Morrissey, the veritable vegan and every goth's favorite asexual crooner, announced to JuiceOnline that he plans to retire in 2014. He's only 53 years old, but he claims that he has "aged a lot recently" and that isn't really fit for a musical career. He famously started singing with the still-popular band The Smiths in 1982 and has been going strong ever since.
But do you think his retirement is really going to stick? I must admit that I'm highly skeptical, mostly because the list of celebrities and especially singers that have retired and then come back is long and varied. Elton John retired for the first time in 1977 with a big announcement at a concert at Wembley Stadium and look at all he's done since then. He subsequently said in 2010 that he would never release another single, which is a sort of retirement he's stuck to, even though he still performs regularly in Vegas. Speaking of Vegas, you can currently see Cher there, even though she launched her "Farewell Tour" in 2003. Bette Midler said she was going to retire after her stint in Vegas in 2008, but she's still releasing albums and starring in movies.
Barbra Streisand said she would stop touring in 1994, but then had a "Farewell" tour in 2000 and again in 2006. Jay-Z ended his retirement in 2006 after only three years. Celine Dion has had several phases of "semi-retirement" starting in 1999 and in 2007. Neither stuck for long. And that doesn't even get us to the actors (Amanda Bynes, Audrey Hepburn) and athletes (Magic Jordan) who have retired.
Yes, Morrissey may be totally serious about hanging up his falsetto forever, but history teaches us that those who are in the spotlight hate to give it up, especially when they're still capable. Considering the number of young and ardent fans that Morrissey has (it seems like teenage angst and depression is one of our last-known renewable resources) he could keep going on the touring circuit for years. 2014 is still a few years away, and if Morrissey is collecting a pension in 2018, I might actually consider him retired then.
[Image via Wenn.com]
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The first and most important thing you should know about Paramount Pictures’ Thor is that it’s not a laughably corny comic book adaptation. Though you might find it hokey to hear a bunch of muscled heroes talk like British royalty while walking around the American Southwest in LARP garb director Kenneth Branagh has condensed vast Marvel mythology to make an accessible straightforward fantasy epic. Like most films of its ilk I’ve got some issues with its internal logic aesthetic and dialogue but the flaws didn’t keep me from having fun with this extra dimensional adventure.
Taking notes from fellow Avenger Iron Man the story begins with an enthralling event that takes place in a remote desert but quickly jumps back in time to tell the prologue which introduces the audience to the shining kingdom of Asgard and its various champions. Thor (Chris Hemsworth) son of Odin is heir to the throne but is an arrogant overeager and ill-tempered rogue whose aggressive antics threaten a shaky truce between his people and the frost giants of Jotunheim one of the universe’s many realms. Odin (played with aristocratic boldness by Anthony Hopkins) enraged by his son’s blatant disregard of his orders to forgo an assault on their enemies after they attempt to reclaim a powerful artifact banishes the boy to a life among the mortals of Earth leaving Asgard defenseless against the treachery of Loki his mischievous “other son” who’s always felt inferior to Thor. Powerless and confused the disgraced Prince finds unlikely allies in a trio of scientists (Natalie Portman Stellan Skarsgard and Kat Dennings) who help him reclaim his former glory and defend our world from total destruction.
Individually the make-up visual effects CGI production design and art direction are all wondrous to behold but when fused together to create larger-than-life set pieces and action sequences the collaborative result is often unharmonious. I’m not knocking the 3D presentation; unlike 2010’s genre counterpart Clash of the Titans the filmmakers had plenty of time to perfect the third dimension and there are only a few moments that make the decision to convert look like it was a bad one. It’s the unavoidable overload of visual trickery that’s to blame for the frost giants’ icy weaponized constructs and other hybrids of the production looking noticeably artificial. Though there’s some imagery to nitpick the same can’t be said of Thor’s thunderous sound design which is amped with enough wattage to power The Avengers’ headquarters for a century.
Chock full of nods to the comics the screenplay is both a strength and weakness for the film. The story is well sequenced giving the audience enough time between action scenes to grasp the characters motivations and the plot but there are tangential narrative threads that disrupt the focus of the film. Chief amongst them is the frost giants’ fore mentioned relic which is given lots of attention in the first act but has little effect on the outcome. In addition I felt that S.H.I.E.L.D. was nearly irrelevant this time around; other than introducing Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye the secret security faction just gets in the way of the movie’s momentum.
While most of the comedy crashes and burns there are a few laughs to be found in the film. Most come from star Hemsworth’s charismatic portrayal of the God of Thunder. He plays up the stranger-in-a-strange-land aspect of the story with his cavalier but charming attitude and by breaking all rules of diner etiquette in a particularly funny scene with the scientists whose respective roles as love interest (Portman) friendly father figure (Skarsgaard) and POV character (Dennings) are ripped right out of a screenwriters handbook.
Though he handles the humorous moments without a problem Hemsworth struggles with some of the more dramatic scenes in the movie; the result of over-acting and too much time spent on the Australian soap opera Home and Away. Luckily he’s surrounded by a stellar supporting cast that fills the void. Most impressive is Tom Hiddleston who gives a truly humanistic performance as the jealous Loki. His arc steeped in Shakespearean tragedy (like Thor’s) drums up genuine sympathy that one rarely has for a comic book movie villain.
My grievances with the technical aspects of the production aside Branagh has succeeded in further exploring the Marvel Universe with a film that works both as a standalone superhero flick and as the next chapter in the story of The Avengers. Thor is very much a comic book film and doesn’t hide from the reputation that its predecessors have given the sub-genre or the tropes that define it. Balanced pretty evenly between “serious” and “silly ” its scope is large enough to please fans well versed in the source material but its tone is light enough to make it a mainstream hit.