SOMETHING UNMISTAKABLE HAPPENED on Sarah Palin's Alaska last night. Kate Gosselin questionably dragged her eight children to visit to the state that Palin notes as so extremely populated with firearms that walking down an Alaskan street and seeing someone with an AK-47 is as common as a New Yorker toting a BlackBerry. In other words, AN EXCELLENT VACATION SPOT FOR A SINGLE MOM! Ha. No, but yes.Yes! Gosselin has eight kids! Not so questionably then!
Anyway, Kate took her kids on a camping trip with Sarah and her family, and complained the whole time. She said she didn't understand why people would be willing to pretend to be homeless by eating moosemeat hotdogs and letting mosquitos bite them on their faces. She also voiced her frustration that her nineteen layers of clothes weren't keeping her warm and she completely checked out. This resulted in Sarah teaching the Gosselin kids how to make smores, and making hamburgers for them, and basically being a goddess of children while Kate moped and sulked and cried about how everything was ridiculous while the rustic Palin kids laughed at her complaining about the lack of utensils and Purell.
But the best part was when Kate decided she was going to leave and she went around asking her children if they wanted to stay or go back to Foxwoods, or whatever. Most of the kids said they were having fun, and Kate proceeded to tell them they were no longer Gosselins because she wanted to go. The truth is Kate made Sarah look like a really great mother, which I know she decidedly is not because she believes a crate that is meant to keep dogs from climbing the stairs they can't climb can also keep her daughter's boyfriend downstairs and out of her room. That's gotta mean that Gosselin is, like, Julie Taymor or something.
Last night, Julie Taymor talked to Stephen Colbert about everything that wasn’t what we’re REALLY interested in, and not enough about how she’s slowly killing off the human race with her Broadway musical.
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Jon Stewart talked about how the President is getting pretty irritated that no matter what he does, reporters are going to continue to insinuate that he’s doing the wrong thing because they operate on a 24-hour news cycle and he does not.
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Halle Berry talked to Jay Leno about her upcoming Broadway debut in Mountaintops, a play about what Martin Luther King did in his hotel room after he gave the “I Have a Dream” speech and before he was assassinated. Halle plays a waitress that she describes as a little “off.”
…which might not be that hard for her to do if she reacts to popcorn this way.
Paul McCartney told Jimmy Fallon about his Grammy nomination and being honored at the Kennedy Center.
And Barbara Walters was on Letterman and told him about who she thinks this year’s ten most fascinating people are. David called her out for putting Kate Middleton as a fascinating person, even though Barbara never talked to her…which is very cheating.
The Tourist is about as difficult to get through as spotting the vowels in the name of its director. Florian Henckel von Donnersmark was last seen receiving a Best Foreign Film Oscar in 2007 for The Lives of Others which was about a couple living in East Berlin who were being monitored by the police of the German Democratic Republic. Its positive reception made way for the assumption that Donnersmark would continue to populate the USA with films of seemingly otherworldly and underrepresented themes. But his current project is saddening in its superficiality and total implausibility.
The film’s only real upside is its stars: two of our most prized Americans. Johnny Depp plays Frank Tupelo a math teacher from Wisconsin who travels to Europe after his wife leaves him presumably because of his weakness and simplicity. While en route to Venice he meets Elise Clifton-Ward (Angelina Jolie) who situates herself in his company after she receives a letter from her criminal lover Alexander Pearce (who stole some billions from a very wealthy Russian and the British government) with instructions to find someone on a train who looks like him and make the police believe that he is the real Alexander Pearce to throw the authorities and the Russians off his track. Elise picks Frank and after they are photographed kissing each other on the balcony of Elise’s hotel everyone begins to believe Frank is the real Pearce and so begins the chase.
While Donnersmark could not have picked two better looking people to film roaming around Venice his lack of faith in the audience is obvious. Every aspect of the characters is hammed up again and again as if Donnersmark felt burdened with the task of making us see his vision. Doubtful that we’re capable of getting to where he wants us he has crafted a movie completely devoid of subtlety. Elise’s strength and superiority over Frank are portrayed by close-ups and repeated instances of men burping up their lungs upon seeing her (as if her beauty is in any way subjective?). And in case we forgot that Frank is the victim in this story -- even though he’s been tricked chased and shot at - Donnersmark still felt the need to pin him with a lame electronic cigarette to puff on. Frank and Elise somehow manage to lack mystery even though we get very few factual details about each of them.
Nothing extraordinary comes to us in the way of the film’s structural elements either. There is very little of the action that The Tourist’s marketing led us to believe and the dialog is often painful. The plot itself is almost shockingly unbelievable especially when we’re asked to believe that Elise falls in love with Frank after a combination of kissing him once and her disclosed habit of swooning over men she only spent an hour with (yes that was on her CV).
The Tourist is rather empty and cosmetic. It’s worth seeing if you’re a superfan of Jolie or Depp but don’t expect to walk out of the theater with anything more than the stub you came in with.
Ed O'Neill was the only adult cast member of Modern Family not to be nominated for an Emmy this year. When the likes of Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell went on their talk show circuits alongside the kid that could belch the entire alphabet into a bubble, they all said Ed was fine with it because he's old and had his moment to shine with his years of reacting to a teenage Christina Applegate coming down the stairs.
But today, O'Neill told TV Guide that he feels Sofia Vergara was much more deserving of the Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy award than Jane Lynch was. He said, "I love Jane, honestly I do. I'm dying to star in one of Christopher Guest's movies alongside her, but I don't think she should have gotten the Emmy for that part. (Sue Sylvester) is just a one-note character. Sophia is just so funny. I don't think people realize how hilarious she is. She's so sharp with her wit, it's amazing."
Probably. But does Sofia bring out an imaginary friend at the table in the teacher's lounge so as to give the new football coach a hard time and force her to eat by herself in the bathroom? No, an Emmy winner does. Does Sofia confuse "Dog Eat Dog" with "Doggy Dog?" Yes. Her prize? Ed O'Neill on a soapbox.
In keeping with this week's American Film Market theme, following is a rundown of deals and announcements to hit over the past day.
Notably, Wild Bunch has boarded Nick Cassavetes' Yellow, which had previously encountered some financial woes. With a private American equity partner now in place, the film is set to start shooting again in December. Wild Bunch is handling international sales.
In a rather poignant twist, Cassavetes' wife, Heather Wahlquist, stars in the film, which could be described as a sort of lighter version of A Woman Under the Influence -- in which Cassavetes' mother, Gena Rowlands, starred for his father, John Cassavetes.
The cast also includes Sienna Miller, Melanie Griffith, Luke Wilson and Ben Foster.
Sony Pictures Worldwide Acquisitions has acquired domestic rights to The River Sorrow, as part of a deal that also saw the company pick up rights for the UK, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, says The Hollywood Reporter.
The Rich Cowan film stars Ray Liotta, Ving Rhames, Christian Slater, Giselle Fraga, Raymond Barry, Sarah Ann Schultz and Melora Walters.
As expected, Chris Rock has beenconfirmed as the lead opposite Julie Delpy in her directorial follow up to 2 Days in Paris. 2 Days in New York is being sold by Rezo Films.
According to Screen, the film now finds Paris heroine Marion in New York with her child and a new guy. Rock plays the new boyfriend, a radio host and journalist whose life will be upended by a two-day visit from Marion's French family.
Also per Screen, WestEnd Films will handle international rights on The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Justin Timberlake is scoring and supervising music for the film, which stars Zach Braff, Jessica Biel and Chloe Moretz.
Bill Purple directs the story of Henry, whose world is turned upside down when his wife is killed in a tragic accident. In an attempt to overcome his grief, Henry befriends a young homeless girl and helps her accomplish her dream of building a raft to cross the Atlantic to find her long-lost father.
Principal photography starts in April 2011.
Christophe Honore is back with a film starring Catherine Deneuve, Chiara Mastroianni, Ludivine Sagnier, Louis Garrel, Milos Forman and Paul Schneider. Les Biens-Aimees, which Screen describes as a Jacques Demy-style musical drama, is being sold internationally by Celluloid Dreams.
Lucy Walker's hot doc Countdown to Zero has sold to Paramount Pictures for Japan, says The Hollywood Reporter. The Works International is repping the Lawrence Bender produced film which premiered at Sundance and had a screening in Cannes.
Korea's CJ Entertainment has sold US rights to The Man from Nowhere to Well Go USA, Screen further reports.
IFC Midnight has taken US rights to psychological thriller Choose. SC Films is repping the film internationally. IFC Midnight plans a theatrical release in 2011 for the Marcus Graves genre film Screen says is in the vein of Seven and The Silence of the Lambs.
Magnet Releasing, the genre arm of Magnolia Pictures, has picked up US rights to Thai action movie BKO: Bangkok Knockout, adds THR.
The film is directed by Panna Rittkrai and centers on a group of friends who have to fight for their lives with one of their own is kidnapped.
Finally, Deadline reports that Myriad Pictures has acquired offshore rights to the Vivi Friedman-directed comedy The Family Tree. Pic stars Hope Davis, Dermot Mulroney, Selma Blair, Christina Hendricks, Max Thieriot, Jane Seymour, Rachael Leigh Cook and Bow Wow. Davis plays a restless housewife who bumps her head during an illicit encounter with her next-door neighbor and loses her memory. Myriad is shopping at the AFM. IP Advisors is brokering North American rights.
Source: Hollywood Wiretap
In his new film Due Date director Todd Phillips (Old School The Hangover) stages a rather audacious cinematic experiment placing two enormously talented actors Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis on a mostly deserted island handing them an assortment of blunt and broken tools and charging them with constructing a free-standing fully-functioning Hollywood comedy.
To his credit Phillips was at least considerate enough to supply his comic Crusoes with a detailed blueprint. An odd-couple/road trip movie hybrid Due Date unapologetically mimics Planes Trains and Automobiles one of the John Hughes' rare “grown-up” comedies in which Steve Martin starred as a straightlaced family man forced to travel cross-country with a gratingly affable slob played by John Candy in order to make it home for Thanksgiving. (Surely there have been other such films before and since but Hughes’ work is the one Due Date most vividly recalls.)
The film’s script co-written by Phillips and Adam Sztykiel adds a handful of 21st-century twists to the formula: A baggage snafu while boarding an airplane leads Peter Highman (Downey) a type-A architect with a history of anger-management issues into a confrontation with a Federal Air Marshal that subsequently lands him on Homeland Security’s no-fly list. Stranded without reliable transport lacking the means by which to procure any (he left his wallet on the plane) and desperate to be reunited in L.A. with his pregnant wife (Michelle Monaghan) in time for her scheduled c-section he reluctantly agrees to hitch a ride with the same tubby schmuck Ethan (Galifianakis) who moments earlier was the catalyst of his security debacle.
The unlikely travel companions embark on a calamitous road trip from Atlanta to L.A. during which Ethan proves to be something of a disaster magnet with Peter bearing the brunt of the damage that occurs. Their navigator Phillips lazily guides them through an uneven obstacle course of comic scenarios some of which are embarrassingly predictable (Ethan stores his beloved father’s ashes in a coffee can and they’re later accidentally used to make coffee!) all of which are designed to showcase Downey’s caustic wit and Galifianakis’ sublime daffiness.
Few actors today deliver choice insults better than Downey and even fewer absorb them better than Galifianakis. They make for a truly marvelous collision of opposites and their interplay is what elevates Due Date above its often puzzlingly flat material. (That along with Galifianakis’ gift for physical comedy; no actor outside of the Jackass crew can better sell a collision with a car door.) The film's supporting cast meanwhile criminally underachieves. Conspicuous cameos from the likes of Danny McBride Juliette Lewis and Jamie Foxx are either unfunny unnecessary or both. On this road trip they’re little more than baggage. Thankfully Downey and Galifianakis are more than capable of shouldering the burden.
Conan and his writers with their ruined cars were counting on us to vote in his poll to decide who the first guests on his show would be, but it looks like that was just another ploy to get Tom from Myspace's hopes up unnecessarily high because his first guests have been announced, and none of them were listed on the poll. Monday's show will kick off with Seth Rogen and musical guest Jack White. Tuesday's show will have Tom Hanks, Jack McBrayer from 30 Rock and Soundgarden. Wednesday's show will have Jon Hamm and Charlyne Yi with a performance by Fistful of Mercy, and Thursday's show will have Michael Cera and Julie Bowen and comedian Jon Dore.
Nice lineup. But more importantly, does this remind anyone else of Space Jam? Obviously Michael Jordan was was the one who saved the Looney Toons from an eternity at Moron Mountain by helping them win a basketball game. But if Michael Jordan had needed their assistance in whatever, Bugs Bunny and Co. would have returned to show their appreciation by helping him however they could. And this is just like that! Conan is Michael Jordan, and after years of helping Rogen and Hamm and the like promote their projects and ensure they are received successfully, they're all coming back to make sure the baseball community gives him a chance! Wait, no. They're all coming back to make sure we give Conan another chance! But it's really not us they have to worry about -- it's Jay Leno, who has never seen nor heard of Space Jam, which makes him angry he's on the outs of this analogy and already calf-deep in planning a way to turn TBS into another car doesn't drive.
Florence Henderson, who Jay Leno helpfully pointed out to us is currently the oldest contestant on Dancing with the Stars (as if the grainy re-runs of The Brady Bunch were hatefully deceptive), and Jay asked her who she wanted to “Nancy Kerrigan” out of the competition. She went through and basically named everyone, and said how great it would be if she were one of the final two dancers because funny things happen, like people getting injured. COUGH IN YOUR FACE, PICK UP ON THE JOKE ALREADY.
Diane Lane told Jimmy Fallon about how much Secretariat’s heart weighed. DIANE LANE YOU ARE BORING. TELL US MORE ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD THIEVERY!
David Letterman spoke to Julie Chen about meeting President Obama, and how he told off her husband for reminding him of his name. And the poor guy hadn’t even had a few drinks in him so he could make a Hussein joke back or anything!
Jon Stewart wondered how likely it is that the Democrats will loose the Senate to the Republicans in the midterm elections (their pillage of the House is already pretty likely). Personally, I’m much more interested in if Kate Beckinsale ever regrets her relationship with Michael Sheen now that she’s with Len Wiseman. But the Democratic seats are in crazy danger of being lost to women like Sharron Angle, who seems to be delightful on all counts, and the sweet heavenly voice of acceptance with which she speaks is lined with glitter.
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And Stephen Colbert talked about how the government raided Rawesome Foods (WITH LL COOL J-SIZED SWAT GUNS) in Venice, California because they were selling raw milk and the police didn’t want any raw camel, cow or goat milk sliding through the heavenly gate of a child’s lips…especially if they’d been “being a pill,” as my mother would say.
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Jon Hamm talked to Jon Stewart last night about his new movie, The Town. You will eat this and you will like it. I really have very little else to say about this. Other than you will eat this and you will like it.
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Stephen Colbert talked to Joan Rivers on his Atone Phone, in honor of Rosh Hoshana. What did she atone for? Ugh, nothing. She takes the Jewish holiday about as serious as we take her fashion critiques.
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Ben Affleck talked to Jay Leno about something he read somewhere, that said he had gray hair in his beard, and he thought it was so insignificant compared to everything else in the world that was going on. Must be pretty insignificant if he’s using it as a lead in to talking about his new movie on Leno though, am I right? I am right.
Julie Bowen of Modern Family talked about trying to get into the Governor’s Ball after the Emmys, and caging her twins like they were pies at an outdoor picnic.
Regis Philbin sang with Jimmy Fallon. Again, I really don’t need to do too much here.
And then Emma Stone helped him test out the shake weight. Man, my job is just writing itself today!
Don't have the heart to sit through the three hour broadcast? That's fine, but you're no better than those of us that do (even if your name was written in the sky today). In the event you still care who won, I've bolded the winners of each category as soon as they were announced. If there's no bold name in a category, it means the award hasn't been given out yet, but be sure and check back later to see who took home the prize.
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy SeriesJesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern FamilyChris Colfer, GleeJon Cryer, Two And A Half MenTy Burrell, Modern FamilyEric Stonestreet, Modern FamilyNeil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy SeriesJane Lynch, GleeJane Krakowski, 30 RockKristen Wiig, Saturday Night LiveSofia Vergara, Modern FamilyJulie Bowen, Modern FamilyHolland Taylor, Two And A Half Men Outstanding Actor In A Comedy Series Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm Tony Shaloub, Monk Steve Carell, The Office, Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory Outstanding Actress In A Comedy Series Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, The New Adventures Of Old Christine Tina Fey, 30 Rock Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie Toni Collette, The United States of Tara Lea Michele, Glee Outstanding Reality-Competition Program American Idol Dancing With The Stars The Amazing Race Project Runway Top Chef Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series John Slattery, Mad MenMartin Short, DamagesAaron Paul, Breaking BadTery O'Quinn, LostAndre Braugher, Men Of A Certain AgeMichael Emerson, Lost Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama SeriesChristina Hendricks, Mad MenRose Byrne, DamagesArchie Panjabi, The Good WifeSharon Gless, Burn NoticeElisabeth Moss, Mad MenChristine Baranski, The Good Wife
Outstanding Actor In A Drama Series Jon Hamm, Mad Men Hugh Laurie, House Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights Michael C. Hall, Dexter Matthew Fox, Lost Outstanding Actress In A Drama Series January Jones, Mad Men Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU Glenn Close, Damages Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series The Tonight Show with Conan O'BrienThe Daily Show with Jon StewartThe Colbert Report with Stephen ColbertSaturday Night LiveReal Time with Bill Maher Outstanding Actress In A Miniseries Or Movie Dame Judi Dench, Return To Cranford Hope Davis, The Special Relationship Claire Danes, Temple Grandin Joan Allen, Georga O'Keeffe Maggie Smith, Capturing Mary Outstanding Actor In A Miniseries Or Movie Sir Ian McKellen, The Prisoner Dennis Quaid, The Special Relationship Jeff Bridges, A Dog Year Al Pacino, You Don't Know Jack Michael Sheen, The Special Relationship Outstanding Made For Television Movie Endgame Moonshot Temple Grandin Georga O'Keeffe The Special Relationship You Don't Know Jack Outstanding Drama Series True Blood Dexter Mad Men The Good Wife Lost Breaking Bad Outstanding Comedy Series Curb Your Enthusiasm Modern Family The Office 30 Rock Glee