Are you following Amanda Bynes on Twitter? If you're not, you're missing out some serious of life coaching... in the form of witnessing someone do the opposite of what any normal human should be doing. Unfortunately, it appears that Bynes really believes she's got this whole being a human gig down pat. If "down pat" means making everyone think you've gone full Joaquin Phoenix, then sure. You've got personhood on lock, cupcake.
RELATED: Is Amanda Bynes' Attitude An Act?
Today in Amandaland, we learned how the law works according to Bynes. Apparently, all one has to do to start a lawsuit is be annoyed or offended and @-reply the offending party while declaring that the suit is on.
I'm suing @usweekly & @perezhilton for continuing to act like I'm doing something wrong by tweeting and walking to photoshoots. Fuck you!!!!
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) March 28, 2013
Look, we know we're probably up creek without a paddle (with which we would knock ourselves out, hopefully get amnesia, and forget this whole thing ever happened), but someone has to try to break through that barrier of selfie-mirror photo glare and whatever Bynes' new hairdo is made of to make some form of sense. For all that is good and holy (and for Drake, who's probably tired of the rest of the world tweeting at him in hopes that he'll respond to Bynes' sexual requests) listen to our advice. Amanda, please!
1. Twitter is not a court of law. Believe it or not, Michael Scott had to have an accountant to declare bankrupcy for him and you probably need a lawyer if you plan on suing those publications, however unsuccessfuly.
2. You can't sue someone for "acting like" your Twitter feed is insane. Especially because Us Weekly and PerezHilton.com are two of about a million sites, magazines, Twitter feeds, Facebook posts, and at this point, actual real-life conversations about how (we'll be kind here) intriguing your Tweets are.
RELATED: Amanda Bynes' Drake Obsession Just Got Awkward
3. Selfies in the mirror are obnoxious and should have died with the Myspace era. Selfies in the mirror with a flash actually died before the Myspace era did.
Looking pudgy and I broke my nail #GirlProblemstwitpic.com/cej6ah
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) March 26, 2013
4. Also, "Looking pudgy" and "broke my nail" aren't "#GirlProblems," they're annoying girl problems. This isn't 1950 — women are allowed to do more than twirl their hair and worry about their looks now (heck, we can even join the work force!). So... Knock. It. Off.
5. You can't read photos. Maybe you should read the dictionary.
Only read my twitter for photos of me!
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) March 16, 2013
6. Actually, it does matter what you think about yourself. That's kind of the whole point of everything ever. "All that matters is what your lover thinks of you." Really, Amanda? I'm sure that when Hillary Clinton was plotting her campaign for president at the age of 12, she thought, "You know, being a self-sufficient, strong woman with presidential aspirations is cool and all, but if my future husband or lover isn't into it, I'll probably just quit."
It doesn't matter what you think about yourself. All that matters is what your lover thinks of you.
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) March 28, 2013
RELATED: Amanda Bynes Debuts Baffling New Look
7. You can't hate the Dalai Lama and love someone named Troy Sex. Bynes declared that if she's not following someone on Twitter, it's because she hates them. The five lucky people she follows, including Barack Obama and someone named Troy Sex, are safe from her wrath. (Translation: You can bet she won't try to sue them in 140 characters.) The Dalai Lama, however, is S.O.L.
If I'm not following you on twitter, I hate you
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) March 17, 2013
8. You don't actually want anyone to "murder" your vagina. Drake's hot. We'll give you that, but I think I speak for people who appreciate vaginas when I say, vaginas are best left un-murdered.
I want @drake to murder my vagina
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) March 22, 2013
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler
[Photo Credit: Splash News]
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Thursday morning was a whirlwind of Golden Globes news. First came the TV and movie nomination announcements, quickly followed by a roundup of TV and movies nomination snubs (natch). The nominated TV and movie stars have even started to react to the news of their success.
Now that the metaphorical dust has settled, we can start to analyze the nominations and predict who will walk away with both the golden statuette and bragging rights come Sunday, Jan. 13 when the Globes concludes its broadcast. Now, these theories are not based solely on our opinions. We have collected hard data, numbers, and figures to accurately predict who will be called up to the stage in front of all of Hollywood and the world to accept their award (and by hard data, numbers, and figures, we mean the overall score for each movie on Rotten Tomatoes). Science! Math! Let's get to it!
Best Motion Picture, Drama
Django Unchained 100%
Life of Pi 88%
Zero Dark Thirty 100%
This is the closest race of them all. The biggest takeaway is that not only did all of these dramas get high scores (all but Life of Pi scoring above a 90%), but two -- not one but two -- films scored a perfect 100%. We're having a hard time predicting what will walk away victorious between Django Unchained and Zero Dark Thirty, but the consensus from all the Hollywood.com staff members who have seen both dramas is that ZDT will take the prize.
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln 91%
Richard Gere, Arbitrage 85%
John Hawkes, The Sessions 93%
Joaquin Phoenix, The Master 85%
Denzel Washington, Flight 77%
While The Sessions as a whole scored the highest, Daniel Day-Lewis' performance in the historical drama Lincoln will nab him the Golden Globe. Day-Lewis completely transformed into the iconic role of the 16th president of the United States, complete with the accurate accent and mannerisms with which real-life Abraham Lincoln spoke.
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty 100%
Marion Cotillard, Rust and Bone 82%
Helen Mirren, Hitchcock 67%
Naomi Watts, The Impossible 81%
Rachel Weisz, The Deep Blue Sea 79%
Though Jessica Chastain's Zero Dark Thirty will win the Globe for best drama, based on reviews' discussions on the actress nominees, Marion Cotillard might be the winner for her work in Rust and Bone. The actress plays a woman whose life takes a sharp turn when a horrific accident leaves her a double amputee. Cotillard is also expected to earn an Oscar nod for the same role.
Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 77%
Les Misérables 74%
Moonrise Kingdom 94%
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen 67%
Silver Linings Playbook 90%
Although Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom scored the highest out of all these contenders, it is the underdog Salmon Fishing in the Yemen that we think will win the Globe. This charming, intelligent romantic comedy is such a rare gem, and was the biggest pleasant surprise of the nominations.
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
Jack Black, Bernie 92%
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook 90%
Hugh Jackman, Les Misérables 74%
Ewan McGregor, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen 67%
Bill Murray, Hyde Park 38%
Though Bradley Cooper is being (deservedly) applauded for his work in Silver Linings Playbook, Jack Black's greatest role of his career in Bernie will earn him the Globe. Black managed to make his alleged murderer adorable and loveable, which is no easy feat.
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
Emily Blunt, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen 67%
Judi Dench, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 77%
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook 90%
Maggie Smith, Quartet 92%
Meryl Streep, Hope Springs 73%
We're going with the scores on this one. Jennifer Lawrence will win thanks to her portrayal of a widow with issues to match Bradley Cooper's bipolar character.
Best Animated Feature Film
Hotel Transylvania 43%
Rise of the Guardians 73%
Wreck-It Ralph 87%
Based on the scores, the Globe will either go to Tim Burton's Frankenweenie or Wreck-It Ralph. Even though Frankenweenie beat Wreck-It Ralph by 2 percent, we think the nostalgia and star-studded cast behind the voices of the video-game based Wreck-It Ralph will push it to the front of the race.
Who do you think will win? Hit the comments with your thoughts, and tune in to the 70th annual Golden Globes on Sunday, Jan. 13 to see if our predictions came true!
Follow Sydney on Twitter @SydneyBucksbaum
[Photo Credit: Weinstein Company; Columbia Pictures]
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When I first heard about This Means War, I was immediately intrigued. A film where Chris Pine AND Tom Hardy are competing against each other to win the love of Reese Witherspoon? What girl doesn't want a bunch of hot guys vying for her affection? And how do you pick between two of the hottest hunks in Hollywood (answer: you don't -- you take them both). That scenario got me thinking about all the other different pairings Reese has had throughout her extensive movie career, and I wondered what it would be like to pit some of her past leading men against each one another to see who might win her heart in the end, and why. It's not going to be an easy decision; the Oscar-winner has co-starred with some dreamy guys over the years, but as the great Pat Benatar once said: Love is a Battlefield -- and it's time to go to war.
Owen Wilson vs. Luke Wilson
Blood is supposed to be thicker than water, but when a girl is involved all bets are off. Owen and Reese worked together in the rom-com How Do You Know? and while the movie was mediocre at best, their chemistry was anything but. On the other hand, who could forget Luke Wilson playing the lovable lawyer (they do exist) Emmett in Legally Blonde. He was able to turn Elle Wood's attention away from the hunky Warner, so his brother would have some stiff competition on his hands. But after weighing the options, we think Owen would emerge victorious. Luke's definitely a decent guy, but his quieter demeanor would put him at a disadvantage. Girls like a guy with some initiative and Owen seems to be the more outgoing of the two.
Winner: Owen Wilson
Robert Pattinson vs. Ryan Phillippe
This is a tough one, as Rob and Ryan are probably two of the best-looking co-stars Reese has ever worked with. While her Cruel Intentions co-star could be seen as having a bit of an advantage given their off-screen history together, it's important to note that the relationship ended in divorce, so the odds aren't in his favor. And the last time I checked, RPatz has never had any trouble getting the girl he wants. However, I'm afraid the 10-year age difference between the Water For Elephants co-stars cannot be ignored (she's 35, he's 25). It's not the biggest age gap Hollywood has ever seen, but I don't think RPatz is mature enough to handle the type of relationship Reese would be looking for at this point in time. We're giving this round to the equally hunky father of her children, Mr. Ryan Phillppe.
Winner: Ryan Phillippe
Mark Ruffalo vs. Josh Lucas
The decisions just don't get any easier. We're now dealing with two completely sweet and adorable guys who starred opposite Reese in two sweet and adorable movies: Just Like Heaven and Sweet Home Alabama. Mark's got the whole boy-next-door thing going on, whereas Josh is a man's man -- lean and rugged. Plus, he's got the whole Southern charm thing working in his favor. When push came to shove, we sided with Mark. Why? Because Reese Ruffalo is just too cute a name to pass up. (Sorry, it was a really close call and didn't know how else to choose). If it came down to a duel I feel that Lucas would win, no contest. But it isn't just about a guy's physicality. It's about their dedication to and compatibility with Reese. And for that, Mark has the slight upper hand. His kiss in Just Like Heaven brought Reese's character back to life - that should definitely count for something!
Winner: Mark Ruffalo
Vince Vaughn vs. Joaquin Phoenix
This was also a difficult call to make, given that most girls love the funny guy AND the singer. So how do you choose? Ultimately, it came down to the chemistry. Though Vince and Reese shared some hilarious moments together in Four Christmases, I could never really buy them as a legitimate couple (still, it was absolutely adorable to see Reese's petite body next to Vince's towering figure). Joaquin, on the other hand, had a scorching connection with her in Walk the Line. These two managed to believably portray one of the most iconic couples of all time, June Carter and Johnny Cash. It's therefore safe to assume that they would also have fantastic chemistry off-screen as well. Now if only we could do something about that beard of his...
Winner: Joaquin Phoenix
Yes it’s true. Although it reaped deserved accolades and an Oscar win for its star Philip Seymour Hoffman Capote keeps you somewhat at arm’s length as you watch Truman Capote go through his agonizing journey to writing his one and only masterpiece In Cold Blood. Infamous however wears its heart on its sleeve drawing you in immediately. When we first meet Capote (Toby Jones) it’s in New York. As the toast of the town and confidante to some of Manhattan’s elite grand dames including Babe Paley (Sigourney Weaver) and Slim Keith (Hope Davis) Capote’s mood is light and airy his antics hilarious. Then once Capote travels to Kansas to cover the grisly Cutter murders with his dear friend Nell Harper Lee (Sandra Bullock) the frivolity is peeled away layer by layer. When he finally becomes so tortuously—and yes even romantically (it goes there)—entangled with killer Perry Smith (Daniel Craig) and the writing of his book hits its crescendo Capote emerges as a beaten-down and bitter man who ultimately can’t even be lifted by his high society friends. Infamous is infinitely more heartbreaking. It’s really hard to top Hoffman’s Oscar-winning performance as Truman Capote. He embodies the character with such exquisite and subtle suffering you don’t mind the fact he doesn’t look anything like the diminutive author. Toby Jones (Finding Neverland) however does look like Capote. A LOT like him and is just as capable at wringing out all of Capote’s brilliance and faults. But rather than dominate Jones’ eerie look-a-like characterization blends in more with Infamous’ scenery allowing some of the other colorful characters to step up to the plate. Weaver and Davis are effusive and catty as Capote’s Manhattan buddies who give hints on what’s to become of Capote later in his life when he finally goes too far and crosses these fine society ladies. Craig is also particularly effecting as Smith full of pathos and rage. But the real stand out is Bullock as Harper Lee. Her unassuming but quietly fierce take on the To Kill a Mockingbird author far outshines Catherine Keener’s Oscar-nominated performance in Capote. Bullock brings such an essence to the role that when watching Lee tell stories of when she and Truman were children you see the little girl Scout from Mockingbird so very clearly. Kudos all around. Director/writer Douglas McGrath has to got to be kicking himself. Seriously. Of course he’s going to say “Given the riveting contradictions in Capote’s character the rich range of people who made up his circle and the comic and dramatic turns that marked the period the real wonder is that there were only two scripts.” But the fact of the matter is Capote came first and furious getting all kinds of good strokes. Releasing another movie about the very same subject on its heels...well that movie is going to have a harder time. Period. And that’s a real shame. McGrath does some truly marvelous things with Infamous. He shows how a flamboyant gay writer spoiled chic who plays court jester to the very cream of New York society is set down in the wastelands of Kansas to write about a horrible crime. Capote’s antics at first are hilarious such as trying to wear cowboy boots and a cowboy hat just to fit in. But then the shift into the dark side as Capote delves deeper and deeper into the psyche of the killers keeps you riveted. It might be the same but Infamous is just as worthy.
The story of the late great Johnny Cash depicted in Walk the Line is not quite all encompassing. The film dramatizes just one moment in Cash's life: his tumultuous 20s and rise to fame. The young Cash (Joaquin Phoenix) married and straight out of the army struggles with his music finally finding his patented blend of country blues and rock music. Haunted by a troubled childhood Cash sings songs about death love treachery and sin--and shoots straight to the top of the charts. On tour he also meets and falls for his future wife June Carter (Reese Witherspoon) whose refusal to meddle with a married man only further fuels the fire and contributes to his eventual drug addiction. Their cat-and-mouse love story provides the film’s core but unfortunately can’t quite overcome Walk the Line’s formulaic nature. Biopics are generally good to actors. Phoenix and Witherspoon could easily each walk away with Oscar statuettes for turning in two of the most jaw-dropping spellbinding performances since well Jamie Foxx in Ray. Neither actor had any musical background whatsoever but they both underwent painstaking transformations for the sake of authenticity doing all of their own singing as well as guitar-playing for Phoenix. The actor's performance is purely raw and visceral; his vulnerability is aptly palpable at first but then he becomes the Cash with the unflinching swagger. Witherspoon's Carter is Cash's temptress and she'll be yours too by movie's end. She eerily reincarnates Carter as if she was born to play the part. If Walk the Line is the ultimate actor's canvas then Phoenix and Witherspoon make priceless art-and music-together. While good for the actors biopics can prove to be difficult for the director. It’s hard to highlight a person’s life without it coming off like a TV movie of the week. Unfortunately director James Mangold (Copland) plays it safe with Walk the Line. The duets between Johnny and June on stage are about the only electrifying moments of the film. The rest is pretty stereotypical. And it isn’t because the film only focuses on certain years of Cash's life. It's simply not possible to fit a lifetime into the short duration of a film. The problem instead is that Mangold's presentation of Cash's life would lead one to believe that Cash actually exorcised his demons. But in reality his lifelong demons are what endeared him to the layperson. There was nothing cut and dry about the Cash story--and adding a little grit would have given Walk the Line the edge it needed.