Tyler Perry's most famous character Madea is actually the least obnoxious part of his latest movie Madea's Witness Protection. Given that Madea is Perry in drag as an overweight gray-haired woman who delights in threatening people with violence this is pretty amazing.
The Madea movies aren't supposed to be nuanced character portraits they're Teachable Moments. In this case it's about shady businesses and Ponzi schemes — Bernie Madoff is even referred to by name. Although there's no doubt we're all feeling the repercussions of the 2008 financial crisis and will be for some time to come Madoff isn't exactly breaking news any more. Perry also wants to have his cake and eat it too showing the greed and corruption of big companies while also offering at least one of the people at fault both the benefit of the doubt and a shot at redemption. None of it adds up and half of the movie is taken up by a tiresome group of snobs who deserve their comeuppance at the hands of Madea.
The Needlemans are a rich white family whose patriarch is inadvertently involved in a Madoff-like Ponzi scheme. The mob is somehow involved — don't ask — so the Atlanta ADA Brian (also Perry) puts them up at the safest place he knows: his Aunt Madea's house. George played by Eugene Levy's eyebrows is such a schmuck that he had no idea he was being set up to take the fall or that the company he worked for was stealing millions of dollars from charities. Denise Richards plays his typically brittle and much younger housewife Kate whose main interests seem to be yoga ("yoda" in Madea-speak) and carbs. They both let George's daughter Cindy (Danielle Campbell) walk all over them and George and Kate's son Howie (Devan Leos) is the subject of many "fat loser"-type jokes. George's mother Barbara (Doris Roberts) is either senile or pretending to be or is just pilled out from all the Valium they give her; she's also a horny old broad that keeps making googly eyes at Joe (Madea's brother Brian's father and of course Tyler Perry in old man drag). Cindy is so awful that it's a relief when Madea lets loose on her even though it's a truly cruel prank that sets the girl straight. They are all totally boring and incredibly annoying so much so that any time Madea or even Joe appears it's a relief.
The other half of the Teachable Moments equation is Jake played by Romeo Miller. Jake was living a life of crime until he got straightened out and then his dad a sickly preacher played by John Amos trusted him with all the money to pay off the church mortgage. Unfortunately he invested it in a company in New York that's no longer answering their phones. Jake tries to hold up Madea for cash after she leaves the grocery store. She gives him a sound talking-to the gist of which is he should get a job and stop trying to rob old ladies who have worked hard all their life. (True!) However he's just trying to raise the money he lost investing in a company in New York the money his sick father gave him to pay off the church mortgage that's now lost. In case you can't follow the dots that would be the company George worked for that lost all the money for his dad's church leading him to a life of robbing little old ladies for pocket change. Besides the tragic waste of Amos Marla Gibbs plays a nosy neighbor for about half a minute.
Perry's writing shows a disturbing amount of cynicism if not downright meanness for a family movie. When Kate and Madea have a heart-to-heart about Cindy Kate confesses that Cindy thinks her dad cheated on her mom with Kate. Kate says "What kind of person do you think I am?" And Madea purrs sotto voice "A woman." There are also plenty of jokes about Madea's previous life as among other things a stripper especially in conjunction with her weight. (She had to use a telephone pole when she danced. Get it? 'Cause she's fat! Hah!) It's unfortunate that the spoof reel that plays after the credits is more entertaining than the movie itself -- even if those jokes include Charlie Sheen grabbing Madea's boobs Madea/Perry pranking room service about the bidet and Eugene Levy making prison rape jokes.
I was one of the few people who were impressed by Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls a well-intentioned attempt to bring the feminist experimental play by Ntozake Shange to life. That didn't compel me to seek out any of his other movies though so Madea's Witness Protection was my first foray into the franchise that's made him a very very rich and powerful man. The weirdness of Perry's vision is well-documented and he has fans across the board. Unfortunately I'm just one of them.
Does the female sex sell?
Judging from "Charlie's Angels" $75.4 million take in two weeks, the answer is a definite ... maybe.
The Drew Barrymore - Cameron Diaz - Lucy Liu starrer has overcome its infamous casting, script and $90 million production woes to become a bonafide hit. Milking its combination of cleavage, kung-fu fighting and Diaz's dance moves, "Charlie's Angels" urged moviegoers to "get some action," which they did, taking a strong summer for women and kicking it up a couple notches.
Once upon a time -- er, last spring, actually -- the Island of Moneymaking Girl-Power Movies only had one survivor: Julia Roberts. Sandra Bullock is in career rehab, Jodie Foster's a hit-or-miss. Meg Ryan and Michelle Pfeiffer owe half their box office draw to their huge male co-stars, while Sharon Stone is banking on "Basic Instinct 2" to revive her appeal. And Demi Moore ... well, that $12.5 mil for "Striptease" seems like a looong time ago.
Sounds bleak? Maybe not. The summer, while producing some of the weakest movies in recent memory, has managed to power up some hits with female-heavy marquees. Devoid of huge budgets, these films waited patiently while Tom, Mel, Eddie, Jim and Harrison duked it out before making their marks. Examples:
"Bring It On" Costing just $10 million, this comedy about a cheerleading competition bested Wesley Snipes' "Art of War" and knocked off Jennifer Lopez's "The Cell" (see below) to claim the top spot with $17 million in late August. Boasting no marquee names (it stars Kirsten Dunst, Gabrielle Union and Eliza Dushku), the film showed surprising legs (no pun intended) and has gone on to gross $67 million to date.
"The Cell" Jennifer Lopez became the highest-paid Latina actress in 1996 with her $1 million leading role in "Selena." "The Cell" put her in Virgin Mary robes, black bodysuits and a Hannibal Lecter muzzle contraption (is that moving up? We're not sure.). Audiences, intrigued either by the movie's visuals or Lopez's derriere in those tight outfits (or both), bit the first weekend, giving the $33 million thriller a $17.5 million opening. "The Cell" eventually tapped out at $61 million or so -- not a blockbuster, but enough to give Lopez a foothold for her next flick's salary negotiations.
"Coyote Ugly" Girls dancing to Rob Base on top of a bar in tight jeans, splashing water on themselves and serving beer. Lather, rinse, repeat. Touchstone Pictures' marketing department knew what it was doing when it hyped the ogling quotient and fierce-grrrl message ("tonight they're calling the shots") in trailers rather than its cheesy "Flashdance"-inspired story about a wide-eyed girl (Piper Perabo) who works at the bar Coyote Ugly while she launches her songwriting career. It barely earned back its $45 million budget (it's grossed about $60 million), but that still ain't bad for a film with a baffling title and no names (just faces) above the marquee.
And here's a peek at female-driven films to look forward to: "102 Dalmatians" -- Opens Nov. 22. Sequel to the 1996 film, which made about $137 million. Glenn Close looks to score again as memorable madwoman Cruella De Vil.
"Miss Congeniality" -- Opens Dec. 22 in New York. FBI agent Sandra Bullock has to tweeze her eyebrows to go undercover at a beauty pageant. Bullock's last film, the alcoholic comedy-drama "28 Days," languished at about $38 million, but she should shine here in a quirky role, supported by "The Cider House Rules" Oscar winner Michael Caine.
"Sugar and Spice" -- Opens Jan. 26. Mena (Suvari), Marley (Shelton), Marla (Sokoloff) and Melissa (George) are a bunch of cheerleaders who go on a crime spree. Isn't that cute?
"The Wedding Planner" -- Opens Jan. 26. It's Jennifer Lopez again, this time going for a Sandra Bullock-esque role as the title character, falling for the groom (Matthew McConaughey) of the wedding she's coordinating.
And let's not forget 2001's other offerings: "Bridget Jones's Diary," aka The Movie Renee Zellweger Gained Weight For; the Drew Barrymore starrer "Riding in Cars With Boys," directed by Penny Marshall; and next summer's ultimate girl-power gig -- Angelina Jolie as buxom archaeologist Lara Croft in "Tomb Raider," based on the popular video game.
Get some action, indeed.