Assuming you were born around 1983 and that your social circle in the early grammar school years consisted of a rigidly impermeable foursome, we can conclude indisputably that you spent a good deal of your time playing Ninja Turtles. Unlike other pop culture-inspired imagination games, Ninja Turtles never allowed for turn taking as far as the central roles were concerned. Maybe you’d alternate occupancy of Luke, Han, and Chewy when playing Star Wars, or switch off between Margaret and Jimmy for games of Liquid Sky. But when it came to Ninja Turtles, the margins were set before recess even began: you were either the leader, the tough one, the smart one, or the goofball. Without exception.
But are such stark roles present in any other pop culture phenomena? We’d have to imagine so. As such, we sought to our favorite foursomes from the entertainment world and took a stab at assigning them their respective Ninja Turtles.
LeonardoJerry, the leader (who, incidentally, derives all of his moral fiber from the noble Superman)
RaphaelGeorge, the truly "dark and disturbed" member of the group
DonatelloElaine, the intellectual — she did graduate from Tufts (her safety school), and she scored a 151 on an I.Q. test
MichelangeloKramer, the hipster dufus
THE HOGWARTS HOUSES
LeonardoGryffindor, house of the daring and noble
RaphaelSlytherin, house of the severe and ambitious
DonatelloRavenclaw, house of the wry and intellectual
MichelangeloHufflepuff, house of the spirited and kind
SEX AND THE CITY
LeonardoCarrie, the glue, the narrator and the center of everyone's attention
RaphaelMiranda, stubborn and cynical enough to walk away from the love of her life (twice!)
DonatelloCharlotte, the conservative, overachieving Ivy League grad obsessed with everything appearing perfect
MichelangeloSamantha, who has never passed up a chance to see and be seen
United Artist via Everett Collection
LeonardoPaul: "Think globally, act locally."
RaphaelJohn: "Everybody loves you when you're six foot in the ground."
DonatelloGeorge: "When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there."
MichelangeloRingo: "Peace and love. Peace and love."
LeonardoCaptain America, the wholesome, morally didactic good guy
RaphaelThe Hulk, the "muscle" who is tortured by his own demons
DonatelloIron Man, the tech genius who never hesitates to let his teammates know how much smarter he is than they are
MichelangeloThor, who's just kind of an idiot
LeonardoDawson, proving that having your name in the title doesn't save you from being the biggest buzzkill
RaphaelPacey, the rebellious, wise-cracking screw up of your teenage dreams
DonatelloJoey, smart - she went to Worthington! - sweet, and innocent, and always likely to end up in a bad situation
MichelangeloJen, the reformed party girl with a heart of gold and a chip on her shoulder
LeonardoMeg, the oldest sister and de facto head of the household
RaphaelJo, strong-willed and at odds with her siblings (and herself)
DonatelloBeth, who is shy, wise, and musically adept
MichelangeloAmy, the li'l one with the penchant for art
Columbia Pictures via Everett Collection
LeonardoRay, the heart and soul of the group
RaphaelPeter Venkman, the rebel who plays by his own rules (and forces everyone else to accommodate)
DonatelloEgon Spengler, the smartest in a team of scientists
MichelangeloWinston, who is also there
THE MT. RUSHMORE PRESIDENTS
LeonardoGeorge Washington, the diplomat who kicked off American democracy
RaphaelAbraham Lincoln, the agonizingly depressed hero who took to the front lines
DonatelloThomas Jefferson, the braniac wordsmith who wrote the Declaration of Independence
MichelangeloTheodore Roosevelt, the loon who used to fight bears and whatnot
LeonardoBlanche, the open-minded, creative sort
RaphaelSophia, a master of caustic wit
DonatelloDorothy, the smartest of the lot
MichelangeloRose, the ditz
THE FACTS OF LIFE
LeonardoBlair, who was rich and blond, so she was the natural choice for the central role in an '80s sitcom
RaphaelJo, who wears a leather jacket
DonatelloNatalie, who basically acts like she's 40 at age 15
MichelangeloTootie, who wears rollerskates all the time
20th Century Fox Film via Everett Collection
THE FANTASTIC FOUR
LeonardoSue Storm, the levelheaded voice of reason
RaphaelThe Thing, who is, as one might expect, pretty pissed about being a giant rock
DonatelloMr. Fantastic, the hyper-intellectual
MichelangeloJohnny Storm, the jag who's always jumping around and lighting stuff on fire, because he thinks it's cool
STAND BY ME
LeonardoGordie, the courageous leader
RaphaelChris, the young punk who has stolen his share of milk money
DonatelloVern, the timid perpetual bullying victim
MichelangeloTeddy, the kooky thrill-seeker
LeonardoHannah, who at the very least sees herself as a well-adjusted leader of mankind
RaphaelJessa, the alleged loose cannon who is riddled with dark passengers
DonatelloMarnie, the uptight would-be sophisticate who tries to manufacture life experience by the book
MichelangeloShoshanna, the young nutter butter who garners the least respect
LeonardoReggie Rocket, the smart, even-tempered overachiever
RaphaelOtto Rocket, the troublesome bad boy
DonatelloSam Dullard, the awkward intellectual
MichelangeloTwister Rodriguez, the idiot comic relief
Paramount Pictures via Everett Collection
LeonardoCady Heron, the acceptable human being
RaphaelRegina George, the villainous upstart
DonatelloGretchen Wieners, kind of just by default
MichelangeloKaren Smith... see "Thor"
LeonardoVinnie Barbarino, the boring (albeit charming) leader
RaphaelJuan Epstein, the tough guy with whom everybody knows not to mess
DonatelloArnold Horshach, the dorky dweeb
MichelangeloBoom Boom Washington, the loudmouthed goofball
A special thanks to writers Angie Han (an easygoing Michelangelo type) and Rudie Obias (a total Raphael, with respect) for helping to mastermind this piece, and to everyone else who contributed their varied expertise to the cause.
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Tragic blues icon Janis Joplin is set to be immortalised on a postage stamp thanks to officials at the U.S. Postal Service. The Piece of My Heart singer is the latest addition to the organisation's Music Icons series, which has previously included Johnny Cash, Ray Charles and Jimi Hendrix, whose stamp was released in March (14).
Joplin's stamp features a photo of the smiling star, wearing round-rimmed, tinted sunglasses and a feather boa draped over her head from the cover of her 1972 In Concert album.
The stamp will go on sale in August (14).
Joplin died from a drug overdose in 1970.
Australian actress Teresa Palmer has been cast as the female lead in the upcoming Point Break remake. The Warm Bodies star is set to play the love interest for fellow Aussie Luke Bracey's Johnny Utah, an undercover Federal Bureau of Investigation agent trying to infiltrate a criminal surf gang.
Keanu Reeves portrayed Utah in the 1991 Kathryn Bigelow movie, while Lori Petty portrayed his girlfriend.
Ray Winstone and Zero Dark Thirty star Edgar Ramirez have also been cast in the film. Ramirez will play surfer criminal Bodhi, the character made famous by Patrick Swayze in the original film.
Ramirez was tapped to replace Gerard Butler in May (14) after the 300 actor dropped out of the project following a series of creative differences with director Ericson Core, and a scheduling conflict.
Production on the film is set to begin this month (Jun14).
Johnny Cash's I Walk The Line has topped a new Rolling Stone magazine poll of the Greatest Country Songs of All Time. The 1956 tune tops Patsy Cline's 1961 classic Crazy and Hank Williams' I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry.
George Jones' He Stopped Loving Her Today and Blue Yodel No. 9 (Standin' on the Corner) by Jimmie Rodgers round out the top five.
Meanwhile, the modern country stars are represented by Taylor Swift, who just makes the top 25 at 24 with Mean.
The top 10 is:
1. I Walk The Line by Johnny Cash
2. Crazy by Patsy Cline
3. I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry by Hank Williams
4. He Stopped Loving Her Today by George Jones
5. Blue Yodel No. 9 (Standin' on the Corner) by Jimmie Rodgers
6. Stand by Your Man by Tammy Wynette
7. You Don't Know Me by Ray Charles
8. Mama Tried by Merle Haggard
9. Jolene by Dolly Parton
10. Mammas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys by Willie Nelson & Waylon Jennings.
Beloved Wizard Of Oz tune Somewhere Over The Rainbow is to be named a Towering Song at the upcoming Songwriters Hall of Fame gala. The 75-year-old Harold Arlen & E.Y. Harburg tune, which Judy Garland sang in the 1939 movie, will join Take Me Out To The Ballgame, Moon River, Bridge Over Troubled Water and A Change Is Gonna Come, among the other Towering Songs.
The 45th annual Hall of Fame event will be held in New York on 12 June (14).
Previously announced inductees Include Ray Davies, Donovan, Graham Gouldman, Mark James and Jim Weatherly, while the prestigious Johnny Mercer Award will be presented to songwriters/producers Kenneth Gamble and Leon Huff, Sony Music Entertainment Chairman and CEO Doug Morris will be honoured with the Hitmaker Award and Imagine Dragons star Dan Reynolds will receive the Hal David Starlight Award.
Music mogul Del Bryant will be presented with the Visionary Leadership Award.
Rock 'n' roll icon Chuck Berry is to be the recipient of the 2014 Polar Music Prize. The Johnny B. Goode singer, who is revered by the world's greatest guitarists, will be honoured with the coveted award at a ceremony in Stockholm, Sweden this summer (Aug14).
He will also be handed more than $160,000 (£100,000) at the gala.
The top music award was established by late Abba manager and publisher Stig Anderson. Opera and theatre director Peter Sellars will also be honoured at the 2014 ceremony.
Past recipients of the Polar Music Prize have included Paul Simon, Bob Dylan, Ray Charles, Bruce Springsteen and Sir Paul McCartney, who picked up the first award in 1992.
300 star Gerard Butler has quit the Point Break remake. The Scottish star was billed to play the late Patrick Swayze's surfing bank robber character in the new film, opposite Luke Bracey, who is still on board to recreate Keanu Reeves' undercover cop Johnny Utah, but he has walked away from the project, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
Sources tell the publication that creative differences and a scheduling conflict led to his decision. Director Ericson Core is hoping to find a replacement for Butler, so he can start shooting on schedule at the end of June (14). Last month (Apr14), Noah star Ray Winstone signed on to play a cop character inspired by Gary Busey in the original film, which was directed by Oscar winner Kathryn Bigelow.
Imagine Dragons frontman Dan Reynolds is set to receive the prestigious Hal David Starlight Award at the 2014 Songwriters Hall of Fame Gala. The Radioactive hitmaker will follow in the footsteps of previous winners such as Alicia Keys, John Mayer, Taylor Swift and John Legend when he is feted with the prize, which was created in 2004 and named in honour of Hall of Fame Chairman Emeritus Hal David to celebrate the work of young songwriters.
Current organisation chairman Jimmy Webb says, "Dan Reynolds is a dream ticket for the Songwriters Hall of Fame Starlight Award.
"He has helped create truly contemporary rock 'n' roll with the band Imagine Dragons. A sound at once musically literate and issue driven yet founded on solid composition and songwriting. We are extremely happy to join Dan with the other distinguished alumni who have received the Starlight."
The Kinks frontman Ray Davies, Scottish singer Donovan and 10cc rocker Graham Gouldman are among the stars who will be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame as part of the class of 2014, while another top accolade, the Johnny Mercer Award, will be presented to music duo Kenneth Gamble and Leon Huff, and industry mogul Doug Morris will receive the Hitmaker Award.
The presentations will take place in New York on 12 June (14).
Legendary rapper Biz Markie is getting animated after landing a role on hit children's cartoon Spongebob Squarepants. The hip-hop veteran will voice a character called Kenny The Cat in an episode which will air in the U.S. on Saturday (29Mar14).
David Bowie, Victoria Beckham, Johnny Depp and Ray Liotta are among the stars who have previously voiced characters for SpongeBob.
Biz Markie, real name Marcel Theo Hall, is no stranger to TV - he previously had small roles in In Living Color, Eve and Crank Yankers, while he also makes frequent appearances on another popular kids' show, Yo Gabba Gabba!.
The Oscar nominations came out on Thursday morning, and as of now, it's anybody's race. Some say 12 Years a Slave has it in the bag, while others think American Hustle will snatch the Best Picture trophy. There's no one way to know for sure — does the Academy weigh emotional impact? Flashy performances? The film's lasting message?
How about titles? Yes, you can tell a lot about a film by its title, and about its Oscar chances, too. We've compiled some handy data about each Best Picture nominee's title and what it says about the film's chances come time to hand out the awards. (You can also head over to BBC America to check out this fantastic infographic that predicts the Best Picture winner!)
Movies with the word "America" in their titles......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 2 (An American in Paris; American Beauty) ...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 2 (America, America; American Graffiti)
Movies whose titles refers to a crime or act of duplicity......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 2 (Mutiny on the Bounty; The Sting)...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 11 (The Racket; She Done Him Wrong; Imitation of Life; Libeled Lady; Grand Illusion; The Caine Mutiny; The Hustler; Mutiny on the Bounty; The Killing Fields; The Fugitive; Traffic)
Columbia Pictures via Everett Collection
Movies with a main character's surname in their titles......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 10 (The Great Ziegfeld; Ben-Hur; Tom Jones; Patton; Annie Hall; Kramer vs. Kramer; Gandhi; Schindler’s List; Forrest Gump; Shakespeare in Love)...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 45 (Disraeli; Trader Horn; Arrowsmith; The House of Rothschild; Alice Adams; Captain Blood; David Copperfield; Ruggles of Red Gap; Anthony Adverse; Dodsworth; Mr. Deeds Goes to Town; The Story of Louis Pasteur; The Life of Emile Zola; The Adventures of Robin Hood; Goodbye, Mr. Chips; Mr. Smith Goes to Washington; Kitty Foyle; Citizen Kane; Here Comes Mr. Jordan; Sergeant York; Mrs. Miniver; The Magnificent Ambersons; Madame Curie; Wilson; Mildred Pierce; Johnny Belinda; Julius Caesar; Mister Roberts; The Diary of Anne Frank; Elmer Gantry; Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb; Mary Poppins; Doctor Zhivago; Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?; Doctor Dolittle; Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid; Barry Lyndon; Prizzi’s Honor; Jerry Maguire; Good Will Hunting; Saving Private Ryan; Erin Brokovich; Capote; Michael Clayton; Lincoln)
Movies whose titles include a military rank......to win a Best Picture Oscar: o...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 6 (The Smiling Lieutenant; Captain Blood; Captains Courageous; Sergeant York; Saving Private Ryan; Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World)
DALLAS BUYERS CLUB
Focus Features via Everett Collection
Movies with a city name in their titles......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 4 (Cimarron; Casablanca; An American in Paris; Chicago)...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 18 (Hollywood Revue; Shanghai Express; San Francisco; In Old Chicago; The Philadelphia Story; Mr. Smith Goes to Washington; Casablanca; Roman Holiday; Peyton Place; Judgment and Nuremberg; Chinatown; Nashville; Fargo; L.A. Confidential; Gangs of New York; Munich; Letters from Iwo Jima; Midnight in Paris)
Movies whose titles seem like they should probably have a possessive apostrophe, but don't......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 0...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 4 (Boys Town; Kings Row; Dead Poets Society; Howards End)
Warner Bros via Everett Collection
Movies whose titles are a single intangible noun......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 1 (Crash)...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 8 (Alibi; Suspicion; Crossfire; Deliverance; Traffic; Atonement; Inception; Moneyball)
Movies whose titles end in "ity"......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 1 (From Here to Eternity)...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 3 (Double Indemnity; Atlantic City; Sense and Sensibility)
Warner Bros via Everett Collection
Movies whose titles are made up three letters or fewer......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 0...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 4 (Z; JFK; Ray; Up)
Movies that have the word "her" in their titles......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 1 (Ben-Hur)...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 1 (Hannah and Her Sisters)
Paramount via Everett Collection
Movies with U.S. state names in their titles......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 0...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 2 (In Old Arizona; Mississippi Burning) *Note: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and Gangs of New York both refer to cities, not states, and the "Virginia" in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf is a human woman.
We loved Nebraska, but this is really the only one we could think of for it. Sorry, Alexander Payne. Sorry, everybody.
Weinstein Company via Everett Collection
Movies whose titles are just a main character's first name......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 5 (Rebecca; Hamlet; Marty; Gigi; Oliver!)...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 20 (Skippy; Cleopatra; Ivanhoe; Shane; Fanny; Cleopatra; Alfie; Lenny; Rocky; Julia; Norma Rae; Tess; Bugsy; Babe; Elizabeth; Seabiscuit; Ray; Juno; Precious; Hugo)
Movies whose titles were mispronounced by Leonardo DiCaprio on live television......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 0...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 0 (There can be only one Philomania.)
12 YEARS A SLAVE
Movies with numbers in their titles......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 6 (It Happened One Night; Around the World in 80 Days; The Godfather Part II; One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest; Million Dollar Baby; Slumdog Millionaire)...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 36 (Seventh Heaven; Five Star Final; One Hour with You; 42nd Street; The Private Life of Henry VIII; One Night of Love; Broadway Melody of 1936; A Tale of Two Cities; Three Smart Girls; One Hundred Men and a Girl; Four Daughters; One Foot in Heaven; 49th Parallel; Henry V; Miracle on 34th Street; A Letter to Three Wives; Twelve O’Clock High; Seven Brides for Seven Brothers; Three Coins in the Fountain; The Ten Commandments; 12 Angry Men; The Defiant Ones; A Thousand Clowns; Anne of the Thousand Days; Five Easy Pieces; Born on the Fourth of July; The Godfather Part III; Four Weddings and a Funeral; Apollo 13; The Sixth Sense; The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers; District 9; 127 Hours; Toy Story 3; Zero Dark Thirty)
Movies that refer to a unit of time in their titles......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 2 (The Best Years of Our Lives; Around the World in 80 Days) ...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 9 (One Hour with You; Lady for a Day; The Yearling; The Longest Day; Anne of the Thousand Days; Dog Day Afternoon; Remains of the Day; The Hours; 127 Hours)
THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
Paramount via Everett Collection
Movies whose titles include mention of an animal......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 3 (The Deer Hunter; Dances with Wolves; The Silence of the Lambs)...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 17 (Of Mice and Men; The Little Foxes; The Maltese Falcon; The Ox-Bow Incident; The Snake Pit; Cat on a Hot Tin Roof; To Kill a Mockingbird; The Lion in Winter; One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest; Dog Day Afternoon; The Elephant Man; Raging Bull; Kiss of the Spider Woman; Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; Black Swan; War Horse)
Movies whose titles include the name of a street......to win a Best Picture Oscar: 1 (The Broadway Melody) ...to get nominated for BP, but not win: 5 (42nd Street; The Barretts of Wimpole Street; Broadway Melody of 1936; Miracle on 34th Street; Sunset Boulevard)
Cast your bets, folks. Captain Phillips looks like it has this one locked down.
*Special thanks to Hollywood.com writers Julia Emmanuele and Jordan Smith for helping to compile data and entertaining the madness of this post, and to our CTO Greg Zimerman for recovering hours of work after my Word Doc crashed. You're a hero, Greg.
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