The God of Legion secular Hollywood’s latest Biblically-inspired action flick is old-school an angry spiteful Almighty with a penchant for Old Testament theatrics. Fed up with humanity’s decadent warmongering ways He’s decided to pull the plug on the whole crazy experiment and start over from scratch.
Fortunately for us the God of Legion is also a rather lazy fellow. Instead of doing the apocalyptic work himself and wiping us out with a giant flood which worked perfectly well last time He opts to delegate the task to His army of angels — a questionable strategy that starts to fall apart when the archangel charged with leading the planned extermination Michael (Paul Bettany) refuses to comply.
Michael who unlike his boss still harbors affection for our sorry species abandons his post and descends to earth where inside the swollen belly of Charlie (Adrianne Palicki) an unwed mother-to-be working as a waitress in an out-of-the-way diner sits humanity’s lone hope for survival. Why is this particular baby so important? Is it the one destined to lead us to victory over Skynet? Heaven knows — Legion reveals little details its script devoid of actual scripture. What is clear is that God’s celestial hitmen want the kid whacked before it’s born.
But Michael won’t let humanity fall without a fight. Armed with a Waco-sized arsenal of assault weapons he hunkers down with the diner’s patrons a largely superfluous collection of thinly-sketched caricatures from various demographic groups led by Dennis Quaid as the diner’s grizzled owner Tyrese Gibson as a hip-hop hustler and Lucas Black as a simple-minded country boy.
Together they mount a heroic final stand against hordes of angels who’ve taken possession of “weak-willed” humans turning kindly old grandmas and mild-mannered ice cream vendors into snarling ravenous foul-mouthed beasts. They descend upon the ramshackle diner in a series of full-frontal assaults commanded by the archangel Gabriel (Kevin Durand) the George Pickett of End of Days generals.
Beneath its superficial religious facade Legion is really just a run-of-the-mill zombie flick a Biblical I Am Legend. Bettany an actor accustomed to smaller dramatic roles in films like A Beautiful Mind and The Da Vinci Code looks perfectly at ease in his first major action role wielding machine guns and bowie knives with equal aplomb. Conversely first-time director Scott Stewart a former visual effects artist does little to prove himself worthy of such a promotion serving up some impressive CGI work but not much else worthy of note.
PASADENA Calif., July 20, 2000 - Substance reigned over style as NBC unveiled its new Fall lineup to the media this week. Gone were the matching color schemes and meals by the pool that ABC employed to fete reporters just a few days ago; in their stead, there were neon peacocks and buffet trays with sternos. And the consensus among critics at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel was that ABC surely hung window dressing on everything because it only had four new series to pump. NBC, on the other hand, needed no frills to roll out seven new series and two miniseries.
Not surprisingly, the Q-and-A sessions were shorter, with less time for breathing in between. Trashy dramatist Aaron Spelling unveiled his high-camp "Titans," a Dallas-for-the-millennium evening soap with vixens, sex and greed, and starring Yasmine Bleeth, Casper Van Dien ("Sleepy Hollow") and Victoria Principal. Critics broke into applause during a preview, when Bleeth tells Van Dien she is pregnant with his baby - even while walking down the aisle to marry his father.
Katey Sagal showed has ditched her Peg Bundy wig to play a neighborhood witch with heart in the coming-of-age sitcom, "Tucker." Oliver Platt ("Bulworth") and indie film queen Lili Taylor spoke about their New York newspaper drama "Deadline." And writers and producers hailing from "The Late Show with David Letterman" brought out the romantic comedy "Ed," starring Tom Cavanaugh ("Providence"), about a New York lawyer who gets fired, catches his wife cheating and moves back to his hometown to buy a bowling alley.
Then there was Michael Richards ("Seinfeld"), promoting his sitcom "The Michael Richards Show," an Inspector Clouseau meets Ernie Kovacs P.I. romp. Steven Weber ("Wings") was on hand to tout "Cursed," co-starring Chris Elliot ("There's Something About Mary'), about a guy who, uh, gets cursed. And, David Alan Grier ("In Living Color") joked about starring in the sitcom "DAG" about a demoted secret service agent who guards the demanding First Lady, the slimmed-down Delta Burke, saying "You will always hear these lines: 'It's because I'm black.'"
Then there were the two miniseries, the biblical drama "In the Beginning" starring Jacqueline Bisset and Martin Landau, and the Kennedy wives' drama "Jackie, Ethel, Joan: Women of Camelot," which features Jill Hennessey ("Law & Order"), Lauren Holly ("Dumb and Dumber") and Leslie Stefanson ("The General's Daughter"), respectively.
NBC's marathon unveiling ended with a celeb-fest at Jillian's Hi-Life Lanes, a bowling alley at the tourist-beseiged Universal City Walk shopping mall. While the food was, again, unspectacular, everyone was handed disposable cameras to take pictures of things like Rob Lowe and Kathy Ireland talking (two perfect creatures that seem freakish standing together), Martin Sheen mugging with "Daddio" tyke Mitch Holleman, and "Will & Grace" actor Eric McCormack discussing how the characters will soon have significant others. In short, the stars pranced, the critics howled.
Maybe it was the ultra-bright yellow that covered everything from the giant show banners to the "yellow carpet" that made the critics really, really want to cover a TV movie called "Growing Pains: A Reunion." Or maybe it was because the ABC summer press tour, held Sunday and today at the tony Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Pasadena, was like one of those motivational seminars, luxury-style.
After a gourmet lunch served by the pool, the reporters hunkered down for Q&A sessions with network officials and stars of the upcoming fall lineup. An elaborate stage in the hotel ballroom was flanked by massive ABC logos and two huge video screens, to better enable network officials to introduce the shows and stars of its upcoming fall TV lineup.
Geena Davis There was Geena Davis, promoting her new sitcom "The Geena Davis Show" with co-star Peter Horton ("thirtysomething"). Gabriel Byrne spoke about his Irish-American multigenerational comedy "Madigan Men." Both Jon Cryer ("Pretty in Pink") and David Krumholtz ("Slums of Beverly Hills) were on hand to discuss the paranoid comedy "The Trouble With Normal."
Then there's the shows that are getting a new look. "Spin City" executive producer Gary David Goldberg and actress Heather Locklear (sporting a Bon Jovi T-shirt) introduced Charlie Sheen, who is stepping into Michael J. Fox's shoes. Apparently they will play off some of Sheen's real-life, well-publicized problems with the vices he loves. Should be interesting.
Norm MacDonald seemed to be just as impressed as everyone else that Faith Ford was joining the cast of "Norm." He kept saying, "Look! Faith Ford from 'Murphy Brown.'"
"Monday Night Football" showed off its latest addition to the team, obscure-reference specialist Dennis Miller, who quipped, "With the paltry state of politics, we should get great viewership."
Then there was Garry Shandling, who'll host the 52nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards. When a reporter asked Shandling how he'll manage to fill three hours' worth of air time, he reeled off: "It's not the length, it's how we use the Emmys."
Winding up the two-day event was the celeb-heavy "All-Star Party," complete with fajitas, fondue, open bar and a huge list of ABC who's-whos including Sheen, Bill Maher, "Once and Again" star Billy Campbell and several high-profile soap stars. MacDonald talked with kids about the Harry Potter books, and Davis briefly walked around barefoot in a short black dress before she was whisked away by her publicist, perhaps to practice for an upcoming archery meet she mentioned that day.
Next up this week: NBC's summer press tour. Can they possibly compete with ABC's gourmet menu?