Aziz Ansari recently announced that he will be be writing a book about technology and dating. Let's just be happy that his Parks and Recreation character -- the nasal R&B-loving, "swag"-saying Tom Haverford -- isn't writing the book. Here are a few quotes from Tom that he might have used if it were his book on romance.
On perserverence:"The four sweetest words in the English language — 'You wore me down.'"
On the perfect date:"We had dinner last night and breakfast this morning. What were we doing in between? Sex stuff."
On the female form: “I have no interest in art. Let me clarify: I have no interest in non-nude images.”
On when to call:"No, I don’t text her, 'It was nice meeting you." I wait eight weeks and I text her, 'What’s crackin?"'
On getting over a divorce:“Yeah, I’ve been a little down. Totally natural. I’m getting a divorce, but now I’m ready to pull myself up by some G-strings.”
On rationalization:"I just don't get why you broke up with me. Is it 'cause I'm not cool enough, like the normal kids compared to the vampires? Is it an Edward-Bella-Jacob type situation? Where you like me but there's someone else you like more?"
On weddings:“One of my life goals is to be a best man. It’s a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind.”
On breakups: "She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage."
On loneliness:“Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are… Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.”
On open relationships:“Yes, I’m married. But my wife understands that a good politician has to be appealing to the ladies. The fact that I haven’t even gotten close to cheating on her is a disappointment to us both.”
On Twilight:"Am I team Edward? Yes. Do I share his concerns about turning Bella, though? Absolutely not."
On deal-breakers:“Not loving ‘90s R&B music is #3 on the Oh No Nos list. Girl don’t even know who Ginuwine is.”
On nicknames: "We have cookie tush, Winnie the Boo, lady presh-presh, Annberry sauce, Annie get your boo, Tommy’s girl, Annie bananie…"
On spicing it up: "I think cave sex is insane."
On the perfect gift:'There isn't a woman alive who doesn't love diamonds. Even the super left-wing chicks who saw Blood Diamond and cried. When they get a diamond, they like, 'yeah, b**ch, get more of them blood diamonds. Make 'em extra bloody.'"
On sex scandals:"I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a great champion. But after that sex scandal? The man is a god. "
On gold diggers: "Yeah, Jessica's a gold digger. But I'm a gold digger digger."
And, finally, some pick up lines:“I think you sound like an angel, and everyone else sounds like demons.”"Hold on a second. Did you get your breasts done? You look amazing!""Hey, boo. Are you aging in reverse? 'Cause you look barely legal."
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John Stamos was surrounded by his TV family as he turned 50 on Monday (26Aug13) when the cast of Full House turned out to join in his birthday celebrations. The actor threw a huge Rat Pack-themed bash to mark the milestone at the Sunset Tower Hotel in Los Angeles.
His former co-stars Bob Saget, Candace Cameron Bure and Ashley Olsen were all out in force at the party, where Sir Tom Jones took to the stage to sing It's Not Unusual to the birthday boy.
Taking to Twitter.com, he writes, "Had the party of a lifetime Monday night - everyone that is so important in my life was there."
Other stars at the event included members of the Beach Boys and Glee star Darren Criss, who also performed.
Veteran crooner Sir Tom Jones is the latest musician under pressure to scrap a show in Israel. The Welsh icon is set to perform in Tel Aviv in October (13), but members of the Palestine Solidarity Campaign (PSC) have called for Jones to pull the plug on his gig.
They have posted an online petition where more than 1,000 campaigners have urged the singer to cancel the show.
A PSC spokesperson says, "Tom's show will breach the Palestinian call to boycott Israel until it complies with international law and ends its human rights abuses of the Palestinian people."
The petition comes as rocker Roger Waters vowed to boycott Israel, and Stevie Wonder, Elvis Costello, Santana and The Pixies have also scrapped shows there in recent years.
Earlier this year (13) Alicia Keys refused to bow to pressure and went ahead with her gig in Tel Aviv despite Waters' pleas.
The Corrs star Sharon Corr is stepping down as a judge on Ireland's The Voice. The singer was a fixture on the reality TV show for the first two series but she has announced she is walking away from the hot seat to concentrate on her music career.
In a note to fans on her website, she writes, "All good things come to an end. I have absolutely loved being a coach on The Voice of Ireland. What an amazing show!
"The first two seasons were quite the roller coaster ride - we took it from concept stage to the number one television program in the country and I could not be more proud."
She adds, "I am very excited to be releasing my new album The Same Sun, there are a lot of promotional activities scheduled and I am embarking on a world tour very soon, so unfortunately, I cannot be with you all this season - I wish everyone involved good luck and I look forward to seeing you all again in the future."
British R&B star Jamelia has also stepped down as a judge on the show after winning the most recent season with singer Keith Hanley, and it is still not clear if former Westlife star Kian Egan will be returning to the show for season three.
The latest The Voice news comes just a day after it was announced will.i.am would be returning as a judge to Britain's The Voice. The Black Eyed Peas reportedly turned down a spot on American Idol to rejoin Tom Jones on the show.
Meanwhile, Cee Lo Green and Christina Aguilera will be returning as judges on America's version of the talent show after taking a season off. Their spots were filled by Usher and Shakira earlier this year (13).
Will.i.am has ditched American Idol for Britain's The Voice. The Black Eyed Peas frontman was in talks to join Keith Urban as a judge on the next season of Idol, but it appears he has turned the job down in favour of a return to the U.K. version of The Voice for the show's third season, where he'll rejoin Tom Jones.
Kylie Minogue is rumoured to be interested in filling the third judge's chair on the BBC show.
Meanwhile, Minogue's fellow Aussie Urban has confirmed he'll be returning to American Idol as a judge. Jennifer Lopez has also been linked to the show but she has not officially been named as a judge for the new season. Insiders claim her big announcement is imminent.
What a very different Elysium we almost had. Director Neill Blomkamp originally wanted Eminem to play the role of Max, the irradiated proletarian from 2154 who decides to storm the orbital citadel of Earth's elite and get free healthcare. Squint and you almost see a little Marshall Mathers in Matt Damon's take on the character: the punkish rage, the sweaty desperation. But the role ultimately went to Damon because Eminem turned down the part after Blomkamp refused to shoot the film in Detroit. He was far from the first to turn down a major movie role, however. Tom Selleck was the first choice for Indiana Jones. Sean Connery was top pick for Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings. Click through our gallery of actors who said "No Thanks" to some of the most beloved characters ever created.
GALLERY: 12 Iconic Movie Roles That Famous Actors Turned Down
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Rockers Kings Of Leon are set to indulge their love of a good meal by hosting a food festival in their hometown of Nashville, Tennessee next month (Sep13). Bandmembers Caleb and Nathan Followill have teamed up with chef Jonathan Waxman to co-host the Music City Eats festival, which will showcase some of the city's top chefs while bands perform live music.
The weekend event will also feature the Petty Fest Nashville, an all-star celebration of the music of Tom Petty, hosted by Kings Of Leon at Nashville's War Memorial Auditorium. They will perform alongside Emmylou Harris and Norah Jones.
Waxman says, "A few years ago, Caleb Followill quietly slipped into my restaurant Barbuto in New York, and we bonded over food and music, and throughout our many conversations, he kept asking why there wasn't a food and wine festival in his hometown of Nashville. We are inviting some truly amazing chefs from around the country, and most importantly, the best chefs and restaurants in Nashville. I am extremely excited by our shindig, and the Kings and I can't wait until September rolls around."
Music City Eats will take place from 21 to 22 September.
Legendary country star Cowboy Jack Clement has died at the age of 82. The revered singer/songwriter and producer passed away at his Nashville, Tennessee home on Thursday morning (08Aug13) after a long illness, reports CMT.com.
Born Jack Henderson Clement in Memphis, Tennessee, he joined the U.S. Marines when he was still a teenager and served his country for four years before embarking on a career in music.
He formed his first band, a bluegrass group called Buzz and Jack & the Bayou Boys in 1953, but soon found fame as a producer and songwriter, picking up work at the Tennessee-based Sun Records, where he collaborated with a young Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash and Roy Orbison.
He went on to work at RCA Records and then teamed up with the likes of Dickey Lee, Allen Reynolds and George Jones, who he convinced to record a cover of Lee's She Thinks I Still Care, which became a big hit in 1962.
Clement also produced Cash's signature tune Ring of Fire, and both tracks have since been inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame.
His other producer credits include songs by Dolly Parton, Ray Charles, Elvis Presley, Cliff Richard, Charley Pride, Tom Jones and Waylon Jennings.
He was inducted into the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame in 1973 and has also been immortalised in the Rockabilly Hall of Fame online and the Music City Walk of Fame in Tennessee.
In April (13), Clement was announced as a member of the Country Music Hall of Fame's Class of 2013.
Actor Tom Hiddleston has confirmed his villainous character Loki will not return for The Avengers' sequel. The War Horse star's character was popular among fans of the superhero movie, but Hiddleston is convinced there was no way the role could fit in the new movie Avengers: Age of Ultron.
He tells EW.com, "He's not in it. Here's the thing: I don't think there's anything else Loki could contribute to The Avengers, narratively. Joss gave me so many wonderful things to do in that first film that we'd only be trying to repeat ourselves, and probably less well in the second one."
The British actor insists he has no hard feelings about the departure and reveals it was a pleasure to work on the movie.
He adds, "When I think of all the things I loved as a child, for example, Hans Gruber wasn't in Die Hard 2. And in Indiana Jones, by the time he moved from the Lost Ark to the Temple of Doom, there was a whole new bad guy. I think keeping it fresh and new is good for The Avengers even though it's a shame for me. And let's face it, there's seven or eight of them as it is, and Joss is thinking about adding two more, so the screen's gonna be a busy place. But I had the time of my life on that film. It was the most fun ever."
However, it will not be the last time fans see Loki on the big screen - he will reprise the character in the Thor sequel, Thor: The Dark World.
He explains, "Oh, I've got plenty to do in Thor, believe me. A lot of new stuff. It's a new iteration of the character. It's a new development. Another trick, another poker game for the god of mischief. And he plays it well."
Mcfly star Danny Jones is set to wed after proposing to his longtime model girlfriend on Thursday (25Jul13). The British pop star asked Georgia Horsley, who was crowned Miss England 2007, to be his wife - and she said yes.
Revealing the news to his Twitter.com fans, Jones uploaded a photograph of Horsley flashing her engagement ring as the pair cuddled and declared, "The future mrs j yeahhhhhhhh!!!"
Horsley later added, "Soooo this happened tonight!! I'M ENGAGED!!!!! So so happy!!!"
Jones' bandmate Tom Fletcher, who wed last year (12), sent his best wishes to the couple via Twitter, writing, "Super massive congratulations to Danny and Georgia on your engagement!!!!! Bloomin awesome news!!!!!"