S4E8: “There’s no such thing as forever.” - Sookie
The latest episode of True Blood offers insight into the aftermath of Antonia’s meeting-the-sun spell. Jason proves most helpful in reaching Jessica in time before she fries to a crisp by pinning her down on the ground, which of course results in a lip-lock between the two. There's nothing like a near-death experience to bring two beings together. Meanwhile, Marcus is all about keeping his werewolf pack out of this vampire-witch war and commands the group to stay out of it (something I feel Alcide is going to have a hard time with). Sookie and Eric decide to celebrate him not meeting the true death by swapping blood with each other and becoming blood buddies for life, which turns into quite the blood-induced sexual experience even for this show’s standards. Can we have the less sappy Eric back now please?
It certainly seems like a night for making enemies. In a shocking plot twist, Sam finally encounters Luna’s possessive ex-husband who unexpectedly turns out to be none other than Debbie and Alcide’s pack leader, Marcus. Lafayette gets possessed by the French lady that’s been serenading Arlene’s baby, which results in Lafayette kidnapping both demon-baby and creepy doll, all under the spirit’s influence of course. In more exciting news, Bill’s whole “let’s make peace, not war” plan results in Sookie getting shot with her usual vampire hunks unable to come to her rescue, but don’t worry cause Alcide is more than willing to pick up the slack while Debbie watches from the sidelines. Looks like Sookie is about to pick up yet another enemy.
“I’m not made for this. I have a hunger in the very center of me and this you and me…I can’t, it’s not enough.” - Jessica
Jessica definitely hogged the spotlight, or rather the sunlight in this episode. Just as she is about to meet the sun while under Antonia’s spell, Jason rushes in to save the day in a dramatic, slow-motion display and knocks her back inside the house. Jessica tries to bite him, but the spell wears off just in time and she decides to kiss him instead. As is normal for most teenager girls, Jessica continues to let her emotions get the best of her, so now that she’s discovered a new prospect in Jason, she’s ready to say goodbye to Hoyt as her main human squeeze. Her fantasy break-up includes Hoyt crying and her smashing his head on the counter, killing him. The reality version consists of Hoyt bursting out in a fit of rage and telling Jessica that he deserves someone who’s not going to be a virgin, infertile, and dead for all eternity while rescinding her invitation at the house. This makes her go run off to Jason who rejects her saying he couldn’t do that to his best friend and rescinds her invitation from his house as well. So in the end, Jessica ends up guyless and homeless all in one night, proving that teenage vampire dating is just as difficult as teenage human dating.
Ep. 44 Clip - Bill Issues a Statement
“So that’s it…a single vampire dies?” - Antonia
Eric suffered injuries from being trapped in silver all night and doesn’t heal quickly due to the fact that he hasn’t had any blood since sucking the life out of Sookie’s faerie godmother. So Sookie offers herself as a blood bank to heal his wounds, which in turn leads him to offer his blood to her, claiming that the two will be one together (just when he think he can’t get any sappier). Both high off each other’s blood, things develop a very Narnia vibe when they hallucinate that the shower transports them to a winter wonderland and proceed to have sex on a bed covered in strategically placed fur. So basically they spend a majority of the episode exchanging a variety of bodily fluids with each other and whispering sweet nothings to an annoying and ridiculous extent. Warning: vomiting and eye rolling may occur while watching this. The two eventually snap out of their little loony, love fest and put their supernatural abilities to good use when they decide to team up with Bill who requested a meeting with Antonia.
Antonia of course becomes very upset to learn that her spell only ended up killing one vampire who apparently didn’t get the memo about wearing silver to bed. Andy was called in to investigate the “suicide” and had a hard time resisting the urge to get his V fix off the dead vamper. Seriously, can this plot point either progress to something new or just disappear altogether? After Bill makes a press statement, claiming that the death was a suicide, he calls Antonia and after some excessive apologizing and talking out of his ass, he gets her to agree to meet him to discuss making peace.
“Oh hell…f**k this s**t.” - Lafayette
Body possession seems to be a growing theme throughout this season. Poor Lafayette can’t get a break from the supernatural. If he’s not being chained up by vampires, then he’s being used as a medium by spirits. When Lafayette gets possessed by the French singing ghost, we learn why she’s taken such an interest in Arlene’s baby. She lost a baby of her own when she had an affair with a married man who killed the infant as a way to get rid of any evidence of the infidelity. The creepy burn-doll was actually a gift she had bought for her child before she came home to an empty crib. She then uses Lafayette’s body to pull a child abduction heist and steal the demon-baby and doll away from Arlene and Terry. These spirits are certainly projecting their past aggression on innocent humans and vampires – first Antonia and now this French lady. Someone needs to sign them up for some major therapy sessions ASAP because their issues are getting completely out of hand.
Speaking of using bodies, Tommy is up to his old, annoying ways and decides to take on the form of Hoyt’s mom, Mrs. Fortenberry, in order to sell her land right out from under her and pocket some cash for himself. But no bad deed goes unpunished – after transforming back to his old self, Tommy once again falls to the ground, vomits and passes out.
Ep. 44 Clip - Marcus Adresses His Pack
“I can forgive him for killing our folks, but I can’t forgive him for what he did to you.” – Sam
Sam heads over to Luna’s house to let her know that he kicked Tommy to the curb for sexing her up while in the form of Sam’s body. All is forgiven and things are starting to look up for the pair, that is until Luna’s ex decides to show up for a visit who, in a surprise twist, turns out to be none other than Marcus and he is not happy that a new man is hoarding in on his territory. Evil glares are given, threats are made – looks like Sam just traded one pain in the ass in for another and should definitely expect a confrontation from this pack leader in the future.
The episode continues to end on an even more exciting note where the battle between witch and vampire begins…in a cemetery fittingly enough. Bill arrives with Sookie, Eric, and others in toe while Antonia herself has her group of misfits including Tara by her side. Talking quickly escalates to attacking as both parties proceed to fight for their own righteous purposes. Bill shows that he’s still a softy at heart when he forbids Pam to kill Tara now or ever, leaving Tara in his debt whether she wants to be or not. Eric comes face to face with Antonia who has the same fiery look in her eyes she had when she first cast the amnesia spell on him before. Could this mean that our former bad-ass vampire is about to get his memory back? Meanwhile, Sookie gets shot and with both Bill and Eric indisposed, neither is able to come to her rescue. Luckily, Alcide decides to break his word to both Marcus and Debbie to stay out of the whole vampire-Sookie mess, and rushes to her aid while Debbie jealously watches in the background. And so Sookie’s list of enemies continues to grow…that is if she’s still alive to even care.
Ep. 45 - Preview
"If I can’t have you I don’t want to be alive." Pathetic, clinger boyfriend alert. – Hoyt
“You would eat a pile of dead vampire Beulah Carter OFF THE GROUND?” Because that’s the really gross part of that sentence? – Jason
“I’m only good on the V, dude.” And you're not even that good then. – Andy
“Can we make love in it?” and “We will be one.” I could provide a complete list of all the ridiculously sappy things he says throughout the entire episode. – Eric
“I think I made some friends tonight. A couple of really nice bitches. Feels like I belong.” Well if the shoe fits... – Debbie
“You just pissed on the wrong boots my friend.” That’s what I call a fashion faux pas. – Marcus
“This is so f**king lame.” You gotta love Pam, she’s had a hard year, but the shots seem to be working at least. – Pam
“Our human spirits are immortal... I have matched my human spirit agains their emptiness, and I have won!” - Marnie
Tonight on True Blood, Antonia decided to let the sunshine in. Which is great- I was expecting them to drag the “meet the sun” plot out until the season finale. Three cheers for well-paced plotting! It makes sense that in the face of certainish death, our vampires would choose to stay close to those they love. Bill and Jessica hunker down for some sweet maker bonding before chaining themselves up in the basement (which sounds WAY dirtier than I meant, sorry.) Sookie and Eric do the same, endulging in another one of those sappy conversations assembled entirely from Livejournal icons.
Unfortunately, Tara isn’t feeling the love, as she must soldier on without her new girlfriend. She teams up with Marnie/Antonia, who may be a better replacement for “vampire hunting”, but not the “hotness” category which is so vital in a relationship. Tara seems to be falling for Mantonia’s female empowerment/wanton murder spiel, helping her assemble a crack team of idiots to power her spell circle. Tara says that vampires have killed every person that she’s loved, but to be honest readers, I’m drawing a blank. Jason and Sam are both (relatively) fine. Her only boyfriend who died (that I remember) is Eggs, and he got shot by Jason, not the undead. Undoubtedly, her relationship with Franklin was disturbing and awful, but I don’t remember him going after anyone but her. Is there someone obvious I’m forgetting? Or is Tara being a tad melodramatic?
Ep. 43 - Recap
“We’re seriously having this conversation? Now?” - Alcide
To be fair, it was a melodramatic episode on all counts, with all of the vampires chaining themselves up in the basement and crying and stuff. The newly-cuddly Eric is enjoyable, but his dialogue is getting embarrassingly sappy. Maybe for next week, I’ll compile a list of his quotes and mix them in with some of Edward’s from Twilight, and we’ll see who can tell them apart. But he also gets the funniest moment of the episode, having sex with Sookie all the way to the door of their house. Odds are there are some very confused boy scouts out in the woods getting a “birds and the vampire bees” talk. Maybe a “birds and mosquitos” talk. Who knows what wanton damage their love life will cause?
For instance, Eric and Sookie’s sexcapades puts a dent in Alcide and Debbie’s still-fragile relationship. After their werewolf bar-mitzvah, they go back into the conveniently small woods to make sure that Sookie isn’t getting murdered. Instead, they stumble into her glowey sex scene, which leads to some performance anxiety later on. It’s okay, Alcide, not everyone can have soft-focus sex scenes with a Neko Case-soundtrack. You’ve just got to make due.
“I wish I could forget every fucking thing about you.” - Sam. Also, the audience.
Sam gets an unpleasant surprise when his advances towards Luna are rebuffed, on account of Tommy’s shapeshifting sexytimes. Fortunately, the crack team figures it out, and while Luna runs off to take a whole lot of showers, Sam heads back to beat up Tommy. Tommy claims that the shapeshifting was an accident, which it was, but it’s not like his penis accidentally fell into Luna’s vagina.
Lafayette and Jesus finally left the brujo grampa behind, but not before establishing that Lafayette’s a medium- a witch who can speak to, and channel, spirits of the dead. Including the ghost lady who’s been following Arlene’s kid around, singing to him in french, and generally being disturbing.
“I am going to eat that fucking witch, starting with her face.” - Jessica
Ep. 44 - Preview
Despite Lala’s witchy prowess, he doesn’t get involved in Mantonia’s kind of crazy vampire murder plan. I have to assume that Tara, and the other people involved in the circle, don’t know exactly what’s going on, since they seem fairly cavalier about the whole thing. And Marnie’s speech, while dramatic, was vague on specifics. Tara’s been a bit of a jerk this season (for warranted reasons, sure), but it’s hard to imagine that she’d actually try to murder Jessica, and even Bill, in cold blood. I get that she’s afraid of Pam, but at this point, couldn’t Sookie ask Eric to order her not to kill Tara? I don’t know if Pam would listen, but Pam is honestly not the most intimidating vampire right now. She has no skin! Kudos to the makeup department for that incredibly cringe-worthy scene.
And it is Jessica who ends up in the most danger from Mantonia’s spell. Well, Jessica and that one vampire with the curlers who Hoyt’s mom knows. She has a sweet conversation with Bill, where she thanks him for being a good vampire dad, but he goes easy on her with the silver, out of sympathy. It ends up costing him, as Jessica breaks free, kills Bucky (not Bucky!) and walks out into the sun. Jason’s currently running to her rescue, and Bill spent something like half an hour in the sun that one time in the first season without any long-term damage, so I’m not too worried. I think for the first time, Russell Edgington might actually be happy that he’s trapped in concrete underground.
Looks like next week we’ll finally be getting that shower scene everyone’s been talking about.
“Holy crap, now there’s zombies?”
Sookie spends most of the episode in a sheer white shirt and a very pink bra. Someone call the fashion police!
“I’m going to shove my fist up your cunt and wear you like a hand warmer.”
“I swear to God I will burn this fucking taco stand to the ground!” You can’t blame Lafayette for being pissy, he still doesn’t speak Spanish, and must have no idea what’s going on half the time.
Good callback to the last time Eric got silvered, in season 2.
This week’s Eggs Benedict Memorial Award For The Biggest Waste Of Screen-Time goes to Andy’s date with Holly, which ended quickly and accomplished nothing. We get it, Andy’s addicted to V. Either come up with a better plot, or let poor Chris Bauer go. The man was on The Wire, for chrissake.
"You're fired!" tops TV buzzwords
Donald Trump's boardroom slogan "You're fired!" from his hit reality show The Apprentice has become TV's most popular catchphrase. According to the TV buzzword list issued for Monday for the 2003/2004 season by Global Language Monitor, a group that keeps track of word use, "You're fired!" bumped The Sopranos's out-of-date expression "Fahgeddaboutit." Global Language Monitor head Paul JJ Payack told Reuters the buzzwords "Mess O' Potamia," used on the The Daily Show With Jon Stewart to describe events in Iraq, and "girlie men," used by California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to ridicule opponents, were runner-ups. Also on the Top 10: "Wardrobe malfunction," from Janet Jackson's breast-baring Super Bowl halftime show; "infectious disease," from the popular detective series CSI; "OCD," for Tony Shalhoub's trademark obsessive-compulsive disorder on Monk; and "extreme makeover," from hordes of reality shows. What's not so hot? Friends' use of the word "so" as an intensive, as in "that's so yesterday."
Kutcher's Dolce restaurant burglarized twice
Ashton Kutcher's exclusive Los Angeles restaurant, Dolce, was burglarized not just once but twice over Labor Day weekend. Access Hollywood reports the LAPD says the restaurant was robbed of money and checks from a small safe Sept. 4 and again Sept. 6, taking cash and several bottles of wine the second time around. Dolce is also owned by Kutcher's That 70's Show co-stars Wilmer Valderrama and Danny Masterson. Masterson's brother Chris, Jamie Kennedy, and 15 other investors are also co-owners in the eatery located in West Hollywood, Calif.
Traffic charges against Givens dismissed
Charges against actress Robin Givens were dismissed after three Miami police officers failed to show up for her traffic court trial for hitting an elderly pedestrian, the AP reports. Givens, the ex-wife of boxer Mike Tyson and star of the 1980s sitcom Head of the Class, struck 89-year-old Maria Antonia Alcover in a pedestrian crosswalk Jan. 28. According to police, Givens stopped at a red light and then turned the corner and hit the woman, sending her into a backward fall. The back wheel of the actress' Mercedes-Benz SUV ran over Alcover's right leg. Alcover, who was critically injured and suffered internal injuries, filed a civil suit against Givens in June. Givens was ticketed for failing to use due care with a pedestrian in the crosswalk, but charge was dropped when the officers didn't come to court.
Sony moves into position to nab MGM
With Time-Warner out of the bidding war, Sony Corp. has reached an agreement in principle to acquire Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer for nearly $5 billion, Variety reports. Sony agreed to pay $12 a share for the studio, which amounts to $2.94 billion, plus the assumption of $2 billion in debt. According to Variety, Time-Warner had been negotiating with MGM since April but was unwilling to budge above its $11-per-share offer. The deal would give Sony the biggest library in Hollywood with more than 8,000 films, as well as valuable assets to set up TV distribution deals and the opportunity to make sequels based on some of Hollywood's most storied franchises, including James Bond. The agreement now heads to MGM's board for approval, which is expected to take place by Sept. 27.
Monica Bellucci has baby girl
Monica Bellucci and her husband, French actor Vincent Cassel, became parents over the weekend to a baby girl named Deva, the AP reports. "The mother and child are doing well," Bellucci's Paris-based agent Laurent Gregoire said Monday. The child, he said, was born Sunday in a Rome hospital. The former Elite model met her husband in the mid-1990s on the set of her first French-language film L'Appartement. They have since shot eight movies together. Bellucci, 34, last appeared in the two Matrix sequels and played Mary Magdalene in Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ.
Oprah surprises audience with new cars
Opening her 19th season with a "Wildest Dreams Come True" theme, TV host Oprah Winfrey gave each member of her studio audience a new car. The $7 million giveaway came courtesy of General Motors, which provided 276 free Pontiac G6 sports sedans, a new line of cars, as part of a promotional deal with Winfrey's Chicago-based show, Reuters reports. Winfrey said most members of the audience had been specially selected from letters sent in advance by viewers on behalf of themselves, friends or family who were in need of a new car. Winfrey also gave away a four-year college scholarship, $10,000 wardrobe and makeover to a young woman who spent her teen years in foster care and homeless shelters. A family with eight foster children was also presented with a new house full of furniture and electronics, plus a $130,000 check to cover their mortgage and home repairs.
U2, Grandmaster Flash get nominated to Hall of Fame
U2, Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five, Randy Newman and the O'Jays are among the nominees for the 2005 induction class of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Reuters reports. Also joining them the ballot are the Pretenders, Buddy Guy, Wanda Jackson, the J. Geils Band, Conway Twitty and Percy Sledge. A Foundation committee nominates qualified artists, who become eligible 25 years after the release of their first recording and are then voted on by an international body of about 700 music experts. Results will be announced in December, with the induction to take place in New York next spring. In other U2 news, the Irish rock band is releasing a new album entitled How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb Nov. 23.
Kit Bowen contributed to this report.