their services to the university.
Attenborough was also later awarded an Honorary Doctorate of Drama from the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama in Glasgow, and was an Honorary Fellow of Bangor University.
On Boxing Day 2004, tragedy struck Attenborough's family when his eldest daughter Jane, her daughter Lucy, and her mother-in-law, also named Jane, died in the devastating Asian tsunami.
His family is expected to make a full statement about his death on Monday (25Aug14).
Actor Richard Schiff is returning to the West End stage to star alongside Lindsay Lohan in an upcoming revival of Speed-The-Plow. Lohan will make her theatre debut as Karen in the new production of the David Mamet satire next month (Sep14), and she will have a stage veteran by her side - The West Wing star Schiff.
He has been cast as Hollywood producer Bobby Gould in Speed-The-Plow, while British actor Nigel Lindsay will play Charlie Fox.
Schiff last appeared onstage in the West End in a production of Smash! in 2011.
Speed-The-Plow is due to open at the Playhouse Theatre on 24 September (14) and run until late November (14).
Kanye West has scored a legal victory against the creators of an online currency named after him after a judge issued a default ruling in the rapper's favour. The Stronger hitmaker filed suit in New York in January (14) in a bid to stop the exchange of the Coinye West cryptocurrency amid allegations the product's creators were trying to trade off his name.
In March (14), West filed an amended suit naming the defendants and last week (begs21Jul14), he requested a default judgement to end the case after nine of the 12 persons named failed to respond to the accusations.
A judge has since ruled in his favour and the three who did reply to the lawsuit, Richard McCord, David McEnery and Harry Willis, have settled with West, according to Billboard.com. However, McCord also denied his involvement with the creation of the online currency.
Lawyers for Kanye West have requested a default judgement in the rapper's ongoing court battle against the creators of an online currency named after the star. The New Slaves hitmaker filed suit in New York in January (14) in a bid to stop the exchange of the Coinye West cryptocurrency amid allegations the product's creators were trying to trade off his name.
He is demanding unspecified damages and a court ban forcing the defendants to stop using variations of his name for the digital currency, which was subsequently just called Coinye.
Now West's legal representatives have moved to end the case after 10 of the 12 defendants failed to respond to the accusations.
Of the two who did reply to the lawsuit, Robbie Hontele reached a "confidential settlement agreement" with West and the other, Richard McCord, was nearing a deal last month (Jun14), according to court records.
Manhattan Federal Court Judge Analisa Torres has yet to rule on the motion, reports the New York Daily News.
Kiefer Sutherland's 24 character Jack Bauer has topped a new poll to find U.S. TV's Greatest Action Hero. The tough guy has beaten out Sarah Michelle Gellar's Buffy Summers and Adam West's Batman in the new TV Guide magazine survey.
Richard Dean Anderson's MacGyver and Diana Rigg's Avengers character Emma Peel round out the top five, while The Six Million Dollar Man's Steve Austin (Lee Majors), Alias' Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner) and The Man From U.N.C.L.E.'s Illya Kuryakin (David McCallum) make the top 10.
Warner Bros. Pictures via Everett Collection
Sir Michael Gambon is reuniting with Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling to bring her first adult fiction book, The Casual Vacancy, to life on the small screen.
The British acting icon, who replaced the late Richard Harris as Albus Dumbledore in the boy wizard film franchise, will lead the cast in a BBC TV adaptation of the bestselling novel, about an unexpected death in a quaint English village. He will portray deli owner Howard Mollison, opposite Notes on a Scandal actress Julia McKenzie.
The miniseries will also feature Keeley Hawes, Rufus Jones, Rory Kinnear, Monica Dolan and newcomer Abigail Lawrie. Production on the three-hour series is due to begin on 7 July (14) in south west England. Rowling released The Casual Vacancy in 2012. It has sold more than six million copies worldwide.
Jay Z, Kanye West, Beyonce, Rihanna and Chris Brown have been named in a bizarre $2.4 billion civil rights lawsuit filed by a prisoner in a California jail.
Richard J. Dupree, Jr. is convinced the musicians stole lyrics for over 3,000 songs he wrote while serving time behind bars, by spying on him via satellite with the aid of several law enforcement agencies, including the Central intelligence Agency, the Federal Bureau of Investigation and Homeland Security, according to Re-Tox.com.
It is not clear which songs Dupree is claiming feature his lyrics, but in the lawsuit, which he filed on 21 April (14) in California Eastern District Court, he is asking for damages and to be freed from California State Prison, Corcoran immediately.
Breaking Bad will go up against House Of Cards in the fight for the best international TV show prize at the British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA) TV Awards. The drama shows will compete against French supernatural show The Returned and Danish political drama Borgen at the television awards ceremony in London on 18 May (14).
Breaking Bad, starring Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul, is also up for the Radio Times Audience Award, which will be voted for by the British public. It will compete against U.K. shows including detective drama Broadchurch, Doctor Who: Day of the Doctor and reality shows Gogglebox, The Great British Bake Off and Educating Yorkshire.
Fifty Shades of Grey star Jamie Dornan has been nominated in the Leading Actor category for his portrayal of a serial killer in The Fall, along with Dominic West for in his role as Richard Taylor in Burton and Taylor, Sean Harris for Southcliffe and Luke Newberry for In The Flesh.
West's co-star Helena Bonham Carter is up for Leading Actress for her portrayal of Dame Elizabeth Taylor. She will compete against Kerrie Hayes (The Mill), Maxine Peake (The Village) and Olivia Colman (Broadchurch).
Broadchurch is also nominated in the Drama Series category alongside The Village, detective thriller Top of the Lake and comedy My Mad Fat Diary, while Dornan's The Fall will compete in the Mini-Series group against Southcliffe, In The Flesh and The Great Train Robbery.
Other stars to have landed key nominations include Irish actor Chris O'Dowd, who is nominated for best Male Performance in a Comedy Programme for The IT Crowd, going head-to-head with his co-star Richard Ayoade. The sitcom is also nominated in the Situation Comedy category.