Simmer down, sparky. Before this gets too out of hand, this is a tale of lost mail as far as we can tell, but the fact of the matter is that hundreds of unopened letters addressed to Taylor Swift were found in a dumpster outside a local Nashville school this week, according WKRN in Nashville. So yes, if your letter was in that batch, Swifty didn't read it.
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Hold up, though. It may not be her fault. The address on all the letters was for a nearby P.O. box checked often by a member of Swift's team, but this time, a sizable pile of letters wound up wasting away in a garbage dump. Before we all jump to blame Swift, pop culture's favorite punching bag, we must note that there are least a dozen people between her and those letters and it could have been any one of their mistakes. Of course, it could also be that Swift didn't want to read them, but we're just naming theories here, folks. Calm. Down.
A spokesperson for Swift tells WKRN that it was probably just a simple mix-up. "The only explanation for any letters being unopened would be that a small batch of mail that was supposed to be delivered to Taylor was accidentally put with letters headed for the recycling center. We sincerely appreciate Channel 2 bringing this to our attention, and we plan to immediately pick up the mail," says Paula Erikson in response to the Nashville station.
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The letters are now on their way to Swift so that they may be handled properly, but I can tell there are many of you with furrowed brow out there. You've been conditioned by the Internet and you don't believe Swift is innocent in all this. The discarded fan letters decorated with glitter and hearts works too well for your cold-hearted narrative of Taylor Swift, the 1950s housewife and break-up artist whose mowed down so many heartthrobs she's had to seek out new horizons by entering into a relationship with her true love: Diet Coke.
To that, I offer this: Enjoy trying to boycott her ridiculously infectious songs, especially "Trouble." I give you five hours before you find yourself rocking back and forth in front of your computer and listening to the "Trouble (Goat Remix)." (It's the only acceptable remix that won't earn her any revenue. You're welcome.)
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: Adriana M. Barraza/WENN]
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Dear fans of The X Factor, Glee, and any other Fox programs ripped from the schedule thanks to the World Series, Simmer down now. I’m sorry, that was harsh. I mean, cool your jets. Every year, Fox hosts this little thing known as the Major League Baseball post-season, this includes the anxiety-inducing playoffs and of course, the Big Kahuna: the World Series. Game 1 aired last night, and it was glorious. For most fans of sports, fun, and America, this time of year is exciting. It’s a pre-holiday blitz of irrational yelling, elated and unintelligible cheering, and sanctioned drinking on a work night. It’s one of the best times of the year. It’s a time when you get to enjoy the faux-anger of a team rivalry with your friends and cohorts in a friendly (though it doesn’t always appear that way) display every time the boys in blue (or red or orange or green) take the field. It’s great, so great that we temporarily forget that we’re without episodes of some of our favorite televisual escapes. “How could you forget?” you may ask. “We’re eagerly anticipating the return of Rachel Berry and Co. How can you handle the wait?” Well, there are a few answers to your questions (one for each potential game of the Series). 1. Baseball. Champions. Are. Important. Don’t you see? Whoever wins the World Series earns bragging rights for their fans for an entire year. From the end of November until October the following year, the champs’ fans get to boast, brag, and beat their chests and no one can say nay – except, of course, the losing side who earns a year of the phrase “we were robbed.” This is a big deal. 2. It only happens once a year. That means for approximately a week and half with a few other nights peppered in throughout October, you have to put up with baseball taking over your beloved Fox shows. Only once! Then it’s over and you’re back to trying to figure out which of Britney Spears’ singers deserves to sing again next week. Breathe. It will be okay. 3. There’s simply not enough time in the day. Some of us love both television and baseball. What? How could that be possible? It just is. And for those of us who love both sport and entertainment, it’s a blessing to have a bit of a programming break during postseason baseball. Who has time to watch a three (or so) hour baseball game and then watch the three hours of TV that happened while the baseball was going on? Not many people. We have jobs, you know. 4. Think of Postseason Baseball like Christmas break. Look, your TV shows take a winter hiatus for two weeks before Christmas and two weeks after New Year’s Eve. That’s a might huge break, and the networks don’t even replace all that empty space with alternate programming. It’s just reruns! If you can stomach that, you can stomach a few weeks of America’s greatest pastime. 5. It’s American, and you live in ‘Merica. This is also known as the “everybody’s doing it” argument. Last year, when the St. Louis Cardinals battled the Texas Rangers, an average of 16.6 million viewers tuned in over the span of seven games, reaching a peak of 25.4 million viewers during the final, series-ending showdown. That’s a lot of people. That many people can’t be wrong, right? 6. If you want it to be over, you have a built-in excuse to root for the team that’s ahead. My father would cry foul over such a suggestion, but why not turn your rage at the absence of Will Shuester’s curly coif by channeling your rage into ardent support of whatever team is ahead in the World Series. After all, it only takes four wins to take the title, the more games the winningest team takes early on, the faster the whole thing will be over with. 7. Books are still a thing, you know. Okay, so you don’t like any of my reasons. Fine. Remember those pages full of words we used to read in school? They’re like magazines, but longer and with fewer pictures. Some of your favorite television shows and movies couldn’t exist without the books that inspired them. If you’re not going to enjoy one of the greatest games known to man, then do yourself a favor and read a book. It will be fun, I promise. The Detroit Tigers and the San Francisco Giants face off in Game 2 of the World Series Friday at 7:30 PM ET. Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler [Photo Credit: Marcio Jose Sanchez/AP Photo] More:What's The Trouble With the Curve About? Clint Eastwood Explains It to The Chair Singing Showdown: Who Came Out on Top, The Voice or The X Factor?
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WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
G.I. Joe is a top-secret multi-national special forces unit comprised of highly-trained physically attractive military personnel from around the world. Equipped with the latest in superawesome vehicles and weaponry and guided by the tough but fair General Hawk they take on the baddest of the bad guys the kind of terrorists that scoff at conventional organizations. As the General himself so aptly states “When all else fails we don’t.”
That credo is put to the test however when a shadowy terrorist group armed with even awesomer vehicles and weaponry like crazy-ass laser guns and computer-guided zombie troopers infiltrates the Joes’ compound and makes off with a cache of four WMDs each of which is capable of leveling an entire city. Do the men and women of G.I. Joe have what it takes to defeat these menacing new adversaries before they mount their next devastating attack?
WHO’S IN IT?
It takes an elite group of actors to play an elite group of soldiers and the cast of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is stocked with an abundance of Hollywood’s most talented performers all adorned in various types of leather fetish apparel. White Chicks star Marlon Wayans plays Ripcord a flight specialist who can pilot any type of airplane even enemy crafts that respond only to voice commands uttered in Celtic. Channing Tatum star of Step Up and Step Up 2: The Streets plays his best pal Duke a badass infantryman who knows no fear. Preeminent ginger chick Rachel Nichols showcases her fiery crimson locks as Scarlett a shrewd intel expert whose stoic exterior hides a growing attraction to Ripcord. Barking out the orders as General Hawk is Enemy Mine star Dennis Quaid.
On the side of the bad guys is the Baroness played by Factory Girl star Sienna Miller in a push-up bra dirty librarian glasses and a raven-colored dye job. She’s the point woman for McMullen a shady Scottish weapons magnate played by Christopher Eccleston. But McMullen is no ordinary shady Scottish weapons magnate; he’s covertly amassed a huge terrorist empire headquartered beneath the polar ice caps. It’s there that “The Doctor ” a horribly disfigured mad scientist played by (500) Days of Summer star Joseph Gordon-Levitt concocts all sorts of diabolical new weapons and gadgets to unleash on the innocent.
Oh and there are ninjas too. Good guy Snake Eyes played by Ray Park wears sleek black body armor while the evil Storm Shadow played by Byung-hun Lee runs around in a updated version of Elvis Presley’s classic all-white jumpsuit.
Loaded with scene after scene of high-tech action-movie eye candy G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra assaults the senses with such a relentless barrage of over-the-top stunts eye-popping visual effects and stylized fight sequences that only the most coldly cynical of viewers will be able to resist submitting to its visceral charms.
As with most sugary indulgences the sweet dizzying high is followed almost immediately by a painful crash. Feelings of guilt and shame start to simmer as you kick yourself for yielding to such soulless gluttony. The next morning you awake with a throbbing headache and a heart filled with regret. The following day a doctor informs you that you have adult-onset diabetes. So in a nutshell G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is the cinematic equivalent of adult-onset diabetes.
The scene where they have the big fight with all the advanced weapons and a whole bunch of stuff blows up. Oh wait that’s EVERY scene.
For the bulk of his performance Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s face is obscured by a bulky breathing apparatus and his voice is altered to sound like the computerized movie trailer's narrator. Which makes one wonder why they bothered to hire a name actor for the role in the first place.