It was the trickle of pee heard around the world. Cannes attendees were aghast and/or amused an infamous scene from The Paperboy that shows Nicole Kidman urinating on Zac Efron; this is apparently a great salve for jellyfish burns which were covering our Ken Doll-like protagonist. (In fact the term protagonist should be used very loosely for Efron's character Jack who is mostly acted upon than active throughout.)
Lurid! Sexy! Perverse! Trashy! Whether or not it's actually effective is overshadowed by all the hubbub that's attached itself to the movie for better or worse. In fact the movie is all of these things — but that's actually not a compliment. What could have become somethingmemorable is jaw-droppingly bad (when it's not hilarious). Director Lee Daniels uses a few different visual styles throughout from a stark black and white palette for a crime scene recreation at the beginning to a '70s porno aesthetic that oscillates between psychedelic and straight-up sweaty with an emphasis on Efron's tighty-whiteys. This only enhances the sloppiness of the script which uses lines like narrator/housekeeper/nanny Anita's (Macy Gray) "You ain't tired enough to be retired " to conjure up the down-home wisdom of the South. Despite Gray's musical talents she is not a good choice for a narrator or an actor for that matter. In a way — insofar as they're perhaps the only female characters given a chunk of screen time — her foil is Charlotte Bless Nicole Kidman's character. Anita is the mother figure who wears as we see in an early scene control-top pantyhose whereas Charlotte is all clam diggers and Barbie doll make-up. Or as Anita puts it "an oversexed Barbie doll."
The slapdash plot is that Jack's older brother Ward (Matthew McConaughey) comes back to town with his colleague Yardley (David Oyelowo) to investigate the case of a death row criminal named Hillary Van Wetter. Yardley is black and British which seems to confuse many of the people he meets in this backwoods town. Hillary (John Cusack) hidden under a mop of greasy black hair) is a slack-jawed yokel who could care less if he's going to be killed for a crime he might or might not have committed. He is way more interested in his bride-to-be Charlotte who has fallen in love with him through letters — this is her thing apparently writing letters and falling in love with inmates — and has rushed to help Ward and Yardley free her man. In the meantime we're subjected to at least one simulated sex scene that will haunt your dreams forever. Besides Hillary's shortcomings as a character that could rustle up any sort of empathy the case itself is so boring it begs the question why a respected journalist would be interested enough to pursue it.
The rest of the movie is filled with longing an attempt to place any the story in some sort of social context via class and race even more Zac Efron's underwear sexual violence alligator innards swamp people in comically ramshackle homes and a glimpse of one glistening McConaughey 'tock. Harmony Korine called and he wants his Gummo back.
It's probably tantalizing for this cast to take on "serious" "edgy" work by an Oscar-nominated director. Cusack ditched his boombox blasting "In Your Eyes" long ago and Efron's been trying to shed his squeaky clean image for so long that he finally dropped a condom on the red carpet for The Lorax so we'd know he's not smooth like a Ken doll despite how he was filmed by Daniels. On the other hand Nicole Kidman has been making interesting and varied career choices for years so it's confounding why she'd be interested in a one-dimensional character like Charlotte. McConaughey's on a roll and like the rest of the cast he's got plenty of interesting projects worth watching so this probably won't slow him down. Even Daniels is already shooting a new film The Butler as we can see from Oprah's dazzling Instagram feed. It's as if they all want to put The Paperboy behind them as soon as possible. It's hard to blame them.
One of the biggest problems facing our society today is the flagrant emission of spoilers. In the wake of eventful TV episodes like this one from last night, people are bound to bring up revealing plot points in the company of friends who aren't quite up to date yet. As such, some of the stars from television's most spoiler-prone programs of past and present have teamed with College Humor to deliver the below video: Spoiler Etiquette.
In the video, TV stars Sarah Wayne Callies (The Walking Dead), Nelsan Ellis (True Blood), Andre Royo (The Wire), Julie Benz (Dexter), Masi Oka (Heroes) and Michael Trucco (Battlestar Galactica) deliver all the rules on spoiler etiquette that have gone unexpressed for too long, including the time frames in which spoilers should be withheld, the proper phraseology for introducing a spoiler, and how to deal with violators to the rules.
Enjoy the video below, and remember to obey the rules. These are the pressing issues of our time. Source: College Humor
Josh Brolin Keeps a Diary: Late Last Night
I learned something last night. And it’s that Josh Brolin likes himself some Bobby Flay. He told Jay Leno how when he was filming a scene for ‘Jonah Hex’ and heard Bobby Flay was (for some reason) on set, he bolted and went to go meet him. He also keeps a diary whenever he’s shooting a movie. So it turns out he’s an emotional feller! But from what he wrote while he was filming ‘Jonah Hex,’ he sort of sounds like a whiner. John Malkovich is probably responsible for that.
And to fulfill your “Eclipse” quotient of the day, here’s Ashley Greene telling Leno how she auditioned five times before she got the part of “Alice.” She even auditioned for Bella! Can you imagine where Kristen Stewart would be if Ashley Green had gotten the part of “Bella” and not “Alice?” (Answer: trapped in a “Panic Room!”)
Joy Behar talked to Jimmy Fallon about everything that’s been popular within the last ten years: twitter, the iPad, “Jersey Shore,” and “The Real Housewives of New York City.” In all honesty, people: WHAT ELSE MATTERS?
Helen Mirren told David Letterman about what it’s like to be desired by every creature in the forest. Ha ha, little joke. No, she talked about filming in Nevada and New Mexico, and how prostitution is legal or something there. And she said something about spending a night in a brothel, but I might have misunderstood her seeing as SHE LOVED IT THERE.
Jon Stewart spoke about how the US tied England in their face-off in the World Cup in Africa, despite going up against some serious challenges like Satan’s reincarnate, the vuvuzela. He also reminded us of how much flack the English goalie is taking after he blocked an American kick, but then the ball somehow rolled into the goal anyway. To anyone who accidentally scored a basket for their opposing team in a junior high basketball game, it wasn’t funny.
The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10cWorld Cup 2010: Into Africa - US Ties Englandwww.thedailyshow.comDaily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party
And Betty White told Jon about her new show, “Hot in Cleveland.” She also made some sexual puns, which may or may not be really weird for you to hear.
The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10cBetty Whitewww.thedailyshow.comDaily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party
Stephen Colbert talked about the Tony Awards that aired on Sunday, and he shared a few tears for not being honored. But MTV forgot to honor him too, which really set him off.
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30cWho's Not Honoring Me Now? - Tonys & MTV Movie Awardswww.colbertnation.comColbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorFox News
And perhaps most importantly, Colbert addressed the way our relationship with England has gotten mad awkward due to the oil spill. And especially now that we tied them in that soccer game…it’s becoming more and more clear the Brits are failing all over the place! Which is all well and good because it makes us look like we can play a sport we don’t even really care about. So that’s talent by default right?
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30cAmerica's Strained Relationship With Englandwww.colbertnation.comColbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorFox News