Now that Fox has announced its official schedule for the 2013-2014 season, we can get to the fun part: Judging each new show by a three-minute trailer that hopefully distills the tone, look, and story of a lovingly crafted piece of art. It's the Internet equivalent of judging a book by its cover. Wanna join? Here are the full trailers for most of the network's promising new series, and a brief reaction to each.
DadsFox is really trying to cash in on CBS' success, but Peter Riegert and Martin Mull are wasted on bland jokes about old men being cheap and racist and how said traits ruin their sons' lives. The biggest issue? Bland, bearded Seth Green is far less entertaining than Robot Chicken frat boy Seth Green.
Sleepy HollowKate and Leopold plus Once Upon a Time, with a dash of The Following's penchant for violence. If this disjointed and forgettable series makes it, here's hoping it ditches the Starbucks jokes.
Almost HumanHot guys, slick robots, and J.J. Abrams? This has to be amazing. The trailer is bogged down with explaining this futuristic world's "synthetic" population (Abrams speak for "robot"), but it still feels like a fun, action-heavy show with a loveable lead duo and the prerequisite Abrams mystery.
EnlistedIt's clear this show is written with a quick wit. But can the cast can carry it? The extreme patriotism could play well in middle America, though.
Brooklyn Nine-NineThis Parks and Recreation-meets-Law & Order cop comedy got the biggest reaction from Fox's potential advertisers. It's a perfect, hilarious vehicle for Andy Samberg, and Andre Braugher is a great foil.
And at midseason:
RakeOh, great. More lawyers on TV. Rake feels like a Showtime show without the sex, gore, and cursing. The only ace in its deck is the incomperable Greg Kinnear. With him, it just might work.
Us & ThemThis cutesy comedy certainly has potential, with the impossibly adorable Alexis Bledel and Josh Ritter romance at the center and a supporting cast led by Michael Ian Black filling out the edges. The only question: What happens now that they've already kissed?
What do you think of the new shows? Which one are you most excited to see? Stay tuned for the first look trailers for Gang Related and Surviving Jack.
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R&B singer Monica is pregnant. The Angel of Mine hitmaker and her basketball ace husband Shannon Brown are expecting their first child together later this year (13).
The 32 year old announced the exciting news on Twitter.com on America's Mother's Day (12May13) by uploading a photo of her burgeoning baby bump, alongside a caption which read, "5months & counting #excited".
Monica already has two kids from a previous relationship with rapper Rocko, sons Rodney, seven, and Romelo, five.
Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian and her husband Lamar Odom have become the latest victims of the celebrity 'swatting' craze after police raced to their Los Angeles home to investigate reports the sportsman had been shot. Authorities swarmed the couple's mansion on Friday (10May13) after receiving an emergency call alleging that the Los Angeles Clippers ace had been seriously injured following a heated argument with a friend, but cops soon discovered the incident was just another sick hoax as Odom was found alone and alive and well at the property, according to TMZ.com.
The false alarm was the latest in a string of fake crimes reported by pranksters in recent months, which have targeted stars such as Justin Bieber, Tom Cruise, Clint Eastwood, Rihanna and Kardashian's mum and stepdad, Kris and Bruce Jenner.
Retired athlete Dennis Rodman is calling on North Korean leader Kim Jong Un to release a U.S. citizen imprisoned for allegedly committing unspecified "hostile acts" against the country's oppressive regime. The former Chicago Bulls ace made headlines earlier this year (Feb13) when he struck up an unusual friendship with the dictator during a visit to the country to run a basketball camp for children.
He is now requesting the release of Kenneth Bae, a Korean-American, who was sentenced to 15 years of hard labour in April (13) after his arrest in November last year (12).
Taking to his Twitter.com page, Rodman writes, "I'm calling on the Supreme Leader of North Korea or as I call him 'Kim', to do me a solid (favour) and cut Kenneth Bae loose."
British pop star Frankie Sandford is expecting a baby with her soccer player fiance. The Saturdays singer, who became engaged to England ace Wayne Bridge last month (Apr13), announced the happy news in a post on her Twitter.com page on Thursday (02May13).
The message reads, "Some big news from me today! Wayne and I are having a baby. We are both SO happy and can't wait for his or hers arrival!"
Sandford's The Saturdays bandmate Una Healy adds in response, "So happy and excited for our Frankie and Wayne's baby news!!"
Healy was the first member of the pop group to become a mother, after welcoming a daughter last year (12), and bandmate Rochelle Humes is also currently pregnant.
Each week, Hollywood gives us something to whine about, and the week of April 22 was no different. We could make a drinking game out of this week, but that would be too dangerous. Instead, we'll stick to the usual formula: varying levels of alcoholic respite depending on how bothersome the week's issues are. Is your biggest complaint this week a flimsy one? How about a light cocktail to take the edge off? Got a real bone to pick with a celeb or entertainment entity this week? Go ahead, grab a drink that'll put hair on your chest. Here are the week's entertainment stories that are forcing us to seek a bubbly or boozy refuge. And maybe an idea or two about how you should wash them down.
Gimme a Piña Colada, I Want to Pretend It's Summer AlreadyJust take the edge off.
Because Jennifer Lawrence was somehow not named People's Most Beautiful Person in 2013. Gwyneth Paltrow nabbed the title in a seeming reprisal of the Bradley Cooper-Ryan Gosling debacle of 2011.
Mark Wahlberg doesn't even know how funny he is. We have proof!
Speaking of Wahlberg, you might actually like his new movie. From Michael Bay. About body builders. Beating people up. In Florida. No, seriously. You'll like it. Just read the review.
Let's Just Go Straight for the Margaritas on the RocksThis is worse than we thought. Loosen up, you need it.
Psy has another hit on his hands. So, thanks to this new song, we can expect that dancing pistachio to keep playing during episodes of American Idol. Wonderful.
Gwyneth not only stole the People's Most Beautiful title, she stole the show on the Iron Man 3 red carpet. And we all learned that the term "side-butt" comes with a extra strength dose of jealousy. (Gwynny looks good.)
Duck Dynasty is officially the biggest show in America. Sorry, Ryan Seacrest.
The Into The Woods movie might be headed into the weeds. Johnny Depp is up for a starring role, and that could be a very, very bad idea.
One Tequila, Two Tequila... But Stop Before You Get To Three Tequila, FloorGird your loins, everybody.
"The Sign" is ruined. Well, sort of. The Ace of Base member with now-dormant Nazi tendencies has since apologized.
Everyone's favorite Super Bowl Half Time performer is starting to feel a bit like a sell-out. Beyoncé's new H&M ad teases us with the promise of new music, but ultimately disappoints.
Justin Bieber's downward spiral continues... with the inevitable and very public drug bust.
And Reese Witherspoon has a little meltdown of her own. But the former America's Sweetheart made sure to apologize after the drunken incident, so we can't hold too much against her.
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
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I am going to say something that is a bit controversial: Johnny Depp is not a good actor. Yes, yes. I know. He was great in the past. Really great, and different, but note the use of the present tense. He is no longer that great. Sometime around when he sold his soul for a private island and started playing Captain Jack Sparrow year after year, all that talent just dried up. I mean, The Tourist? Dark Shadows? The Rum Diary? His nine millionth collaboration with Tim Burton? No thank you to all of that.
Now he's in discussions to star in the film adaptation of Into the Woods. Oh hell no. Please do not. Do not do such a horrible awful thing to Stephen Sondheim's classic interpretation of what happens to fairy tale characters after their stories are over. There is no role in this musical for which Johnny Depp is in any way qualified. In fact, the only thing that he's qualified to play at all is the lead role in Love in an Elevator: The Stephen Tyler Story. That is the film he should be starring in, not this!
Firstly, he is too old to play the lead role of The Baker. He is also too old to play Jack of Beakstalk fame. He is also too old to play any of the Princes. What's left? The Wolf? Knowing Depp, this is surely the role for which he's intended. Yes, it's a small role, but still. It's prime for Depp to transform into a bag of quirks.
Even worse: Meryl Streep, the patron saint of acting and accents, has been cast as The Witch in the movie. As such, Depp will only look worse in contrast. Thankfully he's only "in talks" to be in the movie, according to Variety, but sadly Depp has experience both with Sondheim (the not unwatchable Sweeney Todd) and director Rob Marshall, who directed the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. But please, for the love of all that is holy, I beg you to not to let this happen.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
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In the wake of the shocking news from an article by Noisey that Ulf Ekberg — a member of the '90s hit-making Swedish pop outfit Ace of Base — was a neo-Nazi in his younger days, the musician is now coming forward to clear the air and apologize for his disturbing past.
Ekberg reportedly had alliances to extreme political groups like the Sweden Democrats and was in a band pre-Ace of Base called Commit Suiside whose song lyrics included the likes of "Immigrant, we hate you! Out, out, out, out! Nordic people, wake up now! Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot!" (Doesn't have quite the same pleasant ring as, say, "All That She Wants" or "Don't Turn Around"). Some rather damaging photos and accounts of Ekberg's past have also surfaced in the Noisey piece.
While Ekberg, who is now apparently a Senior Partner and Executive Vice-President at Applied Transactions, had previously expressed his regrets about having seen the sign (that sign being a Swastika) in the documentary Our Story, he wanted to emphasize his feelings even further since the news made headlines to The Huffington Post. It reads as follows:
"Thank you for the opportunity to respond. During the early 1990s I did dozens of interviews, all around the world, about the people I sometimes found myself surrounded by in the 1980s and how profoundly regretful I am now about associating with such individuals. Those interviews covered every aspect of my past as I strove to be an open book to anyone who asked. It has been twenty years now since I chose to come clean about my past, a decision I made on my own at that time and a decision I do not regret. Every angle of my past was covered there in those interviews. I did have a band called Commit Suicide but we did not write or perform the songs in question on this demo, and I have never been a member of the Swedish Democrats, however the teenage mistakes I did make in terms of my chosen ideas at the time were unfortunate and if I were to live through those days again I would have done things very differently! I'm truly deeply sorry for any hurt and disappointment this has caused for our fans and I want to be very clear that Ace of Base never shared any of these opinions and strongly oppose all extremist opinions on both the right and left wing."
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Rocker Ulf Ekberg has addressed allegations he was a member of a pro-Nazi band before joining Ace Of Base, insisting he wasn't responsible for white supremacist anthems attributed to the trio. Reports surfaced on Tuesday (23Apr13) suggesting Ekberg's former group Commit Suicide had written a handful of controversial songs during the 1980s after its demo was leaked online, but now The Sign hitmaker has spoken out to set the record straight, explaining most of the tunes, about white supremacy, Nazism and racism, were nothing to do with him.
He tells Eonline.com, "I did have a synth band called Commit Suicide between 1984 and 1986 with two gentlemen called Jens Andersson and Jens Svensson, and two of the songs on this demo where written and performed by us. The problem is that the other four songs (were) skinhead music with very racist lyrics.
"These songs have absolutely nothing to do with Commit Suicide. We did not write or perform those songs that were attributed to us. Commit Suicide was a New Wave music band, creating and performing electronic music on synthesizers without any political touch or agenda. The racist songs on this demo were not by us, but our potential association with such groups is a matter I truly regret."
The musician also shut down rumours he was once a staunch supporter of the far-right political organisation Swedish Democrats, which was founded in 1988 by activists with Nazi leanings - though he does regret the conservative views he harboured as a teenager.
He continues, "I have always been deeply regretful of that period in my life, as I strive to bring happiness to people, and during that period I did not live up to that standard. I have not been involved in violence or political activism in the past 25 years. However, I find some of my thoughts from those days nauseating to myself today.
"I'm truly deeply sorry for any hurt and disappointment this has caused for our fans, and I really hope that we clearly have stated that Ace of Base never shared any of these opinions and strongly oppose all extremist opinions on both the right and left wing. My past is my own, and only I can own up to it."
In 1973, Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein rattled the journalism industry with their breaking coverage of the Watergate Scandal, a job that would stand as a monumental and unparalleled scoop for decades to come. It would take 40 years for any member of the information industry to top the game changing story of Deep Throat, with the crown finally passing to one Benjamin Shapiro of VICE magazine and its music-themed subsidiary Noisey in April of 2013. So what majestic revelation has Shapiro bequeathed upon our insatiably news hungry America? Simply, one of the guys from Ace of Base was a Nazi.
Yes, "Ace of Base" as in the bubbly '90s band that sang "The Sign" and "Don't Turn Around."
Yes, "Nazi" as in a racist and anti-Semitic hate activist.
The band member in question is Ulf "Uffe" Ekberg, a Sweden-born musician who joined up with the Berggren brothers to form the pop quartet in 1993. As Shapiro details, Ekberg's prior alliances had been to political groups like the Sweden Democrats — a self-described nationalist organization founded in 1988, frequently criticized for tenets of fascism and xenophobia — and to the vocally racist and violent punk rock group Commit Suiside, whose lyrics celebrate the Ku Klux Klan and the graphic murder of black people and immigrants.
So, that's all well and good.
Apparently, a more recent Ekberg has expressed some degree of remorse for his younger affiliations: "I told everyone I really regret what I did," the musician details in the documentary Our Story. "I've closed that book. I don't want to even talk about it, that time does not exist in me any more. I closed it and I threw the book away in 1987. I took the experience from it, I learned from it. But that life is not me. It's somebody else."
Presently, Ekberg is "a Senior Partner and Executive Vice-President at Applied Transactions," according to his personal website. The passage goes on to mention Ekberg's work "advis[ing] developing country-centric non-profits focusing on some of the most persistent global problems, including nature conservation; poverty; and entrepreneurial training for third world. [sic]"
We can't discount the possibility of reformation. Just maybe, the former hate monger has turned a new leaf, recognized the error in his old ways, and come to lead a legitimate professional and philanthropic life.
But as one Mr. Shapiro has brought to America's conscious, highlighting the fact that although all of the information has been out there, very few actually knew of this jaw-dropping story, the dude who sang "All That She Wants" was still a Nazi. And that's really all anyone is going to take away from this.
Follow Michael Arbeiter on Twitter @MichaelArbeiter
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