True love: something that for a long time seemed only reserved for fairytales — until ABC's The Bachelor and The Bachelorette series came around. Finally! Regular people (who are very attractive and vetted through a long and involved casting process) could find fairytale love! Love that was real and true, just like in the movies!
...at least, that's what we all hoped. But, it turns out, televised matchmaking doesn't work out so well. The Bachelor/Bachelorette couples who remain happy in love are in the minority (to say the least), and the recent breakups of Jef Holm and Emily Maynard as well as Ben Flainjk and Courtney Robertson are just icing on the cake. Who would've thought, right? How is it possible that hand-picked attractive people from around the country going on extravagant dates can't find true love over the course of six weeks? It's shocking, really.
Don't believe us? Check out the numbers and über-fancy statistics, below.
The Bachelor Relationship Rundown
Bachelor Season 1:
Alex Michel and Amanda Marsh — Broke up after 10 months. The beginning of the reinvention of love.
Bachelor Season 2:
Aaron Buerge and Helene Eksterowicz -— Broke up 5 weeks after the finale. Woops.
Bachelor Season 3:
Andrew Firestone and Jen Schefft — Broke up 7 months after the finale. No spare tires for this relationship!
Bachelor Season 4:
Bob Guiney and Estella Gardinier — Broke up 1 month after the finale. What about Bob, indeed!
Bachelor Season 5:
Jesse Palmer and Jessica Bowlin — Broke up 1 month after the finale. It's hard to make a relationship work when your names are THAT similar.
Bachelor Season 6:
Byron Velvick and Mary Delgado — Broke up after 5 years. They became engaged in November 2004 and, while they did endure some domestic squabbles, they didn't officially end their relationship until December 2009.
Bachelor Season 7:
Charlie O'Connell and Sarah Brice — Broke up after two attempts at making it work: May 2005 - September 2007 (28 months), then again November 2008 - April 2010 (19 months). Total: 47 months together; certainly nothing to balk at!
Bachelor Season 8:
Travis Stork and Sarah Stone — Broke up after 1 month, probably because of all the stork jokes.
Bachelor Season 9:
Lorenzo Borghese and Jennifer Wilson — Broke up after 2 months, which makes zero sense because this guy was A REAL-LIFE PRINCE so, like, Happily Ever After was guaranteed, I thought! Isn't that in the Ye Olde Royal Contract?
Bachelor Season 10:
Andy Baldwin and Tessa Horst — Broke up after 4 months. Guess he wasn't a total Baldwin.
Bachelor Season 11:
Brad Womack chose NO ONE because he hates everyone.
Bachelor Season 12:
Matt Grant and Shayne Lamas — Broke up after 2 months. Lorenzo Lamas reportedly weeped for years.
Bachelor Season 13:
Jason Mesnick and Melissa Rycroft — Broke up at the reunion.
Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney — Got together at the reunion (yikes!) and married in February 2010. They're still together and expecting a baby! Mazel!
Bachelor Season 14:
Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi — Broke up after 3 months, and were totally casual and not-at-all mean about it (haha just kidding it was the ugliest break-up on TV maybe ever)!
Bachelor Season 15:
Brad Womack and Emily Maynard — Released an official "we broke up" statement after 3 months (though reports say it ended much earlier).
Bachelor Season 16:
Ben Flajnik and Courtney Robertson — Broke up after 7 months, when Ben realized that the entire planet really didn't like his decision-making skills..
And the Bachelorettes — How Did the Ladies Fare?
Bachelorette Season 1:
Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter — Married for 8 years and counting! With kids! What a bunch of weirdos.
Bachelorette Season 2:
Meredith Phillips and Ian McKee — Broke up after 1 year. Does anyone remember this season?
Bachelorette Season 3:
Jen Schefft and Jerry Ferris — Broke up 3 weeks after he proposed. Woops!
Bachelorette Season 4:
DeAnna Pappas and Jesse Csincsak — Broke up after 4 months, probably because Jesse's last name was really hard to spell.
Bachelorette Season 5:
Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski — Broke up after 1 year, probably because she was Canadian.
Bachelorette Season 6:
Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez — Broke up after 15 months. And, somehow, Roberto did not become the next Bachelor (sorry, Sean Lowe, sure you'll be great).
Bachelorette Season 7:
Ashley Hebert and JP Rosenbaum — Engaged with plans to marry (on live TV! The way it was meant to be done, obviously) in December of this year after 14 months. Hooray for them!
Bachelorette Season 8:
Emily Maynard and Jef Holm — Broke up after 5 months and lots of marionette fights.
Failed relationships: not just for the normals anymore! So what have we learned from all of this? Well, namely it seems like Brad Womack has a terrible track record but loves television. And so does his second-go-around winner/ex-fiancée, Emily Maynard. (Maybe those two crazy kids were meant for each other after all!)
After compiling the numbers and doing a little bit of Bill Clinton's favorite thing (no, not ladies — dirty minds, all of you!), arithmetic, we have put together this handy guide for understanding love, Bachelorstyle.
Here Are Some Fancy Math Facts:
Mean Length of Relationships:13.6 months
Median Length of Relationships:4 months
Mode Length of Relationships:1 month
Analysis:So while the marriages and successes may have thrown us off a bit (13.6 months: what are these people, monogamists?), it generally seems to be that 4 is every bachelor and bachelorette's lucky number. Unless they're one of the five couples who only like quickie, one-month-long relationships.
It seems that the one thing we cantake away from this is that we, as a nation, need to completely rethink our definition of "true love." Obviously, these very attractive and well-groomed pseudo-celebrities know what true love is: they were on a TV show and are good-looking! Duh! So, maybe we should reevaluate what true love really means. If all of these love experts have relationships with an average shelf-life of 1 - 4 months, maybe that's how long true love really lasts! Maybe we've been fooled all of this time by the movies, the Disney princesses, the happily ever afters. Maybe true love can only last a brief period of time (I mean, forever is like, so many years).
[Photo Credit: ABC]
Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes
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Another one bites the dust. Just 12 days after Bachelor star Ben Flajnik and his fiancee Courtney Robertson called it quits, another Bachelor(ette) couple has called off their engagement. Bachelorette Emily Maynard and her fiance Jef Holm are no longer an item. "I am sorry to tell you that Jef and I have, indeed, parted ways," she tells People. "It was a very difficult and heartbreaking decision."
Despite Holm's dreamy proposal at the end of The Bachelorette Season 8 that aired in July, it just wasn't meant to be for this couple. "As you know, at first I wasn't sure that I should even be The Bachelorette, but I am a hopeless romantic and I do believe in the show," Maynard says. "I have no regrets because I did find love and shared an incredible journey with a really special person — and you know what, we tried our best because the love between us was so real."
"I have nothing but respect and love for Jef and his family, but ultimately we are just at different points in our lives," Maynard continues. "I've learned so much and I'm grateful for all of the support I've received. I'm excited and hopeful for the next chapter in my life with my daughter, Ricki. I do hope that you will respect our privacy and allow us the time we need to heal."
So how does Holm feel about the breakup? "Meeting Emily on The Bachelorette was an incredible experience, we've had quite the journey," he says." I've never loved someone so much in my whole life, Emily is the best person and mom I have ever met. She opened up her world to me and I fell in love with her, [her daughter] Ricki, her family and the Hendricks."
Holm also believes that The Bachelorette truly did help him find love. "She has a great group of people who surround her," he says. "What we shared was completely genuine and real and it breaks my heart but we have decided to break up."
"Emily will always have a special place in my heart," Holm adds. "I don't regret a single second I spent with her or Ricki. They both have been a huge part of my life. Who knows what tomorrow will bring but we are moving on to the next chapter of our lives. Emily and I are great friends and I hope we can continue to be friends forever. Everyone wants a salacious story to break, but the truth is we are just two people who fell in love and tried our hardest to make it work. I will always love her."
For weeks now, rumors have been circling that this breakup was bound to happen, and that Maynard had allegedly cheated on Holm. While neither Maynard nor Holm have confirmed the cheating rumors, their official statements do add their relationship to the long list of failed Bachelor/Bachelorette romances. Out of 24 seasons of The Bachelor franchise, only two couples have made it down the aisle: Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter and Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney (she was actually his runner-up — he initially left the show engaged to Melissa Rycroft, but dumped her during a special to get back together with Malaney). Plus, this isn't Maynard's first failed Bachelor engagement either. She was briefly engaged to Brad Womack at the end of Bachelor Season 15 before that relationship ended and she got her own show.
So which couples do we have left? Bachelorette Ashley Hebert is still with her fiance J.P. Rosenbaum — but given the franchise's record, will they actually ever make it down the aisle, or is history doomed to repeat itself?
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: INFPhoto]
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If you found yourself in the checkout line of a grocery/convenience/drug store this week and took a casual glance at the tabloid headlines, then you are well aware that things may be a little shaky for former Bachelorette Emily Maynard and her fiancé Jef Holm. Or maybe not. Who can say, really?
In case you're not in the Fresh Direct cult, the basic dealio is that Emily has allegedly been sexting an unidentified man-floozy. Emily denies it, Jef denies it, story over. But ho! There's more! In a made-for-daytime-TV twist, Jef tells People that it was his very own brother who leaked the totally not true (they all swear on little Ricki's life) story to the press. It's a vicious tale of lies and deceit that pits brother against brother in the quest for true love — which makes it perfect headline fodder.
Emily and Jef's visages may be splayed all over the glossy covers, but why, exactly, are their domestic issues newsworthy? Well, because the tabloids say so. Think about it. If Emily and Jef and Whoever from such and such season of The Bachelor weren't in the headlines, would you even give their relationships a second thought? Probably not. Because, after the final rose has been handed out, these so-called "celebrities" go from being television stars to just regular people. Gone are the cameras, the fantasy dates, the never-ending supply of free alcohol, and you're left with regular people, doing regular things, trying to make a regular relationship work.
And you know what? Regular couples sometimes break up. What!? Shocker, I know, but hear me out. Sometimes, kids, relationships don't work out, and people go their separate ways. And let's not forget that an entire season of The Bachelor is filmed in approximately six weeks. Which means these "I've never been this in love before" couples have been dating for less than two months. The number of relationships that have ended after six weeks can't even be quantified because most of the adult population doesn't even consider that a relationship. A fling, maybe. A dalliance, a "situation." But rarely a relationship. Call me when you actually get married, Emily and Jef, because that'll be newsworthy.
In Bachelorland, marriage is like the carrot on the end of the stick: always dangling in front of you, completely unattainable and, when you stop and think about it, not actually that appetizing. Only once has the Bachelor or Bachelorette actually married the person they handed that final rose to. Trista Réhn and Ryan Sutter remain the only couple to make it from the season's last episode to the altar. (Jason Mesnick and Molly Melaney are now happily married, but Mesnick picked Melissa Rycroft, not Melaney, in his season's finale.)
So, here's a proposal (the kind that doesn't come with a ring): How about we stop talking about the Bachelor couples' relationship rollercoasters, let them live their lives a little, and turn our attention to actual news? Let's focus on important things, like Amanda Bynes' latest car crash and Kim Kardashian's newest Twitter photo.
Follow Abbey Stone on Twitter @abbeystone
[Photo Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC]
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Completely stripping Catwoman of her "Batman" connections the geniuses behind this comic-book movie--at least as bad as Spider-Man 2 is good--also stripped it of any pleasure. Neither campy a la Julie Newmar and Eartha Kitt of the old TV series nor sexy vamp like Michelle Pfeiffer of Batman Returns Halle Berry's Catwoman is well one lost little kitty in the big city. Actually she's Patience Philips--an annoyingly mousy graphics designer for a top cosmetics firm who despite her job has no fashion sensibility no self-confidence and no boyfriend. (Yeah riiiight!) She is befriended by a mystical Egyptian Mau cat which--courtesy of lousy digital effects--often looks disturbingly like Toonces and sounds like Linda Blair in The Exorcist when it meows; moreover its way of befriending Patience is to lure her into a suicide attempt--one of many plot points lacking a rationale. When Patience discovers that the cosmetics firm's villainous owner (Lambert Wilson) and aging supermodel wife (Sharon Stone) are marketing a toxic disfiguring facial cream she is killed--flushed through a drainage system into the ocean. But here comes that darn cat again to revive her as she's lying in sludge and mud. Next thing she knows she's sleeping on her apartment's bookshelf eating tuna by the caseload looking longingly at Jaguar hood ornaments as if they're long-lost relatives and jumping about walls basketball courts and whatnot faster than a speeding bullet. She also takes to wearing a pointy-eared black-leather dominatrix outfit along with too much makeup but at least no whiskers. She also starts sniffing around that foul cosmetics firm which leads to a martial-arts showdown with Stone. What the Oscar-winning Berry doesn't do regrettably is get a CAT scan to see what kind of ailment convinced her to make this lamebrain movie.
I've seen better acting on 7-Eleven surveillance videos than in Catwoman. Berry is cloying in the film's early stages when she's playing insecure lonely Patience and she's more pathetically childlike than anything else. Once she's Catwoman though she's really terrible tilting her head for endless close-ups and giving lots of wide-eyed stares meant to conjure feline curiosity but that more recall George W. Bush's "deer-in-the-headlights" gaze. The screenplay makes a few lame attempts to observe the duality of women in the way Patience changes to Catwoman but it's not there in the performance. Yet Berry's turn is a career-peak gem compared to Stone who can't decide whether to play the power-mad Laurel Hedare as a broad cartoonish send-up or as someone connected to reality. Looking like a vampiric Susan Powter and barking sarcastic lines without a hint of emotional connection to her character Stone is just awful. On the plot's fringes Benjamin Bratt does his best as a police officer (gee what else) who is both infatuated with Berry and suspects her of murder.
The one-named French director Pitof (short for "pitoful"?) supposedly is a digital-imaging expert who has worked with City of Lost Children's Jean-Pierre Jeunet but you'd never know it here. Either he doesn't know much about directing actors or maybe he only gives directions in French. The effects--especially action scenes involving a digitalized version of Berry--move at such a chaotic breakneck pace that she looks completely phony. Plus there's absolutely no sequential logic whatsoever to where Catwoman moves and when--apparently invisibility is one of her superpowers. These awkward clumsy scenes are usually accompanied by distractingly loud music. Pitof's only other directing credit is some obscure French flick starring Gerard Depardieu…one hopes Catwoman will be his last.