True love: something that for a long time seemed only reserved for fairytales — until ABC's The Bachelor and The Bachelorette series came around. Finally! Regular people (who are very attractive and vetted through a long and involved casting process) could find fairytale love! Love that was real and true, just like in the movies!
...at least, that's what we all hoped. But, it turns out, televised matchmaking doesn't work out so well. The Bachelor/Bachelorette couples who remain happy in love are in the minority (to say the least), and the recent breakups of Jef Holm and Emily Maynard as well as Ben Flainjk and Courtney Robertson are just icing on the cake. Who would've thought, right? How is it possible that hand-picked attractive people from around the country going on extravagant dates can't find true love over the course of six weeks? It's shocking, really.
Don't believe us? Check out the numbers and über-fancy statistics, below.
The Bachelor Relationship Rundown
Bachelor Season 1:
Alex Michel and Amanda Marsh — Broke up after 10 months. The beginning of the reinvention of love.
Bachelor Season 2:
Aaron Buerge and Helene Eksterowicz -— Broke up 5 weeks after the finale. Woops.
Bachelor Season 3:
Andrew Firestone and Jen Schefft — Broke up 7 months after the finale. No spare tires for this relationship!
Bachelor Season 4:
Bob Guiney and Estella Gardinier — Broke up 1 month after the finale. What about Bob, indeed!
Bachelor Season 5:
Jesse Palmer and Jessica Bowlin — Broke up 1 month after the finale. It's hard to make a relationship work when your names are THAT similar.
Bachelor Season 6:
Byron Velvick and Mary Delgado — Broke up after 5 years. They became engaged in November 2004 and, while they did endure some domestic squabbles, they didn't officially end their relationship until December 2009.
Bachelor Season 7:
Charlie O'Connell and Sarah Brice — Broke up after two attempts at making it work: May 2005 - September 2007 (28 months), then again November 2008 - April 2010 (19 months). Total: 47 months together; certainly nothing to balk at!
Bachelor Season 8:
Travis Stork and Sarah Stone — Broke up after 1 month, probably because of all the stork jokes.
Bachelor Season 9:
Lorenzo Borghese and Jennifer Wilson — Broke up after 2 months, which makes zero sense because this guy was A REAL-LIFE PRINCE so, like, Happily Ever After was guaranteed, I thought! Isn't that in the Ye Olde Royal Contract?
Bachelor Season 10:
Andy Baldwin and Tessa Horst — Broke up after 4 months. Guess he wasn't a total Baldwin.
Bachelor Season 11:
Brad Womack chose NO ONE because he hates everyone.
Bachelor Season 12:
Matt Grant and Shayne Lamas — Broke up after 2 months. Lorenzo Lamas reportedly weeped for years.
Bachelor Season 13:
Jason Mesnick and Melissa Rycroft — Broke up at the reunion.
Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney — Got together at the reunion (yikes!) and married in February 2010. They're still together and expecting a baby! Mazel!
Bachelor Season 14:
Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi — Broke up after 3 months, and were totally casual and not-at-all mean about it (haha just kidding it was the ugliest break-up on TV maybe ever)!
Bachelor Season 15:
Brad Womack and Emily Maynard — Released an official "we broke up" statement after 3 months (though reports say it ended much earlier).
Bachelor Season 16:
Ben Flajnik and Courtney Robertson — Broke up after 7 months, when Ben realized that the entire planet really didn't like his decision-making skills..
And the Bachelorettes — How Did the Ladies Fare?
Bachelorette Season 1:
Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter — Married for 8 years and counting! With kids! What a bunch of weirdos.
Bachelorette Season 2:
Meredith Phillips and Ian McKee — Broke up after 1 year. Does anyone remember this season?
Bachelorette Season 3:
Jen Schefft and Jerry Ferris — Broke up 3 weeks after he proposed. Woops!
Bachelorette Season 4:
DeAnna Pappas and Jesse Csincsak — Broke up after 4 months, probably because Jesse's last name was really hard to spell.
Bachelorette Season 5:
Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski — Broke up after 1 year, probably because she was Canadian.
Bachelorette Season 6:
Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez — Broke up after 15 months. And, somehow, Roberto did not become the next Bachelor (sorry, Sean Lowe, sure you'll be great).
Bachelorette Season 7:
Ashley Hebert and JP Rosenbaum — Engaged with plans to marry (on live TV! The way it was meant to be done, obviously) in December of this year after 14 months. Hooray for them!
Bachelorette Season 8:
Emily Maynard and Jef Holm — Broke up after 5 months and lots of marionette fights.
Failed relationships: not just for the normals anymore! So what have we learned from all of this? Well, namely it seems like Brad Womack has a terrible track record but loves television. And so does his second-go-around winner/ex-fiancée, Emily Maynard. (Maybe those two crazy kids were meant for each other after all!)
After compiling the numbers and doing a little bit of Bill Clinton's favorite thing (no, not ladies — dirty minds, all of you!), arithmetic, we have put together this handy guide for understanding love, Bachelorstyle.
Here Are Some Fancy Math Facts:
Mean Length of Relationships:13.6 months
Median Length of Relationships:4 months
Mode Length of Relationships:1 month
Analysis:So while the marriages and successes may have thrown us off a bit (13.6 months: what are these people, monogamists?), it generally seems to be that 4 is every bachelor and bachelorette's lucky number. Unless they're one of the five couples who only like quickie, one-month-long relationships.
It seems that the one thing we cantake away from this is that we, as a nation, need to completely rethink our definition of "true love." Obviously, these very attractive and well-groomed pseudo-celebrities know what true love is: they were on a TV show and are good-looking! Duh! So, maybe we should reevaluate what true love really means. If all of these love experts have relationships with an average shelf-life of 1 - 4 months, maybe that's how long true love really lasts! Maybe we've been fooled all of this time by the movies, the Disney princesses, the happily ever afters. Maybe true love can only last a brief period of time (I mean, forever is like, so many years).
[Photo Credit: ABC]
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While many TV lovers were tuning into The Bachelorette finale and watching Emily Maynard accept Jef Holmes' proposal, younger TV fans were tuning in to watch the 2012 Teen Choice Awards on Sunday. And it was a big night for teen favorites like Jennifer Lawrence and Liam Hemsworth's The Hunger Games in the movie category, while Justin Bieber stormed the Fashion and Music sections.
See below for the complete list of the 2012 Teen Choice Awards winners:
Choice Movie: Action — Abduction
Choice Movie Actor: Action — Taylor Lautner, Abduction
Choice Movie Actress: Action — Zoe Saldana, Colombiana
Choice Movie: Sci-Fi/Fantasy — The Hunger Games
Choice Movie Actor: Sci-Fi/Fantasy — Josh Hutcherson, The Hunger Games and Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
Choice Movie Actress: Sci-Fi/Fantasy — Jennifer Lawrence, The Hunger Games
Choice Movie: Drama — The Lucky One
Choice Movie Actor: Drama— Zac Efron, The Lucky One
Choice Movie Actress: Drama — Emma Stone, The Help
Choice Movie: Comedy — 21 Jump Street
Choice Movie Actor: Comedy — Channing Tatum, 21 Jump Street
Choice Movie Actress: Comedy — Emma Stone, Crazy, Stupid, Love
Choice Movie: Romance — The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
Choice Movie Actor: Romance — Zac Efron, The Lucky One
Choice Movie Actress: Romance — Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
Choice Movie Voice — Taylor Swift as Audrey, Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax
Choice Movie Chemistry — Jennifer Lawrence and Amandla Stenberg, The Hunger Games
Choice Movie Liplock — Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson, The Hunger Games
Choice Movie Hissy Fit — Charlize Theron, Snow White & The Huntsman
Choice Movie Villain— Alexander Ludwig, The Hunger Games
Choice Movie Scene Stealer: Male — Liam Hemsworth, The Hunger Games
Choice Movie Scene Stealer: Female — Ashley Greene, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1
Choice Movie Breakout — Rihanna, Battleship
Choice Summer Movie: Action — The Avengers
Choice Summer Movie: Comedy/Music — Katy Perry: Part of Me
Choice Summer Movie Star: Male — Chris Hemsworth, Snow White & The Huntsman and The Avengers
Choice Summer Movie Star: Female — Kristen Stewart, Snow White & The Huntsman
Choice TV Show: Drama — Pretty Little Liars
Choice TV Actor: Drama — Ian Harding, Pretty Little Liars
Choice TV Actress: Drama — Lucy Hale, Pretty Little Liars
Choice TV Show: Fantasy/Sci-Fi — The Vampire Diaries
Choice TV Actor: Fantasy/Sci-Fi — Ian Somerhalder, The Vampire Diaries
Choice TV Actress: Fantasy/Sci-Fi — Nina Dobrev, The Vampire Diaries
Choice TV Show: Action — CSI: Miami
Choice TV Actor: Action — Adam Rodriguez, CSI: Miami
Choice TV Actress: Action — Linda Hunt, NCIS: Los Angeles
Choice TV Show: Comedy — Glee
Choice TV Actor: Comedy — Chris Colfer, Glee
Choice TV Actress: Comedy — Lea Michele, Glee
Choice TV: Animated Show — The Simpsons
Choice TV: Male Personality — Simon Cowell, The X Factor
Choice TV: Female Personality — Jennifer Lopez, American Idol
Choice TV: Reality Competition Show — The X Factor
Choice TV: Reality Show — Punk’d
Choice TV: Male Reality Star — Paul "DJ Pauly D" DelVecchio, Jersey Shore and The Pauly D Project
Choice TV: Female Reality Star — The Kardashians, Keeping Up with the Kardashians
Choice Summer TV Show — Teen Wolf
Choice Summer TV Star: Female — Troian Bellisario, Pretty Little Liars
Choice Summer TV Star: Male — Tyler Posey, Teen Wolf
Choice TV Villain — Janel Parrish, Pretty Little Liars
Choice TV Female Scene Stealer — Candice Accola, The Vampire Dairies
Choice TV Male Scene Stealer — Michael Trevino, The Vampire Diaries
Choice TV Breakout Show — The X Factor
Choice TV Breakout Star: Female — Hannah Simone, New Girl
Choice TV Breakout Star: Male — Beau Mirchoff, Awkward
Choice Male Artist — Justin Bieber
Choice Female Artist — Taylor Swift
Choice Music Group — Selena Gomez & The Scene
Choice R&B/Hip-Hop Artist — Nicki Minaj
Choice R&B/Hip-Hop Song — “Starships,” Nicki Minaj
Choice Rock Group — fun.
Choice Rock Song — “Paradise,” Coldplay
Choice Electronic Dance Music (EDM) Artist — David Guetta
Choice Single by a Group — “We Are Young,” fun. featuring Janelle Monáe
Choice Single by a Female Artist — “Eyes Open,” Taylor Swift
Choice Single by a Male Artist — “Boyfriend,” Justin Bieber
Choice Male Country Artist — Hunter Hayes
Choice Female Country Artist — Taylor Swift
Choice Country Song — “Sparks Fly,” Taylor Swift
Choice Country Group — Lady Antebellum
Choice Summer Song — “Call Me Maybe,” Carly Rae Jepsen
Choice Love Song — “What Makes You Beautiful,” One Direction
Choice Break-Up Song — “Payphone,” Maroon 5 featuring Wiz Khalifa
Choice Summer Music Star: Female — Demi Lovato
Choice Summer Music Star: Male — Justin Bieber
Choice Summer Music Star: Group — One Direction
Choice Music: Breakout Artist — Carly Rae Jepsen
Choice Music: Breakout Group — One Direction
Choice Fashion Icon: Female — Katy Perry
Choice Fashion Icon: Male — Justin Bieber
Choice Female Hottie — Miley Cyrus
Choice Male Hottie — Ian Somerhalder
Choice Female Athlete — Serena Williams (Tennis)
Choice Male Athlete — David Beckham (Soccer)
Choice Book — “The Hunger Games” trilogy, Suzanne Collins
Choice Comedian — Ellen DeGeneres
Choice Twit — Demi Lovato
Choice Web Star — Sophia Grace and Rosie
Choice Video Game — Just Dance 3
Choice Social Network — Facebook
Katy Perry Adds Rapper to Her Resume — VIDEO
Justin Bieber Reaches 25 Million Twitter Followers
2012 Teen Choice
You can’t blame Ritchie for returning to what he does best after almost committing career suicide remaking Swept Away with his missus Madonna. And as it begins Revolver seems very much like a crime caper in the manner of Ritchie’s Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. Con man Jake Green (Ritchie regular Jason Statham) walks out of prison vowing to exact revenge upon the mobster responsible for putting him behind bars: Macha (Ray Liotta). Jake embarrasses Macha at the roulette table but before he can enjoy his spoils he’s diagnosed with an incurable disease that will kill him in three days. Help comes from an unexpected source: Two loan sharks (Andre Benjamin and Vincent Pastore) offer to keep Jake alive—but only if he gives them all his ill-gotten gains and does their every bidding. That includes stealing drugs and money from an increasing paranoid Macha. Jake thinks he’s being hustled. But he isn’t. We are. It’s at this point that Revolver sadly goes off on its philosophical and psychological tangents. Ritchie not only reveals that Jake possesses a mathematical formula to pulling off the ultimate con but he introduces an unseen boss of bosses whose presence hangs heavy over the proceedings. You cling to the faint hope that Ritchie’s doing his own spin on The Usual Suspects but as time crawls by it’s evident he’s trying to wreck his comeback bid by misguidedly playing amateur psychologist in much the same way David Fincher did with Fight Club. Five minutes into Revolver and you’re hoping Jake Green dies a swift death. And it’s not because Statham—who plays Jake like a more subdued version of Crank’s Chev Chelios minus the mid-Atlantic growl—is better suited to roles that require more brawl and less brains. It’s just that Statham never stops with his narration. He babbles on and on and on. Admittedly Statham’s narration allows us to make some sense of what’s going on in the murky and muddled Revolver. But Ritchie doesn’t use Statham judiciously. Everything that happens—big or small—must be addressed. And it wouldn’t be so bloody annoying if at least Ritchie made the narration colorful and engaging or if Statham delivered it without such weariness. At least our favorite Goodfella is around to break up the monotony. Just weeks after spoofing his volcanic screen image in Bee Movie Liotta threatens to erupt like Mount Vesuvius at the slightest provocation. He’s also something of a sight to behold when he’s holding court wearing nothing but bikini briefs and a tan that George Hamilton would kill for. The nattily Benjamin plays up the cooler-than-thou persona he’s perfected with OutKast which makes it easy to believe he always has the upper hand over everyone else in Revolver. On the other hand Pastore never makes his loan shark as smart as he’s supposed to be but at least he wisely tones down his Sopranos shtick. Crime once paid handsomely for Guy Ritchie. Not now though. The only true enemy is your own ego psychiatrists and psychologists put forth during the end credits. OK at least this explains a little why Revolver is the incoherent mess that is. But it also leads you to the inescapable conclusion that Ritchie was at war with himself when he plotted his gangland homecoming. It was inevitable that Ritchie’s ambitions would have gotten the best of him after his Swept Away public beating. Unfortunately Ritchie’s attempt to apply The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to his fun flashy and frenetic brand of crime capers backfires in his face. Ritchie simply doesn’t have the same insights into the criminal mind that say The Sopranos creator David Chase does. And the endless references to chess theory numerology and Kabbalic traditions prove to be more confusing than enlightening. Perhaps all this would be tolerable if Revolver was half the adrenaline rush that was Snatch. But Ritchie peels away at the film’s psychological layers at a plodding pace. Consequently this isn’t the triumph of substance over style that Ritchie desperately wants it to be. And even its current form which is reportedly 10 minutes shorter than the two-year-old U.K. version Revolver is pointless and impenetrable. There are the occasional flashes of vintage Ritchie especially during a brilliantly executed shootout involving a renegade hitman and an animated sequence right out of Kill Bill. This though leaves you wondering what Revolver would have been had Ritchie not put a gun to his own head.
Cambridge-educated Tony Wilson is a young but established TV journalist in Manchester who is fed up with his silly assignments be they hang-gliding adventures or an interview with a midget who cares for elephants. When one evening he catches an unknown band called the Sex Pistols at a poorly attended show he becomes a believer in what is the new and rebellious punk movement. Taking a chance he opens a club to give new punk bands exposure becoming a major promoter of the punk movement. But hardly the exemplary capitalist he's motivated by gut feelings and passion and his belief in Manchester as the epicenter of new music. Wilson does discover several bands that go on to varying degrees of success and notoriety including Joy Division/New Order and the Happy Mondays but punk values and the lifestyle take their toll. There are the premature deaths marital breakups including Wilson's first marriage and drug lords who wield too much influence in Wilson's club. His own loosey-goosey ways with his record business and artist contracts leads to his label's demise. Through it all Wilson keeps his day job as TV personality and never lets go his allegiance to his beloved Manchester flag.
Thanks to 24 Hour Party People Steve Coogan as Tony Wilson may well become a star in Yank country. Known to TV audiences in the U.K. Wilson with a background in comedy is a brilliant and compelling presence as the film's drolly ironic and obviously learned hero. All supporting roles here are superb including Andy Serkis as doomed and messed up producer Martin Hannett Rob Brydon as Ryan Letts and Shirley Henderson as Wilson's first wife Shirley.
Michael Winterbottom who so brilliantly directed Welcome to Sarajevo but disappointed with The Claim again triumphs here. Employing an arsenal of special effects and using DV Winterbottom perfectly captures an era a rock movement a place and the authentic spirit of a hugely intelligent and appealing maverick entrepreneur whose field of vision extended well above the bottom line.