20th Century Fox via Everett Collection
Celebrities are always treading a fine line between being overexposed and off the radar, with most of them rarely striking a balance. The box office can be fickle, and their public persona plays an equal if not major part in their likeability index. Could you imagine if Anne Hathaway played Katniss in the Hunger Games instead of Jennifer Lawrence? Something tells us falling down at the Oscars wouldn't be so endearing. That being said, here is a shortlist of actors and actresses who need to take a break in Cabo for a while, or recede from our eyeballs completely.
Katherine Heigl is the equivalent of a framed stock photo insert. Blond hair and a bright smile groups her in as one of Hollywood's pretty people, but her acting and personality are instantly forgettable. Slap a bridesmaid dress or a gun holster to her, it's all the same. With a rock-solid reputation of being a pain in the ass, she's already been replaced in a number of film roles, but recently announced her triumphant return to television in an NBC pilot where she'll play a "maverick CIA officer." Just what we needed, another Covert Affairs.
How did Vin Diesel manage to stay famous, with "famous" being a relative term, you might ask? We need the living embodiment of Shrek to carry the Pitch Black franchise and continue to sell flashy sports cars in the seventh (7?!) edition of Fast and Annoyed. Teaming up with another actor who we'd like to ship back to Ireland (Gerald Butler), he's slated to star in the film adaptation of the hit action video game Kane & Lynch. How many bald, raspy-voiced action stars do we need? Just keep letting Jason Statham do his thing; he works a suit better than most of them anyway.
Acting is exhausting, or at least that's what Kristen Stewart's face seems to convey in every role she plays. While her pubescent angst worked in her favor for a while, it starts to wear thin after so many roles. You hear more about her tumultuous relationship with Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson than you do about her work, so maybe it's time to lay low girl. With plans to reunite with her Adventureland co-star Jesse Eisenberg and a sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman underway, Stewart has no plans of taking it easy.
It's no wonder we bemoan the current state of romantic comedies with schlubby man-children as our leading men. As part of this particular subset, Vince Vaughn has graduated from slacker lead, to slacker lead with children. He's the Tom Hanks of subpar comedies, playing the same role ad nauseam without Spielberg and good material to back him up. Even Richard Ayoade couldn't save The Watch. We love Vaughn in an ensemble comedy like Anchorman or darkly sardonic in Wedding Crashers and Swingers, but what we can't take is more dead fish rom-coms, which Delivery Man is shaping up to be. It's time to follow in Matthew McConaughey's footsteps and pick offbeat roles or step aside for more interesting actors.
Other honorable mentions include: Seth Rogen, Jessica Alba, Shia LaBeouf and those Hemsworth brothers we can't tell apart.
Emma Stone hosted SNL this Saturday, and what am I going to have to do to get this girl to stop trying to convince me she’s a nerd? I do not believe her. She can make out with as many Jonah Hills and Jesse Eisenbergs as she can find and film movies about how she befriends nerds and pretends to have them lose their virginities to her...it will not convince me that she had no choice but to drug her billowy top and her Diane Keaton pants in order to wear them in her monologue while she advocates for her nerd-dom. Also, that is not the shade of red that nerds dye their hair. Also, nerds do do some kind of weird thing when they say their “S’s,” but do they create Powerpoint presentations to convince their parents to let them move to L.A. to pursue acting? No! They create Powerpoint presentations that depict the similarities between Helen Keller and Muhammad Ali. Point, me. So what are the skits you missed?
Emma Stone appeared very briefly as Lindsay Lohan in a very familiar The View sketch. There was a short reference to Joy and Whoopi walking off the set when Bill O’Reilly made a bad comment about how all Muslims are extremists last week. Actually, I have a hard time even considering this to be a sketch at all. It seems more like the idea came directly after the “ZIP ZAP ZOP” game Emma played the first day of rehearsals to help her get to know the rest of the cast.
In “My Brother Knows Everything,” Emma was Nasim Pedrad’s co-host Meredith, where again, she played a nerd who idolizes Pedrad's older brother and reviewed Jackass 3D based on what the older brother said it was like. I think during the segment called, “Erik’an Idols,” Emma even thought about what kind of sauce she was going to have on her pasta at the SNL afterparty that night.
And Emma did her best Blake Lively in a skit called, “Budget Costumes.”
The Digital Short was good, and perhaps the best part of the show. It was called “I Broke My Arm” and had numerous Emma Stone unfriendly words in it, like “slipped,” “casts,” and “sexy.”
And in “Dream Home Extreme,” Emma was a nonplussed recipient of a $2 million check to redecorate her home. These are really tough times in our country, so it’s no surprise to see that Target Lady got a second job.
None of this was particularly groundbreaking or entertaining. It wasn’t terrible, but if there had been an Intervention marathon on A&E, I would have watched that instead. This was basically just Emma playing variations of the characters she always plays, which isn’t nearly as fun as watching Jon Hamm play characters like Sergio, who’s completely different than his Don Draper. That’s the point of SNL, isn’t it? To make help actors make fools of themselves and challenging their skills and forcing them to make farts with their armpits and wear itchy sweaters? But Emma did exactly what she normally does, which means SNL was exactly as boring as it usually is.