Think of celebrities as our gladiator class: they step into the ring and do all sorts of stuff we'd never dream of doing ourselves. We watch through our fingers when they do, but we never look away. We love them as specimens, powerful in ways we could never be. We love them for being more perfect than we are. But we also love them when they're not.
It's not exactly Schadenfreude, the self-affirmation we feel when someone with every advantage fails. Okay, maybe we did delight in that Britney head-shaving, but there's something else in there, and it's not really about wanting them to feel bad. It's about us feeling good when we forgive them. It's reverse Schadenfreude, if you will, founded in our Puritan past.
So feel free to falter, Kardashians. Steal Taylor's spotlight, Kanye, we totally understand. And yes, Anne Heche, there really is a spaceship waiting to take you to heaven.
Let loose your grip Hollywood. We'll be there to catch you when you fall. And we'll be feeling fantastic about ourselves while we do.
Established in 1994 by British philanthropist William Sieghart, National Poetry Day is celebrated on the first Thursday of ever October. Poetry Day isn't a major holiday, but thanks to the wonders of social media, it's one we'll never forget either (#NationalPoetryDay reveals the proud, lyrically-inclined masses of Twitter).
In honor of the poetic celebration, Hollywood.com whipped up a handful of pop culture-themed haikus that would make even 17th century Japanese poet Matsuo Basho swoon over Michael Fassbender. He was looking for a reason anyway, so we're kind of doing him a favor.
Check them out, then write up your own stanza of pop poetry and keep the party going.
On Breaking Bad:
Mr. White, I quitLandry from Friday Night LightsIs unstable, yo!
Now you're affectingAn Anglo-Saxon accent?You're from Michigan!
On Fall Movies:
Prestigious moviesArrive and win the awardsStill love Avengers
On Downton Abbey:
Dowager Countess,Sidesteps charm with acid tongue.Aristocracy!
Diamonds do not shineBrightly, around boy gone badYou did not find love.
On Big Brother:
Big Brother 14Danielle had Stockholm SyndromeFrank is a carrot
On the Presidential debates:
Big Bird was my friendHe loved art and poetry.Now he is homeless.
On Kim K's cat photos:
You poor sweet kittenStuck with a KardashianSomeone call PETA
On a great TBS show:
Your name earns much scornBut I can’t hide my fandomI love Cougar Town.
On Anne Hathaway's marriage:
Oh why HathawayDid you wear that odd headbandOn your wedding day?
On Psy's YouTube hit:
What is this Gangnam?What makes its Style so thrilling?Sigh, I’m done trying.
On Katie Holmes:
Katie Holmes is loosein New York wearing mom jeans.Run and hide, Suri.
On the new Facebook commercial:
Zuck’s new Facebook adChairs, basketball, dance floors, planesI think it’s a joke
On Michael Fassbender:
Michael FassbenderMichael Fassbender, you guysMichael Fassbender!
Follow Matt Patches on Twitter @misterpatches
[Photo Credit: Columbia Pictures]
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