Reboots aren't just happening on the big screen, they're happening on the small screen too. Well, Lifetime is plucking Steel Magnolias from the big screen, filling it with an all-black cast, and putting it on television. This should make for a really interesting experiment. If you're not too blush and bashful (which have always been my signature colors) let's take a look at the cast of the 1989 movies with the cast of the updated version and see which actress reigns supreme. It's Steel on Steel duel, and there can one victor.
Next: Truvy: Dolly Parton and Jill Scott are both better known for their singing than their acting, but that doesn't mean either would do a bad job as this determined female business owner and truth spouter. Victor: Sorry, Jill, but your African accent on The Number One Woman's Detective Agency is much better than your Southern one. Dolly for the win.
Greasy acting wunderkind and future Tom Cruise replacement Shia LaBeouf, who once tortured the world with shouting at metallic blurs through three Transformers films, says that he is "done" making major studio movies. What, did an exec ask him to actually shave? Well, his exit is well timed, because relegating himself to a much smaller audience is probably what a lot of Americans were hoping he would do anyway. But with what he had to say about the movie-making establishment, he's probably not going to be able to find a job even as Third Sidekick with Mustache in any future franchise film.
"There's no room for being a visionary in the studio system. It literally cannot exist," the star of cinematic masterpiece Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps tells the Hollywood Reporter. "You give Terrence Malick a movie like Transformers, and he's f--ed. There's no way for him to exist in that world... [the studios] give you the money, then get on a plane and come to the set and stick a finger up your ass and chase you around for five months."
He also had some harsh words for his former mentor Steven Spielberg. Their friendship ended after LaBeouf criticized the final Indiana Jones movie. "He told me there's a time to be a human being and have an opinion, and there's a time to sell cars," LaBeouf, the least ludicrous thing about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Scull (next to Karen Allen's hair) says. "It brought me freedom, but it also killed my spirits."
So, how is DUI, public drunkenness, and street fight survivor LaBeouf going to pay his rent? Indies! Of course! Look how that has been going for Parker Posey, and she's actually talented. He stars in the little movie Lawless (formerly known as The Wettest County in the World and The Worst Little Whorehouse in Texas) which opens this Labor Day and has already been delayed, which is always what happens to a sure-fire hit (that was sarcasm). Next he'll be seen in the Robert Redford picture The Company You Keep. Later this year he starts filming Nymphomaniac with Lars von Trier, which is said to be so sexually explicit it will make someone who reads 50 Shades of Grey on the subway blush.
Well, it looks like since the movie biz hasn't really worked out, Shia has a big career of showing off his penis to fall back on. Wonder how he feels about the porn studio system?
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: Wenn.com]
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For all of you people who religiously follow Dancing with the Stars (hey, mom!) you know that this upcoming season of the show will announce its cast of returning all-stars and fan favorites on July 27th. I know that too, but, guess what? It kind of bores me. I could prepare a list of who I really want to see come back, but it would read like this, "Drew Lachey, if he has nothing better to do. I guess, Ricky Lake. Kelly Monaco has to be available, right?"
That's boring! No one wants to read that. Instead, I decided to come up with my absolute dream cast for Dancing with the Stars. May it serve as inspiration to the producers for the next season. Yeah, none of these people would ever really do it (except for Charo, whose manager should be getting a call right now). And here we go!
Anderson Cooper: The only thing more awkward than watching one of the newly-out anchor's onscreen giggle fits would be watching him try not to blush while wearing one of the chest-baring outfits.
Lark Voorhees: Lisa Turtle won a dance competition with The Sprain on Saved by the Bell. Just imagine what she could do with a fox trot.
Pee-Wee Herman: No, not Paul Reubens. I want him to never not be in character, and to choreograph every style to "Tequila."
Laura Bush: Republican ladies do really well on this show (see Bristol Palin), so what about a Republican first lady! Also, her husband would be in the audience and she could dance with his secret service escort. Genius!
Kroy Bierman: This show loves a reality star and it loves football players. Well, there's only one that we can think of who is both! And Kim Zolciak gets to pick out his booty-baring outfits.
Martha Stewart: You might think this ex-convict might be stiff, but just imagine what her dances would look like if she applied the same single-minded dedication to them that she does setting a Thanksgiving table.
Snooki's Baby: It will barely be able to walk (and knowing his mother, he probably won't be very coordinated) but man, wouldn't it be cute to watch him fist pump?
Dolly Parton: There is nothing this lady couldn't do. Also, she could write her own songs, or sing "Jolene" while doing the Viennese Waltz! She might have some obstacles (namely two) while trying to get her arms set in the right carriage.
Jean-Claude Van Damme: What are fight scenes other than a well-choreographed series of kicking? And he could probably stand to lose a few pounds.
Noah Cyrus: Sure, everyone is paying attention to Miley and Billy Ray, but what about her zany younger sister? She could be the youngest to ever take the crown. And she could do it wearing
This just in. Ladies and gentlemen, we have some breaking news here at Fox 5 San Diego. This is a shocking story that has been terrorizing our community for sometime. Alexis Bellino is an idiot. Here's Mindy Assitapolois with the full story.
Yes, what we always suspected, what we always knew was confirmed yet again last night when Alexis' new nose hosted yet another segment on Fox 5 San Diego, which is a quick two-hour jaunt from Orange County. She was doing her own hair and makeup and the producer asked her assistant where she was. "She's in the green room," the assistant said. And the producer went in and Alexis said, "Hi, thanks for coming to the green room. Are you almost ready for me?" "Yes, we're ready now, and this isn't the green room, this is the ladies' room. The weather girl is taking a piss right next to you."
Alexis goes to do her segment and it's something about "Kids, sex, and pop culture." What the jiminy crickets is that? That is some sort of thing you would only see on Fox, some crazy segment that really means nothing at all that they concocted because it has everything Fox viewers want to hear about: their kids, how sex is awful, and how pop culture is ruining America. It's really the perfect storm. It's like writing a blog post called "Naked Justin Bieber Screwed Steve Jobs iPod Apple Miley Cyrus Tits Porn Hunger Games Anal Nip Slip" which is just a trick to get all the search engines to send you there.
After bungling at least one of the guest's names and being unable to elucidate the topic at hand, Alexis then goes on to bloviate about how she "hears" that "kids" as old as "10" are "sexting." Ugh, sexting. The only word worse than "sexting" is "Pintercourse," which is when people send dirty messages Pintrest. I just made that up, because, until now, there was no worse word than "sexting." And where the hell did Alexis hear that 10-year-olds are sexting? Probably from some other harpy on Fox News who was just making that s**t up. Kids are not sexting. Teens, maybe. But kids? They can hardly even work the buttons on an iPhone nontheless make sexts. This is as stupid as rainbow parties or some other idiotic thing the local news makes up to get people to tune in. Then Alexis goes on about how kids are oversexed because of pop culture and, if you put beer in front of 5 year olds, they're going to become drunks. They she gave her enormous mammories a shake and a shimmy and asked her assistant to touch up the blush on her cleavage. Those bazooks are not fighting the war on decency, now are they.
No matter how awful Alexis is, at least she has something that is her own. At least she has some thing outside of her house (and her size 57 DDDs) to take pride in, to give her some meaning. Later, she goes out with Deacon Jim, her now slender husband who looks the underside of a possum when its playing dead. Jim takes Alexis out to dinner and makes a huge production out of taking her coat off for her and then, when she hands it to him, he flings it behind her onto the floor. He just lets it sail into the empty restaurant, hitting the floor, not worrying that later, at the end of the meal, Alexis will need her jacket and he will have to explain where it went and why he just doesn't care about where it landed.
This is their relationship boiled down to its essence. Alexis thinks Jim is actually her savior, the sweetest man in the world. But he's just a huckster who puts on a good show and then behind her back is too lazy to really do the right thing and without the foresight to figure out how not to get caught. And then, when she figures out that he's not doing anything, she just smiles and says he's great and everything's fine and pretends not to notice.
The Lookout begins like what might seem a teen horror flick with a convertible full of prom kids speeding and then crashing along a dark road at night. Luckily what follows is decidedly adult. The driver of the car Chris Pratt (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) suffered brain trauma as a result of the accident and in the four years since has struggled with memory and sensory lapses. He lives with a man named Lewis (Jeff Daniels) who has his own handicap: blindness. Chris helps with everything Lewis can’t see and Lewis in return mentors his much-younger friend about life. But Lewis is rendered helpless in Chris’ latest conundrum. After an encounter with an old friend (Matthew Goode) Chris is persuaded to aid in the robbery of the Kansas City bank at which he is a night janitor. He likes the rediscovered sense of autonomy the proposed heist brings him and the rebelliousness of robbing the bank whose boss won’t let him become a teller; he also likes the girl (Isla Fisher) that’s apparently a throw-in. But when it comes time to literally and figuratively pull the trigger Chris is rattled by second thoughts--and clarity. Whereas the Lindsays and Britneys of Hollywood perpetuate the "Former Child Star" cliché Gordon-Levitt makes it a title worth being proud of. The former Third Rock from the Sun star has stayed pretty much under the radar for the past several years on his way to becoming one of the best young actors former child star or not but he can only resist big paydays for so long with such talent. In The Lookout Levitt is able to grasp the less-is-more concept that is usually only understood by actors decades his senior. In so doing he adds depth mystery and suffering to a character that probably would’ve been played quirkily by most of his peers. But Levitt never needs to play for laughs because he’s got Daniels--speaking of quirky--for that. The ever-self-reinventing actor continues his odd role choice and great performances in the film by serving up primarily much-needed comic relief. Fisher (Wedding Crashers) has breakout potential and leading-lady looks and acting chops but she’s inexplicably offscreen too much while Goode (Match Point) who will make the female viewers blush is ominous from the first scene he’s in--and that’s a compliment. The Lookout's writer-director Scott Frank is a first-time director but don’t call him a rookie. One of the most highly regarded screenwriters of the past 20 years Frank has twice worked wonders with Elmore Leonard novels (Out of Sight Get Shorty) and done justice to sci-fi god Philip K. Dick (Minority Report) in addition to penning his own material (Little Man Tate and others). Indeed the man knows his drama. While The Lookout may not appeal to some of the aforementioned authors’ fans Frank’s story is wholly original and in many ways seems adapted from his own crime-fiction novel--he’s a true writer’s writer. Frank relies on the occasional flashback an unfortunate form of exposition but with such deep rich characters that he thought up one little crutch is forgivable even necessary. As a director Frank could do a lot worse and more pretentious than The Lookout for his first of hopefully many efforts; in fact the vast majority of his veteran contemporaries should be so lucky as to have their best dramas be as engrossing as Frank’s first.
Apparently, young people don't much mind long, drawn-out love stories narrated by seniors. The Notebook took home eight awards Sunday at the 2005 Teen Choice Awards.
The tearjerker that spans several generations, based on the novel by Nicholas Sparks, was the favorite drama and date movie among teens.
Both of the movie's young stars, Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, won awards for favorite actor and actress in a drama.
The twosome also won for best movie chemistry, and their now-famous rain-soaked kiss in the film earned them awards for both best movie lip-lock and best movie love scene.
Not to be forgotten, Ashton Kutcher took home three awards of his own, including favorite TV actor in a comedy. Teen fave Kutcher has amassed 11 awards total, most of anyone.
The awards show, hosted by Rob Schneider and Hilary Duff at the Gibson Amphitheatre in Universal City, will air at 8 p.m. ET Tuesday on Fox.
Here's a complete list of winners at the 2005 Teen Choice Awards:
Chad Michael Murray, House of Wax
Ryan Gosling, The Notebook
Sandra Bullock, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
Rachel McAdams, The Notebook
Jim Carrey, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
Hilary Duff, A Cinderella Story
Haylie Duff, Napoleon Dynamite
Ryan Gosling, The Notebook
Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams, The Notebook
Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite
Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite
Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams, The Notebook
Ryan Gosling & Rachel McAdams, The Notebook
Ashton Kutcher, A Lot Like Love
Paris Hilton, House of Wax
Jennifer Coolidge, A Cinderella Story
House of Wax
Ashton Kutcher, That '70s Show
Adam Brody, The O.C.
Alexis Bledel, Gilmore Girls
Rachel Bilson, The O.C.
Eva Longoria, Desperate Housewives
Adam Brody & Rachel Bilson, The O.C.
Lauren Graham as Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
Ashton Kutcher, Punk'd
Wilmer Valderrama, That '70s Show
Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway
Gwen Stefani featuring Eve, "Rich Girl"
Mariah Carey, "We Belong Together"
Ciara featuring Ludacris, "Oh"
Black Eyed Peas, "Don't Phunk with My Heart"
R&B Hip-Hop Track
Ciara, "1-2 Step"
Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone"
Chad Michael Murray
The crew of an Italian fishing boat finds the body of a man floating in the Mediterranean Sea and discovers he has two bullets lodged in his back and a microfilm implanted in his hip marked with the number of a Swiss bank account. Once he comes to he has no idea who he is or what happened to him but realizes he possesses extraordinary abilities and can speak several languages. The safe deposit box in Zurich holds a good sum of cash and several passports but most importantly a name: Jason Bourne. With his identity in tow Bourne (played by Matt Damon) finds his home address in Paris but soon realizes he's being tracked by someone who wants him dead. He offers German-born student Marie (Franka Potente) $10 000 to drive him to Paris but the two suddenly find themselves on the run from police the government and trained assassins. The Bourne Identity is a thrilling action pic that works on every level: the story is suspenseful and intense the cinematography is stunning and the acting above par.
It's good to see Damon who was phenomenal in The Talented Mr. Ripley in an edgy role once again. Not remembering his dark past Bourne is basically a good guy who just wants to wipe the slate clean and Damon is great at playing up his character's duality and perplexity ("Who has a bank account in their hip?" a dumbfounded Bourne asks Marie). Potente (Run Lola Run) was well cast in the role of Marie a gypsy-like loner who isn't afraid of a challenge but is smart enough to know when to quit. The two have chemistry on screen in a story line that is sweet without going overboard on sentiment. Two of the villains if you can label the CIA as such are played by Chris Cooper (The Patriot) and Brian Cox (L.I.E.). Both actors are chillingly creepy in their portrayal of cold and calculating government officials and constantly leave you guessing at what their true intentions really are. Julia Stiles (O) has a surprisingly small role as Nicolette a spiffy young American who tracks Bourne's every move in Europe.
The Bourne Identity is the first in a trilogy of films featuring Jason Bourne the main character in three best-selling novels by Robert Ludlum who died shortly after this movie's completion. Tony Gilroy (Proof of Life) adapted the novel which was published at the height of the Cold War in 1984 into a more modern and updated screenplay. Filmed on location in Prague Paris Italy and Greece the film has some stunning visuals from exotic shorelines to tight cobblestone alleyways. One of the film's most exciting scenes is a car chase through the streets of Paris as Damon at the wheel of a Mini knocks down pedestrians and drives down flights of stairs with skills that would make World Rally Champion Tommi Makinen blush. Director Doug Liman (Go) sustains the action and suspense evenly throughout the film with a story line that never lags. In fact a couple of scenes will practically have you jumping out of your seat.