Even if you voted for President Obama, do you find yourself resenting him all the sudden? Are you inexplicably longing for the Bush era and ruing the day you marked your ballot for Barack instead of good ol’ Mitt Romney? Are your dreams filled with the sweet, musical timbre of Ronald Reagan? Well, then you might just be watching too much Downton Abbey, according to British economic journalist Stuart Varney. The Masterpiece Classic is apparently dipping into our subconscious minds — and the result? We’re becoming secret right-wingers. In related news, it's been proven that watching Jersey Shore will turn your skin orange.
Varney stopped by Fox and Friends for his usual segment about, you know, economics, and set his sights instead on the PBS series, saying that the antics at the Downton estate are mucking things up for left-wing politics (video below). ”Rich people are reviled. They’re dismissed as fat cats who don’t pay their fair share. We just hate ‘em. Rich people are evil. And yet, along comes this show, Downton Abbey [with] rich people dominantly featured. And they’re nice people. They’re generous. They create jobs for people. They’ve got style, they’re classy and we love ‘em. That show is wildly popular … It poses a threat to the left. The left says, ‘You gotta hate these people.’ But popular America watches a show that says these people are okay."Right. Because A) All rich people are Republicans, duh. B) Every liberal person hates rich people (transitive property’d!) C) If you think someone is swell and has serious swag, you automatically agree with all their political beliefs D) If you think rich people are humans, you've got to be right-wing. Varney knows how people think, okay?
What’s more, Gretchen Carlson (who only realizes that Downton Abbey is not actually spelled D-o-w-n-t-o-w-n during this segment) actually makes more sense than Varney. “I don’t think everyone in America hates rich people. But could it also be the theory that people are just sick and tired of stupidity on reality TV and they’re watching something that brings about beautiful pictures of relatively smart people in historical eras?” But Varney doesn’t listen to her. Silly woman, how dare you counter Varney’s irrefutable theory with something as preposterous as sound logic?! To that I say: Mr. Varney, how dare you say something so absurd that I’m forced to actually agree with Carlson, a woman who's famously allergic to things like encyclopaedias, dictionaries, newspapers, and facts?
Luckily, Varney’s got a friend in co-host Steve Doocy who steps up to support his claim and inadvertently contradicts the Downton-Republican-brain-washing theory: “Here’s the thing. The entire town loves the rich guy who lives in the abbey because he provides the jobs, he looks out for everybody, he provides free medical care for everybody. Without him … the place would go belly up.” Yeah, did you notice that part about free medical care? Last time I checked, that was a left-wing priority. But yeah, you guys go ahead and terrify us some more with your foolproof theory about how left-wingers all suddenly love rich people now and have no problem with them paying lower taxes or shooting down universal health care. Go ahead. Please.
Downton Abbey will continue its subconscious assault this Sunday on PBS when the Earl of Grantham combats women’s rights by becoming enraged over Edith’s new column about women’s rights. Just try to escape that without hoping they repeal equal voting rights among the sexes. We dare you.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: Photo Illustration by Hollywood.com]
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There are a million reasons not to watch Glee, Fox's unicorn turd of jazz hands in a field of rainbows, most of which have to do with the uneven plot lines, inconsistent characters, and movie-of-the-week sentimentality. Fox News blowhard Bill O'Reilly has a whole new reason not to watch the show: it might make you gay.
Well, that's not quite what he and Gretchen Carlson, a blond wig that whispers intolerance, have to say about the show, but it's something close. The pair takes umbrage with Unique, a transgender character on Tuesday's episode. Yes, the show's after school special moment this week was about being the person who you are inside, even if that person happens to be of a different gender than you were born with. Bill and the Whispering Wig think that this show will make children experiment with being gay and transgender because they saw it on television.
This is such a steaming pile of bulls**t. Bill says that when he saw James Dean smoking he thought James Dean was cool and so if kids see gay and transgender people on Glee they'll think it's cool and they'll want to give it a shot. The problem with that is almost every kid knows that being gay isn't cool. Saying something is "gay" is still the highest insult to teenagers and calling people the six-letter f-word is still a common epithet for those still young and stupid enough to toss it around. Kids know that being gay isn't "cool." However, it is something that is a part of people's lives and something that the younger generations are coming to accept that more than Bill and Righteous Indignation Barbie ever will.
Also, Bill, being gay or transgender, while it may come with a certain set of behaviors, is not a behavior like smoking. It's an identity. It's an orientation. It's about something deep inside that needs to be expressed. The show hopes to communicate that to the people out there that feel it and explain those people to a mainstream audience. It's not trying to recruit. If it were, based on the number of iTunes downloads the show gets every week, we'd already have swarms of sissy boys and dykes on bikes at every pep rally at every high school in all of America.
Watching television doesn't have that ability to change a person fundamentally. Heck, I religiously watched ER in high school and I didn't end up wanting to be a doctor. I didn't even end up wanting to go to medical school. Or to law school or the police academy. Considering the amount of hours I've logged watching countless people pursue those "lifestyles," if that hasn't turned me, then nothing will.
Bill, next time you want to tell people to stop watching Glee, tell them to stop watching it because it's bad. Leave the whole gay thing out of it.
Here's their full conversation, if you can even stand it.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan More: Colfer concerned about fan backlash to gay sex Glee episode Ford & Glee dominate GLAAD Media Awards Glee creator calls for Newsweek boycott
I think there are quite a few of us who were looking forward to seeing Helen Mirren on SNL this weekend -- though if you were like me, you were also hoping the writers resisted rehashing two-bit British stereotypes like they did when Russell Brand and Elton John both stopped by studio 8H for a little sketch comedy fun. Well, it looks like they were successful, but maybe that's just because they were cowering the presence of an actual British Dame. Or maybe they just had a few better ideas. Anyway, on to the sketches. For some reason (I'm guessing licensing had something to do with it) the opening monologue featuring an SNL rendition of the South Pacific song, "There's Nothing Like a Dame," is no where to be found on NBC's site, so in lieu of that we'll show you three other skits that you need to see.
First up, the digital short of all digital shorts. Liz Lemon is finally proved right: Helen Mirren is a wizard. Well, her boobs are magical and that's pretty much the same thing. The one thing I have to warn you about is the fact that Andy Samberg's pronunciation of "titties" is probably the single most offensive way I've heard that word spoken ever in the history of magical boobs.
As you might know, if you weren't spending Friday night slinging back jack and cokes into the wee hours of the morning or wandering without perspective on world events because The Daily Show doesn't air on Fridays, the government shutdown was narrowly avoided on Friday night. Clearly, this is a time for (SNL's) Fox and Friends to chime in on the development. Okay, so this wasn't the most inspired sketch. The Fox show is an easy target, but it was incredibly timely (like 24 hours timely) and hey, it's always fun to make fun of Gretchen Carlson.
Finally, Mirren and company took on the almost homeless miniseries, The Kennedys. After all this back and forth and claims that the Kennedy family was using their extensive network to squash the controversial series from coming out, we found that it actually kind of sucked. Well, here's SNL's answer to the "sucky" show: The Roosevelts (now with Helen Mirren's boobs and lesbian makeouts).