All anyone with an appreciation of movies or the male form can talk about right now is Magic Mike the Channing Tatum male stripper movie that is shaking its junk in America's face right now. But when it's a hit at the box office, what are they going to do about a sequel? Well, we dreamed up a few ideas to get those screenwriters minds whirling. (Warning: I'm going to be disclosing some plot details, so if you don't want any spoilers, stop reading the story. But it's not like it really matters. You didn't go see Magic Mike for the story!)
Moons Over Miami
The crew is obsessed about leaving Tampa and opening a bigger, badder, ballsier strip club somewhere in Miami. In this sequel, they actually do! Dallas (Matthew McConaughey) opens the strip emporium of his dreams and brings along equity partner The Kid (Alex Pettyfer) and some of the boys (and some new talent) to help him. The problem is the location he's chosen is home to a female strip club that doesn't want to give up its lease or its liquor license so Dallas can open shop. A showdown between male and female strippers occurs until everyone is just a writhing naked mess on stage. Some of them bang. They decide to combine the strip clubs so that husbands and wives can come and watch naked people together. Isn't that what everyone wants?
Big Dick Richie's Big Adventure
Really, the only thing we know about Joe Manganiello's character is that he has a huge johnson and loves his penis pump. Well, what would happen if, one day, his penis pump disappeared? Yes, it has been stolen! But by whom? A despondent and shirtless Richie, so inconsolable he can't wear a shirt, goes on a cross country journey in search of his missing penis pump, and runs into all sorts of outrageous characters on the way, including Pee-Wee Herman, who's wee pee made him steal the device in the first place.
Dallas Does Dallas
We know that Dallas eventually gets to Tampa to become a stripper and run the Magic Mike show, but how did he get there? This is a prequel where a young Dallas (played by Hunter Parrish) is a good Texas boy whose father is a preacher and whose mother deserted him when he was a boy. He was a very shy guy who didn't have much luck with the ladies, but worked hard on daddy's farm. One day, after baling all that hay and gettin' along with all the dogies, a nice older lady going through town notices how buff he is. He gets a job in a traveling male review called Clydesdales, where he wears nothing but a thong, a bowtie, a mullet, and a smile. And on the way to learning how to become a stripper, Dallas learns how to become a man.
Ken and the Doll
Really the only thing that we see Matt Bomer's stripper alter ego Ken do is let The Kid sleep with his big-tittied wife because he loves The Kid so damn much. You know why? Because he's gay. Sadly he has to leave Juggs McGee behind to go on his new journey where he discovers his true homosexual self and realizes that guys who strip for other guys make a hell of a lot more money than guys who strip for girls. But in the end, he gives it all up for the one person he loves. Do all stripper movies have to end that way, even the gay ones?
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
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Sony has unveiled a new trailer — two days after we saw the international version — of its upcoming sci-fi mindbender Looper, now with more Joseph Gordon-Levitt-vs.-Bruce Willis action.
As JGL himself explains in the clip, Loopers are specialized assassins — of which he is one — "in our present" who work for criminal organizations and "eliminate the target from the future." His professional life hits a bit of a snag, though, when he is hired to kill his future self, played by John McClane himself.
The Rian Johnson-written and -directed action flick, which hits theaters Sept. 28, also stars Emily Blunt, Paul Dano, and a somewhat Dude-resembling Jeff Daniels. Check out the latest trailer below!
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The Star Trek legend aced his official ARDS exam, which is both written and practical, to obtain a competition licence and he is set to compete in a special Celebrity Challenge race at this summer's (12) Silverstone Classic event.
He says, "I'm relieved and delighted. It's such a fast learning curve from the moment you first step into the car. At one point it was raining quite hard out there; I could hardly see out of the windows... and you really do need to be able to see out of the windows when you're driving fast!
"I can't say it wasn't a challenge at times but I've enjoyed it very much. I've watched too many professionals at work on the race track over the years to feel that I can now call myself a fully-fledged racing driver but it was exhilarating that's for sure and I'm looking forward to putting my new skills into practice. The chance to drive a great British sports car at Silverstone, what could be better?"
The celebrity race, which will also feature rocker Brian Johnson and chef Heston Blumenthal, takes place next month (Jul12).
Two high-profile series are heading to Showtime for premieres sometime in 2013: Masters of Sex and Ray Donovan.
Masters of Sex stars Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan as William Masters and Virginia Johnson, respectively — the real-life pioneers of the study of human sexuality whose research, lives, and relationship will be the focus of the show. It's based on the book Masters of Sex: The Life and Times of William Masters and Virginia Johnson, The Couple Who Taught America How to Love, by Thomas Maier. Oscar-nominated director John Madden has helmed the pilot episode. British actor Sheen got his start on the small screen before recently transitioning to more film work (with the exception of a 2010 arc on 30 Rock) while Caplan played a major guest role on the first season of Fox's hit show New Girl.
The other 12-episode-pickup recipient, Ray Donovan, is headlined by Liev Schreiber in the titular role as Los Angeles's "trouble shooter," a guy who solves the biggest problems of the city's most prominent residents ... and we're not talking computer problems. The ensemble cast includes Jon Voight, while Southland's Ann Biderman is the brains (and executive producer) behind the show.
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Widening the thematic scope without sacrificing too much of the claustrophobia that made the original 1979 Alien universally spooky Prometheus takes the trophy for this summer's most adult-oriented blockbuster entertainment. The movie will leave your mouth agape for its entire runtime first with its majestic exploration of an alien planet and conjectures on the origins of the human race second with its gross-out body horror that leaves no spilled gut to the imagination. Thin characters feel more like pawns in Scott's sci-fi prequel but stunning visuals shocking turns and grand questions more than make up for the shallow ensemble. "Epic" comes in many forms. Prometheus sports all of them.
Based on their discovery of a series of cave drawings all sharing a similar painted design Elizabeth (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie (Logan Marshall-Green) are recruited by Weyland to head a mission to another planet one they believe holds the answers to the creation of life on Earth. Along for the journey are Vickers (Charlize Theron) the ruthless Weyland proxy Janek (Idris Elba) a blue collar captain a slew of faceless scientists and David (Michael Fassbender) HAL 9000-esque resident android who awakens the crew of spaceship Prometheus when they arrive to their destination. Immediately upon descent there's a discovery: a giant mound that's anything but natural. The crew immediately prepares to scope out the scene zipping up high-tech spacesuits jumping in futuristic humvees and heading out to the site. What they discover are the awe-inspiring creations of another race. What they bring back to the ship is what they realize may kill their own.
The first half of Prometheus could be easily mistaken for Steven Spielberg's Alien a sense of wonder glowing from every frame not too unlike Close Encounters. Scott takes full advantage of his fictional settings and imbues them with a reality that makes them even more tantalizing. He shoots the vistas of space and the alien planet like National Geographic porn and savors the interior moments on board the Prometheus full of hologram maps sleeping pods and do-it-yourself surgery modules with the same attention. Prometheus is beautiful shot in immersive 3D that never dampers Dariusz Wolski's sharp photography. Scott's direction seems less interested in the run-or-die scenario set up in the latter half of the film but the film maintains tension and mood from beginning to end. It all just gets a bit…bloodier.
Jon Spaihts' and Damon Lindelof's script doesn't do the performers any favors shuffling them to and fro between the ship and the alien construction without much room for development. Reveals are shoehorned in without much setup (one involving Theron's Vickers that's shockingly mishandled) but for the most part the ensemble is ready to chomp into the script's bigger picture conceits. Rapace is a physical performer capable of pulling off a grisly scene involving an alien some sharp objects and a painful procedure (sure to be the scene of the blockbuster season. Among the rest of the crew Fassbender's David stands out as the film's revelatory performance delivering a digestible ambiguity to his mechanical man that playfully toys with expectations from his first entrance. The creature effects in Prometheus will wow you but even Fassbender's smallest gesture can send the mind spinning. The power of his smile packs more of a punch than any facehugger.
Much like Lindelof's Lost Prometheus aims to explore the idea of asking questions and seeking answers and on Scott's scale it's a tremendous unexpected ride. A few ideas introduced to spur action fall to the way side in the logic department but with a clear mission and end point Prometheus works as a sweeping sci-fi that doesn't require choppy editing or endless explosions to keep us on the edge of our seats. Prometheus isn't too far off from the Alien xenomorphs: born from existing DNA of another creature the movie breaks out as its own beast. And it's wilder than ever.
A kids’ movie without the cheeky jokes for adults is like a big juicy BLT without the B… or the T. Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted may have a title that sounds like it was made up in a cartoon sequel laboratory but when it comes to serving up laughs just think of the film as a BLT with enough extra bacon to satisfy even the wildest of animals — or even a parent with a gaggle of tots in tow. Yes even with that whole "Afro Circus" nonsense.
It’s not often that we find exhaustively franchised films like the Madagascar set that still work after almost seven years. Despite being spun off into TV shows and Christmas specials in addition to its big screen adventures the series has not only maintained its momentum it has maintained the part we were pleasantly surprised by the first time around: great jokes.
In this third installment of the series – the trilogy-maker if you will – directing duo Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath add Conrad Vernon (director Monsters Vs. Aliens) to the helm as our trusty gang swings back into action. Alex the lion (Ben Stiller) Marty the zebra (Chris Rock) Gloria the hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith) and Melman the giraffe (David Schwimmer) are stuck in Africa after the hullaballoo of Madagascar 2 and they’ll do anything to get back to their beloved New York. Just a hop skip and a jump away in Monte Carlo the penguins are doing their usual greedy schtick but the zoo animals catch up with them just in time to catch the eye of the sinister animal control stickler Captain Dubois (Frances McDormand). And just like that the practically super human captain is chasing them through Monte Carlo and the rest of Europe in hopes of planting Alex’s perfectly coifed lion head on her wall of prized animals.
Luckily for pint-sized viewers Dubois’ terrifying presence is balanced out by her sheer inhuman strength uncanny guiles and Stretch Armstrong flexibility (ah the wonder of cartoons) as well as Alex’s escape plan: the New Yorkers run away with the European circus. While Dubois’ terrifying Doberman-like presence looms over the entire film a sense of levity (which is a word the kiddies might learn from Stiller’s eloquent lion) comes from the plan for salvation in which the circus animals and the zoo animals band together to revamp the circus and catch the eye of a big-time American agent. Sure the pacing throughout the first act is practically nonexistent running like a stampede through the jungle but by the time we're palling around under the big top the film finds its footing.
The visual splendor of the film (and man is there a champion size serving of it) the magnificent danger and suspense is enhanced to great effect by the addition of 3D technology – and not once is there a gratuitous beverage or desperate Crocodile Dundee knife waved in our faces to prove its worth. The caveat is that the soundtrack employs a certain infectious Katy Perry ditty at the height of the 3D spectacular so parents get ready to hear that on repeat until the leaves turn yellow.
But visual delights and adventurous zoo animals aside Madagascar 3’s real strength is in its script. With the addition of Noah Baumbach (Greenberg The Squid and the Whale) to the screenwriting team the script is infused with a heightened level of almost sarcastic gravitas – a welcome addition to the characteristically adult-friendly reference-heavy humor of the other Madagascar films. To bring the script to life Paramount enlisted three more than able actors: Vitaly the Siberian tiger (Bryan Cranston) Gia the Leopard (Jessica Chastain) and Stefano the Italian Sealion (Martin Short). With all three actors draped in European accents it might take viewers a minute to realize that the cantankerous tiger is one and the same as the man who plays an Albuquerque drug lord on Breaking Bad but that makes it that much sweeter to hear him utter slant-curse words like “Bolshevik” with his usual gusto.
Between the laughs the terror of McDormand’s Captain Dubois and the breathtaking virtual European tour the Zoosters’ accidental vacation is one worth taking. Madagascar 3 is by no means an insta-classic but it’s a perfectly suited for your Summer-at-the-movies oasis.
It's beginning to look like Paramount's recent decision to push back the release of G.I. Joe: Retaliation might have more to do with Channing Tatum than adding a third dimension.
Last week it was announced that the sequel would be bumped from its original release date of June 29, 2012, to March 29, 2013 — a full nine months. Such a long delay is often a sign of trouble with the film itself, and although the studio behind Retaliation said the push-back was caused by a decision to convert the film to 3D, there might be more to this story.
Rumors are swirling that the delay is all about Tatum, whose leading role was displaced with the addition of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson and Bruce Willis. But the change doesn't sit well with Paramount now that Tatum is on the verge of becoming one of the biggest movie stars around. There is speculation, in fact, that part of the reason G.I. Joe was pushed back was so that it wouldn't be in direct competition with a frequently shirtless Tatum in his upcoming stripper movie Magic Mike. Plus, re-shoots were said to have included more scenes with Tatum; it's unclear if any more are in the works. What seems increasingly clear, though, is that there are some behind-the-scenes regrets about this movie.
'G.I. Joe: Retaliation' Release Date Bumped to 2013
'G.I. Joe: Retaliation' Trailer: The Rock, Channing Tatum Fight the President
Channing Tatum Barely Seen in 'G.I. Joe: Retaliation' Trailer
When I first heard about the premise of Chernobyl Diaries I was like Channing Tatum in 21 Jump Street: "F*ck science!" Honestly extreme tourism? People pay for a trip to Pripyat — an abandoned city near the site of one of the worst nuclear disaster in history — for some vacation photos? Well it is possible and people actually do it despite the lingering radiation and other serious dangers but hopefully none of them are as painfully dumb as the characters in Diaries.
Jesse McCartney is Chris the sensible little brother who really would have preferred to stick with the plan: a day trip to Moscow where he'd pop the question to his girlfriend Natalie (Olivia Dudley). His older brother Paul (Jonathan Sadowski) is a bit of a bad boy horndog with a taste for adventure who insistst they and their recently dumped friend Amanda (Devin Kelly) go on an exciting trip to Pripyat instead. Amanda is also a photographer of sorts because she has a fancy camera and is taking photos of everything. Other than that we know almost nothing about any of the characters (although Paul does note that "the chicks are f*cking amazing"). They are later joined by Michael (Nathan Phillips) and Zoe (Ingrid Bolsø Berdal) who prove to be equally forgettable.
Paul knows how to party so he leads Chris Natalie and Amanda to a sketchy office to set up their trip to Pripyat. The tour guide is named what else Yuri (Dimitri Diatchenko) and he even has a dingy sign on the wall that reads "Yuri's Extreme Travel" and lots of photos of him in military garb. He's built like a brick house — but he's no match for the ridiculousness that awaits them.
The build-up to what they do find is interminable especially given what non-horrors await. At one point I was hoping it would turn out to be something similar to The Happening but no such luck. Just a bunch of bald zombie-types lurking in the mist and gnawing on human flesh! Although there's something to be said for leaving scary stuff lurking in the shadows it's also a good idea to establish enough tension beforehand so that we actually care about what is supposed to be scaring us.
According to writer/producer Oren Peli a good deal of the dialogue was improvised which is a bit of a relief as the actors drop gems like "What exactly happened in Chernobyl?" and "Nature has reclaimed its rightful home " as well as tidbits like "Stop being a p*ssy" and "Maybe there's a gun in here!" This is director Bradley Parker's first feature and although he does occasionally have trouble keeping the camera steady he doesn't rely on shaky-cam "found footage " for the most part.
Naturally some people are offended that filmmakers would use a human tragedy as the backdrop of a horror movie but plenty of movies use tragic events for fodder. They should be more offended that it's just so boring.
A decade-long gap between sequels could leave a franchise stale but in the case of Men in Black 3 it's the launch pad for an unexpectedly great blockbuster. The kooky antics of Agent J (Will Smith) and Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) don't stray far from their 1997 and 2002 adventures but without a bombardment of follow-ups to keep the series in mind the wonderfully weird sensibilities of Men in Black feel fresh Smith's natural charisma once again on full display. Barry Sonnenfeld returns for the threequel another space alien romp with a time travel twist — which turns out to be Pandora's Box for the director's deranged imagination.
As time passed in the real world so did it for the timeline in the world of Men in Black. Picking up ten years after MIB 2 J and K are continuing to protect the Earth from alien threats and enforce the law on those who live incognito. While dealing with their own personal issues — K is at his all-time crabbiest for seemingly no reason — the suited duo encounter an old enemy Boris the Animal (Jemaine Clement) a prickly assassin seeking revenge on K who blew his arm off back in the '60s. Their street fight is more of a warning; Boris' real plan is to head back in time to save his arm and kill off K. He's successful prompting J to take his own leap through the time-space continuum — and team up with a younger K (Josh Brolin) to put an end to Boris plans for world domination.
Men in Black 3 is the Will Smith show. Splitting his time between the brick personalities of Jones and Brolin's K Smith struts his stuff with all the fast-talking comedic style that made him a star in yesteryears. In present day he's still the laid back normal guy in a world of oddities — J raises an eyebrow as new head honcho O (Emma Thompson) delivers a eulogy in a screeching alien tongue but coming up with real world explanations for flying saucer crashes comes a little easier. But back in 1969 he's an even bigger fish out water. Surprisingly director Barry Sonnenfeld and writer Etan Cohen dabble in the inherent issues that would spring up if a black gentlemen decked out in a slick suit paraded around New York in the late '60s. A star of Smith's caliber may stray away from that type of racy humor but the hook of Men in Black 3 is the actor's readiness for anything. He turns J's jokey anachronisms into genuine laughs and doesn't mind letting the special effect artists stretch him into an unrecognizable Twizzler for the movie's epic time jump sequence.
Unlike other summer blockbusters Men in Black 3 is light on the action Sonnenfeld utilizing his effects budget and dazzling creature work (by the legendary Rick Baker) to push the comedy forward. J's fight with an oversized extraterrestrial fish won't keep you on the edge of your seat but his slapstick escape and the marine animal's eventual demise are genuinely amusing. Sonnenfeld carries over the twisted sensibilities he displayed in small screen work like Pushing Daisies favoring bizarre banter and elaborating on the kookiness of the alien underworld than battle scenes. MIB3's chase scene is passable but the movie in its prime when Smith is sparring with Brolin and newcomer Michael Stuhlbarg who steals the show as a being capable of seeing the future. His twitchy character keeps Smith and the audience on their toes.
Men in Black 3 digs up nostalgia I wasn't aware I had. Smith's the golden boy of summer and even with modern ingenuity keeping it fresh — Sonnenfeld uses the mandatory 3D to full and fun effect — there's an element to the film that feels plucked from another era. The movie is economical and slight with plenty of lapses in logic that will provoke head scratching on the walk out of the theater but it's also perfectly executed. After ten years of cinematic neutralizing the folks behind Men in Black haven't forgotten what made the first movie work so well. After al these years Smith continues to make the goofy plot wild spectacle and crazed alien antics look good.
Menacing, seductive, and sinister; words that could aptly be used to describe the likes of Count Dracula. The one label rarely assigned to vampires is… funny. This week, Tim Burton brings to the screen the film adaptation of the 1960s/70s television series Dark Shadows, centering on the undead fiend Barnabas Collins. Though the series was hardly hilarious, except on the few occasions wherein we giggled at the rampant cheesiness, the film version takes a decidedly more comical approach to vampires. That got us thinking about our favorite blood-sucker comedies, and we’ve listed a few of the battiest below.
It’s gotten to the point that when Nicolas Cage’s name is listed amongst the cast of a new film, we happily head to the theater just to see how unhinged his performance will be. While this is something that’s certainly become more pronounced of late, Cage’s propensity toward lunacy is nothing new. In 1988’s Vampire’s Kiss, he plays a publishing executive who believes he has been bitten by a beautiful female vampire. He then spends the remainder of the film spiraling into full-blown madness. His accent becomes cartoonish, he chases his employees around the office, and he begins to model his physicality after Max Schreck from the classic Nosferatu. I think my favorite moment is when Cage goes running down the streets of New York screaming, “I’m a vampire, I’m a vampire,” at the top of his lungs. And you thought he was a nutjob in Ghost Rider.
Before Jim Carrey was a Grinch, a cable guy, or even a pet detective, he was virginal high school student Mark Kendall in 1985’s Once Bitten. It’s the story of a geeky guy who gets tired of waiting for his girlfriend to “give him a taste,” and his desires lead him right into the arms of a gorgeous vampire. From that moment on, Mark experiences changes not quite in keeping with those of the other boys his age. Carrey proves perfectly cast in this silly, sexy, and unrepentantly '80s comedy; the countess’ coffin looks like something right out of Miami Vice. His rubber-faced comedic presence is where the film derives most of its laughs, and provides a fitting foreshadow for the performances that would later define his career.
I know what you’re thinking, Fright Night is a horror movie and not a comedy, right? While the majority of the film is aiming for shrieks over chuckles, Roddy McDowall provides us with plenty of comedy fodder. He plays Peter Vincent, former horror film star reduced to hosting a campy late-night scary movie show on television. When a local teen comes to him and tells him of an actual vampire loose in the city, Vincent is forced to play the hero for real. Unfortunately, he’s a bit of a coward. In one of the film’s most hilarious moments, Vincent musters the courage to confront the villainous vamp (played with devilish poise by Chris Sarandon) with a crucifix, only to see him crush the cross in his bare hands. The speed and cravenness with which McDowall exits the room is hysterical.
Love at First Bite
Have you ever wondered what would happen if Dracula were suddenly transported to the 1970s? Well if you watched Hammer Films’ Dracula A.D. 1972 and found it to be strikingly devoid of funny, perhaps you would be better suited by Stan Dragoti’s 1979 comedy Love at First Bite. After having to vacate his Transylvanian castle, Dracula (George Hamilton) travels to New York City. There he stalks a tasty-looking Susan Saint James while her boyfriend, Richard Benjamin, tries to expose Drac for exactly what he is. Love at First Bite has an impressive comedic wingspan. Arte Johnson’s Renfield is outstanding, Richard Benjamin’s impotent and erroneous attempts to slay Dracula (at one point with silver bullets) are riotous, and if there is anything more absurd than seeing a vampire on the disco floor, I don’t believe I’ve seen it.
Dracula: Dead and Loving It
While not likely to stake a claim as Mel Brooks’ premier horror comedy, that title still firmly belongs to Young Frankenstein, I really enjoy his irreverent approach to Count Dracula. In Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Brooks takes a bite out of everything from Bela Lugosi’s iconic first incarnation of Bram Stoker’s classic tale to Francis Ford Coppola’s arty 1992 iteration. The great Leslie Nielsen trips masterfully into the role, once again demonstrating his adeptness for slapstick and nonsense. You also can’t help but love Brooks himself as an entirely whacked out Van Helsing. To me, the film’s funniest moment is the one in which it harkens back to the classic Hammer Drac films. As Jonathan Harker (played by Wings’ Steven Weber) drives a stake into a female vamp’s heart, he is dosed in a bucket of blood disproportionate to reason.