This week’s episode of Once Upon a Time is a healthy balance of flashbacks, Storybrooke, and present-day fairytale land. While Henry and Charming are desperately searching for portal, Emma and Snow are doing the exact the same thing — but in a totally different realm. Emma, who is usually so fearless, is completely out of her element as she encounters new problems like untrustworthy witches, ogres, and bat-shit crazy princesses. Plus, “The Lady of the Lake” introduces us to one of Snow’s dearest friends: Lancelot. Of the roundtable you ask? Yep!
Mommy (in-law) Dearest: Charming’s (Josh Dallas) attempt to take back the kingdom from his “father” King George is put on hold when their camp is raided by the king’s nights. Leading the charge is a secret weapon known as “The Leviathan,” but Snow (Ginnifer Goodwin) quickly learns that the true identity of this masked knight is Lancelot. He brings Snow to the castle and we then listen to king’s monologue. It basically went like this, “Blag blah blah — my kingdom — blah blah — I was in love once — blah blah blah — now you can’t have babies.” That’s right, George cursed the water that he so graciously offered Snow so that Charming will feel the pain of knowing that he will never be able to make a family. Dick move, dude.
So now it’s about time we meet a mother who is actually, you know, motherly. Charming’s mom Ruth is as sweet as can be, and she is beyond thrilled to be meeting her future daughter-in-law. Unfortunately King George sends his knights to attack Ruth’s cabin, and even though Charming tells his mom to stay inside, she is shot in the chest with an arrow. Snow and Lancelot arrive a few seconds too late and they quickly determine that this arrow is poisoned and deadly. This is too dark for fairies to fix so Charming suggests that they travel back to Lake Nostos so that the magical waters may heal his momma.
But of course it’s never that easy. Since Charming killed the siren of the lake last season, there has been no one around to protect the precious water, so all that’s left is a bed of dust. While the men are searching for water, the ladies are doing their best to create some mother/daughter bonding and Snow tells Ruth about her can't-have-a-baby curse. Lancelot finds enough water for one person to drink and although it looks like Ruth gulped it all down, Snow unknowingly drinks the magic elixir in an impromptu wedding ceremony. (I know that sounds weird but it was quite cute.) Once Mama Charming passes away, Snow learns that her curse has been broken and that someday she and her new husband will have a baby girl.
Lancelot Lies: We first see the ladies where we last left off. Snow is unconscious and Emma (Jennifer Morrison) is chatting it up with Cora, who is desperately trying to play the “I’m not evil” card. Snow wakes up and goes into mama bear mode telling Emma that Cora (Barbara Hershey) cannot be trusted. Before we see another good versus evil showdown, the Storybrooke girls are summoned to see the leader of the camp. Surprise, surprise, it’s Lancelot! The knight explains that the Curse stripped Cora of her powers and for some reason this part of fairytale land remained untouched by the evil magic. Snow is determined to find a portal back to Maine and she believes the wardrobe (the one that sent Emma away) may still have some magic left in it. Lancelot agrees to let his old friend go but insists that Mulan (Jamie Chung) goes with them because the ogres have returned. Yikes!
At one point on their travels, Emma — like an idiot — fires her gun and the loud sound causes an ogre to attack. Just as it looks like Emma is going to be killed, Snow bellows, “Back away from my daughter!” The princess channels her inner Katniss and shoots the ogre straight in the eye. It’s been 28 years since she last held a bow and arrow, but when you’re a true badass, none of that matters. Snow, Emma, Mulan, and Aurora (yeah, she tagged along too) arrive at the castle and Emma is stunned to see everything that her mother gave up to save her. Snow whispers, “I was going to teach you how to walk in here, how to talk, how to dress for your first ball.” It seems that Emma is finally starting to open up to her newfound mother, but their connection is interrupted when Lancelot enters the room.
Lancelot, who is obviously very intrigued by the wardrobe, masks his lust by saying, “I just want you to get home to your husband and son Henry.“ At that point Snow knew that her friend was an imposter because Emma only mentioned her son’s name to one person: Cora. Yes, it appears that Cora killed Lancelot long ago and has been posing as him until she found a portal to Stoybrooke. Emma starts a fire and the wicked witch flees, but unfortunately the wardrobe (and their only hope of getting home) is now engulfed in flames. Mulan gifts Snow with the title of their new leader and ladies leave the nursery, but once they exit Cora returns and scoops up some of the wardrobe’s magical ashes.
Daddy Issues: Henry (Jared Gilmore) is bummed when Charming says that he is not allowed to help him search for a portal to fairytale land. “All magic comes at a price,” he reminds his slightly annoying grandson. But does Henry listen? Of course not! But it’s alright, I’m not mad because Henry leads us straight to the best character of the show: Jefferson (Sebastian Stan). The Mad Hatter is currently perfecting his sexy brooding look on the pier and he quickly brushes off Henry’s requests for help. “I’m the wrong person to talk to kid, magic is not my thing try your mother. Maybe she’s got something in that vault of hers,” he mumbles. To thank Jefferson for this nugget of information, Henry encourages the Mad Hatter to reunite with his daughter. Grace and Jefferson have a sweet embrace and once again we get to witness a beyond adorable fairytale reunion.
Now that Henry knows that Regina’s vault is actually in Storybrooke, he calls up his mom for a lunch date and a very excited Regina quickly leaves the house. (Side-Note: Being stood up — even if you’re an evil queen who probably deserves it — sucks. Not cool, you little brat.) Henry steals Regina’s keys, moves a stone coffin (that appears to weigh nothing) and hops down into the super secret vault. He picks up a random box and somehow the very first key he tries (out of a huge keychain) opens the lock and two very angry snakes rise gear up to attack.
Luckily, Charming pops out of nowhere and saves his grandson just in time. Henry gets out of all punishment by playing the sympathy card. “I just want them back. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I’m supposed to be there with them, riding horses and learning how to sword fight,” he wines. The episode ends on a cute note when Charming presents Henry with his very own wooden sword. “You’re the grandson of a prince I think it’s about time you learn how to use a sword,” he beams. The two begin perfecting their sword fighting skills but across the street King George is glaring at them from his car.
What did you think of “The Lady in the Lake”? Cast your spell in the comments below!
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[Photo Credit: ABC]
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The magical R-rating is both a gift and a curse to Adam Sandler's signature brand of lowbrow humor. In That's My Boy the comedian returns to the dim-witted roots that made him a star in early outings like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore (complete with high-pitched mushmouth accent) but with a ramped up "ew" factor. Unrestrained Sandler piles on as many expletives and gross-out scenarios as a two-hour movie can hold — and it works out quite well. With costar Samberg nailing the disgusted straight man role Sandler's penchant for acting like a fool is enhanced by the sick stylings of director Sean Anders (Sex Drive) and only occasionally teetering into truly offensive territory. Laughs aren't guaranteed but the movie provokes (which is a big step up from Jack and Jill).
Back in the '80s Donny had a secret relationship with his teacher Ms. McGarricle that resulted in a son Han Solo (he's a middle schooler what do you expect?). The torrid affair put McGarricle in jail Donny into celebrity tabloid spotlight and Han Solo in the hands of a tween father. Thirty years later everyone's screwed up: Donny (Adam Sandler) is a drunk on the brink of jail time for tax evasion McGarricle's still in jail and Han Solo (Andy Samberg) now "Todd " is a successful number-cruncher with severe social issues. On the weekend of Todd's wedding Donny reenters his life hoping to bring revive their relationship and reunite him with his mother — that is on camera so Donny can make $50 000 from a gossip TV show and stay out of the slammer. Posing as Todd's long-lost best friend Donny stirs up trouble becoming buddies with Todd's friends and family and acting like a imbecile.
The wedding setup is overdone but always prime for comedy: plenty for a numbskull to screw up logical progression (there's a wedding at the end!) and a bachelor party scene to squeeze in the most disgusting bits and have them make sense. That's My Boy makes the most of its conventions — including what we all know and expect from a Sandler comedy — by continually one-upping itself. After a night of heavy drinking at the local strip club/omelette bar that results in do-it-yourself ear piercing and robbing a convenience store with Vanilla Ice Todd returns home to expel the night's worth of drinking all over his fiancee's wedding dress. Then he makes love to the dress. Then his fiancee (Leighton Meester) wakes up to find the dress. Then it goes even further than one would care to imagine. Grossed out yet? Amazingly lower-than-low brow material is handled with clever timing and great delivery. It's just that the foundation is bodily fluids.
That's My Boy falters when it throws in gags that serve zero purpose to the story. Strange racist humor a mentally retarded bar patron played by Nick Swardson (a Sandler mainstay) random allusions to Todd Bridges' drug habits — barrel-scraping one-offs that have nothing to do with the movie. At two hours the movie needs slimming and the fat is apparent. Thankfully the main ensemble goes to great lengths to make the hard R comedy click with Sandler and Samberg playing well off each other (although Samberg doesn't have the making of a leading man after this movie) and SNL alums like Will Forte Rachel Dratch and Ana Gasteyer driving by to bring the funny. Even Vanilla Ice's extended cameo fits the anything-goes tone playing a version of himself that befriended Donny in his celebrity days. Now he works at an ice skating rink.
After a few lame ducks That's My Boy is a return to form for Sandler. It wavers in quality but it has energy and color. A cash-in this is not and for any Sandler fan with a stomach for hardcore bathroom humor it's a must-see.
Conflicts: Every family who’s ever sat through a Thanksgiving dinner has had them. On Modern Family though, we rarely see family problems that aren’t simply squabbles played for laughs. Last night, things took a turn for the slightly serious, as Phil had to fire Mitchell from his “favor” position, doing legal work for Phil’s real estate company. Phil wasn’t so great at firing — he tried to break up with a girlfriend once and then was married to her 20 years. On the flip side, Mitchell has been trying to worm his way out of working too much at Phil’s company, but Phil hasn’t taken the hint. Communication fails! Everyone has been there.
Such fails weren’t just limited to the brother-in-laws. Cameron had decided that he and Mitchell weren’t going to use the word “no” with Lily, which bothered Claire until she tricked Cameron into going along with her way when Lily was almost about to switch on the garbage disposal with Cam’s hand stuck in it. The best part of this storyline, though, was the concept of “being your own nap captain,” because I feel like that’s a phrase I could have gotten a lot of mileage out of in college. In other news, I really want a nap.
The kids were all a bunch of liars this week: Luke got a medal at school for putting out a fire. Unfortunately, he also started said fire and Manny knew it. Haley was sneaking into the house late at night from presumably Dylan’s (so glad he’s back!). Cameron was aware and was covering for her. And Alex was lying about having a crush on her art teacher, Mr. Gorgeous — er, Jervis.
The whole episode came to a head with a “Living Art” production at school that Alex was participating in for Mr. Gorgeous, which only reminded me of the Gilmore Girls life paintings episode. Between Alexis Bledel on Mad Men and this plotline on Modern Family, I’ve been really missing my Stars Hollow crew lately. Wednesday night’s Modern Family wasn’t a particularly laugh-out-loud adventure, however, but it was really beautiful — both figuratively and literally. The series is a tableau for current American families, and it was fun to see the writers play with that theme last night, with everything culminating in an actual art tableau when the gang gets over their squabbles and meet up at the diner with Jay for his namesake sandwich. I want what they’re having.
NEXT: The best quotes of the night!Top Quotes:
— I found Gloria talking in an exaggerated quiet voice after Jay confessed that her loud voice sometimes kind of embarrassed him to be one of her funniest moments of the season. And I don’t only say this as someone who talks way too loudly all the time. I get you, Gloria!
— Luke: “Maybe that’s what I should be when I grow up: a professional medal-getter!”
— Alex: “Please, she's a gym teacher. She is to teaching what Dr. Seuss is to medicine."
— Cameron: “You don't know terror until you've had to stare down the eyes of a Missouri state trooper and talk your way out of a PUI.”
— Phil: “Second best hugger in the world after Mr. Burt Reynolds. Story to follow."
Think Wednesday's Modern Family was a beautiful tableau?
[Image Credit: ABC]
Modern Family Recap: Downton Disney
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Dodgeball is the classic big guy vs. little guy
can-do tale featuring your least favorite P.E. activity. Peter La Fleur
(Vince Vaughn) is the irresponsible manager of Average Joe Gymnasium a
low-end workout center that is losing business to Globo Gym America Corp.
run by former fatty food fetishist White Goodman (Ben Stiller). Peter
discovers that he has 30 days to come up with $50 000 of payments or else he
will lose his gym to Goodman. With the help of the bank's lawyer Kate Veatch
(Christine Taylor) and a ragtag team of gym regulars Peter plans on
winning the Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open and its first place
prize money. Yes folks all of your favorite sports clichés are here: the
salty experienced coach (Rip Torn) with his inspirational
non-sequiturs the nerd with a girl to impress a love triangle between the two
rivals and of course pirates. What? You were expecting a high concept and clever plot twists perhaps? C'mon.
If you want character development go see the folks at Merchant-Ivory. This
is irreverent comedy folks. And truth be told it's nothing we haven't seen
before. Vince Vaughn hones his too-cool-for-school good-guy persona against
Ben Stiller's lycra-covered over-the-top overachiever with a '70s porn
moustache. Stiller's performance is colored with shades of the dim-witted
Zoolander and the granny-thrashing nurse from Happy Gilmore but it
works. The two actors play off of each other and their co-stars quite well.
(Stiller's codpiece alone deserves its own screen credit.) But like a good drummer carries a band the movie's costars are what keeps the audience's attention. And as always Rip Torn does crazy
like no one else as dodgeball manager Patches O'Houlihan. He
chews the scenery spouting nuggets of wisdom such as "If you can dodge a
wrench you can dodge a ball" before heaving a tool at one poor kid. As for the team of Average Joes Stephen Root Justin Long and Joel Moore keep the gags rolling as do the actors who make cameo appearances. This laugher has more guest stars than a
two-hour Love Boat special. With a list that includes David
Hasselhoff Chuck Norris Jason Bateman Hank Azaria I was almost expecting
Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise to show up in a red Ferrari. The
highlights? Well Gary Cole shines in his bow to the great Vin Scully but
nothing could beat Lance Armstrong who laid down the best guilt trip I've
seen since I moved to the dorms.
This is Rawson Marshall Thurber's first time out playing with the big boys.
Quite a burden for a Tinseltown newbie but Thurber pulls it off agreeably.
All of your favorite sports movies will be mocked and you will enjoy it.
Thurber uses everything he can to get a laugh. Whether he's clowning Tony
Robbins parodying '50s instructional videos or using pizza in a perverse
and unholy manner Thurber keeps his audiences attention with enough
breakneck shtick to make Mel Brooks proud. But most importantly he never
forgets the fundamental rule to slapstick comedy: hitting people with stuff
is very very funny especially if it's in the nether regions or some area
of the human body that could potentially hurt or bleed a whole lot.
Nominations for the 7th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards were announced today in Los Angeles at L.A.'s Pacific Design Center.
The unique show, honoring performers from 13 movie and TV categories, will air on TNT, Sunday, March 11 from the Los Angeles Shrine Exposition Center.
The nominations in the movie categories aren’t surprising, with frontrunners Russell Crowe’s from “Gladiator” and Golden Globe winner Julia Roberts from “Erin Brockovich” easily making the list. Golden Globe winners Tom Hanks for “Cast Away” and Kate Hudson for “Almost Famous” snag nominations as well.
Several nominees in the television categories are returning to try their luck again, namely James Gandolfini and Edie Falco from “The Sopranos,” who both won in their respective categories last year. Also, die-hard dramas, such as “ER” and “Law & Order,” are back for their superior ensemble cast performances. But the newest kid on the block, “The West Wing,” may give them a run for their money. Also, the fresh comedy series “Will & Grace” and “Sex in the City” makes a strong showing against other returning champs, such as “Fraiser” and “Ally McBeal.”
The 37th S.A.G. Lifetime Achievement Award will be awarded to longtime acting couple Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee, for their acclaimed body of work and their philanthropic endeavors with their fellow actors.
Here is the complete list of nominations:
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Lead Role
Jamie Bell -- “Billy Elliot”
Russell Crowe -- ”Gladiator”
Benicio Del Toro -- ”Traffic”
Tom Hanks -- ”Cast Away”
Geoffrey Rush -- ”Quills”
Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Lead Role
Joan Allen -- ”The Contender”
Juliette Binoche -- ”Chocolat”
Ellen Burstyn -- ”Requiem for a Dream”
Laura Linney -- ”You Can Count on Me”
Julia Roberts -- ”Erin Brockovich”
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
Jeff Bridges -- ”The Contender”
Willem Dafoe -- ”Shadow of the Vampire”
Albert Finney -- ”Erin Brockovich”
Gary Oldman -- ”The Contender”
Joaquin Phoenix -- ”Gladiator”
Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
Judi Dench -- ”Chocolat”
Kate Hudson -- ”Almost Famous”
Frances McDormand -- “Almost Famous”
Julie Walters -- “Billy Elliot”
Kate Winslet -- ”Quills”
Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Theatrical Motion Picture
For Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries
Alec Baldwin - “Nuremberg” (TNT)
Brian Cox - “Nuremberg” (TNT)
Brian Dennehy - “Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman” (Showtime)
Danny Glover - “Freedom Song” (TNT)
John Lithgow - “Don Quixote” (TNT)
James Woods - “Dirty Pictures” (Showtime)
For Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries
Stockard Channing - “The Truth About Jane” (Lifetime)
Judi Dench - “The Last of the Blonde Bombshells” (HBO)
Sally Field - “David Copperfield” (TNT)
Elizabeth Franz - “Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman” (Showtime)
Vanessa Redgrave - “If These Walls Could Talk 2” (HBO)
For Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series
Tim Daly - “The Fugitive” (CBS)
Anthony Edwards - “ER” (NBC)
Dennis Franz - “NYPD Blue” (ABC)
James Gandolfini - “The Sopranos” (HBO)
Martin Sheen - “The West Wing” (NBC)
For Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series
Gillian Anderson - “The X-Files” (Fox)
Edie Falco - “The Sopranos” (HBO)
Sally Field - “ER” (NBC)
Lauren Graham - “The Gilmore Girls” (WB)
Allison Janney - “The West Wing” (NBC)
Sela Ward - “Once and Again” (ABC)
For Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series
Robert Downey Jr. - “Ally McBeal” (Fox)
Kelsey Grammer - “Fraiser” (NBC)
Sean Hayes - “Will & Grace” (NBC)
Peter MacNicol - “Ally McBeal” (Fox)
David Hyde Pierce - “Frasier” (NBC)
For Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series
Calista Flockhart - “Ally McBeal” (Fox)
Jane Kaczmarek - “Malcolm in the Middle” (Fox)
Debra Messing - “Will & Grace” (NBC)
Megan Mullally - “Will & Grace” (NBC)
Sarah Jessica Parker - “Sex in the City” (HBO)
For Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series
“Law & Order”
“The West Wing”
For Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series
“Sex in the City”
“Will & Grace”