Walt Disney Pictures
The Muppets are back for another celebrity-filled romp that will see Kermit locked up and replaced by to a shifty frog look-a-like.
In the latest trailer for Muppets Most Wanted, Kermit finds that he bears more than a passing resemblance to Constantine, a frog criminal mastermind with a mole on his face. Constantine engineers a plan that get’s Kermit thrown in the pokey, while Constantine assumes the muppet's identity —he just has to get rid of his pesky foriegn accent first. Constantine’s lackey, Dominic Badguy ("Badguy" is French, don’t worry about it. Definitely not evil) poses as the Muppet's tour manager, and the gang carries on while wondering why Kermit is acting so un-Kermit-like.
The best player in the World for movie trailers, Hollywood interviews and movie clips.
Joining the Muppets are Ty Burrell, and Interpol agent who spends time badge measuring with Sam the Eagle (size does matter), and Tina Fey who play's Kermit's domineering prison guard that has no time for Kermit's pleas of innocence. There's also a number of cameo appearances from stars like Celine Dion, Ray Liotta, Salma Hayek, P. Diddy, Cristoph Waltz, and a sad looking Danny Trejo. The trailer is bursting with charm and humor, and we can't wait to dive back into the Muppets when the film releases next year.
Machete has killed by land, by air, and by sea... and then wept for he had no more things left to murder. So the natural progression for a man with killing on his mind and nothing left to kill on earth... is to go kill whatever the hell is in space — where no one will hear Machete's blade chunk into your gullet. If you were one of the few (emphasis on few) that went out to see Robert Rodriguez’s second helping of Machete, Machete Kills, then you’ve already seen the fake trailer for Machete kills Again….in Space, a possible sequel that Robert Rodriguez and Danny Trejo will try to will into existence through film marketing or black magic.
The speculative trailer features the now overly-familiar Grindhouse fuzz that blankets everything else Rodriguez has done for the past half decade, as we see Trejo traipse around a space ship getting with the babes and introducing everyone else to the business end of his Lightsaber-esque machete, which is just as good for space gardening as it is for dismemberment. We're also treated to appearances from Michelle Rodriguez, Lady Gaga, a man in a silver mask who may or may not be Leonardo DiCaprio, and the friendly pop star droid companion, The Justin Beibot 5000 (now with less singing).
Machete Kills' low-box office gross has probably shot Rodriguez's dreams of a mexploitation space-opera in the kneecaps, but maybe that's a good thing. Before watching the trailer, we were initially excited at the prospect of a "Machete in Space" film, only to realize 30 seconds into it that we had already seen more than two lifetime's worth of a "Machete in Space" film — then we had to watch another whole minute and 15 seconds of it. It seems that Machete has indeed killed everything, even the guy who tapped Robert Rodriguez on the shoulder and told him that the joke is wearing thin.
When a highly-anticipated and heavily advertised movie hits the theaters and bombs, it's got to create a truly unusual feeling for all involved. It would have been interesting to be a fly on the wall for the reactions of Benedict Cumberbatch upon his learning that The Fifth Estate averaged $969 per theater over the opening weekend.
"Wow. That's marvelous. $969 thousand per theater? Excellent start!""... No, Benedict. That's dollars. Just dollars. $969. Nine-hundred sixty-nine." "I need to go for a walk. A very long walk."
Seeing that made me think of five other recent and historically bad openings:
Machete Kills (2013)
This was not a good year for openings. It's a bit of a surprise, since it's packed to the gills with stars and people seemed to love the first one. It pulled in $3.8 milllon, which was spread out over 2,500 theaters. This equals -- and please bear in mind, I was never good at math -- not a lot. I just hope Danny Trejo's Machete doesn't track down the people who didn't see this movie.
The subject matter was awesome: Steve Jobs! But people just couldn't get past the fact that it was Ashton Kutcher in the role. The other problem was that the movie only focused on a narrow slice of his life, and there was so much to his whole story. It opened to $6.8 million. That may have been lower than the amount Kutcher makes per episode on Two And A Half Men. Dude, you got Punk'd at the theater!
It's Pat (1994)
This movie, based around a person of ambigious sexuality played by Julia Sweeney on a series of Saturday Night Live skits, had a very limited theater run, and it's a good thing: It got terrible reviews and supposedly earned only around $60,000 TOTAL. It was unambiguously yanked out of the theaters very quickly.
Major League: Back To the Minors (1998)
Audience members sent this film back to the bush leagues, paying only a little over $2 million in its opening weekend. Of course, with no Charlie Sheen and Scott Bakula taking over the lead role, the lack of interest is understandable. Bakula probably said in his best Quantum Leap voice, "Ohhhh boy..." when he saw the numbers.
The Oogieloves in Big Balloon Adventures (2012)
This was supposed to be from a popular kids' series, but a movie that looked like the Teletubbies on acid only raked in $443,000 in its opening weekend. I'm sure that cast members like Cary Elwes and Christopher Lloyd called Cumberbatch to tell them that it could have been a LOT worse.
Movie tough guy Danny Trejo took home an odd souvenir from the set of the Machete sequel - co-star Lady Gaga's kitchen goods. The healthy pop superstar turned her back on the catering available for the cast and crew and decided to cook up her own dinners while working on Machete Kills - and leading man Trejo became fascinated by her culinary skills.
He says, "She cooks her own food - she does, like, steamed vegetables and good stuff... I used to like walking by with a lamb chop."
And when she left the set, Trejo asked if he could keep her cookware.
He recalls, "I said, 'What are you gonna do with those pots and pans, Gaga?' She said, 'I can't take them with me'.
"So I've got 'em on a shelf at home (labelled), 'Lady Gaga's pots and pans'."
The action man admits he treasures the items - because they came from a good friend: "She is unbelievably gorgeous, great lady."
"When she came out in that outfit, it was like the first time your daughter walked out in a bikini... (We were all like), 'Hell, no!'" Movie tough guy Danny Trejo on working with former child star Alexa Vega in Machete sequel, Machete Kills.
Black Sabbath rockers Ozzy Osbourne and Geezer Butler and movie tough guy Danny Trejo were honoured at the Eyegore Awards show at the Universal Studios themepark in California on Friday (20Sep13) . The rockers and Trejo were recognised alongside The Evil Dead's Bruce Campbell and The Walking Dead's Greg Nicotero for their achievements in horror and sci-fi entertainment.
And Melissa McBride accepted an ensemble award for the cast of cult TV zombie drama The Walking Dead.
Sharon Osbourne introduced her husband and his band and talked about the group's comeback album, 13, saying, "Rock and roll from the very beginning has always been very, very dangerous... and over the past 45 years, one legendary band has not only lived up to this reputation and more, but with their extreme volume, riff-based songs and dark, demonic subject matters, Black Sabbath have enjoyed their well-deserved stature as the darkest performers in rock and roll. The band literally invented the words heavy metal."
A baffled Ozzy accepted the demon trophy and said, "I don’t know what to say, really. It’s been an amazing year, as Sharon just said. We had a number one record and a number one world tour, and now this. What more can I say? Thank you very much, everybody. God bless you."
Following the awards show, Universal Studio bosses launched their annual annual Halloween Horror Nights attraction which this year features a Black Sabbath-inspired haunted maze.
Sylvester Stallone's film Reach Me has been pulled from fundraising site Kickstarter.com and moved to another, despite reaching its goal. Director John Herzfeld and producers turned to the site to raise $250,000 (£166,660), after one of the movie's financial backers pulled out, setting a 19 September (13) deadline to raise the funds.
The filmmakers were able to secure the money, but decided to cancel the Kickstarter.com campaign and move it over to Indiegogo.com, where they have more flexibility on how the funds are raised.
Herzfeld explains, "Indiegogo doesn't have the same guidelines as Kickstarter. They allow for participation from all parties. It's a bit more flexible, and there's an international platform as well. They made it easy for us and were very, very helpful."
With the new drive, the movie maker is only seeking $50,000 (£33,330), after another source of cash emerged.
Reach Me follows a group of people brought together by a self-help book and also stars Kelsey Grammer, Kyra Sedgwick, Tom Sizemore, Danny Trejo and rapper Nelly.
I don't think there has ever been a film title as plainly descriptive as Machete Kills. There's not nuance or irony or symbolism hidden between the letters. It's simple: Machete kills. That's all he does, and that's pretty much the only thing that the latest red band trailer for Machete Kills shows. Machete killing things. And it's glorious.
In this sequel to Robert Rodriguez's mexsploitation thriller, Danny Trejo reprises his role as Machete, an ex-Federale with an unparalleled skill for filling graves. President Charlie Sheen (Carlos Estévez) tasks Machete with killing Mel Gibson, so off Machete goes to heavily increase the murder rate in several U.S states and Mexico. The trailer is a visceral slideshow of the many ways to kill a man. The fact that there isn't just one scene where a man is flung into the spinning blades of a helicopter but two should tell you all you need to know about what kind of movie this is.
We also get a glimpse of the other players in Machete Kills including, Michelle Rodriguez, Lady Gaga, Cuba Gooding Jr., and the lovely Sofia Vergara who is determined to prove that there's still comedic value in screaming at everything really loudly.
We can't be exactly sure how the invetible Machete/Mel Gibson showdown will end, but if we had to guess, Machete Kills will end with both parties walking away amicably, having solved their differences peacefully.
More:'Machete Kills' Wall of Weapons Clip'Machete Kills' Green Band TrailerAmber Heard Gets All Up on Danny Trejo in 'Machete Kills'
From Our Partners:A Complete History Of Twerking (1993-2013) (Vh1)15 Stars Share Secrets of their Sex Lives (Celebuzz)
These actors have a history of playing bullies, ruthless killers, evil masterminds, and all-around badasses. Their distinct physical appearances (weathered, dark-haired, unsmiling) and general demeanors (quiet, menacing, and angry all the time) make them the perfect villain or antihero type. Unlike some actors who can play both the tough guy and the big, loveable goofball (we're looking at you, The Rock — you, too, Vin Diesel), these guys are just too fearsome to play mannies and tooth fairies. You might want to avoid direct eye contact, as we present to you the six most badass badasses in Hollywood.
GALLERY: 6 Most Badass Badasses in Hollywood
More:7 Miscast SuperheroesWhy You Should Know Ray Winstone'The Bridge' Is Funner Than You Think
From Our Partners:40 Most Revealing See-Through Red Carpet Looks (Vh1)15 Stars Share Secrets of their Sex Lives (Celebuzz)
"People not only come up and say that they want me to put them in one of my movies, but they want to die in one - specifically, at the hands of Machete. It's considered a glorious death." Filmmaker Robert Rodriguez on his die-hard fans and their love for his Machete character, portrayed by Danny Trejo.