It's hardly a surprise to see familiar faces during the Super Bowl's commercial breaks. After all, we already know Amy Poehler is shilling for Best Buy this year; we all remember Matthew Broderick reviving Ferris Bueller for Honda last year; and we’ll never forget the glory and slightly confusing patriotism of Britney Spears’ “Joy of Pepsi” spot. But what about the people who shot to fame after they showed up during a brief respite from the moving of the chains? Those are the commercials you may not remember...
Elijah Wood Trades Chips For a Super Bowl Ring (1994)
Even before he wormed his adorable way into our hearts in the 1994 Kevin Costner movie The War, Wood was tricking sports fans into eating Wavy Lays so he could steal their seats. The celebs in this round were actually Dallas Cowboys star Troy Aikman and former Vice President Dan Quayle, but Wood was just months from becoming a star in his own right.
Farrah Fawcett “Creams” Joe Namath... Somehow This Wasn’t Censored
Before Fawcett was one of Charlie’s Angels, she was helping Joe Namath shave his face and making use of a pun I didn’t think you could get away with in the ‘70s. You learn something new every day, I suppose.
Sean Hayes: Super Bowl Commercial Overachiever
Before he was known as Jack on Will & Grace, Hayes starred in two 1998 Super Bowl commercials, both of which would have you believe Hayes was a grunting neanderthal of a man: Bud Light’s shopping escape and Ali Landry’s Doritos 3D laundro-mat circus.
Before There Was The Fonz, There Was This Guy With a Killer Mustache
In 1973, before the 1974 debut of Happy Days — and, more importantly, the debut of Henry Winkler’s The Fonz — this brief commercial featured a mustachioed Winkler extolling the virtues of Schick razors. (Unfortunately, the version with audio isn’t available, but the facial hair! Oh, the facial hair.)
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[Photo Credit: YouTube]
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Chocolate and peanut butter. Baseball and hot dogs. Abraham Lincoln and vampires. Some things are just better when they're together. (Sorry, Snooki and JWOWW, this no longer applies to you.)
If the history lesson/pop culture phenomenon mashup Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, with Benjamin Walker as the titular history-bending, vampire-slaying POTUS, based on Seth Grahame-Smith's book of the same name, connects with audiences this weekend, don't be surprised if you see Hollywood turn out some more Presidential action hero treatments. In honor of the release of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the absurd re-imagining of a significant page in America's history, we wanted to come up with some other treatments of our own. - Millard Filmore: Party Animal: 13th President by day (played by Vince Vaughn) who, at the strike of midnight, turns into a party animal. A-woooooo! Tagline: "This summer: Whig out!" - Woodrow Wilson: Werewolf Wrangler: Geoffrey Rush sheds his accent to play the 28th President of the United States, who eventually decides to involve America in World War I. World War I, now, of course being the world against werewolves. Woodrow Wilson vs. World War Werewolves. So much alliteration! - Jimmy Carter: Zombie Crusher: Kindly Jimmy Carter, no more. Greg Kinnear's sweet face will turn deadly serious when he turns the 48th President into a full-on zombie crushing badass that would make The Walking Dead's Daryl Dixon look like a weakling. - Richard Nixon vs. the Mummies: The 46th President — played once again by Sir Anthony Hopkins, because why not? — is desperate to keep something under wraps....a legion of mummies, of course! - Seeing as former Vice President Al Gore already had his own action hero makeover with Al Gore: Global Warming Lecturer (An Inconvenient Truth, if you must) it seems only fair that other Veeps get their own treatment. I vote Dan Quayle: Farm Aide, in which George H.W. Bush's right hand man, played by Chris O'Donnell, fights off droughts and pesticides with a potato(e?) gun.
[Photo credit: 20th Century Fox]
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: A New Era of Tall Tales
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Star Mary Elizabeth Winstead On Becoming Mary Todd Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Star Anthony Mackie Talks Rewriting History
So apparently, Mike Huckabee forgot that criticizing the pop culture that people enjoy -- whether it's celebrities, TV shows, or movies -- is a horrible idea. The former Arkansas and likely the next Republican candidate for president railed on Natalie Portman for "glamorizing the idea of out-of-wedlock children." Remember when Dan Quayle said Murphy Brown contributed to the decay of moral values in America? Then, remember how he and George Bush Sr. lost to Bill Clinton in the election? Yeah, not necessarily the smartest political move there, Huckabee. -US Weekly
In Charlie Sheen News, he announced via Twitter last night that he's writing a book. "The title of my book has finally been delivered thru vast and extensive Lunar channels. Apocalypse Me," he wrote. And, well, what does the name mean? "Warlock latin for WINNING." Awesome, Sheen. Hopefully, it will be a picture book featuring him in different warlock poses, starting with this one from The AV Club. -Twitter
Austin Powers has finally settled down. In a secret wedding, Mike Myers married his longtime girlfriend Kelly Tisdale almost five months ago but are finally confirming their private NYC ceremony. The two have been dating since 2006, shortly after Myers broke it off with his first wife Robin Ruzan, to whom he was married for 12 years. Congratulations! -NY Post
Top Chef D.C. Recap: Arnold's Revenge
S7:E3: This episode of Top Chef was about assertion. Whilst top dogs Angelo and Kenny bicker and squabble, sneaky mischief-makers Arnold and Amanda sidle into first place. But firstly, Angelo is misanthropic! He eats breakfast outside on the dirt! He is a desperado, a tragic hero, the successful owner of a boutique gourmet sandwich restaurant. Meanwhile, Kenny has had it up to here with the Angelo show. We see him sitting silently in his room; a singular tear running down his face as he reads a billet-doux from his girlfriend Juicy. He becomes inspired, motivated. “Yes Juicy” he whispers fiercely, “We must succeed or we run the risk of failure.” Juicy is a Dan Quayle enthusiast.
Padma and the sensuous Gail Simmons greet the cheftestants at the door, accompanied by a man with ambitiously architectural hair and thick, imposing sideburns. He is introduced as Johnny Iuzzinni, Pastry God and head judge of TOP CHEF: JUST DESSERTS! YES. With Gail Simmons! YES! So much of the food produced on Top Chef, while ostensibly tasty and gourmet looks and sounds peculiar and unappetizing. Foams and mousses and raw beef and fennel and tuna everywhere – its hard to get behind such conceptual food. Top Chef: Just Desserts will be a saliva-fest. And Gail Simmons is just so luscious.
But the chefs are pissed. They are told to make a pie. A great American tradition! Except none of them can make pie! The chefs always complain about making desserts, to which I say ENOUGH OF YOUR EXCUSES. ENTERTAIN ME.
So it begins. Kelly explains that she is secretly good at desserts - suckers! She can barely contain her glee as she chops up cubes and cubes of butter for her chocolate pie. She really looks like Gollum.
Timmy Dean does his best Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon impression: “Pies? Pies!? Man I’m too old for this shit.”
Anthony expertly discusses the differences between being a savory chef and a pastry chef and astutely observes that pastry making is about precision and planning: “I thought that pies magically came from unicorn’s poop.”
Kenny makes Bananas Foster Pie Cobbler with Chinese five-spice, which sounds gross.
Judge Johnny Weir flirted shamelessly with Kelly (you are so smooth, you have a great emulsion), and informed Alex the Tan Russian that he had in fact made a tapioca quiche, not a pie (gag).
In the end, KENNY WON. YES! Fist Pumps! “THIS IS FOR YOU DAN QUAYLE, I mean, JUICY!”
Continuing in the theme of things these cheftestants can’t do, the Elimination is announced to be a grilling challenge at Mt. Vernon, home of George Washington, where they must prepare a picnic cookout for various interns. The chefs snicker but none bite the bait. Until Alex the Tan Russian swoops in with a “I’ve never taken advantage of an intern, wink wink, amiright?!?”. This proved to be only ominous foreshadowing of gross comments to come.
Barbeque is something not all the chefs are familiar with. Arnold interviews that grilling clogs your pores. Amanda casually mentions that she used to be a cocaine addict. The producers edit this anecdote into the visual equivalent of “Right. Moving on…”
So what’s for dinner? Angelo is making some “badass” Vietnamese wrap thing. It looks like Angelo is a sneaky only-makes-Asian-stuff guy, which Kenny notices and makes a note to exploit later. The Tan Russian and Amanda have an altercation over ovens; He calls her a bitch and she evokes “prison rules”. Uncomfortable knowing glances exchanged. Older random white guy Steven is wrapping stuff in bacon, while younger random white guy Ed is making a seared tuna hummus concoction.
Challenge day, and Timmy Dean starts things off with a robust burst of misogynist commentary about the general incompetence of women in all things worth doing. Namely grilling. But none of this is important. What really matters here is that JOHNATHAN WAXMAN has returned to us as a guest judge! He is like a small fountain or a quiet baby – so calming to look at.
Most of the chefs made some type of steak or pork and some type of hummus or couscous. In fact, Alex made pork butt. Cut to Alex’s interview: "I would eat the ass out of that pork butt all day.” What? Who says things like this on TV? Is this because he’s foreign?
Angelo declares his dish has clean, sexy flavors. Again. And a goose pooped on Timmy Dean.
So that about sums things up; frankly this was a boring round of entrees, though there was some sexual tension as the chefs tasted each other’s food and it was obvious that Angelo and Amanda want each other in a really gross way.
Winners? They were: Amanda’s ribs, Ed’s tuna sandwich, Angelo’s bringing Asian sexy back wrap, and Arnold with the ball of meat dish. In the end, Arnold took it away with a solemn, dignified curtsey.
Losers? The Bacon Dish was gross! Does this mean bacon isn’t cool anymore? Godammit. K. Sbrags made lame Puerto Rican food that offended Padma for some reason (on behalf of brown people?) and Tracey’s Italian sausage offended Tom for being shitty and also being Italian (I am Italian you cow!). In the end Tom had to send Tracey home for her white bread and slimy peppers and fennel-meat.
I didn’t love this episode - all meat and Mediterranean side-dish mediocrity. What is the point of having these successful executive-type chefs on the show if you are going to curb them creatively by making them churn out generic products in a medium they are unfamiliar with? Yes, a good chef should be able to grill and barbeque. But if they wanted 12 perfectly cooked skirt steaks they should have had a season of line cooks. Unfortunately, his type of bang-it-out challenge, in Tom’s words, was not a great day for American chefs.
Former Vice President Dan Quayle, who once criticized the family values of television's Murphy Brown, found in MTV's The Osbournes a show he can praise, to The Associated Press:
"In a weird way, Ozzy is a great anti-drug promotion. Look at him and how fried his brains are from taking drugs all those years and everyone will say, 'I don't want to be like that.'"