"Take some of that makeup off yo' eyes!" the caller shouts. But Joan Koplan of JKK Security in Ringgold, Georgia isn't having any of it. "Stupid ass," she yells before deleting the voicemail. And so begins the second season of AMC's reality series Small Town Security, a look into the lives of a mystery-solving, wild and ca-razy bunch of security professionals just trying to get by living the dream. But — as our exclusive clip shows below — this small town business is anything but ordinary. And small towns aren't without big dramas (something AMC is quite the expert on).
The series follows Joan and her motley crew of misfits: her business is family owned and operated, but Koplan is a woman who wears many hats — including public access television show host. But she isn't the only one who crams several lives into one. First, there's Joan's husband, Irwin (also known as The Captain); an office manager/detective/process serve Brian Taylor; secretary/licensed cosmetologist Christa Stephens; a 14-year-old chihuahua named Lambchop, and Dennis Croft: Joan's live-in lieutenant and co-host, who is not only hopelessly in love with her, but is also a female-to-male transitioned transsexual formally named Denise.
Between Joan's freewheeling mouth and her team's fast-and-loose way of working, it's no surprise someone turned them into a reality show. Check out the clip below and see for yourself.
Small Town Security airs its second season Thursdays at 10 PM starting May 9 on AMC. Will you be tuning in? Let us know in the comments below.
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For those not living under a rock, Robin Roberts' battle with a rare blood disorder called MDS has been a public and courageous one. So when Roberts made her return to red carpet duty for tonight's Oscars, most people were incredibly supportive — and many more, still, were proud of her choice to wear her hair au natural.
Unfortunately, there are still rocks out there under which a special brand of buffoon live. And, man, do they love social media! Taking their cluelessness on parade, these superficial ignoramouses seemed to miss the memo on ABC's Oscar anchor. Feel like getting angry? Read on to see just how offensive and awful the Internet can be. I'm sorry.
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Woah, Robin Roberts! Probably should have kept the hair. Looking like a cancer patient.
— Tyler Simpson (@Braintasm) February 25, 2013
I think Robin Roberts would be terrifying even if she had hair. #oscars
— Charlie Brown (@howihatehim) February 25, 2013
Eww, robin Roberts couldn't even put on hair??
— Troy Powell (@tjpowell82) February 25, 2013
I am not a fan of Robin Roberts short hair choice. Its a tough hairstyle to pull off as a woman. #Oscars2013 #BestDressed
— Brok Griffith (@plocktor) February 25, 2013
What's up with Robin Roberts' head. It's the oscars sweetheart, get some hair.
— Richard Fassett (@ClaudetteRubin) February 25, 2013
@mygeektime eww, Robin Roberts couldn't even put on hair?
— Troy Powell (@tjpowell82) February 25, 2013
robin roberts. one word "damn". she looks like a man. girl you gotta stop working on those arms and start working on your hair #Oscars
— Desiree Meg (@Mokha_Dee) February 25, 2013
Who did Robin Roberts hair? Looks like shit #OscarRedCarpet
— Dixie Lynn (@dixielynnelle) February 25, 2013
@jimnorton someone should tell Robin Roberts she looks horrible with short hair. I have no idea why she would shaved it
— Brandon Irwin (@BrandnIrwin) February 25, 2013
Sorry Robin Roberts, Charlize owned the short hair look tonight. #RedCarpet #oscars
— WristitRisto (@WristitRisto) February 25, 2013
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[Photo Credit: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images]
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Oscars 2013 Special Coverage
Oscars 2013 Red Carpet Arrivals: PICS!
• We Predict the Winners: Do You Agree?• 15 Oscar-Winning Nude Scenes• The Worst Best Picture Winner Ever• Oscar's Problem With Pretty Boys• Why Stars Should Fear Seth MacFarlane• Oscars 2013: The Full Winners List• The Winner, According to You
A “bedtime story” is a fairly succinct way to describe Lady. Of course a bedtime story being told by M. Night Shyamalan can go into any number of weird and wild directions. The writer/director says the idea for Lady was based on a story he’d told his kids which began with “Did you know that someone lives under our pool?” and revolves around Cleveland Heep (Paul Giamatti) a lowly superintendent for an apartment building who inadvertently finds Story (Bryce Dallas Howard) a mysterious nymph-like “narf ” living in the pool. She’s there to complete a task and now that it’s done she needs to go home back to the Blue World. But that’s easier said than done. She only has a small window of opportunity and apparently there’s a ferocious beast called a “scrunt” lurking in the grass around the pool waiting to kill her if she tries to leave. Now Cleveland and a few of the other tenants—who find themselves intricately tied to Story’s plight—must help her escape to freedom. Thank god for Sideways. Without it Giamatti would have gone on playing under the radar without the recognition—and juicier parts—he deserves. He is truly a wonder as Cleveland a sad little man with a stutter who is quietly trying to hide from a tragic past. It’s only when Story comes into his life does he face his personal tragedy and learn to live again. Howard on the other hand who wowed most of us with her stunning performance in The Village doesn’t have nearly as much to work with as the pale water nymph. The mystical character is fairly one note—befuddled and cheerless. But the rest of the apartment tenants shine: Jeffrey Wright (Syriana) as a single dad who has a penchant for crossword puzzles; Freddy Rodriguez (HBO’s Six Feet Under) as a weight builder who only lifts weights on one side of his body; Bob Balaban (A Mighty Wind) as a pompous film critic (and as a critic I’m not at all offended when he gets his comeuppances); Cindy Cheung as a Korean college student who is key in telling the epic bedtime story; Sarita Choudhury (She Hate Me) as a quippy young woman looking for her mission in life and Shyamalan himself as her brother the person Story is meant to inspire to write something extraordinary. There’s never a dull moment with this crew around. In a way M. Night Shyamalan has become his own worst enemy having to live up to this reputation as a master of suspense and surprise twists. His last effort The Village left many of his fans feeling unsatisfied—and unfortunately he may alienate more with Lady in the Water. But the fact of the matter is he is still one of Hollywood's more brilliant minds on par with screenwriter Charlie Kaufman for originality who has an innate talent for crafting ingenious stories filled with genuine human emotions. So maybe this time around he’s made a movie more for those most ardent of his fans who simply revel in the way his mind works no matter how incomprehensible and frivolous it may seem. So what? The diehards might feel compelled to defend Shyamalan’s choices with Lady—how he has come up with an entire universe where things like “scrunts” and the “Tartutic” (simian-like creatures who form an invincible force that maintains law and order in the Blue World) and “Madam Narfs” interact with humans in the real world. If the story actually took place in the Blue World then maybe it’d be easier to swallow. But that’s sort of the genius of Shyamalan. It’s as if with Lady in the Water he’s crafted a child-like movie for those adults who remember being told wildly creative bedtime stories who then in turn tell the stories to their kids.
She's a hip-hoppin' be-boppin' mean ol' nanny who whips a mean stew and your butt for not doing your homework—and now she's back! Alas we don't speak of the Mrs. Doubtfire sequel but rather that of Big Momma a.k.a. FBI Agent Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence). Agent Warner has cut ties with the FBI at the behest of Sherry (Nia Long)—who as you no doubt recall is the granddaughter of the real Big Momma—since she's pregnant with Malcolm's baby. But wouldn't you know that he gets sucked back in after a former colleague is killed. Posing as Big Momma he's hired as a nanny to a suburban family the deadbeat dad of which is involved in the murder and a crime plot. She does it all—cooks cleans dances and even runs down bad guys but it's a race against time to stop the potential national security crisis. That is a race against the film's (mercifully) short running time. Although Lawrence's resume includes some of the dregs of comedy it's hard to argue that he is truly blessed when it comes to physical comedy and comedic timing. He continues both trends here this time without the help of the breakthrough actors of the past two years Paul Giamatti and Terrence Howard who yes both starred in the first Big Momma's House. That means Lawrence's urban mania is truly on its own and absurd and juvenile as the film may be even film snobs can't hold back a few laughs at his Big Momma outlandishness. Longreturns for no more than a select few scenes and to provide a minor conflict in the story. The notable newcomer is CSI's Emily Procter as the sterile mother who hires Big Momma. She does a serviceable job as a suburban Petite Momma. Might she be the next Giamatti or Howard to bolt to bigger and better things in time for the next sequel? No.
Big Momma's House 2 is right up director John Whitesell's alley. He's the guy behind such misses—though not necessarily financially—as Malibu's Most Wanted and See Spot Run and he's right at home here. Whitesell doesn't hold back in (literally and figuratively) pulling the robe off Big Momma but he clearly knows that nothing is to interrupt Lawrence's antics not even the thin story line. Aside from that he knows quite well how to execute thinly veiled rip-offs of the aforementioned Mrs. Doubtfire as well as countless other hidden-motive comedies (i.e. Kindergarten Cop Houseguest et al). Because while the main guise is the Big Momma fat suit Whitesell parades the film about as a feel-good/family flick.
Nate Johnson (Cedric the Entertainer) an insurance agent thinks it would be a great idea to take his estranged wife and three children to his family reunion in Missouri by car from California. Nate's motives are sincere enough: He is separated from his wife Dorothy (Vanessa Williams) who has custody of teenagers Nikki (Solange Knowles) DJ (Bow Wow) and Destiny (Gabby Soleil) and hopes the road trip will help them bond as a family and with any luck re-ignite that loving feeling with the mother of his children. But everything that can go wrong does even before the trip begins. Nate brings his SUV into the shop to have an 8-track tape player installed in order to listen to his old Motown classics but what he gets is something straight out of MTV's Pimp My Ride although not even West Coast Customs would do something this gaudy. Off they go in their Burberry-outfitted low-rider Lincoln Navigator complete with four TVs and 26-inch Spinners. Vehicle with up-to-the-minute gadgetry notwithstanding the Johnsons encounter every clichéd road trip disaster including running out of gas and needing a pay phone. It's hard to figure out what's more trite--the journey to Missouri or what happens when they actually get there.
Cedric the Entertainer's trademark observational comedy which made him stand out as a cast member of The Steve Harvey Show simply isn't enough to carry an entire film. Cedric is truly the only funny thing Johnson Family Vacation has going for it and he has a few gags that are simply hilarious including a scene in which he bans CDs from artists who have been shot like Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. from being played in the car. Imagine his dismay when his wife points out that also includes Marvin Gaye "who was shot by his daddy--twice." But the comedian's arsenal of jokes--no matter how witty--do not a story make. Speaking of wasted talent the casting of stunning Williams as Nate's wife Dorothy is quite baffling. While Cedric the Entertainer could be married to someone this hot poor Nate probably couldn't. Nonetheless the quick-witted Williams holds her own next to one of the Original Kings of Comedy. Seventeen-year-old Bow Wow has worked hard to prove that he's not just a flash in the pan--and it's worked for the most part. He proved with Like Mike that he can act but the role of DJ here gets buried in this lousy film.
Christopher Erskin who makes his directorial debut here delivers a mess of a movie despite having squeezed out everything he could from his stars. Visually the sets resemble skits on a TV variety show rather than professional feature film sets the worst being the sequences where the family is in the SUV--almost half the entire film. To wit: you see them driving with the same scenery in the background--it's like in the The Flintstones when Fred would drive past the same palm tree next to the same rock house again and again. You can't help but picture the actors sitting in the Lincoln Navigator prop car in front of a large blue screen windows rolled down with a wind machine pointed at them. Matching the abysmal visuals are writers Todd R and Earl Richey Jones' ill-paced script. The film drags as the Johnson family encounters unoriginal setbacks and the end is not even a payoff; it's punishment. See the film doesn't end when family finally reaches Missouri: Moviegoers must the sit through the actual reunion and the Johnson family's Brady Bunch-style musical performance costumes and all. The only moment of brief relief is Steve Harvey's guest appearance as Nate's brother. But wait! It doesn't even end then--we have to follow the family back home to California.
Top Story: Original MTV VJ 'J.J.' Jackson Dies
John 'J.J.' Jackson, one of the first MTV on-air personalities, died Wednesday of an apparent heart attack while driving home from dinner in Los Angeles, The Associated Press reports. He was 62. Jackson, a longtime radio station disc jockey, first gained prominence while working at WBCN in Boston in the late 1960s, then moved to Los Angeles in 1971 where he took on the afternoon radio slot at KLOS. He later left for New York and MTV, where he worked for the cable music network in its first 5 formative years. Jackson later returned to radio in Los Angeles and most recently, was hosting an afternoon slot at L.A.'s KTWV. "He was a big part of the channel's success and we are sure he is in the music section of heaven, with lots of his friends and heroes," MTV said in statement. "He will be greatly missed."
Zeta-Jones Wants Her Privacy
Catherine Zeta-Jones lost the final round Thursday in her bid to stop a businessman from running his information technology business from a base close to the actress's new luxury home in her Welsh hometown. According to the AP, Zeta-Jones' parents, Dai and Pat Jones, wrote to the council to express extreme "concern and alarm" about Gywnn's business, adding that visits by staff members working for the IT firm would jeopardize their privacy. But Gwynn pointed out that his property generates far less interest than the Zeta-Jones mansion, which has already attracted throngs of tourists flocking to see the property the local celebrity and her husband Michael Douglas will call home on future visits to United Kingdom principality. Swansea Councilor Des Thomas, meanwhile, pointed out that the Zeta-Jones mansion was close to a cricket club and other public facilities, and said the family should have built their home in the more secluded town of Llandeilo if privacy was a concern.
Trumps Wants To Trademark "Your Fired!"
Real-estate mogul and reality TV star Donald Trump is seeking to trademark the phrase "You're fired!" According to Reuters, Trump has filed a trademark application for the phrase, which he uses when dismissing contestants on NBC's The Apprentice. Trump said he intended to display "You're Fired" on games and casino services, and "You're Fired! Donald J. Trump" on clothing. But Trump might have competition: According to the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office's Web site, three other applications for "You're fired" have been filed.
The Apprentice's Omarosa Claims Racism
Speaking of being "fired," The Apprentice contestant Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, to whom The Donald directed the very phrase he wants to patent, is negotiating a book deal about her experience on the show, the AP reports. Manigault-Stallworth, a former political consultant, has since said her experience showed the problems of racism in corporate America. After her "firing," the 30-year-old made claims that former contestant Ereka Vetrini had called her the "n-word"--allegations vehemently denied by Vetrini, executive producers Mark Burnett and Trump. "Believe me, I know what I experienced," Manigault-Stallworth said in an interview with the AP. "Those women called me every name in the book on-camera. Imagine what they did off-camera. Imagine what they would say in the corridors."
Janet Jackson To Visit Dave Letterman
CBS announced Thursday that Janet Jackson will visit the The Late Show With David Letterman on Mar. 29 in what will mark her first network television interview since the singer's breast-baring antics at the Super Bowl halftime show. Jackson is launching a whirlwind publicity tour promoting her new album, Damita Jo. She will perform on ABC News' Good Morning America March 31, will appear on Fox's On Air With Ryan Seacrest April 2 and is scheduled to host NBC's Saturday Night Live April 10. The singer will also be musical guest.
Affleck To Co-Host Live With Regis and Kelly
Ben Affleck will co-host with Regis Philbin on the syndicated morning talk show Live With Regis and Kelly Monday. The actor will be filling in for Kelly Ripa, who's on vacation. According to AP Radio, Affleck, who stars in the upcoming Kevin Smith drama Jersey Girl, recently told reporters that what happened to him and former fiancée Jennifer Lopez was like many of his worst fears coming true all at once. "What if something bad happens? What if everybody hates my movie? What if I have some public embarrassments in my personal life? Then it all happens in a month, you know, and it turns out like, 'All right, well, it's not the end of the world.'"
Comedy Central Re-Ups Jon Stewart Through 2008
Comedy Central announced Thursday it has re-upped Jon Stewart's Daily Show for four more years. "A lot of people like to get out when their show's still going well," said Stewart, who stars and serves as an executive producer and writer on the mock newscast. "This gives me the opportunity to beat this thing into the ground." The show, which has won several Emmys and a Peabody Award for its yearlong "Indecision 2000" political coverage, premiered in 1996 with host Craig Kilborn. Stewart took over the program in January 1999. This year, the show's viewership has averaged an all-time high of 1 million for the weeknight 11 p.m. EST slot.
Morgan Freeman To Drive Indy Pace Car
Morgan Freeman, who played the gentle chauffeur opposite Jessica Tandy in the 1989 film Driving Miss Daisy, was selected Wednesday to drive the Chevrolet Corvette pace car May 30 at the start of the Indianapolis 500, the AP reports. Freeman, 66, will lead the starting field on the parade and pace laps at the start of the race. "Right next to acting, my childhood dream was to drive on a Speedway track," Freeman said. "I'm thrilled to just be an observer, but especially thrilled to be a part of the racing logs as the pace car driver for the Indianapolis 500 this year." Other celebrity pace car drivers in recent years include Jay Leno, Anthony Edwards, Jim Caviezel and model Elaine Irwin-Mellencamp, wife of rock musician John Mellencamp.
Role Call: Hounsou and Silverstone Join Beauty Shop
ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox confirmed reports Tuesday that they will jointly produce a two-hour, celebrity-studded telethon on Friday to benefit families of the victims of last week's terrorist attacks in New York and Washington. The program will also be offered to the "fifth" networks, UPN and the WB, and to cable outlets, the Big 4 networks said. The program is scheduled to be carried live from 9:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. on the East Coast. It will be seen via tape-delay on the West Coast.
Titled America: A Tribute to Heroes, the program will feature performances by the Dixie Chicks, Alicia Keys, Sheryl Crow, Neil Young, Stevie Wonder, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Tom Petty, Billy Joel, Faith Hill and Paul Simon. Celebrities including Jim Carrey, Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, Robert De Niro, Clint Eastwood, Tom Hanks, Will Smith, Robin Williams and Julia Roberts have also agreed to appear, but it was not clear how they will be integrated into the program.
The Toronto Star assigned Daphne Gordon, its "Totally Blonde Entertainment Reporter," to write its review of Legally Blonde, starring Reese Witherspoon: It begins: "I've decided that while it's fun being beautiful, and it's fun being smart, it's even funner being beautiful and smart. I decided this last night, after I saw the cool new flick Legally Blonde. I totally loved it because it made me feel like it's okay to have highlights and still have big-time aspirations like becoming Prime Minister of Canada, or at least marrying a politician's son." Kenneth Turan -- hair color unknown -- of the Los Angeles Times is not nearly so enthusiastic: "Legally Blonde is basically Clueless Goes to Harvard," he writes. "Nothing wrong with that notion, but, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I've seen Clueless and this is no Clueless." On the other hand, Philip Wuntch comments in the Dallas Morning News: "As a comedy that celebrated shallowness while ostensibly scorning it, Clueless boasted sharper dialogue and direction. But Ms. Witherspoon far outdistances Clueless' Alicia Silverstone." Susan Wloszczyna in USA Today says the movie amounts to "Perry Mason Meets Miss Clairol." Her verdict: "Guilty of inciting a near-laugh riot thanks to an irresistible leading lady whose comic instincts are as impeccable as her manicure."