The boys of One Direction have officially touched down on American soil for their massive Where We Are stadium tour. Tween girls across the country are screaming and crying in glee. You've got tickets. You might be too old. We’re here to help you figure out the signs.
1. You’re surrounded by people like this:
Getty Images/Francois Nel
Crying is not your first reaction when you think of One Direction. You’re excited, yes, but “crying excited?" No.
2. You don't need your parent (or their permission) to go.
Your parents have no idea who, or what, the hell One Direction is.
3. You didn’t have to ask for the ticket as a gift.
You totally used your big girl/boy money to pay for this.
4. You’re older than every member of the band.
Getty Images/Christopher Polk
Some of them, by a lot. Why are you so young Harry?!
5. You’re much older than all the fans surrounding you.
Getty Images/Davis Mariuz
Are all of their fans 12!?
6. None of the merchandise fits you.
Because it’s made for ages Tween and below.
7. You don’t have a bed time.
But you also really shouldn’t be up past 11, on a week night, because you’ve got this thing called work tomorrow.
8. You think it’s a little too loud.
Are concerts always this noisy?
9. You’re starting to question what these lyrics even mean and what it means that you’re singing along.
I drive all night to keep her warm… “Wouldn’t she be warmer inside a house? Why are you kids wasting gas? Don’t you know how expensive that is?” – You, questioning their logic.
10. Instead of thinking about how hot these boys are, you want to know why they’re prettier than you.
Getty Images/Kevin Mazur
Are they wax figures?
11. Zayn’s face makes you really wish you didn’t notice your forehead starting to wrinkle ever-so-slightly.
How are you supposed to pretend you’re their age if you’ve got crow’s feet ready to descend and their faces are still fresh from birth?
12. All of your friends openly mocked you for buying tickets.
And the fact that you stalked Ticketmaster and StubHub to do so? They will never let you live it down.
13. You couldn’t tell your co-workers what concert you were going to.
“Uhh…you’ve probably never heard of them! Gotta go, bye!” You're praying they don't see a picture of you there.
14. You can’t even follow along with their infamous Twitter chats during the show, because:
A. – "What are these people asking?"
B. – "That wasn’t even a question."
C. – "Why are people crying? They’re being so nice!"
Getty Images/Leon Neal
15. You think, even for a fleeting second, that you’re too old.
If you think you are, that’s probably the biggest sign there is. It’s okay, we’ll pretend you didn’t think it. Hope you enjoy the show!
The allure of a jump scare that perfectly-timed loud noise that sends a horror movie audience jumping is hard to ignore. They're easy but effective — if you want to shake people up nothing works as well as a well placed violin screech or slamming door sound effect. Thankfully the new evil ghost movie Sinister mostly avoids the easy way out by developing its lead character a novelist with a drinking problem and exploring an inventive twist on "found footage" (the guy actually finds footage). It all works quite well… that is until it starts relying on jump scares.
True crime writer Ellison Oswalt (Ethan Hawke) hasn't had a hit book in years but he hopes to change his life around by investigating a set of murders committed in the backyard of a suburban home. To immerse himself in the history Ellison moves his entire family into the house where the committed murders took place (and without telling them their new home's little secret). He immediately falls down the rabbit hole discovering a series of Super 8 movies depicting the first killings and a string of other bizarre murders all captured on gritty film. Ellison loses himself to the movies only flinching when his wife Tracey (Juliet Rylance) begs him to come to bed or his son Trevor (Michael Hall D'Addario) wakes up in a fit of terror from an anxiety ailment. But as he watches and rewatches the snuff films Ellison begins to see a connection between them: a shadowy figure who it turns out might be a supernatural entity.
Great horror rides on its lead and Hawke serves Sinister well. He's ambitious and overly confident of his abilities as he digs deeper and deeper into the history of the Super 8 movies. He makes some poor choices — why writers in movies are continually keeping secrets from their families and drinking way more whiskey than their finances would allow is one of Hollywood's great mysteries — but Hawke is adept at making the act of watching someone watch something interesting. His obsession with the mystery his slowly disintegrating mind is reminiscent of Jack Torrence in The Shining.
But before Sinister gets that involved with its central character it strays into run-of-the-mill haunted house territory. Vincent D'Onofrio pops up for a quick expositional Skype chat to inform Ellison that the dark being in his home movies might be a Pagan deity that eats the souls of children. That would explain all those pesky kid ghosts that keep whispering in the ear of Ellison's Ashley (Clare Foley) and making creepy bumps in the night.
Sinister's most terrifying material comes from the grainy "found footage." When director Scott Derrickson moves back and forth between Ellison and the films the writer illuminated only by the flickering projector it's chilling. But the movie progresses away from that into its own conventional horror movie. Weighed down by explanation and meandering action Sinister loses track of its character angle in favor of the almighty jump scare. It's exhausting — but then again as the nickname suggests they never fail to make one jump.