Aviva Drescher did not appear in this week's episode of Real Housewives of New York, but her words haunted these ladies like the thought of their Botox administer skipping town (Dr. Pendergast really is the best with the T-zone so here’s hoping he doesn’t leave New York City). Like in Return of the Jedi Aviva’s astral form hung around whispering “You’re both white trash, quite frankly,” over and over again. This is mostly because Ramona Singer, a.k.a. Eyelander, and In-the-Red Sonja Morgan were kind of acting like white trash. Violence, emotional outbursts, and crying about your father... this feels like an episode of Maury.
Malice: Threw the Looking Glass 2: The Jabberwonky Eye
Post glass-throwing, Ramona storms off with Sonja to head back to Heather’s house to fix her hair. Meanwhile, Kristen Taekman is drenched in pond water with microorganisms slowly crawling into a cut on her face. The ladies try to calm her down and she is a very good sport about this. Hitting someone in the face with an object and drawing blood sounds a little like assault. It doesn’t take Phaedra Parks to solve this mystery, Ramona drew blood. Had it been Kenya Moore that she hit, Ramona would have been arrested. The ladies prep for dinner and both talk a ton of smack. Ramona tells Sonja she feels like her father. Sonja has a breakdown and starts crying and yelling at her about it. #repressedmemory It sort of seems like Ramona is manipulating Sonja’s issues with her parents. Heather Thomson tries to play hostess and mend fences. She also tries to laugh the whole thing off. However, Kristen is justifiably outraged. She’s a good sport because she just wants to know why it all happened. Ramona stumbles over to Kristen yells a ton about getting wet and gives her the most disingenuous apology in Housewives history. Before things bubble over, Heather surprises the ladies with an Elvis impersonator. Kristen gets too distracted and forgets about Ramona and her wine.
Wilted Flowers in the Attic
Ramona realizes she’s persona non grata. To get away before someone mentions the word assault Ramona packs her bags and calls a pilot friend. Dressed in her most dowdy mom drag she joins the ladies for a hike. While in the woods, Ramona sees some trees that remind her of her back yard. Apparently, she lived in the Cabin in the Woods. Also, her childhood must have been like Flowers in the Attic… at least in her current story. Apparently, not mentioned until she needs to make a hasty getaway, she had an abusive father. It’s probably true but it’s shameless to dust off old wounds to get out of a girl’s trip. She convinces Carole Radziwill to drive her to the airport. Ramona’s hot pilot friend shows up. An attractive man flies to come pick up Ramona while she’s away for the weekend and her husband thinks she’s on vacation. You do the math. As Ramona flies away into the sunset, Carole stands on her rented car. She wonders if she’ll get her deposit back if the rental company sees her walking on the hood on TV. Then she remembers she’s painfully thin and the car may have dented her... plus Bravo paid for the car. Meanwhile, Sonja loses it again and yells at Kristen for not understanding abuse. Apparently, Sonja is accessing some pretty heavy memories and projecting them on this light situation. Throwing anything at someone’s face crosses a line.
I’ll Show You My Pontoon
Heather plans a boat trip with two of Sonja’s favorite things: booze and men under 21. She’s starting to really resemble Ramona Singer... scratch that, we mean Bryan Singer. Sonja sloppily hits on a 20-year old pontoon captain. Sonja is a stunningly beautiful woman but she really shouldn’t get this sloppy on camera. Given her emotional outbursts, she may need a hug or a Care Bear stare.
Ramona Caught Wine Handed
Heather plans an elaborate dinner to close the weekend. Everyone brings up the glass incident for the umpteenth time. But suddenly, LuAnn desperate Lesseps gets a text. It’s a picture of Ramona partying at Molly Sims’ latest party. And with that, Sims gets mentioned more than she has since Las Vegas was canceled. They even get a picture. This confirms everyone’s suspicions that Ramona made shameless use of her “abuse” to leave like a thief in the night. Sonja ponders if Ramona has been manipulating her and how much wine she had that day. The other ladies have decided they will “get even” with Ramona. If they plan to destroy her they will have to find the horcruxes Ramona hid at Jill Zarin’s fabric store and Alex McCord’s Brooklyn brownstone.
The Duchess of Put-Downs
LuAnn may have been downgraded to a “friend” of the housewives but she has sharpened her wit. She gets some of the best lines of the night:
"If we’re gonna talk about vocabulary, 'provoking' isn’t an adjective, it’s a verb. Just sayin'." – giving Heather a vocabulary lesson
"Ramona would never, ever, ever go to therapy. She claims she’s in perfect mental health." – on Ramona’s mental state
"Sonja doesn’t exactly live in the real world, so getting hit in the face with reality must hurt." – a well crafted Sonja burn
Real Houselines of New York City
"I think we’ve got a non sequitur here: shotgun recoil on one side, a psycho b**ch throwing a wine glass at your face on the other. Are they the same thing? I don’t think so." – Heather
"Her hair looks like s**t." – Kristen on Ramona's ruined blow-out
"What are you the wicked witch of the Hamptons? You gonna melt?" – Kristen on getting Ramona wet
"Who are you to get me wet?" – Ramona doesn’t know what entendre means
"Of course the only option for white wine is Ramona Pinot Grigio. Hope she doesn’t throw the bottle at my face... b**ch." – Kristen
"That was some act. I mean, not Oscar worthy. But definitely People’s Choice… or Daytime Emmy." – Carole on Ramona’s meltdown
"Do you go to Christian Mingle online? I tried it, but I was unmatchable." – Sloppy Sonja flirting
"I’ve had experiences with women, just not with you." – Sonja repeating what Carole told her
Why have Emmy voters withheld their votes from shows with high ratings? Is it because the creative criteria used by Emmy voters and critics are often not what viewers prize most in a show? We take a look at the Emmy equation and why ratings victory and Emmy night victory don't always go together. Check out the complete story at Studio System News.
S4:E9 “What if your husband leaves after your daughter goes to college or something?” – Sonja
Last night’s episode picked up right after Ramona learned from the psychic that there was another woman around her husband and in his life. Kelly and LuAnn had a little bit of a battle over who could better translate the psychic’s French into English that Ramona would understand, and eventually, Kelly won the right to relay the message to Ramona because it appeared as though LuAnn was “interpreting” instead of actually “translating.” Then, Ramona turned into one of those people who don’t believe it when someone says they don’t speak English and tried to explain to the psychic that the other woman was probably her daughter because her daughter is very important and is also a woman. Once the reading was over and the crowd dispersed, Ramona went off into a corner and chatted with some woman about how much better her life is than the other housewives’ lives, and she proved it to this woman by saying when LuAnn first met Mario, she hit on him and said “come fuck me” with her centaur body. Then Ramona sat down with Sonja, and Sonja started comparing her separation from her husband to Ramona’s impending separation, and it was revealed that Sonja’s husband was in his seventies and had been married four times before and he left her for another woman. Ramona told Sonja to shut it down and stop comparing her failed marriage to her successful marriage, because even though both marriages were the same and they both have other women in them, they were never going to be the same. And then Ramona realized that Sonja was just crying because she loved her so much even though in reality, Sonja was crying because someone had wiped up the snake semen off the floor before she had a chance to get to it.
“Did you ask her to save you a seat?” – Cindy
As the women were getting into vans to go to a Moroccan market, LuAnn forgot something back inside the house and put her purse down on the seat next to Sonja and told her to save that seat for her. While LuAnn was away, Cindy got into the van and tried to sit next to Sonja, but she informed her that LuAnn was actually going to be sitting there and that Cindy would have to sit in the back. Cindy flipped out and told Sonja that she should be able to sit where she wants, but Sonja insisted that she was saving that particular seat for LuAnn. Cindy shut down and went into the other van and then told Jill and Kelly about how Sonja wasn’t letting her sit where she wanted to, which was weird because her complaints would have been much more valid if she had chosen to be about how there was no place in the van to put the empty teacup she brought with her. When LuAnn got back in the first van, Ramona (who witnessed the whole thing) asked LuAnn what she would do if someone had moved her bag and was sitting next to Sonja in the spot that she had wanted for herself. LuAnn said she would have asked if she could have her seat back, and then everything was kind of fine because LuAnn got the seat she wanted, which happened to be on the side of the car that allowed for her to put her head out the window and pant and enjoy herself. Once they got to the market, the argument continued and even though Cindy had the perfect opportunity to proclaim herself a rich Rosa Parks and become an internet meme who’s fighting for the right to sit where she wants in a van in Morocco with Princess Beatrice’s hat on her head, she did not. Instead, Cindy went up to Sonja and asked if she remembered that mean thing she to her the night before and Sonja said she did, even though she clearly didn’t and tried to cover for it by saying that Cindy just misunderstood what she meant. Cindy asked why Sonja continually insists on controlling every little aspect of the group’s interaction, and then Sonja broke down because she was already so stressed out keeping her big white bag safe and intact (whose best security feature is the button from Paddington Bear’s coat that you have to hook through a loop) that Cindy just sent her off the edge. Once the group was inside a store, Sonja told Ramona how Cindy accosted her over the seating problem, and Sonja maintained that Cindy had no manners. Cindy overheard their talk and went right up to Sonja again and asked why Sonja never addresses anything with Cindy to her face. Ramona tried diffusing the situation again by pointing to something in the store and asking if it was a fountain. Her tactic worked because it got everyone else thinking whether or not it was, in fact, a fountain.
“I’ve never ridden a camel. Who’s riding camels?” – Ramona
Then all the women went for camel rides. Kelly complained she didn’t have a helmet and Jill complained that the outfit she was wearing didn’t match her camel’s outfit. Sonja said she didn’t want to go camel riding because she fell off a horse recently, and then as the women were trying to convince her that it would be okay and that the pun would only work if all of the women were on camels, she started to cry. As they were walking, LuAnn’s camel started trying to buck her off because he was confused as to why he was carrying one of his own. LuAnn eventually dismounted him, and then got on another camel who was a little slow in the head and was fooled into thinking that the sound of her voice meant she was just a carburetor.
“Is this where I’m going to die?” – Cindy
LuAnn took Cindy, Jill, Alex and Kelly to a Turkish bath house, and Kelly became fixated at how ornate all the décor was that she wished someone was around who built it so she could ask them how intricate the floor plan was. Ramona and Sonja arrived later because they had diarrhea and as Sonja said, both of them had “exploded in their rooms” because they had eaten the dried fruit and the meat. While they were in the baths, Alex told Ramona that she should talk to Jill about all the tension in their relationship, and Ramona said she was at a point in her life where she was really dedicated to being more open to people and that she really didn’t want to have anything to do with Jill. So when they were back at the house, Jill went into Ramona’s room and after they complimented each other on their outfits, Ramona said she felt like Jill was two-faced. Ramona also said that maybe it was her fault that she allowed Jill to act that way, and that all the unpleasantness between them was because Jill asked someone else why she was friends with Ramona. Then Jill got fed up with Ramona blaming her for everything, and brought up how last season in St. Johns, Ramona did not support Jill making up with Bethenny when they had an argument. But who cares about that? The two of them ended up fighting over who wasn’t listening like they should have been, and to Jill’s credit, she did a lot of listening to why Ramona was upset with her but when she tried to tell Ramona her way of thinking, Ramona couldn’t take it. The argument ended with the women resolving nothing, and Ramona crying on her bed with all her necklaces getting knotted around her hears and Jill calling her husband. In other words, as it was always going to.