Kayte Walsh should be very concerned about her marriage to Kelsey Grammer, and not because she's his fourth wife. Over the weekend, Grammer got Walsh's first name tattooed on his right hip (a spot usually reserved for little heart tattoos on starlets). Ostensibly, inking your beloved's name on your body is an extremely romantic gesture, but often it's more like a warning sign of impendind relationship doom.
Sure, there are some couples who are still going strong despite sporting an inky ode to their love. However, for every Nick Cannon, who has a giant "Mariah" tattoo on his back, there are ten stars looking into laser removal. Here's a list of Hollywood's biggest tattoo cautionary tales. It may be too late for Grammer, but we can still save Kim Kardashian's butt from being tarnished with a tragic "Kimye" tattoo.
Kat Von D
Dating a man whose name is synonymous with cheating was never a good idea, but Kat Von D took things a step further by having a childhood photo of Jesse James emblazoned under her left arm. They ended their engagment for good in September 2011 amid (surprise, surprise) cheating rumors.
Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman
Christina Aguilera's tattoo tribute to ex Jordan Bratman may have foreshadowed their marital troubles. When she got married in 2005, the Voice coach got the Spanish words "Te Amo Siempre" (I love you forever) and two Hebrew letters for "JB" on her inner elbow. She also had "I am my beloved and my beloved is mine" tattooed in Hebrew on the small of her back, and Bratman got a tattoo of the phrase "I love CA forever." Now that they've split, Aguilera doesn't have to have "JB" removed from her arm, because she mistakenly used the Hebrew characters for "12" instead of his initials.
It seems Marc Anthony has learned something about having your ladyfriend's name permanently etched on your body. While the inside of his right wrist used to read "Jennifer" as in J. Lo, in January he had it covered. He turned it into a tattoo of the Statue of Liberty, ostensibly as a tribute to new girlfriend Shannon De Lima. It represents how she "freed" him from his past, but he can declare it symbolizes liberty in general (or his love of Ghostbusters 2) if they every split.
Britney Spears & Kevin Federline
During their relationship Britney and K-Fed got matching tattoos to commemorate their status as the poster children for tackiness. In 2004 they each had a pair of poorly-drawn dice inked on their wrist, with hers in pink and his in blue. It turns out the Hollywood girl wasn't so lucky — they got divorce in 2006.
Paris Hilton & Nick Carter
According to Paris Hilton, there's nothing more romantic than putting your partner's name on your butt. During their seven-month relationship, Hilton had Nick Carter's name inked on her right butt cheek and he wrote "Paris" on the inside of his wrist. When their relationship came to an end three weeks later, they both had their tattoos removed, and he replaced her name with a skull and the phrase "Old Habits Die Hard."
Tom Arnold & Roseanne Barr
One ill-advised tattoo simply wasn't enough for Tom Arnold and Roseanne Barr. She had "Property of Tom Arnold" written on her upper thigh, and he got four Roseanne-related tattoos during their marriage, inlcuding the word "Rosey" on his butt cheek and a gigantic portrait of her on his chest. He had all signs of their love affair removed after their split and she covered hers with another tattoo.
Even after several tattoo mishaps, Angelina Jolie is still treating her skin like a dry erase board. While dating Timothy Hutton she had an "H" placed on the inside of her left wrist, which she now claims is for her brother James Haven. Next she and husband Jonny Lee Miller got matching Japanese character tattoos. Later she covered the symbol with a Tennessee Williams quote. While married to Billy Bob Thornton, she had his first name tattooed on her left shoulder and another in a "private" place. The spot on her arm now features coordinates for the birthplaces of her children, as well as current fiance Brad Pitt.
The award for most infamous tattoo alteration of all time goes to Johnny Depp. While engaged to Winona Ryder he had "Winona Forever" tattooed on his right shoulder. He explained at the time, "I love Winona. I'm goign to love her forever. Putting her on my arm solidified it. Tattoos are extremely permanent." Well... not quite. After their breakup he had the "na" removed so his arm now bears a touching tribute to drunkenness: "Wino Forever."
[TMZ, Fox News, TMZ]
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WHAT IT’S ABOUT?
It’s 1979 the world is changing economically and culturally and an outbreak of Lyme disease turns 15-year-old Scott Bartlett’s life inside out just as his parents — including a workaholic father Mickey and doting mom Brenda — are about to get divorced and his brother Jimmy is shipping off to fight in the Falklands war. Making life even more complicated during this time of turmoil he has fallen for his next-door neighbor Adrianna whose mother Melissa is carrying on a not-so-secretive affair with Scott’s dad as her husband Charlie is feeling the devastating effects of a bout with Lyme's.
WHO’S IN IT?
A superb ensemble cast navigates co-writer/director Derick Martini’s emotionally tricky and somewhat autobiographical screenplay in style delivering sharp-edged substantive portrayals of suburbanites in a state of flux. Rory Culkin shines as the confused but likeable Scott stuck in a coming-of-age nightmare of conflicting feelings and discovery. His virginal love scene with the wonderful Emma Roberts playing girlfriend Adrianna is poignant real and quite funny. As his father Mickey Alec Baldwin stands out in one of his best performances and his marital dustups with Jill Hennessy playing wife Brenda are blistering in their raw force. Cynthia Nixon as Melissa plays uptight and needy about as well as anyone and Timothy Hutton has some nice moments as her rather hapless Lyme-stricken hubby. Culkin’s actual brother Kieran is around as the older bro and does nice work with his real-life sibling.
Martini manages to recreate a specific time and place with ease and captures a difficult time when society was trying to adapt to an unknown new world of change. What makes it really work is the sardonic sense of humor he manages to work into the proceedings. Lymelife is edgy dark and memorable a movie that may make you uncomfortable at times but one you will have a hard time shaking off.
The relatively brief running time precludes actually developing some backstories and character arcs making some of the film feel a little rushed at times but mostly it’s solidly paced and engrossing all the way.
Developed with the help of the Sundance Institute and premiered at the 2009 festival Lymelife has indie cred up the kazoo and shows that even with close to no budget you can make a smart drama for adults.
NETFLIX OR MULTIPLEX?
Give these filmmakers some support and see it in a theater. Perhaps its success will inspire others to make challenging film fare in the future.
Based on a 1943 short story “Mimsy Were the Borogroves” by Henry Kuttner and his wife C.L. Moore (who wrote under the pseudonym Lewis Padgett) The Last Mimzy makes reference to Lewis Carroll’s famous nonsensical poem “Jabberwocky” which appeared in his novel Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There. Kuttner and Moore believed the poem may have actually been a communication with hidden meaning from the future so the movie expands on this idea. We meet 10-year-old Noah Wilder (Chris O'Neil) and his younger sister Emma (Rhiannon Leigh Wryn) who find a mysterious box on the beach that contains some strange devices they think are toys including a beat-up stuffed toy rabbit who Emma calls Mimzy. As Noah and Emma start exhibiting paranormal behavior--including blacking out their city for a few minutes—their parents (Joely Richardson and Timothy Hutton) grow more concerned especially when Mimzy turns out to be more than just a toy armed with a serious warning about mankind’s future. Slapping on an environmental message IS the latest craze after all. Part of Mimzy’s problem unfortunately stems from the stiff performances especially from the young actors. We’ve become accustomed to super-kids who can genuinely act their way out of a paper bag. But newbies O'Neil and Wryn really don’t have those innate acting skills even if they exhibit moments of valid emotions. Their cutesy affectations could be as much director Robert Shaye’s fault as anything else since kids need guidance—but more on that later. As for the adults Richardson and Hutton are also fairly nondescript as the hapless parents while Michael Clarke Duncan looks utterly lost as the big bad government guy who just wants to get to the bottom of what he perceives as a possible terrorist threat. The only actors who look like they are having any fun are Rainn Wilson (The Office) as Noah’s quirky science teacher and Kathryn Hahn (Crossing Jordan) as Larry’s New-Age-y fiancé who is able to shed some light on what’s happening to the kids. These two should definitely play more on-screen couples. As Alice in Through the Looking Glass puts it "Somehow [‘Jabberwocky’] seems to fill my head with ideas—only I don't exactly know what they are!" Apparently neither does director Robert Shaye. You see his job up to this point has been running New Line Cinema as its co-founder. Now while I’ve always suspected studio heads are all frustrated filmmakers shelling out the big bucks does not a director make. Shaye even enlisted New Line-contracted executive producer Toby Emmerich to co-write the script with Bruce Joel Rubin who has really never risen above his claim-to-fame Ghost. Obviously The Last Mimzy is a New Line frat party but certainly these guys are not the strongest of talents either with the camera or the pen. They take what seems to be a fairly compelling premise and simply turn into Hollywood schlock stealing elements from several other films of Mimzy’s Spielberg-ian/Carl Sagan-ian ilk including A.I. E.T. and yes Contact. Too bad.