Some movies focus so much on machismo that they inadvertently end up dripping with homoerotic tension. There are tons of movies that are just one make-out scene away from being a bromantic love story. It's ironic when mainstream movies aimed at gay audiences have leads with no romantic connection, when some movies about straight characters have sexual tension simply oozing off the screen. These "gay straight movies" provide an outlet for gay men looking for characters that resonate with them, a subtext of romantic relationships, and pure, unadulterated man candy.
Writer/director Michael Serrato created this viral video hit, “Rambo, But Gay” which is a musical retelling of the popular Sylvester Stallone classic Rambo. It’s an interesting take on the thin line between the overtly masculine and homoerotic. After all, Rambo spends most of the 1980s films half-naked and oiled up, so they are ripe for parody.
Here are my nominations for the 10 gayest straight movies of all time.
10. Fight Club
Edward Norton deals with his ennui by staring at a super cut-up Brad Pitt and forming a club where men fight shirtless in underground rooms. Helena Bonham Carter gives a great performance of a woman as a drag queen. Last but not least, a bleach-blond cherubic Jared Leto follows around Pitt and Norton.
9. The Covenant
Why not remake The Craft with boys in Speedos? A pre-Friday Night Lights Taylor Kitsch stars in a movie about the descendants of The Salem Witch Trials that happen to all be men. There’s a ton of time spent in the locker room and arguing about power.
Abs, briefs and awesome gold facial piercings pervade this cinematic comic book. From the looks of it, the war between Sparta and the Persian Empire would have ended if both kings just made out.
7. School Ties
Brendan Fraser gets into an exclusive prep school but he has a secret that he can’t let anyone know. It’s because he’s Jewish, but it does mirror what coming out would be like. It’s chock full of 1990s heartthrobs including Chris O’Donnell, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Cole Hauser. And thank you, filmmakers, for the gratuitous nude fight scene between Fraser and Damon.
6. Dude, Where’s My Car?
Ashton Kutcher and Seann William Scott have tons of bromantic chemistry. They spend the entire movie being chased by Nordic men in leather. The film also includes gratuitous Speedo and shirtless shots, Queer as Folk star Hal Sparks and an intense make-out scene.
5. Magic Mike
Channing Tatum attempts to make this a heartfelt biopic. Instead, it feels more like a campy romp. Matthew McConaughey spends most of the time shirtless and in short shorts, Cody Horn is the female lead with a boyish body and everyone wears a man-thong. Let's also not ignore the gratuitous use of The Weather Girls' "It's Raining Men."
5. Staying Alive
A waxed and oiled up John Travolta channels Pat Benatar in this sequel to Saturday Night Fever. He looks like a member of The Village People in his costume and ends the movie with one of the more boyish of his love interests, Jamie Lee Curtis. (Note: we have never believed that rumor about the lovely Ms. Curtis.)
4. The Outsiders
Based on S.E. Hinton’s book about rival gangs, this movie features all the heartthrobs of its time. Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze, and Matt Dillon all star in the film. C. Thomas Howell and Ralph Macchio play best friends with a little too many sensitive and longing looks.
3. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
The palpable chemistry between Frodo (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin), plus elves with hair extensions. What more is there to say?
Cruise as a money-hungry gigolo making cocktails. 'Nuff said.
1. Top Gun
This movie invented the genre. Tons of close talking about "riding your tail," a very butch Kelly McGillis, and three simple words - shirtless volleyball game.
Are there any you think should have made the list?
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has announced its shortlist of nominees for 2014. While the Hall of Fame is little more than a vanity project for a cabal of self-important baby boomers headed by Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner, who last had his finger on rock's pulse sometime before the Sex Pistols' "Anarchy in the U.K." came out, it's always fun to predict who will and won't make it in on each year's ballot. So here they are, in approximate likelihood of induction.
Because artists are eligible 25 years after their first record was released, Nirvana have been nominated on the first possible ballot. (Bleach came out in 1989.) They will sail through, which the board will consider proof that they're down with The Kids, notwithstanding that The Kids that bought Nirvana's albums are in our 40s now.
Ronstadt will be this year's sympathy vote, since she recently disclosed that her singing career is over due to Parkinson's Disease. A technically gifted (and drop-dead gorgeous) singer, Ronstadt was often hampered by her lack of interpretive skills. For example, she seemed genuinely oblivious to the fact that Randy Newman's "Sail Away" was sung from the point of view of a slave trader.
He's been eligible for 11 years, and as a critically-respected solo artist who also scored some major radio hits, he's exactly in the hall's wheelhouse. Given the comparative lack of sure things in this year's shortlist, this may be his year.
Although the board is notoriously anti-disco (Donna Summer didn't get in until after she died), the commercial resurrection of Nile Rodgers via Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" might sway a few members to recognize the architectural genius of hits like "Good Times" and "Le Freak."
Hall & Oates
There was a period in the early 1980s where critics considered Daryl Hall a genius blue-eyed soul songwriter on the level of Todd Rundgren and John Oates an amiable dude with a killer mustache. Perhaps some residual nostalgia for the duo's hits might bring them in. Personally, I think they should be inducted just for this incredibly bizarre and primitive video for "She's Gone."
Perhaps the only act who genuinely wants to be in the Hall of Fame, Kiss are rock's most shameless hucksters. And frankly, they deserve recognition just for the fact that they pioneered the licensing and merchandising that made pop music even more profitable than it was. But the board still has the antiquated view that rock is art, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, and that being too commercial is uncool.
LL Cool J
With his primary career these days being an amiable TV actor, it can be hard to remember just how outstanding singles like "The Bells" and "Goin' Back To Cali" were -- LL was one of the first next-gen rappers taking the music in new directions after the first wave had passed their peaks. Like Hall and Oates, he'll get in eventually, but this may not be his year.
Given The Replacements' "loveable losers" image, it would actually be entirely fitting if they became one of those bands who never actually make it in. When they do -- which they will, eventually -- it will shut the door on the entry of other key Amerindie bands of the mid-80s like Husker Du and the Meat Puppets. The board thinks they only need one representative.
Like Rush, Kiss and Black Sabbath, Yes has their diehard fans who think the Hall of Fame is a joke for not including their favorite band. The Hall is indeed a joke, but that's not why.
Still stigmatized by the overblown reaction to some widely misunderstood quotes Yusuf Islam (the man formerly known as Cat Stevens) gave to a newspaper in the wake of the fatwa against British author Salman Rushdie, Stevens may never make it into the Hall. But then, his pleasant but lightweight take on UK folk-rock is hardly the most earthshaking music of its time.
Okay, look: Machine Head was awesome. I mean, "Space Truckin'" and "Highway Star" will still rock your face off, and even as overplayed as it is, "Smoke on the Water" has one of the all-time great riffs. But the rest of Deep Purple's catalogue is at best third-string boogie. If artists with only one great album are eligible, let's induct The Stone Roses immediately.
Dr. Dre will someday make it into the Hall as a producer, but Jann Wenner lets the band whose signature song was called 'F--k tha Police" into his playground over his dead body. And Ice Cube's acting career makes NWA seem less threatening with every family comedy he makes.
Honestly, The Zombies are probably my favorite band on this entire list: "She's Not There" is maybe the most perfect single of the British Invasion, Odessey and Oracle is start to finish brilliant, and through Rod Argent's electric piano solos, they were possibly the very first band to bring a modern jazz influence into Top 40 pop. But they remain probably too obscure a niche taste to make the final ballot.
That goes double for The Meters. All rock critics genuflect to this New Orleans institution led by the legendary Art Neville, but I've always suspected that most of those copies of Fire on the Bayou in their collections don't actually get pulled out much.
I love Link Wray's doomy, reverb-driven instrumentals as much as the next guy, but given that his first, biggest and best hit "Rumble" came out 55 years ago, I can't help but think that if he was going to get inducted it would have happened by now.
The Paul Butterfield Blues Band
Much like The Meters, critics love to name-drop Butterfield and his legendary guitarist Mike Bloomfield, but Bloomfield remains far more beloved for his mid-'60s work with Bob Dylan than for much-lauded but little-heard albums like East/West.
It's official, folks: Miley Cyrus is the hottest woman in the world, according to Maxim magazine's annual Hot 100 list. The former Hannah Montana has snagged the No. 1 spot, as she first indicated May 3 when she tweeted about it to the delight of her fans and the likely ire of Maxim's editors. I guess this means bleach buzz cuts are the new marker of 21st century hotness.
In Maxim's requisitely sultry photo spread, the 20-year-old goes topless and semi-assless — that's what we're calling that calculated tear in the seat of her jeans. She also strikes a blow for feminism by telling the magazine, "It feels amazing to be No. 1, especially because it was voted on by the fans. I have the best fans in the world! It's every woman's fantasy to be told she's No.1 on Maxim's Hot 100! So crazy!"
To snag the top spot, Cyrus beat out also-ran hotties like Kate Upton, Olivia Wilde, Megan Fox, Selena Gomez, Rihanna, and last year's No. 1 slot-holder, Bar Refaeli.
Think Maxim made the right choice?
Follow Christian Blauvelt on Twitter @Ctblauvelt
More: Manti Te'o's Fake Girlfriend Is Thrilled to Be a Part of the Maxim Hot 100 Miley Cyrus Tweets That She's Topped the Maxim Hot 100
From Our Partners:What Happened to 33 Child Stars (Celebuzz)40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)
Glee is a show that millions of self-proclaimed "Gleeks" live to love. It is also a show that critics and most other human beings love to hate — or, just simply hate. It all started a few years back with some lovable oddball characters, a simple but fun plot about getting to regionals while embarking on a path of acceptance and self-discovery, and pretty decent writing for a teen show. Since then, it's been flailing — repetitive plot lines, annoying gimmicks, and cringe-worthy writing have turned Glee into somewhat of a disaster. That, my friends, is where Gemma Teller comes in.
RELATED: 'Glee' Recap: Bye Bye Brody, Hello Guilty Pleasures
Sons of Anarchy is about as far away from Glee as you can get. In fact, we'd put money on the fact that many of Glee's fans have never even seen FX's motorcycle opera. So they may not have freaked out at the news that SoA's badass mama Katey Sagal has been cast as Artie's never-before-seen mother, but we're super excited. Mainly, because Gemma Teller would do everything in her power to turn Lima, Ohio's Glee club into the smooth-sailing brother/sisterhood it was always meant to be — even if that required a little bloodshed. Hey man, no one ever said winning Nationals was going to be easy. Below, we share some ideas:
1. She Would Make Artie The New Rachel: Like there was any way Jax wasn't going to take the gavel from Clay and become president of SAMCRO. Gemma would do anything and everything for the sake of "the club," be it motorcycle or Glee. With her around, "the new Rachel" wouldn't even have been a competition — if Blaine refused to step down after their little "discussion" he'd be somehow rendered unable to sing to due an unfortunate, mysterious slushie accident. Artie's the new Rachel, no questions asked. Ever. Or else.
2. She Would Curb All of That Infidelity: Gemma hates it when the SAMCRO boys cheat on their old ladies, so much so that she's been known to beat them to a bloody pulp (Ashley Tisdale) and chase them out of town with vile threats (Drea de Matteo). If Artie wanted to be with Tina, he'd be with Tina. She'd have never explored her yellow fever with Mike Chang. If he'd wanted to be with Brittany... well, that's a tough one. If anyone can take on Gemma, it's Santana. But yeah — no more wishy-washy "who do I choose?" sequences for Marley, either. Gemma has no time for indecision. It's a distraction for the club — if everyone's making out with/cheating on each other, how will they ever get to regionals?
3. She Would Destroy Sue Sylvester, and the Cheerios: With Gemma's help, SAMCRO has faced (and, relatively, defeated) cartels, white supremacist groups, Michael from Lost, and several rival motorcycle clubs. Do you really think she'd let an old lady in a track suit and a bunch of bimbos get in the way of the Glee club's glory? I'm picturing Drop Dead Gorgeous levels of crime here, people. Bleach in shampoo bottles. Sniper rifles. Crumbled up laxatives in the vitamin water. Just madness.
4. Mr. Schue Would No Longer Be a Mess (Or Alive?): Mr. Schue has had four years to get his s**t together, or, you know, become remotely interesting. But no. He's still a hot, sloppy mess, and the only thing worse than his rapping is his all-encompassing blandness. He's a terrible leader, and the Glee club deserves more. Gemma helped Clay "get rid" of her own husband, John Teller, when he was bringing SAMCRO down — what sort of fate would befall the dude who couldn't even stop his lady from kissing a teenager? Gross.
5. Baby Beth Would Always Behave: Gemma Teller once pointed a gun at a baby. 'Nuff said.
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[Photo Request: Frank Ockenfels/FX]
From Our PartnersHayden Panetierre Bikinis in Miami (Celebuzz)Every Jurassic Park Dinosaur Ranked From Best to Worst (Vulture)
Well the Slient Six/Quack Pack have spoken, America. And gone from the game is Wig Wil! After a weird hour of programming that involved an "ice cream date" between Frank and Ashley that turned into a "make-out date," Wil and his luscious luxury locks were sent packing back to the Britney Spears video from whence they came.
No one was really surprised by this, though, right? I mean, Frank had said from the get-go that Wig was the one he wanted out of the game, on top of the fact that he never really played it well. So really, his going far just wasn't in the cards.
The HoH competition was next, and the fans decided that during "Swamped" the house guests would be tempted with a whole bunch of money. Tonight's competition involved filling a jug with water. But--TWIST!--there were two other jugs. One labeled "Safety" and the other for the $10,000. And man was it slippery--in more ways than one. There was banjo music, ladies on their knees, and when we left only Mike Boogie was taking the money bait (because of course he was).
Regardless, next week episodes look to be game-changers, with a big ole DOUBLE ELIMINATION on the horizon. Are you happy Wil/Wig/Sailor Moon (seriously what was with the boating cap?) getting the boot? Are you mad Joe didn't get evicted (or at least his bleach blonde flavor savor shaved off)? Sound off in the comments and make sure to check back tomorrow for Brian Moylan's recap!
Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes
'Big Brother' Recap: Return of the Zingbot
'Big Brother' Recap: You Bought a Lemon
'Big Brother' Recap: Bizarro World
S1E6: After establishing that its biggest fault up to this point has been an overuse of thematic jargon and scenes relying too heavily on the machinations of the gambling world, Luck takes a divergent path this week, giving us an episode that is in large part free of dialogue altogether. The sixth episode of the series marks a turning point in several of the characters’ stories, and a sort of shift in mood for the show on the whole. From what I can tell, everything to come as indicated by this week’s episode is promising.
“I have seen people profoundly changed just be being in proximity to horses…Don’t be afraid of that, Chester.” – Claire
“Of what?” – Ace
“Everything that can be.” – Claire
Ace Bernstein has no dearth of hostility towards his fellow man. However, there is one character who we’ve seen Ace show nothing but affection for: Gus. This week, though, tensions arise between Ace and Gus, having something to do with Gus’ barely masked disapproval of Ace’s budding romantic feelings for Claire Lachay. From start to finish of this week’s episode, Ace is shown to have thinning patience for Gus—even when the latter’s behavior is largely innocuous. After snapping at his friend for falling asleep during a conversation, Ace chastises himself alone, recognizing that something inside of him is changing, which he is not at all comfortable with.
Mrs. Lachay tries to convince Ace that change is something to be celebrated. Better things are inevitable. But Ace’s state of mind remains affixed against the idea of change. Meanwhile, Ace sends Nathan Israel on his first field mission: delivering a message to Mike and his cronies. Recognizing Nathan’s earnestness, Mike offers the young man a “double agent” position: working for him while maintaining the air that he is working for Ace. However, Mike is unaware that that very con is being pulled on him. Although Nathan accepts, he is really working for Ace, tricking Mike into thinking he is tricking Ace into thinking he is working for him. It’s what you call a long con. Or so other shows about criminals have taught me.
Episode 6 - Preview “Hello. My name is Joey Rathburne. Tommy Bahama. One hundred percent cotton. Extra large. Made in China. Machine wash. Cold water. Do not use chlorinated bleach. My name is Joey Rathburne.” – Joey The story of maximum interest this week surrounds Joey Rathburne. We saw in weeks prior that Rathburne is troubled by the failing of a relationship—perhaps a marriage—that he had with a woman some time ago. This week, Joey gets the woman on the phone, eager to speak to her, but is dealt only derision and hostility. After hanging up, Joey seriously considers killing himself, handling a loaded gun by his head before his bathroom mirror. While Joey hesitates, California is struck with an earthquake, causing him to fire the gun, which sends a bullet ricocheting throughout his bathroom and grazing his face. Joey, naturally, is thrust into a panic, but there is some oddly good news that arises from this event: as we see in the scene thereafter when Joey’s cheek is stitched up by a doctor, Joey’s crippling, agonizing stutter is entirely gone. Joey enjoys his new freedom with a great deal of confidence. He speaks in long, eloquent, often unnecessary sentences, talking loudly and proudly to everyone he encounters. Throughout the episode, Joey sails high, carrying himself with more pride and happiness than we’ve seen yet. Unfortunately, it is short-lived. At the end of the episode, Joey is faced in conversation with one of the several banes of his existence, jockey/addict Ronnie Jenkins. Almost immediately, Joey’s stutter returns, which sends the visage of self-gratification from his face. Joey is, once again, sour and miserable.
Ep.6 Clip - Wait to Go Greek Joey’s storyline is terrific in its simplicity. We have seen Joey as troubled from the get-go, and have never really known for certain whether his anxiety and depression were results of his stutter or the other way around. Likely, they sort of inform one another. Joey might be the best representation of what Luck seems to be about: he is entirely alone, beyond any of the other misfits on the program. Ace has Gus, the members of the degenerate foursome have each other, Escalante has Jo, even Walter has his horse and dog. But Joey is completely without a companion—he is invested entirely in a job that doesn’t seem to afford him any real satisfaction or happiness. He’s conquered by his anxieties and leads his life without hope for victory. It’s heartbreaking, as is story on this week’s episode.
“He’s already dead. You wake up with that no matter where you wake up.” – Escalante Escalante and Jo hit a bit of a rough patch this week. Although their relationship has been shown to be offbeat and primarily carnal, she seems to have some deal of emotion invested in him. This is why she takes it so hard when Escalante shows especial insensitivity to one of his employees whose son is killed in Mexico. Teaming that with the fact that Jo finds out she is pregnant with his child makes for a tough decision to have over your head. Walter has an emotional week: he takes tremendous issue with rider Rosie’s decision to whip his horse mid-race—his disapproval is something she takes to heart quite a bit. Walter, despite being catastrophically eroded, is still a soft man with a forgiving nature, so he is able to allow Rosie kindness. Also this week, Walter his met with some legal troubles involving a figure who claims ownership of his prized horse. Naturally, any man who wishes to take control of Walter’s beloved horse will prove a destructive force to the fragile man…especially if the fellow is not the horse lover Walter is. And this guy doesn’t seem to quite measure up.
Ep. 6 TrackSpeak “What do you think will be our strategy today? As far as…strategy?” – Renzo Although their story is minimal this week, the four outcasts are still good for some fun scenes. My favorite shot of the week has got to be one of the closing scenes—Marcus, Renzo, Lonnie and Jerry each standing outside of his motel room, all in a row, bidding one another silent goodnights and glaring out into the sky before retiring for the evening, after a victorious day on the track. Their stories are so much fun that even when nothing new is offered, they command the entire episode. I am waiting on edge for something of real excitement to overtake the crew—as of yet, they’ve only dealt in small matters. In fact, the show on the whole has kept its issues pretty tame thus far. We’ll probably see more dire circumstances arise as Ace’s plot involving Mike continues, but hopefully the foursome will find some of its own more demanding adventures soon. What did you think of this week’s episode? Did the silent scenes work for you? Do you think Ace has positive things in his future, or will his mind drag him down? Let us know in the comments section or on Twitter @Hollywood.com and @MichaelArbeiter.