It’s still uncertain whether or not there has been any child star that has come into adulthood unscathed, but what’s for sure is that stage parents are rarely ever as perfect as they make themselves out to be.
Here are 9 stage parents that will have you calling your mom tonight and telling her that you love her.
Dina & Michael Lohan A list about celeb parents gone wild would never be complete without the Lohans. Where to even start? In one side of the ring we have Dina Lohan, who has been blatantly freeloading off of Lindsay since she first shot to fame. Claims of being a Rockette (which she never was), a reality show, dodgy photos of her kinda-sorta making out with her own daughter (EW), showing up under the influence of WTF on Dr. Phil’s show, publicly sparring with her ex-husband, partying with Lindsay, and now a glorious DWI just weeks after Lindsay was released from rehab are some of the accomplishments Dina has under her belt. On the other side of the ring is Michael Lohan – over 6 years in jail, DUIs, random children with even randomer women, being violent towards his girlfriends, and talking to the press about how he’s not talking to the press anymore are some of Michael’s accomplishments. With parents like these, is it any wonder why Lindsay is the way she is?
Courtney Love Courtney Love is a hot mess and that title definitely passes over to her parenting skills. She was a shady parent from the start, admitting to Vanity Fair in 1992 that she took heroin while she was pregnant, though she stopped once she discovered she was with child. Love’s relationship with her daughter Frances has been plagued with drug overdoses, crazy Twitter rants, losing custody, restraining orders, and alleging that Dave Grohl hit on her daughter. It’s safe to assume that CPS was on speed dial for majority of Frances’ first eighteen years.
Charlie Sheen Charlie Sheen, Father. If those 3 words don’t strike fear in your heart, then little else will. Sheen may be winning life with his warlock tiger blood, but he sure isn’t winning any fatherhood acclaim. After he split up with Denise Richards in 2005, the couple had no problem airing out their dirty laundry for the world to see, which included the earth-shattering surprise that Sheen visited prostitutes and Sheen, the ever-romantic, threatening to kill Richards. The situation was replayed when Sheen and Brooke Mueller divorced in 2010, with Mueller getting a restraining order against Sheen for making “descriptive” threats to her. If that’s “winning,” being a loser sounds pretty awesome right now.
Jaid Barrymore Drew Barrymore comes from a long line of esteemed and troubled actors, but it’s her mom that gets most of the slack when it comes to her. Drew is a paradigm for reformed wild child, and majority of her problems stemmed from her own mother teaching her how to party. Jaid allegedly took Drew to Studio 54 before Drew could even walk. Drew was smoking and drinking by 9, doing cocaine by 13, and had gone to rehab twice by the time she was 14. Luckily, Drew divorced her parents when she was 15 and ended up turning out better than ok.
Joe Jackson It’s no secret that Joe Jackson always had a bad relationship with his children, namely Michael, but he reminded us all exactly how low he’d go after Michael’s death in 2009. Joe used Michael’s death as a publicity vehicle, using events commemorating MJ’s career to promote his own business ventures. He also blamed Katherine Jackson for Michael’s death, because that’s just the kind of stand-up guy he is. Joe complained about the fact that Katherine couldn’t stop crying after losing her son, admitting, “I didn’t give her a hug because I was mad at her crying.” Sociopathic much?
Kris Jenner We can all thank Kris Jenner for unleashing the Krazy Kardashian Klan upon us. Though they claim to love each other dearly and be a close family unit, it’s pretty easy to see that Kris Jenner has the entire family by the proverbial balls. Kris all but admitted to brokering Kim’s sex tape, saying on an early episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, “As a mother, I wanted to kill her. But as a manager, I knew I had a job to do.” Kris also encouraged Kim to pose for Playboy in 2007, even though Kim was uncomfortable with the prospect. There’s also the fact that she had no qualms about her barely teenaged daughters dancing on a stripper pole (in her own house, no less).
Linda & Hulk Hogan The Hogan Family is basically Days of Our Lives with more peroxide and less Stefano, and at the center of it all is poor Brooke Hogan. First, Hulk Hogan cheated on Linda Hogan with one of Brooke’s female friends. Then, in a totally non-attempt to get back at Hulk, Linda ran off with one of Brooke’s male friends. If all that wasn’t bad enough, a sex tape of Hulk and Heather Clem, the estranged wife of Bubba the Love Sponge (yes, that’s what someone chooses to call themself) was suspiciously leaked onto the interwebs. Hulk may be a WWE superstar, but nobody wanted to see that. It’s one thing when celebs leak sex tapes, but celeb parents leaking sex tapes is a whole other shade of embarrassing.
Ryan O’Neal If there’s a perfect example of why people should have to be tested for competency before they become parents, Ryan O’Neal is it. Ryan is the reason why his son, Redmond, is also a drug addict, with the 2 of them sharing a touching father-son arrest for felony meth possession in 2008. His daughter, Tatum, also alleged claims of physical and emotional abuse on his part in her memoir and she’s no stranger to drug arrests either. Making things worse is the fact that Ryan admitted to hitting on Tatum at Farrah Fawcett’s funeral, stating, “I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick." At least we all agree on one thing, Ryan.
Chrisoula Workman The latest recruit in the Crazy Stage Parents Club is Chrisoula Workman, mother of Modern Family star Ariel Winter. In 2012, reports emerged that Ariel had been removed from her home due to her mother abusing her physically and emotionally. Ariel lived with her older sister Shannelle, who was also removed from the house by the Department of Children and Family Services and even lived in foster care for a while. Some of the things Chrisoula was accused of include name-calling, insults about weight, trying to ‘sexualize’ the then-14 year old, and even depriving Ariel of food. Instead of trying to solve her family’s problems, Chrisoula went all out on the offensive, spreading rumors about her daughter wanting to shack up with an 18-year-old and telling a judge not to believe Ariel, saying, “She’s an actress so I’m sure she can cry at the drop of a hat.” Wow. Hey Chrisoula, there’s this great guy that’s just perfect for you named Joe Jackson...
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Easter eggs, April Fools', and a new late night battle — what more could a pop culture enthusiast hope for? NBC announced that Jimmy Fallon would be replacing Jay Leno as host of The Tonight Show in 2014 as Jay-Z decided to push even further into the sports industry (while a real sports hero took the nastiest of falls). And in the middle of all of this, North Korea started moving some of its missiles. Needless to say, there was plenty to make the Twitter comedians explode during the week of March 31.
RELATED: Funniest Pop Culture Tweets from Last Week
See what funny comments they had to say this week on Twitter.
10 Funniest Pop Culture Tweets of the Week:
1. Julie Segal: "North Korea is taking this Leno leaving the Tonight Show thing way too hard."
North Korea is taking this Leno leaving the Tonight Show thing way too hard.
— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) April 4, 2013
2. Stephen Colbert: "Jay-Z is trying his hand at being a sports agent. He's got 99 problems, but negotiating a great back-end deal w/Gatorade ain't one."
Jay-Z is trying his hand at being a sports agent. He's got 99 problems, but negotiating a great back-end deal w/Gatorade ain't one.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) April 3, 2013
3. Jimmy Kimmel: "congratulations to my dear, sweet @jimmyfallon - a formidable rival and an incredible lover"
congratulations to my dear, sweet @jimmyfallon - a formidable rival and an incredible lover
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) April 3, 2013
4. Damien Fahey: "I feel like if we give North Korea Pizza Tracker technology we could get them on our side."
I feel like if we give North Korea Pizza Tracker technology we could get them on our side.
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) April 3, 2013
5. Sam Grittner: "Taylor Swift already wrote a hit song about Kevin Ware's leg."
Taylor Swift already wrote a hit song about Kevin Ware's leg.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 3, 2013
6. Eugene Mirman: "I bet Rick Ross would think it was pretty funny if tonight a few guys pull molly in his drink & made love to him while he peacefully slept."
I bet Rick Ross would think it was pretty funny if tonight a few guys pull molly in his drink & made love to him while he peacefully slept.
— Eugene Mirman (@EugeneMirman) April 4, 2013
7. Neal Brennan: "I'm glad Germany took away Bieber's monkey. That kid ain't sold enough records to have a monkey. #MJ"
I'm glad Germany took away Bieber's monkey. That kid ain't sold enough records to have a monkey. #MJ
— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) April 3, 2013
8. Josh Gondelman: "April Fool's Day was cancelled. APRIL FOOL! It still exists and sucks!"
April Fool's Day was cancelled. APRIL FOOL! It still exists and sucks!
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 1, 2013
9. Michael Ian Black: "A good April Fools prank would be for doctors to tell all their patients it's cancer."
A good April Fools prank would be for doctors to tell all their patients it's cancer.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) April 1, 2013
10. Joan Rivers: "Passover and Easter are overlapping this weekend, so I've decided to dye my matzo balls."
Passover and Easter are overlapping this weekend, so I've decided to dye my matzo balls.
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) March 29, 2013
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: Wireimage]
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This past week, a lot of the pop culture jokes have circled around the Oscars, targeting Seth MacFarlane as a mediocre host, or Kristin Chenoweth for her height — or for all the jokes she herself made about it. But then, the rest of the week happened, granting us new material... like IKEA recalling its meatballs because they were found to be made with traces of horse meat, or the Pope finishing out his last day at the Vatican. Between all of these events, the jokesters took to Twitter to let loose.
Check out the 10 funniest pop culture tweets of the week below!
RELATED: Funniest Pop Culture Tweets from Last Week
10 Funniest Tweets of the Week:
1. Rob Delaney: "I think we can all agree that this comment under The Onion's apology makes it all worth it: pic.twitter.com/IGH1mCpnAz"
I think we can all agree that this comment under The Onion's apology makes it all worth it: twitter.com/robdelaney/sta…
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 25, 2013
2. George Takei: "The only thing that could make the Oscars gayer, @SethMacFarlane, is if I hosted them"
The only thing that could make the Oscars gayer, @sethmacfarlane, is if I hosted them
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) February 25, 2013
3. Jessi Klein: "Quentin Tarantino is on the maybe list of all his friends' weddings"
Quentin Tarantino is on the maybe list of all his friends' weddings
— Jessi Klein (@jessirklein) February 25, 2013
4. Jim Gaffigan: "Can't wait to see former Pope Benedict on Dancing With The Stars!"
Can't wait to see former Pope Benedict on Dancing With The Stars!
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) February 28, 2013
5. Eliza Bayne: "If banks are so worried about people stealing their pens, they should just attach them to a Creed CD"
If banks are so worried about people stealing their pens, they should just attach them to a Creed CD
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) February 28, 2013
6. Patton Oswalt: "If a horse named Ikea Meatball doesn't win the Kentucky Derby this year, I swear I just don't know anymore."
If a horse named Ikea Meatball doesn't win the Kentucky Derby this year, I swear I just don't know anymore.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 26, 2013
7. Jason Biggs: "Next year, ABC, try hiring red carpet hosts that don't need a step stool to speak with the celebs. #Oscars"
Next year, ABC, try hiring red carpet hosts that don't need a step stool to speak with the celebs. #Oscars
— Jason Biggs (@JasonBiggs) February 25, 2013
8. Damon Lindeloff: "For all those following me, please be aware that I will be obsessively tweeting about Bieber's hat for the next NINE HOURS."
For all those following me, please be aware that I will be obsessively tweeting about Bieber's hat for the next NINE HOURS.
— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
"That hat looks like Pac Man wandered into the gay bar from Police Academy"
That hat looks like Pac Man wandered into the gay bar from Police Academy
— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
"I made a meme. http://qkme.me/3t62ee"
I made a meme.qkme.me/3t62ee
— Damon Lindelof (@DamonLindelof) February 27, 2013
9. Joan Rivers: "On Sunday night, you could easily pick Adele's Oscar statuette out of a lineup. It was the only one wearing Spanx."
On Sunday night, you could easily pick Adele's Oscar statuette out of a lineup. It was the only one wearing Spanx.
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) February 26, 2013
10. Neal Brennan: "Ladies and gentlemen, HorseMeatLoaf http://say.ly/ELT5fuB"
Ladies and gentlemen, HorseMeatLoaf say.ly/ELT5fuB
— Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) February 25, 2013
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: ABC; Twitter]
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Is On the Road the first successful attempt to bring Jack Kerouac's beloved novel to the screen? Depends on who you ask. Fans of the Beat Generation will undoubtedly love this film directed by Walter Salles and adapted by Jose Rivera and those familiar with Kerouac's mythos might be able to play along. But if you've never heard of this group of writers and miscreants you might be eating their dust.
On the Road is occasionally beautiful and entirely too long. Its narrator Sal Paradise Kerouac's alter ego is played by Sam Riley with a sort of muted watchfulness; he's an outsider the writer narrating it all along for the ride but the script doesn't do justice to the tastes of Kerouac's writing (although we get a taste in some small voiceovers). Garrett Hedlund owns this movie from top to bottom as Dean Moriarty with his buoyant earthy sexuality and total irresponsibility. In reality Dean is the sort of user and mooch that would be a total drain of energy and resources but we see him as Sal does: alive free sensual somehow utterly honest in his protestations of love and honesty despite his constant betrayals.
Dean is absolutely the sex and love object of the movie his pansexual groove attracting and scaring Sal and in a way breaking his heart. Dean also breaks the hearts of Marylou his on-again off-again child bride played by Kristen Stewart; Camille the mother of his children played by Kirsten Dunst; and most movingly Carlo Marx the alter ego of Allen Ginsberg who is played by Tom Sturridge. Sturridge is excellent as the lovelorn poet who's alternately suicidal and joyous and his scenes with Hedlund are some of the most erotic and moving. The female characters get short shrift especially Marylou who lacks much of a personality; how much of what she does is egged on by Dean and how much is of her own volition? The ballyhoo over her nude scenes were overblown by half; although they're somewhat sexy they're overshadowed by all of the sexual tension between the leads.
Two of the most interesting characters in On the Road are Old Bull Lee and his wife Jane. Bull is the alter ego of William S. Burroughs and Jane is Joan Vollmer Burroughs's common-law wife and the mother of his children. (Vollmer a writer in her own right was accidentally killed by Burroughs.) Jane played by Amy Adams is bizarre and fascinating a wild-haired lady and drug addict and mother of Bull's children but not much more than that. One could watch an entire movie of Viggo Mortensen playing Bull a sharp-dressed heroin addict who nods off with his child in his arms and strips off his clothes to get in an orgone accumulator he built in his backyard. The movie barely makes a pit stop at their crumbling Louisiana farm and their importance in Sal's life and the Beat generation is never quite explained.
One might argue that the loopy timeline of the film mimics the unending road trip of Dean's life but it doesn't serve the final product. Incorporating more of Kerouac's writing as voice-overs or something similar would have given it more life the kind of vivacity Kerouac sought out in spades which is why he tolerated Dean's vagaries for so long. More than most movies it feels like On the Road could have gone in any direction expanding or reducing characters shortening the trips to concentrate on the characters more emphasizing the effects of their missing fathers or not and it's this wishy-washiness that undermines the movie. It feels much longer than it is. It's a loving tribute to its subjects and a movie that acts as a showcase for rising stars Hedlund and Riley but it fizzles when it should burn.
It was the trickle of pee heard around the world. Cannes attendees were aghast and/or amused an infamous scene from The Paperboy that shows Nicole Kidman urinating on Zac Efron; this is apparently a great salve for jellyfish burns which were covering our Ken Doll-like protagonist. (In fact the term protagonist should be used very loosely for Efron's character Jack who is mostly acted upon than active throughout.)
Lurid! Sexy! Perverse! Trashy! Whether or not it's actually effective is overshadowed by all the hubbub that's attached itself to the movie for better or worse. In fact the movie is all of these things — but that's actually not a compliment. What could have become somethingmemorable is jaw-droppingly bad (when it's not hilarious). Director Lee Daniels uses a few different visual styles throughout from a stark black and white palette for a crime scene recreation at the beginning to a '70s porno aesthetic that oscillates between psychedelic and straight-up sweaty with an emphasis on Efron's tighty-whiteys. This only enhances the sloppiness of the script which uses lines like narrator/housekeeper/nanny Anita's (Macy Gray) "You ain't tired enough to be retired " to conjure up the down-home wisdom of the South. Despite Gray's musical talents she is not a good choice for a narrator or an actor for that matter. In a way — insofar as they're perhaps the only female characters given a chunk of screen time — her foil is Charlotte Bless Nicole Kidman's character. Anita is the mother figure who wears as we see in an early scene control-top pantyhose whereas Charlotte is all clam diggers and Barbie doll make-up. Or as Anita puts it "an oversexed Barbie doll."
The slapdash plot is that Jack's older brother Ward (Matthew McConaughey) comes back to town with his colleague Yardley (David Oyelowo) to investigate the case of a death row criminal named Hillary Van Wetter. Yardley is black and British which seems to confuse many of the people he meets in this backwoods town. Hillary (John Cusack) hidden under a mop of greasy black hair) is a slack-jawed yokel who could care less if he's going to be killed for a crime he might or might not have committed. He is way more interested in his bride-to-be Charlotte who has fallen in love with him through letters — this is her thing apparently writing letters and falling in love with inmates — and has rushed to help Ward and Yardley free her man. In the meantime we're subjected to at least one simulated sex scene that will haunt your dreams forever. Besides Hillary's shortcomings as a character that could rustle up any sort of empathy the case itself is so boring it begs the question why a respected journalist would be interested enough to pursue it.
The rest of the movie is filled with longing an attempt to place any the story in some sort of social context via class and race even more Zac Efron's underwear sexual violence alligator innards swamp people in comically ramshackle homes and a glimpse of one glistening McConaughey 'tock. Harmony Korine called and he wants his Gummo back.
It's probably tantalizing for this cast to take on "serious" "edgy" work by an Oscar-nominated director. Cusack ditched his boombox blasting "In Your Eyes" long ago and Efron's been trying to shed his squeaky clean image for so long that he finally dropped a condom on the red carpet for The Lorax so we'd know he's not smooth like a Ken doll despite how he was filmed by Daniels. On the other hand Nicole Kidman has been making interesting and varied career choices for years so it's confounding why she'd be interested in a one-dimensional character like Charlotte. McConaughey's on a roll and like the rest of the cast he's got plenty of interesting projects worth watching so this probably won't slow him down. Even Daniels is already shooting a new film The Butler as we can see from Oprah's dazzling Instagram feed. It's as if they all want to put The Paperboy behind them as soon as possible. It's hard to blame them.
After garnering widespread praise (and an Oscar nomination for screenwriting) for his 2000 directorial debut You Can Count on Me Kenneth Lonergan was in-demand. In September 2005 the writer/director began production on a follow-up feature: Margaret which touted Anna Paquin Matt Damon Mark Ruffalo Matthew Broderick Allison Janney as well as legendary filmmakers Sydney Pollack and Anthony Minghella (The English Patient) as producers. The movie wrapped production in a few months time. The buzz was already growing.
Now six years later the movie is finally hitting theaters. So…what took so long?
The journey to this point hasn't been an easy one and it shows. If a film's shot footage is a block of granite and the editing process is the careful carving that turns it into a statuesque work of art Margaret feels like it was attacked by a blind man with a jackhammer. The film is a cinematic disaster a mishmash of shallow characters overwrought politics and sporadic tones. The story follows Lisa Coen (Paquin) a New York teenager who finds herself drowning in chaos after distracting a bus driver (Ruffalo) causing him to hit and kill a pedestrian (Janney). Initially Lisa tells the police it was all an accident but as time passes regret takes hold and the girl embarks on a mission to take down the man she now regards as a culprit. That's just the tip of the iceberg–along the way Lisa deals with everyday teen stuff: falling for her geometry teacher (Damon) combating her anxiety-ridden actress mother losing her virginity dabbling in drugs debating 9/11 and the Iraq War cultivating a relationship with her father in LA and more. There are about eight seasons of television stuffed into Margaret but even a two and a half hour run time can't make it all click.
For more on Margaret check out Indie Seen: Margaret the Long Lost Anna Paquin/Matt Damon Movie