While Beliebers around the world cried Thursday night when they learned that their beloved Justin Bieber had collapsed on stage during a concert in London, the jokesters found material for their 140 character one-liners. This week, the world also watched as Catholic Cardinals convened to elect a new Pope — which, between the Cardinal's traditional religious garb and the church's practice of announcing the new Pope with smoke signals, provided plenty of fodder for funny stuff. And on top of all of that, Kate Middleton said something that made people think that she's pregnant with a baby girl. Watch out, Suri Cruise!
Check out the 10 funniest pop culture tweets of the week!
RELATED: 10 Funniest Pop Culture Tweets from Last Week
10 Funniest Pop Culture Tweets:
1. Colin Mochrie: "Got the call that I'm in the new Star Wars movie as Chuckle Ben Ka-Wacky, improv Jedi, master of the Farce. May be time to change agents."
Got the call that I'm in the new Star Wars movie as Chuckle Ben Ka-Wacky, improv Jedi, master of the Farce. May be time to change agents.
— Colin Mochrie (@colinmochrie) March 6, 2013
2. Rob Delaney: ".@justinbieber Don't feel bad, lil' biscuit! I pissed myself twice at one Phish show in 1993. It's all part of this game called 'Life.'"
.@justinbieber Don't feel bad, lil' biscuit! I pissed myself twice at one Phish show in 1993. It's all part of this game called "Life."
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 8, 2013
3. Eugene Mirman: "The Catholic Church can't pick a new Pope until they first address why all the cardinals sort of look like the evil emperor from Star Wars."
The Catholic Church can't pick a new Pope until they first address why all the cardinals sort of look like the evil emperor from Star Wars.
— Eugene Mirman (@EugeneMirman) March 6, 2013
4. Stephen Colbert: "Wonder if the new OZ movie lines up with a Pink Floyd album. Or, since it's produced by Disney, a Selena Gomez album."
Wonder if the new OZ movie lines up with a Pink Floyd album. Or, since it's produced by Disney, a Selena Gomez album.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 6, 2013
5. Suri’s Burn Book: "Apparently Kate is dropping hints that her baby princess is a girl. Just go ahead and drop me in a dirty river, why don't you."
Apparently Kate is dropping hints that her baby princess is a girl. Just go ahead and drop me in a dirty river, why don't you.
— Suri's Burn Book (@surisburnbook) March 5, 2013
6. Joan Rivers: "When a puff of white smoke wafts out of the Vatican, it means a new pope is elected...or Snoop Dogg is touring the Sistine Chapel."
When a puff of white smoke wafts out of the Vatican, it means a new pope is elected...or Snoop Dogg is touring the Sistine Chapel.
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) March 4, 2013
7. Conan O’Brien: "I love how Vine lets me record 6-second videos - it’s perfect for making sex tapes."
I love how Vine lets me record 6-second videos - it’s perfect for making sex tapes.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) March 2, 2013
8. Mike Birbiglia: "Dennis Rodman being an Ambassador for the United States is like having Dennis Rodman as an ambassador for the United States."
Dennis Rodman being an Ambassador for the United States is like having Dennis Rodman as an ambassador for the United States.
— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) March 3, 2013
9. Jordan Zakarin: "Watch out, Jon Stewart. You may just return to find Jay Leno at your desk later this summer."
Watch out, Jon Stewart. You may just return to find Jay Leno at your desk later this summer.
— Jordan Zakarin (@jordanzakarin) March 5, 2013
10. Sam Grittner: "I celebrate International Women's Day by visiting my local CVS and torching all their 'JUST FOR MEN' products while screaming: 'NOT TODAY!'"
I celebrate International Women's Day by visiting my local CVS and torching all their 'JUST FOR MEN' products while screaming: "NOT TODAY!"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 8, 2013
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: WENN]
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There's an allure to imperfection. With his latest drama Lawless director John Hillcoat taps directly into the side of human nature that draws us to it. Hillcoat finds it in Prohibition history a time when the regulations of alcohol consumption were subverted by most of the population; He finds it in the rural landscapes of Virginia: dingy raw and mesmerizing. And most importantly he finds it in his main character Jack Bondurant (Shia LaBeouf) the scrappy third brother of a moonshining family who is desperate to prove his worth. Jack forcefully injects himself into the family business only to discover there's an underbelly to the underbelly. Lawless is a beautiful film that's violent as hell striking in a way only unfiltered Americana could be.
Acting as the driver for his two outlaw brothers Forrest (Tom Hardy) and Howard (Jason Clarke) isn't enough for Jack. He's enticed by the power of the gangster figure and entranced by what moonshine money can buy. So like any fledgling entrepreneur Jack takes matters into his own hands. Recruiting crippled family friend/distillery mastermind Cricket (Dane DeHaan) the young whippersnapper sets out to brew his own batch sell it to top dog Floyd Banner and make the family rich. The plan works — but it puts the Bondurant boys in over their heads with a new threat: the corrupt law enforcers of Chicago.
Unlike many stories of crime life Lawless isn't about escalation. The movie drifts back and forth leisurely popping in moments like the beats of a great TV episode. One second the Bondurants could be talking shop with their female shopkeep Maggie Beauford (Jessica Chastain). The next Forrest is beating the bloody pulp out of a cop blackmailing their operation. The plot isn't thick; Hillcoat and screenwriter Nick Cave preferring to bask in the landscapes the quiet moments the haunting terror that comes with a life on the other side of the tracks. A feature film doesn't offer enough time for Lawless to build — it recalls cinema-level TV currently playing on outlets like HBO and AMC that have truly spoiled us — but what the duo accomplish is engrossing.
Accompanying the glowing visuals and Cave's knockout workout on the music side (a toe-tapping mix of spirituals bluegrass and the writer/musician's spine-tingling violin) are muted performances from some of Hollywood's rising stars. Despite LaBeouf's off-screen antics he lights up Lawless and nails the in-deep whippersnapper. His playful relationship with a local religious girl (Mia Wasikowska) solidifies him as a leading man but like everything in the movie you want more. Tom Hardy is one of the few performers who can "uurrr" and "mmmnerm" his way through a scene and come out on top. His greatest sparring partner isn't a hulking thug but Chastain who brings out the heart of the impenetrable beast. The real gem of Lawless is Guy Pearce as the Bondurant trio's biggest threat. Shaved eyebrows pristine city clothes and a temper like a rabid wolverine Pearce's Charlie Rakes is the most frightening villain of 2012. He viciously chews up every moment he's on screen. That's even before he starts drawing blood.
Lawless is the perfect movie for the late August haze — not quite the Oscary prestige picture or the summertime shoot-'em-up. It's drama that has its moonshine and swigs it too. Just don't drink too much.
Salt the propulsive new thriller from Phillip Noyce (Clear and Present Danger Patriot Games) has been dubbed “Bourne with boobs ” but that label isn’t entirely accurate. In the role of Evelyn Salt a CIA staffer hunted by her own agency after a Russian defector fingers her in a plot to murder Russia’s president Angelina Jolie keeps her two most potent weapons holstered hidden under pantsuits and trenchcoats and the various other components of a super-spy wardrobe that proudly emphasizes function over flash.
But flash is one thing Salt never lacks for. Its breathless cat-and-mouse game hits full-throttle almost from the outset when a former KGB officer named Orlov (Daniel Olbrychski) stumbles into a CIA interrogation room and begins spilling details of a vast conspiracy. Back in the ‘70s hardline elements of the Soviet regime launched an ambitious new front in the Cold War flooding the western world with orphans trained to infiltrate the security complexes of their adopted homelands and wait patiently — decades if necessary — for the order to initiate a series of assassinations intended to trigger a devastating nuclear clash between the superpowers from which the treacherous Reds would emerge triumphant.
The Soviet Union may have long ago collapsed (or did it? Hmmm...) but its army of brainwashed killer orphan spies remains in place and if this crazy Orlov fellow is to be believed they stand poised to reignite the Cold War. It’s a preposterous — even idiotic — scheme but no more so than any of our government’s various harebrained proposals to kill Castro back in the ‘60s. As such the CIA treats it with grave seriousness even the part that that pegs Salt who just happens to be a Russian-born orphan herself as a key player in the conspiracy.
Salt bristles at the accusation but suspecting a set-up she opts to flee rather than face interrogation from her bosses Winter (Liev Schreiber) and Peabody (Chiwetel Ejiofor). A former field agent she’s been confined to a desk job since a clandestine operation in North Korea went south leaving her with a nasty shiner and a rather unremarkable German boyfriend (now her unremarkable German husband). She’s clearly kept up her training during while cubicle-bound however and in a blaze of resourceful thinking and devastating Parkour Fu she fends off a dozen or so agents of questionable competence and takes to the streets where she sets about to clear her name and unravel the Commie orphan conspiracy before the authorities can catch up with her. That is if she isn’t a part of the conspiracy.
The premise which aims to resurrect Cold War tensions and graft them onto a modern-day spy thriller is absurdly clever — and cleverly absurd. But Kurt Wimmer’s screenplay isn’t satisfied with the merely clever and absurd — it must be mind-blowing. Salt is one of those thrillers that ladles out its backstory slowly and in tiny portions every once in a while dropping a revelatory bombshell that effectively blows the lid off everything that happened beforehand. No one is who they seem and every action every gesture no matter how seemingly trivial is imbued with some kind of grand significance. The effect of piling on one insane twist after another has the effect of gradually diluting the narrative. When anything is possible nothing really matters.
But spy thrillers by definition trade in the preposterous and the principal function of the summer blockbuster is to entertain. In that regard Salt more than fulfills its charge. Noyce wisely keeps the story moving at pace that allows little time for asking uncomfortable questions or poking holes in the film’s frail plot. And he has an able partner in the infinitely versatile Jolie who having already exhibited formidable action-hero chops in Wanted and the Tomb Raider films proves remarkably adept at the spy game as well.
It’s well-known that Jolie wasn’t the first choice to star in Salt joining the project only after Tom Cruise dropped out citing the story’s growing similarities to the Mission: Impossible films. But she’s more than just a capable replacement; she’s a welcome upgrade over Cruise not least because she’s over a decade younger (and a few inches taller) than her predecessor. Should Brad Bird require a pinch-hitter for Ethan Hunt he knows where to look.
By Noah Davis & Kit Bowen
Does American Pie 2 measure up to the original? We asked our movie experts (yeah, right) to tell us what they thought of this newest foray into the teen flick annals. Plus, we asked which teen movie grossed them out the most.
Hollywood.com: Once again, we are talking about sequels ... but was American Pie 2 as good as the original?
Kit Bowen: Nope. It's just another rehash. I think those studio execs need to think long and hard about these things.
Noah Davis: American Pie was one of the sweetest comedies of the '90s, and one of the smartest. Its freewheeling naughtiness was part of what made it so much fun. But it was never crass--which is why I won't make a joke out of Kit's use of "long and hard," or at least not yet--and its gags coasted along gracefully. Unfortunately, you can't say the same for American Pie 2. The writing is stiff, and I don't mean in the good way: It's trussed up in all the self-consciousness of a teen-age boner, with none of the illicit tingle.
Hollywood.com: While we're on the subject of raunchiness, what was the grossest scene in this movie, and did Pie 2 out-gross the original?
Noah Davis: Eugene Levy's Sansabelt slacks ... For pure grossness, you can't beat Stifler getting treated like a urinal. On the whole, though, this movie is pretty tame for a gross-out comedy, and falls short even there of the original.
Kit Bowen: What? You have an aversion to polyester, Noah? That's surprising. Yeah, there wasn't nearly the same amount of gross-out moments. But I think that's a good thing. Of course, poor Jason Biggs' character Jim has several embarrassing sexual moments, like super-gluing his hand to his nether regions.
Hollywood.com: Do you think the teen genre has finally run its course?
Kit Bowen: No, probably not. Teens love to see movies about other teens. And why shouldn't they? But I do think the films are taking on different styles. Like this summer's hits The Fast and the Furious and Legally Blonde.
Noah Davis: It's dead, dead I say. At least until the next one comes out. So many times we hear critics say that this is dead or that is dead, and they're always wrong. It's like fashion: things go in cycles. Right now teen movies are pretty hot, and while they may have a cooling-off period, they'll never die. Sort of like bell bottoms.
Kit Bowen: What's with you and clothes today? [Davis shrugs]
Hollywood.com: What's the best teen gross-out movie of all time? If the sequel can't eclipse the original, is American Pie the top of the heap?
Noah Davis: If we're talkin' gross out, we're talkin' John Waters. Who else but "The Pope of Trash" could use a 350-pound transvestite in one of his movies, and then make her/him eat doggie poop? Who else but the "Prince of Puke" could say that his own work has "no socially redeeming value?" Waters' classic, Pink Flamingos, remains the Citizen Kane of the gross-out multiplex.
Kit Bowen: Well, that's very enlightening, Noah. However, while my choice may not be as truly disgusting as my colleague's, I still think Animal House is still one of the best teen flicks around. John Belushi as a zit is classic.
Hollywood.com: Of the Pie cast, who do you think is bound for stardom ... and who isn't?
Kit Bowen: Well, some have already tried, like Mena Suvari costarring in the Best Picture winner American Beauty. But unfortunately, she hasn't followed up with stellar choices. I really like Eddie Kaye Thomas, who plays Finch. He's got an interesting quality about him.
Noah Davis: Eddie Kaye Thomas is a goof, much like my colleague. My pick, as would any sane person's be, is Natasha Lyonne. While wasted in the American Pie series, she's shown a real depth in her ability. A veteran of more than 15 films, Natasha was brilliant in Slums of Beverly Hills. Her choice of films must get better, however, to ensure a real date with success.