There's no doubt about it: the Hunger Games are a grim affair. That's why we've decided that it's time to turn the impending gloom and doom of the leading men and women in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire into a more light-hearted experience. Anyone up for a look-see at the modern-day fictional dating profiles of our favorite tributes?
We know all about the despair and sadness behind the majority of the character's lives, but what about their thoughts on their ideal date or their favorite movie or what qualities they like the most about themselves? We've taken a handful of questions that contestants on ABC's The Bachelor and The Bachlorette are usually asked before each season (plus a few of our own questions) and applied them to our fighting heroes.
So check out the dating profiles of 10 of the 3rd Quarter Quell's tributes:
*Let it be noted that the only factual information in these profiles is each tribute's name, age, weapon, district, and previous Hunger Game that they competed in.
Name: Cashmere.Age: Early-mid 20s (she'd prefer not to give an exact number).Occupation: Personal Trainer.District: 1.Hunger Game: Unspecified.Weapon of choice: Knife.Favorite movie: Silence of the Lambs.My ideal date: Spending time with Me, Myself, and I.I hate when my date: Speaks to me without being spoken to.If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: What kind of bulls**t question is this?Superpower I would like to have: Hah, like I need any superpowers.Favorite foods: Blood.Favorite television show: Hannibal.
Name: Gloss.Age: Early-mid 20s.Occupation: Unemployed.District: 1.Hunger Game: Unspecified.Weapon of choice: Dagger.Favorite book: Flowers in the Attic. If I were trapped in an attic, I’d like to be stuck there with my sister, Cashmere.Favorite movie: The Royal Tenenbaums. I find the relationship between Margot and Richie quite beautiful.My ideal date: I don’t need another woman in my life. I already have my sister.If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Introduce them to my sister. She's great.Typical Saturday night for you: Watching Clueless by myself and waiting for my sister to come home.Top 3 things on my bucket list: Travel through Europe with my sister. Start a small business with my sister. Paint a portrait of my sister.
Name: Enobaria.Age: 30s.Occupation: Trainer at Sea World.District: 2.Hunger Game: 62nd.Weapon of choice: My own teeth. And before you ask, yes, it has been a problem in my dating life.Most embarrassing moment: One time I had some human flesh stuck in between my teeth that nobody told me about. I hate when people don't tell you that! It’s like come on, would you like it if you were walking around all day looking like a fool?Favorite television show: Teen Wolf.
Name: Brutus.Age: Early 40s.Occupation: Chef.District: 2.Hunger Game: Unspecified.Weapon of choice: Spear.Favorite movie: Tangled. I like the songs.Your ideal date: There's this great jazz place that I know of on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Maybe a few cocktails there and then a walk through Washington Square Park?I hate when my date: Assumes all I want to talk about is how many people I've killed. I've got other hobbies. Why doesn't anyone ever want to talk about the cooking classes I teach on Wednesday nights?If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Read them some of my poetry. I've been told I have a way with words.Top 3 things on my bucket list: Be brought to tears by the sight of the Grand Canyon, spend a year volunteering in Africa, and learn how to bake the perfect blackberry soufflé (it’s my Achilles heel of baking).
Name: Wiress.Age: Early 50s.Occupation: IT support for the local library.District: 3.Hunger Game: Unspecified.Weapon of choice: Coil.Favorite book: A Clockwork Orange.If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Take them to the California Science Center and show them my knowledge of the mechanics behind solar cars.Superpower I would like to have: Ability to tune out everyone’s voices. People can be really annoying sometimes.My 3 best attributes: Not to brag, but I'm super smart, I can solve any computer malfunction, and I make a mean frittata.Favorite television show: Dr. Who.
Name: Beetee, but you can call me Volts.Age: 50s-60s.Occupation: Weapons engineer for U.S. Army.District: 3Hunger Game: UnspecifiedWeapon: Technology, all of it.Favorite Book: 1984.Your ideal date: Building a model train set together. If we can set it up in under an hour, then I know we’ll make it through anything.Top 3 Things on your bucket list: Go to one of Lady Gaga's performances in space, invent a way to communicate via brainwaves, and beat the world record for breaking into the government’s server.Favorite television show: Star Trek.
Name: Finnick Odair.Age: 24.Occupation: Stay-at-home father and part-time model.District: 4.Hunger Game: 64th.Weapon of choice: A trident… and a net for good measure.Favorite movie: Splash.If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. It's worked before.Typical weekend for me: Fishing with my son with our bare hands.Favorite memory from my childhood: Watching The Little Mermaid with my sisters. I've always had a soft spot for Ariel.My 3 best attributes: My body, my heart, and my body.Favorite television show: America’s Next Top Model: Guys & Girls. Finally Tyra is showing the world that male models matter just as much as female models.
Name: Johanna Mason.Age: Late teens – early 20s.Occupation: Woodshop teacher.District: 7.Hunger Game: 71st.Weapon of choice: Ax.Favorite movie: Fight Club.My ideal date: Camping with nothing but the clothes on our backs. Now that’s romantic..If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Yeah, right. Like I’m going to try and impress anyone. You either like me or you don’t. I don’t give a f**k either way.Top 3 Things on my bucket list: Receive my black belt, build a cabin in the woods all by myself, and brew my own beer.Favorite television show: I don’t have a favorite TV show. But I can tell you what I don’t like: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Why are they all so weak? Go and kick some ass.
Name: Katniss Everdeen.Age: 17.Occupation: Archery coach for the Olympics.District: 12.Hunger Game: 74th.Weapon of choice: Bow and arrow.Favorite book: Oliver.My ideal date: Hanging out by a lake enjoying the smells and the sounds. Preferably by myself.I hate when my date: Orders for me. Biggest dealbreaker there is.If I wanted to impress someone I like, I would: Challenge them to a game of darts. Spoiler: They’d lose.Favorite foods: Lamb stew with dried plums.Favorite memory from your childhood: Hunting with my dad.Favorite television show: Survivor: The Australian Outback. The show’s gone downhill since then.
Name: Peeta Mellark.Age: 17.Occupation: Adult school art teacher.District: 12.Hunger Game: 74th.Weapon of choice: Paint (sometimes it’s not that useful).Favorite movie: The Perks of Being a WallflowerMy ideal date: Going to a poetry slam night at a local coffee shop.I hate when my date: Is taller than me.Superpower I would like to have: Ability to swim. Wait, what? I can just learn that?Most embarrassing moment: When I almost died because I couldn’t swim.Typical Saturday night for me: Listening to The Smiths in my bedroom (but I'm also a Drake guy).Favorite television show: Freaks and Geeks.
A decade-long gap between sequels could leave a franchise stale but in the case of Men in Black 3 it's the launch pad for an unexpectedly great blockbuster. The kooky antics of Agent J (Will Smith) and Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) don't stray far from their 1997 and 2002 adventures but without a bombardment of follow-ups to keep the series in mind the wonderfully weird sensibilities of Men in Black feel fresh Smith's natural charisma once again on full display. Barry Sonnenfeld returns for the threequel another space alien romp with a time travel twist — which turns out to be Pandora's Box for the director's deranged imagination.
As time passed in the real world so did it for the timeline in the world of Men in Black. Picking up ten years after MIB 2 J and K are continuing to protect the Earth from alien threats and enforce the law on those who live incognito. While dealing with their own personal issues — K is at his all-time crabbiest for seemingly no reason — the suited duo encounter an old enemy Boris the Animal (Jemaine Clement) a prickly assassin seeking revenge on K who blew his arm off back in the '60s. Their street fight is more of a warning; Boris' real plan is to head back in time to save his arm and kill off K. He's successful prompting J to take his own leap through the time-space continuum — and team up with a younger K (Josh Brolin) to put an end to Boris plans for world domination.
Men in Black 3 is the Will Smith show. Splitting his time between the brick personalities of Jones and Brolin's K Smith struts his stuff with all the fast-talking comedic style that made him a star in yesteryears. In present day he's still the laid back normal guy in a world of oddities — J raises an eyebrow as new head honcho O (Emma Thompson) delivers a eulogy in a screeching alien tongue but coming up with real world explanations for flying saucer crashes comes a little easier. But back in 1969 he's an even bigger fish out water. Surprisingly director Barry Sonnenfeld and writer Etan Cohen dabble in the inherent issues that would spring up if a black gentlemen decked out in a slick suit paraded around New York in the late '60s. A star of Smith's caliber may stray away from that type of racy humor but the hook of Men in Black 3 is the actor's readiness for anything. He turns J's jokey anachronisms into genuine laughs and doesn't mind letting the special effect artists stretch him into an unrecognizable Twizzler for the movie's epic time jump sequence.
Unlike other summer blockbusters Men in Black 3 is light on the action Sonnenfeld utilizing his effects budget and dazzling creature work (by the legendary Rick Baker) to push the comedy forward. J's fight with an oversized extraterrestrial fish won't keep you on the edge of your seat but his slapstick escape and the marine animal's eventual demise are genuinely amusing. Sonnenfeld carries over the twisted sensibilities he displayed in small screen work like Pushing Daisies favoring bizarre banter and elaborating on the kookiness of the alien underworld than battle scenes. MIB3's chase scene is passable but the movie in its prime when Smith is sparring with Brolin and newcomer Michael Stuhlbarg who steals the show as a being capable of seeing the future. His twitchy character keeps Smith and the audience on their toes.
Men in Black 3 digs up nostalgia I wasn't aware I had. Smith's the golden boy of summer and even with modern ingenuity keeping it fresh — Sonnenfeld uses the mandatory 3D to full and fun effect — there's an element to the film that feels plucked from another era. The movie is economical and slight with plenty of lapses in logic that will provoke head scratching on the walk out of the theater but it's also perfectly executed. After ten years of cinematic neutralizing the folks behind Men in Black haven't forgotten what made the first movie work so well. After al these years Smith continues to make the goofy plot wild spectacle and crazed alien antics look good.
Easy A a teen sex comedy with no actual sex aims rather conspicuously to plumb the best bits of Diablo Cody and Alexander Payne in its upside-down self-consciously campy take on Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. In the role of its high-school Hester Prynne is Emma Stone the sly husky heroine of last year’s surprise hit Zombieland. Tested by a film that is far less clever than its director Will Gluck or screenwriter Bert Royal would have us believe (and they desperately want us to believe) she passes with flying colors delivering a performance that should elevate her into the upper echelon of actresses possessing brains and beauty in equal measure.
Stone plays Olive the kind of quick-witted hyper-literate teen that our educational system produces in ever-diminishing numbers. (If it ever produced them to begin with.) More knowing and sophisticated than others her age she is nonetheless not immune to the pressure of peers and the dread of being labeled a loser. Under duress by a prying friend (Aly Michalka) to dish the details of her birthday weekend a rather mundane affair mainly spent jumping on her bed to the tune of Natasha Bedingfield’s pop monstrosity “Pocket Full of Sunshine ” she feels compelled to embellish a bit and concocts an entirely fictional account of losing her virginity (dubbed the “V-Card” by Royal trying too hard) to a boy from a junior college across town.
Word of Olive’s deflowering spreads with startling speed aided by the incessant rumor-mongering of a catty Evangelical eavesdropper (Amanda Bynes). Suddenly branded a tramp on account of a seemingly harmless little lie Olive opts to embrace her newly tarnished reputation and put it to good use. In a viciously stratified social environment where even the most awkward acne-plagued pariah can earn respect and even admiration from members of the upper castes for having gone All the Way Olive anoints herself the Mother Theresa of (fake) sluts bestowing her blessing upon downtrodden gents in need of a reputation boost. And she resolves to look the part too traipsing around in scandalous bustiers and affixing the letter “A” to her chest.
There are limits to Easy A’s Scarlet Letter conceit overly Glee-ful tone forced repartee and pop-culture references (John Hughes is invoked so many times he should get a producer credit). Which is why director Gluck must be grateful to have found Stone who handles the verbal calisthenics of Royal’s script with charm and verve and a certain effortless appeal that keeps us engaged even as the film wallows in contrived irony and heavy-handedness. Keep your eye on her.