Every week, Hollywood gives us something to whine about, and the week of June 24 was no different. We could make a drinking game out of this week, but that would be too dangerous. Instead, we'll stick to the usual formula: varying levels of alcoholic respite depending on how bothersome the week's issues are. Is your biggest complaint this week a flimsy one? How about a light cocktail to take the edge off? Got a real bone to pick with a celeb or entertainment entity this week? Go ahead, grab a drink that'll put hair on your chest. Here are the week's entertainment stories that are forcing us to seek a bubbly or boozy refuge. And maybe an idea or two about how you should wash them down.
LIGHTEN UP WITH A TEQUILA SUNRISE
Adele and Bon Jovi have banned their songs from karaoke. Rumour Has It that whoever allowed them to ruin karaoke forever is Wanted Dead Or Alive.
Game Of Thrones superfans are naming their children Khaleesi so that their daughter Arya isn't the only one who has to face Earth's version of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.
The creator and showrunner of MTV's Awkward. upruptly quits her own show. Huh...well this really is awkward...
WASH THIS WEEK DOWN WITH A fUNKY MONKEY
Justin Bieber was banned from a skydiving facility for life, proving that "you can't fly unless you let yourself fall" but you also can't fly if you're a douchebag.
An alternate ending to The Hills will air on MTV because these LC and co. weren't annoying enough the first time around.
Miley Cyrus embarasses herself on Jimmy Kimmel Live and "We Can't Stop" staring.
HIT THE HARDER STUFF WITH A LONG ISLAND ICED TEA
Paula Deen's Today show appearance doesn't help her cause, tempting us all to "pick up that rock, pick up that boulder" and hit her as hard as we can.
Chris Brown was accused of assaulting a woman in a nightclub. Or was he really just complimenting her on her dancing? After all, he once told us "the way you drop, drop" makes him wanna pop.
Jim Carrey suddenly withdraws from supporting his violent Kick Ass 2, paying tribute to his bipolar personalities in The Mask and Me, Myself & Irene.
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The quirky yet heart-warming series Awkward. is at risk of losing its unique flare! Oh no! The treasured MTV comedic-drama has lost its creator. Lauren Iungerich, creator and showrunner of the praised hit show, is quitting the show when Season 3 halts. And we thought it was bad enough when Jenna cheated on her smokin' boyfriend Matty when she smacked her lips onto intellectual-cutie Collin! But now this, too?! Ugh.
Deadline reveals that Iungerich's Awkward move to exit the show springs from a combination of work and also personal reasons. Her decision to depart results after she exited the MTV comedic pilot Hot Mess three months ago when it was headed into MTV's screenings hailing major buzz. Susanne Daniels, MTV Programming President, spoke of Iungerich's departure, sharing: "Awkward is a wonderful series and we appreciate the creativity and devotion Lauren brought to this show. We wish her the best in her new ventures."
MTV is looking to continue on with the series even without Iungerich on board and is currently on the look out for a new show runner to command its flagship comedy series. We can only hope the awkwardness of Awkward. will not die in the wake of its creator's absence… and that Jenna will realize what a hell of a hunk Matty is and how stupid she is! But from the looks of the second half of Season 3, which premieres in October on MTV, Jenna's still just clueless as ever– how lovely!
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Rumer Willis Heads to Hawaii: Masi Oka and Rumer Willis may be finding love in paradise. Willis is set to guest star on an upcoming episode of Hawaii 5-O as a potential love interest for Oka's Dr. Max Bergman, a bank teller named Sabrina. Sabrina gets held up in a botched robbery, so we're not quite sure that it's going to last. [EW]
Guys With Kids Defies The Odds: Well, the guys with the kids have officially escaped the ax, for now. NBC just ordered four more episodes of the critically panned comedy, which recently brought in 3.8 million viewers and a 1.3 in its demo. While 17 episodes is not a complete vote of confidence, it's generous considering they axed Animal Practice with similar numbers. [TVLine]
MTV Takes on a Hot Mess: After the critical success of Awkward, MTV has picked up Hot Mess — a comedy created by Awkward showrunner Lauren Iungerich. The show will focus on Annabelle Stephenson's Amanda, a hot mess who basically is terrible at dating just like most other girls in their 20's. Her personality sounds a bit like Jess from New Girl, but we'll give it a shot. [Hollywood Reporter]
Pirate Casting, Ahoy: Zach McGowan, Luke Arnold and Jessica Parker Kennedy (of The Secret Circle fame) have joined the cast of Starz‘s upcoming original series Black Sails, an eight-episode pirate adventure set 20 years before the events in Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island. The boys are pirates, she's a prostitute. The first season is set to debut in 2014. [Deadline]
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The Manhattan district attorney's office declined to prosecute the son of former morning television host Bryant Gumbel who was arrested on Thursday on purse snatching charges, Reuters reports. Both the prosecutor and the defense attorney for Bradley Christopher Gumbel, 24, said that he would be released from jail where he had been held since his arrest. "I have just been informed that the prosecutor has declined to prosecute Bradley at this time. No charges are pending against him," said Benjamin Brafman, Gumbel's lawyer. "We believe by the end of the day, the matter will be dropped," he added. The young Gumbel was accused of swiping a 31-year-old woman's purse as she walked along Manhattan's posh Upper East Side and fleeing, police said.
Canadian pop diva Celine Dion's palatial Florida home is up for sale, and the "king looking for a castle" will have to come up with $20 million to move in, Reuters reports. The mansion in Jupiter, near the swanky resort of Palm Beach, is being sold complete with furniture and other contents, including china, linens, wine, and artwork, said Rob Thomson, a partner with Waterfront Properties and Club Communities, which is handling the sale. "For a king looking for a castle, they are hard to find, but this one is a castle; it's fabulous," Thomson said on Thursday. The home, built four years ago by Dion and her husband, Rene Angelil, boasts 15,000 square feet of air-conditioned space as well as landscaped gardens and a pool.
NFL Films is providing a little fantasy relief for moviegoers who wish the guy sitting behind them would just shut up by producing a tongue-in-cheek, 75-second trailer that will run before movies on the 2,448 screens owned by Loews Cineplex Entertainment starting this weekend, according to Variety. In the spot, a loudmouth theater patron is yanked out of his seat by two ushers who drag him to a room where a judge determines his punishment. Michael Strahan of the New York Giants and Bruce Smith of the Washington Redskins play the ushers and former Baltimore Raven Tony Siragusa plays the judge. Tim Couch of the Cleveland Browns also has a role in the trailer, which is the highlight of a national promotion campaign called "Lights, Camera, Kickoff." An ESPN Sports polls show that NFL fans are 35% more likely to go to the movies every week than the rest of the U.S. population.
It's another accolade for director Martin Scorsese, who will become a Commander of the Order of Ouissam Alaouite--Morocco's highest honor-- at the second Marrakech Intl. Film Festival in September. Variety reports that the director will receive the honor from King Mohammed VI, who founded the event to provide a forum in North Africa for cultural exchange. Tributes will also be paid to director Francis Ford Coppola and Bollywood leading light Aamir Khan (producer and star of Lagaan) and filmmaker David Lynch.
Hope they remember to pack their capes: Former development executives-turned-screenwriters Lauren Iungerich and Brad Follmer have sold their pitch Superhero Summer Camp to Warner Bros. Pictures through Oscar-winning screenwriter/producer Akiva Goldsman's Weed Road Pictures, reports The Hollywood Reporter. Iungerich and Follmer will now tackle the screenplay, which will follow a group of misfit kids who go to summer camp and discover that it's a training ground for superheroes.
Keep your eye on the sparrow: AP reports Universal Studios Home Video plans to release episodes of Baretta, the 1970s detective series starring Robert Blake, on DVD this fall, even as Blake remains jailed on murder charges. The series ran from 1975 to 1978 and starred Blake as a streetwise police investigator who arrested thugs and crooks and had a pet cockatoo named Fred. Baretta creator Stephen J. Cannell said the DVD might attract interest due to "morbid curiosity…It might be because the show is back in the consciousness of America, given the notoriety of the Blake case." Baretta: Season One is set for release on Oct. 29.
Despite his thug-life image, rapper-turned-film star Eminem (the upcoming 8 Mile), 29, told MTV that fatherhood is the most important thing to him, according to People magazine. "I'm a father before anything," says the controversial music star, who has one daughter--six-year-old Hailie. "I'm a father before I pick up the mic. I'm a father before I'm Eminem. Of course I'm not the perfect parent. There may be things I'm doing wrong and I'll find out in 10, 15 years, but right now I'm doing the best job I can and that's all I can do." As for a Marshal Mathers IV? "No more kids," says the rapper. "I'm good with Hailie. I'll spoil her and give her everything I never had. I have other family members that I take care of and want to take care of, but as far as kids, I'm cool. No more, one is enough."