"Maybe I won't get married. Maybe I'll do one of those Eat, Pray, Love things. Ugh, no I don't want to pray, forget it."
Meet Dr. Mindy Lahiri, you guys! She's a sorta-disastrous-but-means-well OB/GYN who wants to have it all...and by 'all' we mean all the trappings of a romantic comedy. She grew up in a series of nights involving her best girlfriends Nora (Ephron) and Nancy (Meyers). She's totally boss at her job and even has a bit of a soft-spot for her patients (even if she is pretty selfish about it at first) when Dr. Danny Castellano (Chris Messina) isn't stealing them from her.
But Mindy is, of course, a total disaster when it comes to men. She has unrealistic expectations of love--and when she can't have the "you had me at hello" moment of her dreams, she settles for scumbags (granted, her scumbag has a British accent and is wildly good-looking) to soothe her soul. Because dating is hard, and the idea of "having it all" and attaining it, is harder. Smart people can be really dumb, sometimes. Basically.
So Mindy's on the quest to find love and it's a real Bridget Jones-type situation--she gets set up on a blind date with Dennis (Ed Helms) thanks to her friend Gwen (Anna Camp) only to fake her way through the date with all the trappings of a "this is what will make a guy like you!" how-to book (the saddest book in the world. Also probably a best-seller. Sigh). But the date comes crashing down around her when she volleys back and forth between "old Mindy" habits and the "new Mindy" she's trying to be. Operation: How to Lose A Guy in Ten Seconds. Mission: Not so impossible, it turns out!
But Mindy's had a rough go of it, you see: the romcom man-of-her-dreams, Tom (Bill Hader) is an oral surgeon...and currently marrying the Serbian Bagel Girl after fixing her teeth and kicking Mindy to the curb. Because she was too old! (Dudes, amirite?!) So Mindy does what any self-respecting modern, independent lady would do: she gets drunk at his wedding and gives a cringeworthy speech: only to run off and cycle her way into a fancy person's pool. I mean...it has to be fancy, right? They were in Connecticut and if your pool can make a Barbie doll talk then it has to have something fancy in it, right?
After getting bailed out of jail by the governor's daughter and best friend/cardboard cutout (here's hoping Gwen becomes a bit more of an actual human character) Gwen Gandy, Mindy decides it is time to take matters into her own hands So we've decided, fair readers, to show you the dating do's and don'ts of this episode (and all future episodes) that Dr. Mindy Lahiri swears by to find herself the Tom Hanks character of her dreams. Follow at your own risk!
1.) Do Make a Painfully Awkward Speech At Your Ex-Boyfriend's Wedding: It'll be cathartic!
2.) Do Take Life Advice from Talking Dolls: I mean, Barbie has kept her boyfriend Ken around for 43 years.
3.) Don't Be Yourself: Especially on blind dates with cute, successful, stable men who seem to like you.
4.) Do Sleep with The Hugh-Grant-In-Real-Life Guy: He has a British accent and is wildly attractive, so, you know, YOLO or whatever.
5.) Do Continue to Hook Up with The Hugh-Grant-In-Real-Life-Guy Even Though He's Totally a Dick: He won't want to sleep with you when you're old! You'll be making better life decisions by then, anyway.
6.) Do Ask to See the Special Victims Unit When in Jail: It will make all your future boyfriends totally jealous. Plus everybody loves a good Law & Order reference!
7.) Don't Go On an Eat, Pray, Love Thing: Praying is boring, better to die alone. (Plus Julia Roberts had way more fun in her other movies. Even if it meant way less sex with James Franco.)
8.) Do Eat Clear Soup: It has celery, water and stones in it! Healthy and delicious!
9.) Do Not Lower Your Standards: Everyone deserves a guy with the wealth of Mayor Bloomberg, the personality of Jon Stewart and the face (and penis!) or Michael Fassbender. Dream big! (And in ole Fassy's case: dream real big!)
10.) Don't Recognize How Totally Awesome Danny Castellano Is: Because we need the slow burn here, Mindy!
What did you think of the premiere of The Mindy Project? Will Dr. Lahiri ever find her inner Sandy Bullock? Sound off in the comments!
[Photo Credit: FOX]
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