For the bulk of every Rocky and Bullwinkle episode, moose and squirrel would engage in high concept escapades that satirized geopolitics, contemporary cinema, and the very fabrics of the human condition. With all of that to work with, there's no excuse for why the pair and their Soviet nemeses haven't gotten a decent movie adaptation. But the ingenious Mr. Peabody and his faithful boy Sherman are another story, intercut between Rocky and Bullwinkle segments to teach kids brief history lessons and toss in a nearly lethal dose of puns. Their stories and relationship were much simpler, which means that bringing their shtick to the big screen would entail a lot more invention — always risky when you're dealing with precious material.
For the most part, Mr. Peabody & Sherman handles the regeneration of its heroes aptly, allowing for emotionally substance in their unique father-son relationship and all the difficulties inherent therein. The story is no subtle metaphor for the difficulties surrounding gay adoption, with society decreeing that a dog, no matter how hyper-intelligent, cannot be a suitable father. The central plot has Peabody hosting a party for a disapproving child services agent and the parents of a young girl with whom 7-year-old Sherman had a schoolyard spat, all in order to prove himself a suitable dad. Of course, the WABAC comes into play when the tots take it for a spin, forcing Peabody to rush to their rescue.
Getting down to personals, we also see the left brain-heavy Peabody struggle with being father Sherman deserves. The bulk of the emotional marks are hit as we learn just how much Peabody cares for Sherman, and just how hard it has been to accept that his only family is growing up and changing.
But more successful than the new is the film's handling of the old — the material that Peabody and Sherman purists will adore. They travel back in time via the WABAC Machine to Ancient Egypt, the Renaissance, and the Trojan War, and 18th Century France, explaining the cultural backdrop and historical significance of the settings and characters they happen upon, all with that irreverent (but no longer racist) flare that the old cartoons enjoyed. And oh... the puns.
Mr. Peabody & Sherman is a f**king treasure trove of some of the most amazingly bad puns in recent cinema. This effort alone will leave you in awe.
The film does unravel in its final act, bringing the science-fiction of time travel a little too close to the forefront and dropping the ball on a good deal of its emotional groundwork. What seemed to be substantial building blocks do not pay off in the way we might, as scholars of animated family cinema, have anticipated, leaving the movie with an unfinished feeling.
But all in all, it's a bright, compassionate, reasonably educational, and occasionally funny if not altogether worthy tribute to an old favorite. And since we don't have our own WABAC machine to return to a time of regularly scheduled Peabody and Sherman cartoons, this will do okay for now.
If nothing else, it's worth your time for the puns.
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The Internet is littered with parody black and white perfume ads where a sexy man makes vague pronouncements while dramatic music swells. There is usually shirtlessness and bombastic music involved. And that is almost exactly what Brad Pitt's new commercial for your grandmother's favorite perfume, Chanel No. 5, involves — except there's no music, shirtlessness, or punchline. Oh, and it is not a parody because it is a real, actual thing that someone thinks will get your grandmother to buy more perfume.
"The world turns and we turn with it," Pitt tells us, reciting the ad's copy or the world's worst poetry as written by a lovesick tween, like Manny from Modern Family. "Wherever I go, there you are. My luck. My fate. My fortune." Not only was this seemingly written by a housewife who took a creative writing class at her local community college and is trying to fix her marital woes by leaving notes for her husband in his sock drawer, but Mr. Pitt also can't seem to figure out where to look for his cue cards. His eyes dart all around the set like a hummingbird on a Red Bull bender. If I had to read this script, I'd have a hard time looking you in the eyes, too.
The kicker: Pitt doesn't even look that hot. With his long hair, goatee, and loose-hanging shirt that is open just so far, it looks like he went to the Fabio School of Poise, Modeling, Romance Posing, and Bartending Arts. Remember when our big celebrities would cash in on Japanese commercials so they could make big money and not embarrass themselves in their home country? Can we please go back to that?
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
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With all of the hacking, raping, rioting and stealing that dominated last week's episode, it was nice to take a breather and further the plot with fantastic dialogue instead of violence. Much of the action this week was in direct reaction to the multiple traumatic events we saw last week: Inspector Dany had to figure out which of the Qartheen overlords stole her dragons, Theon was reeling over over Bran and Rickon's escape, and Sansa and Cersei were still processing the bloody riots that had confirmed their loss of the people. Still, a second betrayal in Qarth and the reappearance of the Kingslayer allowed Game of Thrones to reach its weekly bloody benchmark, and powerful moments with Ygritte and Jon, Tywin and Arya, and Jaime and Cat made up for any lack in ice and fire.
Theon woke alone in bed, which is something he should probably get used to, because he's terrible. But losing Bran and Rickon was far more embarrassing than losing his wildling lover, so Theon took to beating his subordinates to somehow make things better. (Aside: I added a point to the "Theon" column on my "Theon vs. Joffrey Stupid/Evil Comparison Chart" when he bitched that when he was the Stark's captive, he never ran away. Because the situations are totally the same.) Still, Theon was in relatively high spirits -- once he found the boys and Yara's never-promised men arrived, he would hold Winterfell better than the Starkiest of the Starks.
Later, Theon and his men were able to track Bran and Rickon to a friendly farm in the countryside, but there his hounds lost their scent. His spirits were considerably lowered again, so he took out his rage on old Maester Luwin, who made the mistake of suggesting a night's rest. Theon didn't want to be the guy who couldn't catch a cripple, a child, and a half-wit, he explained. "It is better to be cruel than weak," he said in a panic. "I'm looking at spending the rest of my life being treated like a fool and a eunuch by my own people." Fortunately for Theon, his man found the walnut shells Bran and co. were munching on during their voyage. You'd think Osha would know better.
Beyond The Wall:
Kit Harrington's numerous fans probably loved every second of his screentime this episode, because seeing the typically dour bastard both embarrassed and sexually frustrated was a much-needed treat that amped up a previously stalling plotline. Anyway -- caught! Jon and Ygritte woke to find his hand groping her very-well covered breast, but multiple layers of fabric would not quell Ygritte's taunting. "Did you pull a knife on me in the night?" she asked. "Can't be the first time you pressed your bulge against a woman's ass." Jon, as usual, was not amused. (Aside: Ladies who are interested -- do NOT refer to male genitalia as "bones and stones" in front of Jon Snow. Won't go over well. Promise.)
But it actually was the first time Jon had laid with a woman, and Ygritte's shocked and borderline repulsed reaction to his virginity was enough to finally draw some anger from the poor guy. She half-jokingly listed Snow's potential sexual partners back on The Wall -- Girl crows? Other men? Sheep? These suggestions had Jon fuming, and probably very horny. "No homo!" he cried.* (*Actual quote: "It was my choice to say the words. Of course I like girls.")
Jon and Ygritte's little scuffle also provided some exposition about the Wildlings. Basically, they're Westeros' version of our Native Americans -- In 1492, some Targaryen or other landed on Westeros, called its people "Indians", and confined them to the world's worst reservation on a giant ice cube. Jon said that as a Stark, he shared the blood of the First Men, so he and Ygritte were one and the same. "Then why are you fighting us?" she asked. Good question, given the frozen zombies that are wandering around.
The pair continued down their walk of frozen shame, and Ygritte spoke of the wonders of Wildling life. If Jon joined her, she said, he could have plenty of sex, and she could "teach him how to do it." Like a high school senior being taunted by the popular kids, Jon replied that he already knew how to do it. I don't think internet porn exists in Westeros, so I highly doubt that this is accurate. Ygritte is right there with me: "You know nothing, Jon Snow," she said. (Aside: In the books, this is Ygritte's well-known catchphrase. She didn't first use it as a sexual come-on, but still -- I think Rose Leslie delivered the line very well.)
As they went on, Jon's chances of finding his friends became bleaker, and Ygritte's sexual advances became even more overt. At one point she flat-out said she was warm and wet, then offered to take him right there on the ground. He looked tempted but refused, which was probably a good thing: Ygritte attacked and ran, leading Jon straight to her Wildling friends.
Unfortunately for the peasants of the Harrenhal House of Horrors, Lord Tywin thought that Jaqen's poisoned dart was meant for him. Twenty innocents had already been killed in the search for the assassin, but Twyin didn't care if they hanged 100 -- Wolfsbane was a rare, serious poison, and he couldn't have that s**t circulating on campus.
A Song of Ice and Fire loyalists *might* be a little miffed that the show is devoting so much airtime to Tywin/Arya scenes that never took place in George R. R. Martin's books, but this pairing is so compelling that if so, they should probably just shut up already. Arya was becoming a bit too brave with Tywin: First she almost took the sure-to-be-fatal risk of snatching his knife, then she came about yay close to giving away her noble birth. In all of their scenes it feels like Arya is testing Tywin's waters to see just how much she can get away with, but this time her Stark-brand pride (and pre-feminist beliefs) nearly got in the way. She feigned stupidity when Tywin asked her if she knew what "legacy" meant, but when he told the story of the Targaryen conquest of Harrenhal, Arya couldn't help but add that it wasn't just Aegon, but Aegon and his sisters, who had flown in on their mighty dragons.
This, of course, was curious to Tywin: How could a peasant have any, let alone detailed, knowledge of history? Most girls, regardless of birth, dreamed of knights and maidens and Justin Bieber and things, he said. "Most girls are idiots," Arya replied. Tywin enjoyed this one, and complimented her by comparing her to Cersei. If Arya was affected by these repulsive words, she certainly didn't show it, but there is some truth to his statement: If Cersei didn't have to endure the pomp and circumstance that came with being Queen, she would most likely wear a knight's armor and behead her damn handmaidens herself.
Anyway, Tywin -- who is just as crafty as Arya, but with many added years of experience -- reminded her to say "M'Lord" instead of "My Lord" from here on out. "If you're going to pose as a commoner, do it properly." Again -- caught! Arya didn't give in, and tried to back it up with a lie about her mother teaching her how to speak "proper" -- but her upbringing had her quickly correcting herself with "properly," so her trick didn't really work. Tywin seemed to be amused by this game: He's not 100 percent sure that Arya is of noble birth just yet, but testing her to find out has been quite a trip. I'm super excited to see where this goes, because their scenes thus far have been brilliant.
Sansa tried to thank The Hound for saving her last week, but all she got was a lecture on the joy of cold-blooded murder. When she asked him why he was always so hateful, he responded: "You'll be glad of the hateful things I do someday, when you're queen and I'm all that stands between you and your beloved king." Hmm. Does this mean he'd be willing to do hateful things to Joffrey to protect Sansa? Somehow, I find this doubtful.
The next morning, Sansa woke from one bloody nightmare only to find herself right in the midst of an actual bloody nightmare: Her first period. She instantly knew what this meant -- she was now required to have sex (and children) with Joffrey. Join with me here: Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Shae helped her flip the mattress and nearly attacked a passing handmaid, so maybe I was wrong in doubting her motivations last week. Either way, The Hound found the evidence, leading to the most awkward "first period" sequence since Larry David tried to help a girl scout with tampon instructions on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Cersei's advice to Sansa was as follows: Joffrey would always be a little s**t, just like his fake-father Robert. Jaime was valiantly by her side for every delivery, but Sansa wouldn't be so lucky -- and she would just have to deal with it. "The more people you love, the weaker you are," she said. "You'll do things for them you shouldn't do. You'll act a fool to keep them happy and safe. Love no one but your children. On that front, a mother has no choice." Happy Mother's Day from Cersei Lannister!
At the very tail end of the episode, Tyrion made his one and only appearance: He and Cersei discussed Stannis' impending attack, which Cersei continued to take way too lightly. "We'll rain fire on them from above," she said, referring to the wildfire she thought she had been gathering. Interestingly, Cersei confessed to Tyrion her disappointment in Joffrey. "He doesn't listen to me," she said. "I always hoped he'd be like Jaime." Instead, she had birthed a little monster -- and she was beginning to think that Joffrey was the price she had to pay for her sins with her brother. Yes, the Targaryens had wed sister to brother for years, but half of them were mad: "Everytime a Tarygaryen is born, the gods flip a coin," the saying goes. Tyrion pointed out that Tommen and Myrcella were good people, so Cersei had beaten the Targaryen odds. This was a very rare tender-ish moment between these two, and I highly doubt we'll see more like it in the future.
Over in Qarth, Daenerys was still fightin' mad about her dragons. In another scene where Dany sounded far too weak and bratty for my liking, she refused Xaro's offer to aid her in her search. According to Xaro, a man was only what others said he was. If the citizens of Qarth knew that Xaro didn't help Dany after he took her under his roof, his reputation would suffer. This is terrible advice, particularly for high school girls. Teens: Don't listen to Xaro. Also -- why are you watching this show?
Later, Ser Jorah Mormont returned, ship-less, to help his beloved. She was not particularly grateful, as she was still in the midst of an "I can't trust anyone" tantrum. So, how could Jorah re-earn her trust? Oh, that's right -- by finding her f***ing dragons. His quest began with the mysterious masked woman, who somehow knew that Jorah had betrayed Dany to Varys months before. She made him swear to never betray Dany again before offering up her answer, which I guess makes her some sort of spooky guardian angel to Dany. "The thief you seek is with her now," she said.
This didn't exactly narrow things down, as Dany was currently in a room with her blood-riders, and every single member of the Thirteen. The nasty-as-ever Spice King was particularly happy to see her dragons gone, as they would "bring the world nothing but death and misery." True, but still -- we want her to win. Suddenly, the warlock with the tiny head who pulled that double-trouble trick back at the party -- Pyat Pree -- confessed to taking the dragons to the House of the Undying. He had made an arrangement with the "King of Qarth", and this King had then procured them for him. This was a confusing tidbit for Dany and the rest of the Thirteen, because there was no king in Qarth.
…Until now. Xaro had indeed betrayed Dany -- by making some sort of deal with Pyat that would make him the king. Somehow, stealing Dany's dragons and luring her back to them so she could "mother" them was part of their plan for Qartheen liberation. Suddenly, eleven identical versions of Pyat surrounded the remaining councilmen and slit their throats. "A mother should be with her children," Pyat said, very creepily. Dany, Jorah, and her blood-rider ran away in completely understandable horror, but they are still royally screwed here. A warlock and the richest man in Qarth are hiding their dragons in a magical place called The House of the Undying, so my guess is that things are going to get really freaky in Qarth next week.
In not-so-important news, Robb asked Talisa to accompany him on his upcoming journey to a castle known as The Crag, to raid for medical supplies and make out. All you really need to know from this scene is that Robb's advances will probably not sit will with Catelyn and the Freys, and also that Robb has much better game than his half-brother Jon. Eye contact, Jon. Eye contact.
Anyway, remember weeks ago, when Cersei tore Robb's letter of demands in half? Well, the deliverer of said letter -- Ser Alton Lannister -- finally returned with that news. Robb thanked him for his honor, and when he learned that Alton's former cage was occupied, he let him bunk with his distant cousin Jaime for the night.
Now, when I was a teen like Alton, I loved cousin sleepovers. I always got to sleep in Erin's room, where we would stay up all night and listen to '90s boy bands. I worshipped her because she was older and more stylish than me, so these nights were always very special. I know that Alton and Jaime's sleepover party took place in a cage, but I can fully imagine how exciting this must have been for him. Alton was a little-known Lannister from a distant cousin's cousin, destined for a whole lot of nothing. And here he was, imprisoned with the Jaime Lannister. The Kingslayer. The smooth-talker. The -- regular man with doubts and insecurities just like the rest of us? It can't be!
And alas, it wasn't. Alton kept inching closer and closer to Jaime, as the craftier Lannister manipulated him into some sort of bonding session. When Alton finally got close enough for comfort, Jaime killed him, and the Karstark guard on duty. He didn't get very far, and when Robb's men dragged him back to camp, Lord Karstark asked for his head to pay for the murder of his son. Cat, who knew that Jaime was still their only ticket to Sansa and (so she thought) Arya, begged for Jaime's safety until her girls were returned.
Jaime, for his part, just found the whole thing very amusing. Sick of being imprisoned, he all but asked Catelyn to kill him -- by hitting way below the belt, at Cat's Achilles' Heel. "I've never been with any woman but Cersei," he taunted. "So in my own way I have more honor than poor old dead Ned. What's the name of that bastard he fathered?" Just hearing the name "Jon Snow" always puts Cat in a murderous rage, so she drew her sword and … To Be Continued.
Theon had returned, giddy, to Winterfell -- where a crowd of peasants was gathered. "I told you what would happen if you served me loyally," he proclaimed. "And what would happen if you did not." Maester Luwin was then dragged to the scene, so that he could witness two small, burned bodies hoisted up on display. Gasp! Horror! The bodies were unrecognizable so it's unclear whether they were Bran and Rickon's, but either way we have confirmed that Theon is capable of child-murder. Those bodies belonged to someone.
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
Sean Bean Arrested For Alleged Harassment
'Game of Thrones' Recap: The Old Gods and the New
As if the new Muppet movie wasn’t going to be awesome enough already, the possible addition of Zach Galifianakis simply shoots this movie into the atmosphere (it has a breathing apparatus, don’t worry). The movie is brought to you by Jason Segel and Nicholas Stoller, the brains behind the amazing Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Segel stars alongside a new muppet named Walter and they have to save the muppet studios. Sounds potentially amazing right? Also joining him are my absolute two favorite actresses that work today: Amy Adams and Rashida Jones (seriously, if I had to choose between the two of them I would pull a reverse Solomon and split myself). And someone decided to throw in Chris Cooper to make it epic. Now we hear that Galifianakis might have a part in it as well? The internet needs to invent a new word to describe the level of awesome/epic/win that this movie will have.
FUN RANDOM FACT: Besides appearing in this new Muppet movie together, what do Amy Adams and Rashida Jones have in common? They both played characters who dated Jim Halpert on The Office.
Of course, they could easily kill my dreams, as this hasn’t been officially decided yet. In fact, the only reason we know about it is because Robert Downey Jr. let it slip during a press junket for Due Date with E! Online. Go ahead and watch the video. Pure hilarity. You can see Zach’s eyes widen and dart over to the interviewer and the expression behind the beard was pure: “Oh shit, I can’t believe you just said that RDJ! That wasn’t supposed to be out! Panic! Maybe the reporter didn’t hear that particular bit of very important casting news” And then RDJ was just like “Boo ya, I don’t care, I make announcements on my own terms biotch!” RDJ rolls like that, son.
With this happening and his accidental inclusion in a reverse between two-ferns, Galifianakis is not having the best of times with these press junkets.
Source: E! Online
Top Story: David Blaine Emerges From Box
Illusionist David Blaine emerged Sunday from the transparent box hanging over London's River Thames in which he spent 44 days for a starvation stunt and was taken to the hospital after making a brief statement, Reuters reports. Looking disheveled and visibly thinner, Blaine, who says he consumed only water during his ordeal, broke down in tears in front of a crowd of thousands. "I learned how important it is to have a sense of humor and to laugh at everything because nothing makes any sense," he said. Medical teams checked the 30-year-old New Yorker on the scene before he was carried on a stretcher into an ambulance and taken to the London Independent Hospital. Doctors said Blaine faced disorientation, muscle loss and may have damaged his appetite, which could put him at a longer-term risk of eating disorders. Blaine sold the television rights to broadcasters Sky TV and Channel 4 in deals reportedly worth at least $1 million.
Prosecution Says Enough Evidence for Blake Trial
Prosecutors say there is "more than sufficient" evidence to try actor Robert Blake for killing his wife. According to The Associated Press, prosecutors, responding to the defense motion to dismiss murder charges against the actor, said testimony at a preliminary hearing showed that Blake discussed killing his wife "in a manner strikingly similar to the manner in which she actually was killed." The prosecution added that Blake was in the area when she was killed and had gunshot residue on his hands and clothing. Blake, 69, is accused of shooting Bonny Lee Bakley to death on May 4, 2001, while she waited in his car as he allegedly went to retrieve a gun he had accidentally dropped under a table in a Studio City restaurant where they had just dined. But in September, the defense motion claimed there was no forensic evidence linking Blake to the shooting or the murder weapon and asked that murder charges against the Baretta star be dismissed. A hearing on the dismissal motion is scheduled for Oct. 31 with the trial set for Feb. 9.
Schwarzenegger Mural Gets Terminated
Los Angeles officials want a building owner to take down a giant mural of California Gov.-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger that went up a week after the Terminator star won the state's Oct. 7 recall election, Reuters reports. The city attorney charged owner Robert Lusk Davis Thursday with failing to get a permit for the ad promoting the DVD release of Terminator 3 but Davis, who is no relation to outgoing Gov. Gray Davis, said he would take the case to court before taking it down. The mural, on Cahuenga Blvd. in Studio City, is about 40 feet high and about 100 feet wide. Los Angeles Mayor James Hahn told Reuters the apparent political implications of the case were coincidental.
Woody Allen Bio Doubtful
Woody Allen's publicist said Friday that, contrary to published reports, the filmmaker was not close to a book deal. "Many times over the past two to three years, they've asked him to write his memoirs and he said he wasn't interested," Leslee Dart told the AP Friday. "They then told him they could get a phenomenal amount of money for it, and he said that for a phenomenal amount of money he could see if he could get interested." The New York Times reported last week that Allen was near agreement with Riverhead Books, an imprint of Penguin, for a deal worth around $3 million. Dart said Allen had turned down Riverhead and that no other offers were being considered, but added that he had not given up.
Judge Throws Out Lawsuit Against Eminem
A judge on Friday dismissed a defamation lawsuit filed by a former schoolmate of rapper Eminem. DeAngelo Bailey, 32, claimed that Eminem slandered him in the song "Brain Damage" on his 1999 album The Slim Shady LP. He was seeking $1 million. But Mount Clemes, Mich., Judge Deborah Servitto sided with the rapper, saying Eminem's lyrics are "stories no one would take as fact, they're an exaggeration of a childish act."
Ozzy Osbourne a New Man
In an in-depth interview with MTV, Ozzy Osbourne revealed he is a brand new man. Osbourne announced last week that he was postponing his upcoming European tour because of the effects of medication he's taking to treat tremors. After seeking out Dr. Allan H. Ropper, who had treated famous Parkinson's sufferer Michael J. Fox, Osbourne said he is feeling better than he has in years. "It turns out that it's a hereditary thing that I have from my mother's side of the family," an animated Ozzy told MTV. "This guy in Boston fixed me great. He's taken me off all the medication that I was on. I'm taking one medication now for this tremor." So don't expect to see Osbourne shuffling around his house on The Ousbournes anytime soon. The singer said that was simply a consequence of the constant pain he was in.
Afghan Film Wins Canadian Prize
Afghan director Siddiq Barmak's film Osama, which won the top prize Sunday at Montreal's New Movie and New Media Festival, has become one of the first features produced in Afghanistan and nominated since the fall of the Taliban, Reuters reports. The film, named after Osama bin Laden who at the time was established in Afghanistan, tells the story of the social situation and women's lack of status in society after the Taliban came to power in 1996.
Web Piracy Could Cost Hollywood Millions
A new survey by Britain's Informa Media Group found Monday that selling films across the Internet could be an industry worth more than $800 million a year by 2010, but would be worth more than $1.3 billion if it were not for illegal downloads, Reuters reports. The survey found that Internet users with broadband connections download an estimated 144,000 films illegally every day worldwide. If 50 percent of those downloads is considered a lost sale worth an average $3.50, it means that this year alone Hollywood misses out on about $92 million in revenues, Informa added. The report also estimated that sales of hard copies of DVDs and video will remain by far the largest category of film sales: $2.62 billion in 2010, up from this year's $804 million.
Role Call: Duvall and Farrell Play Ball, Warner Options Pearl Memoire
Robert Duvall, who starred as the coach of a