Whether you're a dog person, cat person, bird person or the less common but equally enjoyable pig person, it's hard to deny that an animal companion makes life a little bit better. The right pet can grow to become more than just a non-Homo sapien house-dweller that occasionally poops on the floor and chews on furniture; it can become a friend, a best friend, one as loyal and chipper as the best of humans.
Unfortunately, a trustworthy pet can quickly—and without warning—become a savage, destructive, mouth-foaming terror, a beast bent on annihilating anyone who crosses its master's path, and occasionally, the master himself.
The lovable monkey Caeser, from the upcoming Rise of the Planet of the Apes, is a prime(ate) example of when a loving creature can turn from good to bad, not adorable aww-look-what-such-and-such-did! bad, but bad bad.
Hollywood has a history of delivering up some of the world's most pestilential pets—here are a few of the nastiest:
Cujo from Cujo
In Stephen King-land, pets are rarely symbols of cuteness or, uh, cuddly-ness; rather, they are almost always murderous devils, as in the case of cinema’s most infamous St. Bernard, Cujo, a doggone (hehe) serial killer. Remember: Have your pets spade, neutered and vaccinated for rabies!
Church from Pet Sematary
The Stephen King house-pet demonization, Exhibit B.—this time it’s a cat. For some people, cats have an evilness about them naturally, but Church from Pet’s Sematary? Well, she’s a different breed of disturbing, even before coming back from the dead to terrorize people.
Gremlins from Gremlins
Everybody’s favorite ‘80s-movie creature not named E.T. is cute as a little lost duckling poking its little head out of a box. But ducklings don’t spawn reptilian bloodthirsties! Or shoot guns. (Probably.)
Beethoven from Beethoven
Aside from being so huge, cumbersome and rambunctious that he ruins stuff (i.e., family barbecues), there is nothing that technically makes Beethoven a terrible house pet. But that doesn't stop Charles Grodin's George Newton from feeling the wrath of God every time Beethoven pulls one of his zany stunts. He would have preferred adopting Cerberus over the infamous St. Bernard.
Harry from Harry and the Hendersons
Who knew Bigfoot could be so gentle and caring and possess a million-watt smile?! Who cares?! He stinks, he ruins everything, and he runs away constantly! And imagine the shedding.
Alvin, Simon and Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks
We could deal with Alvin’s smartassery and the combined jackassery of all three chipmunks—and hell, it’d be a cool icebreaker to have those pintsized buffoons hangin’ around the house. But the helium voices...good God, those voices.
Dug from Up
The novelty of an anthropomorphic pooch, like Dug, would wear off quickly, because if every time it barks counts as a human-voiced conversation, it'd basically never shut up. Even if you could program it back to “dog mode,” it’d be impossible to un-remember the creepiness factor of it all.
When The Adjustment Bureau hits theaters this weekend, I'm sure we'll all be looking forward to some of that Matt Damon charm, but he's not the only draw for us ladies. The film also stars John Slattery and since he's one of our favorite silver foxes, we thought now would be an appropriate time to share our top ten gray-haired heart-breakers of all time. So what makes for a fantastic silver fox? Well, it's not just a salt and pepper or gray set of locks. There's a certain je ne sais quoi about these men. Many are funny, dapper, or distinguished. Many are well-dressed, have an alluring quality in their voices, or are just so damn good at their job that it's sexy. So without further ado, here are our favorite silver foxes, in no particular order.
Even before he got into movies, or started wooing ladies as Mad Men's Roger Sterling, or selling Lincolns as a super sexy car to anyone with a pulse, Slattery was still breaking hearts -- just on a smaller scale. He not only sweet-talked Eva Longoria's character into marriage on Desperate Housewives, he also did the same thing to Sex and The City's Carrie Bradshaw; and he played a very important and powerful politician each time. It's hard to pinpoint why, but Slattery is undeniably sexy. There's a reason no one questions the hold Roger Sterling has on Christina Hendricks' Joanie.
Are you really going to argue with Dirty Harry? Really? That's not possible. Then you have all the spaghetti westerns he starred in like The Good The Bad and The Ugly. Those roles alone should give anyone enough reason to swoon, but let's add to it his multiple Oscars as a director and his turns as a composer and even as the mayor of Carmel, California. He's also served as a member of the California State Park and Recreation Commission and taken many other efforts to protect and preserve California's natural beauty. So wait, he's a great actor, great director and he cares about the environment? Awww.That's what we call a jackpot, ladies.
Words are failing me, because if I need to explain why Clooney is a total babe you're probably deaf and blind and aren't reading this anyway. The voice, the smirk, the talent, the muscles, the brains, the sense of humor -- it all works together to create a man who's irresistible to pretty much any woman ever. Why do you think he's dated so many women who look like they were created in a Victoria's Secret laboratory? Because he's unrealistically sexy. Let's add to this that he cares about the world SO MUCH. He recently contracted malaria because he was in the Sudan helping Google and the UN stop a civil war from breaking out. Read that again, because I've seen it 10 times and I'm still in disbelief. I'm going to have to stop because I'm about to faint just thinking about him.
Smart, sexy, svelt; what more can you ask for? Cooper probably gains most of his points for being a well-spoken journalist who recently risked his life to broadcast the crisis in Egypt, but even before his death defying reporting last month, he was still a total broadcast babe. So maybe you've never watched Anderson Cooper 360 -- which I'll admit was getting a little fluffy on the news side for a while there -- or you were annoyed with his Kathy Griffin-assisted New Year's hosting gig, but just look at him in that suit and tell me he's not attractive. Go ahead and try because I guarantee I won't comprehend a word of it. He's a silver fox; case closed.
The original James Bond may be 80 years old now, but he's a classic silver fox and to be fair, he's probably one of the best looking men to ever reach that age bracket. Connery's iconic Scottish brogue is a symbol of classic Hollywood and classic badassery, even in his old age, I think most people would be unwise to cross him. He's always been one of the best wooers of women and I think his legacy will always reflect that. Heck, I've shamefully seen First Knight TWICE just because he plays King Arthur in it. If you need more proof, check with People. They named him the "Sexiest Man of the Century" in 1999. Can't really argue with that, can you?
Here we have a man who I know every movie fan misses immensely. He was not only the picture of Hollywood glamor. He didn't only have a 1000 watt smile. He didn't only have the most piercingly beautiful blue eyes to ever sell salad dressing. He was a talented and beloved actor and director and race car driver and humanitarian. He's like the original Clooney except he also drove race cars and I'm pretty sure Clooney has no plans to put his face on boxes of delicious popcorn.
Here we have another political hottie. Stewart is hilarious; spewing his pointed and biting political commentary four nights a week and holding many crooked pundits and politicians more accountable than any governing body. Someone who's the smart and funny and strikes fear in the hearts of Bill O'Reilly and politicians alike and wears those incredibly well tailored suits is worthy of our attention.
Yeah, he's getting a little past his stage where he could be considered terribly foxy, but let me remind you that Martin has fulfilled the silver part of the silver fox title for as long as we've known him as a comedian. From the time he sang "King Tut" on SNL, to the time he named his dog "Shithead" in The Jerk, to playing The Father of the Bride, Martin's got the funnyman appeal with a little touch of that undefinable quality we mentioned up top. Add to all of this that he's a pretty talented banjo player and damn good author and you've got the total package.
Oh hello, Dr. McSteamy. You don't have to actually watch Grey's Anatomy to understand why this guy made our list. Just look at that jawline and those alluring eyes; they're like the Death Star's tractor beam and we're as helpless as the Millenium Falcon. (Sometimes I can only explain things in Star Wars terms. It's a disease; they're still researching the cure. In simple terms, that whole Death Star thing means he's sexy.)
Danson's a silver fox that we love because of his old television persona, Sam from Cheers. The reason he's still foxy now that the show has been over for so many years is because he's taken that Sam Malone charm and aged it like a fine wine, combining it with his famous snark and parlaying it into roles like George Christopher on Bored to Death. Or maybe it's the way he somehow pulls off the aging Clark Kent look, but does it really matter? He's a bona fide silver fox, end of story.
Although he breaks no new ground Allen masterfully milks the laughs out
of every situation as the movie transforms from crime caper to
rags-to-riches farce to screwball romance. Don't expect the brooding
(and humorless) introspection of "Deconstructing Harry" here. This is a
light broad comedy that promises nothing but a good time. Rejecting the
sentimentality that bogs down most comedies Allen freely and savagely
mocks the lead characters as they try to blend into New York society.
One of a handful of actors (Jack Nicholson is another) who can play
alternating shades of the same character and make it look easy Allen
here does what he does best. Add Ullman Hugh Grant Elaine May and Jon
Lovitz and you have a wildly humorous cast pulling off great material.
May is exceptional as Ullman's low-watt cousin guaranteeing a laugh in
every scene she's in. Could a supporting Oscar nod be in the offing?
Like clockwork Allen delivers a film every year. Sometimes it's a
disaster ("Deconstructing Harry") sometimes it all comes together ...
and this is one of those times. Allen is the master at assembling and
directing exceptional casts creating characters that reflect us at our
most neurotic and making us laugh. "Small Time Crooks" plays to all of
Allen's strengths and reminds us what going to the cineplex is all