Well it's finally here, the day we all anticipate throughout the year. It is a day of holy reverence and deep introspection. It is also a day of rodents and farcical meteorological fortune telling. Ladies and gentleman, Groundhog Day has finally arrived. OK, so it's not as big a deal as Halloween or Christmas, but it still shows up on the calendar and, more importantly, was immortalized in a Bill Murray comedy -- so attention must be paid! Sorry to go all Arthur Miller for a moment, but it was during a recent viewing of Harold Ramis' fantastic 1993 film that I began to ponder what it would be like to be stuck in the same day forever. More to the point, what would it be like to be trapped in one cinematic day for all eternity?
Here is a list of days in moviedom we’d rather not relive.
Day of the Dead
There are few things on this planet that terrify me more than zombies. While I have mostly satisfied myself that there is probably no way the bodies of the recently deceased would ever suddenly spring to life and begin feasting on the flesh of the living, it still gives me the heebies as well as the jeebies to think about. But honestly, that wouldn't be the worst part in being stuck in this the final chapter of Romero's 'Dead Trilogy' -- Day of the Dead. I think I'd much rather deal with the ravenous undead horde than live under the thumb a psychotic military asshole. The only plus side would be having loads of time to spend with Bub.
The Day the Earth Stood Still
The feeling of being completely powerless is not one anyone enjoys. But imagine feeling the most powerless any Earthling can feel every day for the rest of time. In the 1951 sci-fi classic The Day the Earth Stood Still, a visitor from another planet basically tells all of humanity to either stop fighting or it will be destroyed by his robo-henchman Gort. So not only are we being told what to do, but also this mysterious threat has so terrified the planet that everything grinds to a halt. On top of all that, we’d have to experience a thinly veiled metaphor for the Cold War ad nauseum.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Every time my iPhone manages to track my exact location, anticipate what song I want to listen to, or choose a restaurant for me, I fear the eminent rise of Skynet and the fall of the human race in the fiery holocaust known as Judgment Day. Sure, Arnold and Linda Hamilton were able to stop the agent of the machines before he managed to kill the future leader of the resistance as a child, but if they had to repeat that process every day, how long before they would slip up and the machines would win? But really, my ultimate fear is being stuck hanging out with Edward Furlong for eternity. Given that alternative, maybe I would root for the machines.
Day of the Animals
Everybody loves hiking, right? We love to get out and reconnect with nature, see all the fuzzy little woodland critters. Well, what if those fuzzy little woodland critters were conspiring to kill you? William Girdler’s 1977 B movie brings into serious contention the structure of our established food pyramid. While it would be great to be able to hang out with the late, great Leslie Nielsen, the fact that he is a total d-bag in the film is a major drawback. But at least we would be perpetually experiencing a time in which bears are the ultimate rape-deterrent. Seriously, you have to watch this film.
In one 24-hour period, aliens wipe out New York, L.A. and Washington, D.C. While this does offer the advantage of eliminating Congress, Friedberg and Seltzer, and the New York Yankees, I suppose there would be negative aspects as well. I can’t really imagine constantly reliving a time when Bill Pullman was president, Jeff Goldblum was a cable repairman, and Randy Quaid was allowed to operate aircraft. And while that “Today ... we celebrate our Independence Day!" speech is inspiring the first 20 times you hear it on cable, it would surely lose its pomp and circumstance after 365 continuous days.
Top Story: Will & Grace's Morrison Charged
Best known as the sharp-tongued maid Rosario on NBC's Will & Grace, actress Shelley Morrison, who was arrested April 23 for allegedly trying to steal costume jewelry valued at $446 from a Los Angeles department store, will not be charged with a felony, the L.A. County District Attorney told Reuters. Even though the amount is officially over the cutoff of $400, authorities have decided to charge the 66-year-old actress with a misdemeanor. Alleged theft amounts are "generally upwards to $1,000 before we start considering felony prosecution," District Attorney spokeswoman Sandi Gibbons told Reuters. Morrison's lawyer, Donald Etra, told Reuters his client was "relieved and gratified that she is not being charged with a felony." He added: "At this point, she stands innocent." Morrison was released on $20,000 bail and her arraignment is set for May 14.
Tribeca Film Festival Picks Eclectic Group to Judge
The 2nd annual Tribeca Film Festival has decided to pick a varying group to judge their films in competition. According to The Associated Press, the list includes Queen Noor of Jordon; filmmaker Michael Moore; actresses Whoopi Goldberg and Candice Bergen; documentarian Barbara Kopple; Traffic screenwriter Stephen Gaghan; fashion designer Miuccia Prada; Sheila Nevins, vice president of HBO and Cinemax, and Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter. The festival runs May 3-11.
AMPAS Honors Director Vincente Minnelli
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will present a program tonight in tribute to the late Vincente Minnelli, City News Service reports, to honor the centennial of the director's birth. Minnelli directed such classic musicals as Gigi and Meet Me in St. Louis and films such as the original Father of the Bride and Lust for Life. Leslie Caron, Cyd Charisse and Kirk Douglas, each of whom starred in Minnelli's films, are scheduled to participate in the program.
Actor Conaway Sues Las Vegas Hotel
Actor Jeff Conaway, co-star of the hit '80s show Taxi, has sued the Las Vegas hotel Mandalay Bay, claiming security guards broke his arm in June 2002 when he was staying there. According to AP, Conaway had been gambling in the establishment but, after awhile, was repeatedly told he was not allowed to continue to gamble. When the 52-year-old actor asked to speak to a supervisor, he was surrounded by security guards who "viciously, and without provocation ... violently slammed him to the floor of the casino," AP reports the suit claims. Officials from the hotel had no comment.
Mr. T Wants Some Respect
In more legal news, Mr. T, aka Laurence Tureaud, slapped a lawsuit against Best Buy Co., Inc., claiming the nation's largest electronics company used a likeness of him in a print ad without his permission, AP reports. The suit claims the ads are devaluing a "unique persona that (he) developed for (more than) 20 years and is of great economic value to him." The 52-year-old actor of the hit '80s TV series The A-Team is seeking unspecified damages.
Michael Jackson's Home Videos a Ratings Dud
Apparently, no one wants to see Michael Jackson's attempts at being normal. According to AP, the Fox special Michael Jackson's Home Videos did poorly when it aired last Thursday, only snagging 7.8 million viewers. This pales in comparison to the 27.1 million people who tuned in last February to watch British journalist Martin Bashir's interview with the self-proclaimed King of Pop.
Great White Will Do Benefit Tour
Surviving members of the metal rock band Great White will do a nationwide tour to raise money for the families of the victims who died in a tragic club fire Feb. 20. "Their thoughts from the beginning have been, 'What are we going to do to help the victims?' And the only thing they do is perform," Great White's attorney Ed McPherson told AP. The band's guitarist Ty Longley was among the 99 people who were killed when pyrotechnics ignited the roof of the Rhode Island club.
Music Industry Continues Fight Against Piracy
The record industry continued their war against online piracy when an instant message went out Tuesday warning hundreds of thousands of users of the song-swapping Internet sites Grokster and Kazaa that they could be "easily" identified and face "legal penalties" for their actions, Reuters reports. Cary Sherman, president of the Recording Industry Association of America told Reuters millions more will get notices in coming weeks.
Role Call: Crow 4 on the Way, Dunst Gets Mushy at Wimbledon
Dimension Films has decided to resurrect the Crow franchise. According to The Hollywood Reporter, David Boreanaz, Edward Furlong, Dennis Hopper and Tara Reid will star in Wicked Prayer, the fourth installment of the supernatural series about the afterlife and retribution…On the lighter side, Kirsten Dunst and A Beautiful Mind's Paul Bettany will star in the romantic comedy Wimbledon. AP reports the film revolves around a nearly washed up British tennis player (Bettany), who gets into Wimbledon and falls for an up-and-coming American tennis player (Dunst).